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Exquisite Pain
A poignant visual record of the obsessive nature of failed love by a leading French contemporary artist. Over the last two decades, Sophie Calle has made it her business to follow, peek into, and illuminate the lives of people she barely knows. In Exquisite Pain , Calle turns her attention to a life-changing experience from her own past. This book is a visual record of the time in 1985 when a lover failed to meet Calle as promised in a hotel in New Delhi. Calle was devastated. As always, she kept everything from that journeyphotographs, ticket stubs, visas, and letterseach image rubber-stamped to mark the countdown to the fateful day of her heartbreak. On her return to Paris, she asked a group of friends to answer the question, "When did you most suffer?" Their stories of pain, each of them accompanied by a photograph, interplay with Calle's own story and daily reflections"It is now seventy-five days since the man I love left me"creating a testament to the heartache of romantic rejection. 130 illustrations, 71 in color.
282 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2003
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1203 people want to read
About the author
Sophie Calle
74 books289 followersSophie Calle is a French writer, photographer, installation artist, and conceptual artist. Calle's work is distinguished by its use of arbitrary sets of constraints, and evokes the French literary movement of the 1960s known as Oulipo. Her work frequently depicts human vulnerability, and examines identity and intimacy. She is recognized for her detective-like ability to follow strangers and investigate their private lives. Her photographic work often includes panels of text of her own writing.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews
February 16, 2009
Just in time for Valentine's Day, I thought I'd mention this exquisitely precious book of prose and photography by Sophie Calle. I enjoyed it, but only as a connoisseur of erudite masochism. Mainly it's the form of the book itself that makes it rewarding – a handsome little hardback by Thames & Hudson with a telephone embossed on its plain gray cover. The red telephone is the leitmotif (comedy or torture?); the chapter headings beg to be mocked: "91 Days to Unhappiness" etc.
If you're the type of reader who enjoys Elena Ferrante, this is your book. I'm not mocking (exactly); I've suffered this raw extreme of unhappiness myself – but it's tricky to translate to the page. In the course of her tale, Calle runs into Hervé Guibert (famous for being the doomed lover of Foucault) – and for me Guibert's book To the Friend Who Did Not Save My Life is much more painful. But not as exquisite.
If you're the type of reader who enjoys Elena Ferrante, this is your book. I'm not mocking (exactly); I've suffered this raw extreme of unhappiness myself – but it's tricky to translate to the page. In the course of her tale, Calle runs into Hervé Guibert (famous for being the doomed lover of Foucault) – and for me Guibert's book To the Friend Who Did Not Save My Life is much more painful. But not as exquisite.
February 28, 2008
It is wonderful the way Calle turns pain into poetry and escapes sugary sweet sentimentalism.
May 9, 2013
Yeah yeah, we get it. You were boning your dad's friend and then you were sad when things ended.
April 11, 2017
A few very well crafted photographs appear in this book, which is certainly no small feat and absolutely worth note. That aside, the lollipop sweet layout, text, and fixation on self portraits don't captivate at all. Conceptually, as a title in print, it's absurd, but maybe as an exhibit it could hold ground a bit better. Count me as a Calle fan but definitely not of this book.
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August 17, 20232.5*
December 30, 2011
Yesterday, I finished this exquisite book. Loaded with pictures and short pages, and stories about French people suffering from normal and excruciating circumstances alike, Sophie Calle proves to be one of the most wonderful and expressive artists who deals in a variety of artistic formats. This time, a book, bound outlined with shimmering red, just like a book she picked up one time that helped her deal with her suffering, just like the red telephone she stared at after she got the news.
She counts down to her suffering and while it's expected, the actual way it happened was unexpected. Then through her motif of repetition, she tells the story again and again until it's so worn out, she's almost sick of her suffering to the point where it's not suffering anymore. Definitely wonderful. Recommended for those who don't mind facing and dealing with pain. Cathartic.
(Sophie Calle is a friend of Paul Auster and I found her work while doing a search related to Paul Auster.)
