One of Us: A Family's Life with Autism

by Mark Osteen

In 1991, Mark Osteen and his wife, Leslie, were struggling to understand why their son, Cameron, was so different from other kids. At age one, Cam had little interest in toys and was surprisingly fixated on books. He didn’t make baby sounds; he ignored other children. As he grew older, he failed to grasp language, remaining unresponsive even when his parents called his name. When Cam started having screaming anxiety attacks, Mark and Leslie began to grasp that Cam was developmentally delayed. But when Leslie raised the possibility of an autism diagnosis, Mark balked. Autism is so rare , he thought. Might as well worry about being struck by lightning. Since that time, awareness of autism has grown monumentally. Autism has received extensive coverage in the news media, and it has become a popular subject for film, television, and literature, but the disorder is frequently portrayed and perceived as a set of eccentricities that can be corrected with proper treatment. In reality, autism permanently wrecks many children’s chances for typical lives. Plenty of recent bestsellers have described the hardships of autism, but those memoirs usually focus on the recovery of people who overcome some or all of the challenges of the disorder. And while that plot is uplifting, it’s rare in real life, as few autistic children fully recover. The territory of severe autism—of the child who is debilitated by the condition, who will never be cured—has been largely neglected. One of A Family’s Life with Autism tells that story. In this book, Mark Osteen chronicles the experience of raising Cam, whose autism causes him aggression, insomnia, compulsions, and physical sickness. In a powerful, deeply personal narrative, Osteen recounts the struggles he and his wife endured in diagnosing, treating, and understanding Cam’s disability, following the family through the years of medical difficulties and emotional wrangling. One of Us thrusts the reader into the life of a child who exists in his own world and describes the immense hardships faced by those who love and care for him. Leslie and Mark's marriage is sorely tested by their son's condition, and the book follows their progress from denial to acceptance while they fight to save their own relationship. By embracing the little victories of their life with Cam and by learning to love him as he is, Mark takes the reader down a road just as gratifying, and perhaps more moving, than one to recovery. One of Us is not a book about a child who overcomes autism. Instead, it’s the story of a different but equally rare sort of victory—the triumph of love over tremendous adversity.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Memoir, Nonfiction, Family, Parenting

280 pages, Hardcover

First published October 20, 2010

Reviews

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

If anyone would like a picture of what life is truly like with a child with low functioning autism, this book is the book to read. Of all the autism books I've ever read, and that's a huge amount, this one comes closest to describing what my life is like with my daughter Janey. I hugely admire the honesty with which it is written. Some people might see it as unhopeful, but for me, it was tremendously hopeful. It showed the path to acceptance, without giving false hope in cures that aren't going to work. It showed what life is like with a child that can talk a little, but not much, a child who can be destructive but who you also love more than life itself. And it showed what someday might be our life---a child in residential care at the end. I think this is an important book to be read, because there are far too many books out there about the autism "miracles", about very high functioning kids with autism, about lives that aren't much at all like life on the daily autism front. I thank the author greatly for doing the service of writing this book.

[Kt · Rating 3 out of 5]

So honest.

[Rikki Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so glad this book was required by my professor. This book takes an honest look, and I'm sure writing this book was extremely painful. Osteen narrates his life in a deep and profound way, exposing a life many ignore or bury or hide. He maintains confidentiality of locations he's experienced with, and this can be frustrating to those native to Baltimore who want to know more. He chooses to express his experiences, both good and bad, and this allows others to learn and see more of the human experience. Osteen attempts to give his son a voice, when he often lacks one and is trapped. He admits to stress reactions, yelling, even grabbing his child up. He does so in an attempt to make peace with his life and to show others that such a life is possible. Most of all, however, it is a declaration that despite Cam's eventual placement, he is every bit "one of us". This is a hard but vital read for future educators and caregivers.

[Nmyers · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mark Osteen provides an account of the experience of raising his son with autism. His account is not sugar-coated and shares the experience he and his wife go through dealing with coming to terms with their son's diagnosis, their efforts to support their son, and the impact of Cam's autism on their marriage detailing, " a chilling picture of desperate, beleagured parents afraid to leave their house, totally cut off from friends and relatives." The book ends with the family regaining control of their home, coming to terms that their son will not be cured of his autistic traits and accepting that they did the best they could with him about the time that he starts attending a residential school. During times, when autism cure books abound, it is refreshing to hear accounts based on educated parents who made research-based decisions to support their son.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a gut-wrenching description of raising a child with severe autism. The author is so honest, but still can express the love for his "not normal" child. He clearly describes the range of emotions he and his wife expressed after the birth of their son and the realization when he was a toddler that something wasn't right. I never really know how hard this could be.