She counts down to her suffering and while it's expected, the actual way it happened was unexpected. Then through her motif of repetition, she tells the story again and again until it's so worn out, she's almost sick of her suffering to the point where it's not suffering anymore. Definitely wonderful. Recommended for those who don't mind facing and dealing with pain. Cathartic.
(Sophie Calle is a friend of Paul Auster and I found her work while doing a search related to Paul Auster.)
December 30, 2011
This is the first of Sophie Calle's works that I've read - it's beautiful and painful and I suppose therapeutic. It's interesting to see how she viewed the world during a time of suffering, and how pain can fade away. The book itself is also beautiful - grey cloth cover embossed with a telephone, red-tipped pages, a ribbon bookmark. I loved this piece of art.
January 5, 2024
"15 days ago, the man I love left me."
I relate so much to this series because it was exactly like what I've gone through when you lost someone, or essentially a potential. You lose yourself, you go crazy, you lose your mind and Sophie managed to capture all of these rawness well through a stream of consciousness writing, as though flipping through excerpts of her personal diary. Her use of repetition was especially something I found intriguing and liberating. Keeping track of time by counting down, almost like a mirror of some sort to my experience too as I was grieving. The way she depicts this melancholia, was something that was precious in it's artistic form.
And because it felt so real as though you are living through that moment when she wrote those words, I just teared up reading this book. I love Sophie Calle's works because she does live out the spirit that to be an artist, sometimes it's about trusting that inner voice within you and sharing this emotion with the world as simply being human. To own your life story and not be apologetic about it. And what comes out it's a celebration of this life after all. And that's what I found healing about art. While facing vulnerability is uncomfortable, Art then comes in as a medium to weave your own language and create a life form that is uniquely your own.
I relate so much to this series because it was exactly like what I've gone through when you lost someone, or essentially a potential. You lose yourself, you go crazy, you lose your mind and Sophie managed to capture all of these rawness well through a stream of consciousness writing, as though flipping through excerpts of her personal diary. Her use of repetition was especially something I found intriguing and liberating. Keeping track of time by counting down, almost like a mirror of some sort to my experience too as I was grieving. The way she depicts this melancholia, was something that was precious in it's artistic form.
And because it felt so real as though you are living through that moment when she wrote those words, I just teared up reading this book. I love Sophie Calle's works because she does live out the spirit that to be an artist, sometimes it's about trusting that inner voice within you and sharing this emotion with the world as simply being human. To own your life story and not be apologetic about it. And what comes out it's a celebration of this life after all. And that's what I found healing about art. While facing vulnerability is uncomfortable, Art then comes in as a medium to weave your own language and create a life form that is uniquely your own.
March 6, 2013
I happened upon "Exquisite Pain" while sorting books in my job at the library. Maybe it was the muted, somber grey of the cover, or the shiny blood red of the pages that drew me in; most likely it was the painful subject matter that I can closely identify with as I begin divorce proceedings. A perfect choice for anyone suffering heartache. The layout and photographs aptly capture and enhance the mood, and the authors story and those of her contributors helped to remind me that pain will fade, the story will be rewritten, and it could be far, far worse.
February 14, 2017
Le livre est divisé en 2 parties dont la première est remplie de photos, accompagnées de temps en temps par de petits commentaires, et dont la deuxième nous raconte une histoire d'amour désespérée de manière très inhabituelle au niveau du jeu de la forme et du contenu (la particularité de l'oeuvre de S. Calle, d'ailleurs). Ce qui m'a gêné c'est l'impossibilité de bien ouvrir le livre pour voir certaines photographies sans le pli au milieu
August 18, 2009
The book's aesthetic is imbued with the seduction of pain, a theme prevalent in Japanese art. The spare color scheme throughout this beautiful little volume - reds, whites, black - reinforces the influence of the Far East.
The minimal text with its repetition gradually soothes the reader, like an ominous fairy tale recited to a child before sleep.
The minimal text with its repetition gradually soothes the reader, like an ominous fairy tale recited to a child before sleep.
June 19, 2007
see kids, you can make good art out of emotions!!
March 4, 2008
A work of art. Quite literally.
March 27, 2008
One must document in order to process heartbreak.
July 25, 2015
I simply loved this piece of art. I love how she turned her feelings into words and captured a picture to represent it each feeling. Great book!
January 17, 2024
Oh Sophie Calle…..
October 28, 2010
Why cant i find my copy of this? How totally inappropriate to leave this with your ex-boyfriend!
September 10, 2018
This would have done brilliantly blown up and in a contemporary art museum. The pages seemed to confine the narrative arc, which was more visual than anything. I found that fascinating. She has a knack for condensing the narratives of other and juxtaposing them alongside her own space. The artistic act of turning her heartbreak into something else felt definitely something, though I have no idea what. Voyeuristic? Consumer-driven? Not sure. I do like the fact that she did this to this certain person, but not that she did this in the name of love. It felt like quite the opposite.
February 25, 2025
simultaneously a love letter to film photography, handwritten letters, and the art of falling out of love. sophie calle definitely has watched some wong kar wai in her free time! this book truly is something of genius. even the pages change texture in “after unhappiness.” EVEN the way the white font on sophie’s side gets darker to the point where it’s nearly illegible at the end of the book. when i get broken up with, i WILL be capitalizing upon it and publishing my heartbreak!
May 15, 2017
1)As I have read the Chinese translation, I'm going to type in Chinese, good to know the database of Goodreads actually got this edition as well.(留意中文版有份小刊,係導讀同圖片中既文字翻譯)
2)書既前半部係作者,亦係概念藝術家Sophie Calle係1984年一次日本之旅既相集,每一張相都有一個紅印,倒數住一日子,當倒數結束,就係"極度疼痛"(其實只係分手...)既日子;後半部就以書既左右劃分,左面既書頁係佢係當日講返"疼痛"既經過,每次都係以"今天是疼痛之後第X日"開始,而右面既頁數係另一個陌生人以一頁講佢人生最痛苦既事.
3)三十六次重新回憶當日既事對照三十六位陌生人既人生苦難...當中既情感可能係世界上最為私密,最為濃烈,而接連咁閱讀右邊既頁數,可以係一個人最悲涼既閱讀經歷,但係左面既頁數所表達既係情感既減弱...當中既反差實在令人佩服作者既心思,亦係我比四星既主要原因
4)或者係世上最能表達感情消逝既書
2)書既前半部係作者,亦係概念藝術家Sophie Calle係1984年一次日本之旅既相集,每一張相都有一個紅印,倒數住一日子,當倒數結束,就係"極度疼痛"(其實只係分手...)既日子;後半部就以書既左右劃分,左面既書頁係佢係當日講返"疼痛"既經過,每次都係以"今天是疼痛之後第X日"開始,而右面既頁數係另一個陌生人以一頁講佢人生最痛苦既事.
3)三十六次重新回憶當日既事對照三十六位陌生人既人生苦難...當中既情感可能係世界上最為私密,最為濃烈,而接連咁閱讀右邊既頁數,可以係一個人最悲涼既閱讀經歷,但係左面既頁數所表達既係情感既減弱...當中既反差實在令人佩服作者既心思,亦係我比四星既主要原因
4)或者係世上最能表達感情消逝既書
December 11, 2025
Ce livre raconte une rupture amoureuse. Trois mois avant le drame, un échange universitaire Paris–Tokyo, voyage pour lequel Sophie Calle est menacée d’être quittée. Par esprit de contradiction, elle part. Elle n’en a pas vraiment envie. Tellement peu qu’elle tente même d’écourter son séjour en passant par la Russie.
Le récit s’ouvre trois mois plus tôt, avec un article d’un journaliste, Hervé, qui dresse d’elle un portrait si flatteur que sa mère lui demande si elle a couché avec lui. L’article est accompagné d’une photo d’elle enfant, à laquelle elle tient énormément. Elle la lui confie en lui faisant promettre de ne pas la perdre. Il la perd. Ils se retrouvent. Elle couche avec lui. Avec un Italien aussi.
Puis vient la rupture, au téléphone. Il en aime une autre. De retour en France, elle ne fait que répéter l’histoire. Une relation étrange : homme plus âgé, tromperies, menaces.
Comme catharsis, elle décide d’échanger son histoire contre la douleur la plus forte de ceux qui acceptent de lui parler. Le pari fonctionne : en trois mois elle est soignée. Nous sommes en 1985. Quinze ans plus tard, elle en fait un livre. Page de droite : sa douleur. Page de gauche : celle de l’autre.
Une femme à qui l’on annonce la mort de son amant et qui force la personne en face à lui expliquer le mot « décès ». Son français est hésitant.
Une horrible douleur de dents. "Le reste ne se dit pas."
Une punition : "J’avais triché au Nain Jaune, et c’était écrit, à la main, sur un morceau de carton que ma mère m’avait accroché dans le dos."
Une jeune fille qui perd la vue. Sa mère, contrainte de mendier pour payer le train et rejoindre le chevet de sa fille. La douleur, c'est le récit du voyage.
Etc, etc.
Le récit s’ouvre trois mois plus tôt, avec un article d’un journaliste, Hervé, qui dresse d’elle un portrait si flatteur que sa mère lui demande si elle a couché avec lui. L’article est accompagné d’une photo d’elle enfant, à laquelle elle tient énormément. Elle la lui confie en lui faisant promettre de ne pas la perdre. Il la perd. Ils se retrouvent. Elle couche avec lui. Avec un Italien aussi.
Puis vient la rupture, au téléphone. Il en aime une autre. De retour en France, elle ne fait que répéter l’histoire. Une relation étrange : homme plus âgé, tromperies, menaces.
Comme catharsis, elle décide d’échanger son histoire contre la douleur la plus forte de ceux qui acceptent de lui parler. Le pari fonctionne : en trois mois elle est soignée. Nous sommes en 1985. Quinze ans plus tard, elle en fait un livre. Page de droite : sa douleur. Page de gauche : celle de l’autre.
Une femme à qui l’on annonce la mort de son amant et qui force la personne en face à lui expliquer le mot « décès ». Son français est hésitant.
Une horrible douleur de dents. "Le reste ne se dit pas."
Une punition : "J’avais triché au Nain Jaune, et c’était écrit, à la main, sur un morceau de carton que ma mère m’avait accroché dans le dos."
Une jeune fille qui perd la vue. Sa mère, contrainte de mendier pour payer le train et rejoindre le chevet de sa fille. La douleur, c'est le récit du voyage.
Etc, etc.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 17, 2019
Repetition wears away, sometimes making something painful eventually feel silly. As usual, the stories of others are played against and into Calle's work, contrasting ideas of suffering and offering perspective that shifts the source material with each new page.
December 30, 2024
es una maravilla como a través de un texto que cuenta distintos días, el relato cambia; madura con ella, se procesa.
supongo que así viviríamos los términos si fuésemos lo suficiente valientes para escribirlos y hacerlos más tangibles.
(supongo).
supongo que así viviríamos los términos si fuésemos lo suficiente valientes para escribirlos y hacerlos más tangibles.
(supongo).
February 21, 2020
Merveilleusement éblouissant!!
March 7, 2021
J'ai aimé le concept plus que le rendu. Sophie Calle demeure néanmoins une artiste qui m'intrigue énormément, tant pour ses idées que ses oeuvres.
December 18, 2021
Sophie Calle definitely is the artist who I really jealous. She perfectly used the format of paper/book. So romantic when those words fade away in the last couple of pages.
April 22, 2022
Passionnant, poétique, vivant, élégant, vibrant, comment la douleur vient et comment la douleur s’en va. Un écrin pour le travail de Sophie Calle dans un environnement graphique parfait.
September 10, 2022
Nothing like I’ve ever read. Fascinating concept. Devoured it.
November 15, 2022
書不是載體而是作品本身，媒介怎麼跟內容互動甚至成就內容，光憑這個這個點子我就願意給五星。如果蘇菲說的是真的，我們閱讀的就不是作品而是她生命的真實切片。第一階段裡我們可以跟著看見她的等待⋯etc，影像記錄下了她的在場，在日本的每一張圖都是一次痕跡，而第三部分的書頁就成為時間的具象、書寫的深淺承載痛苦的濃度。
February 9, 2023
Didn’t wanna finish it…
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