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Not Lost Forever: My Story of Survival
In this memoir of true crime and survival, a woman recounts the remarkable story of her father’s murderous rampage and how she was left for dead. On April 14, 1989, in California’s idyllic Sonoma Valley, Mexican immigrant Ramón Salcido went on a rampage, killing his wife, her two younger sisters, his mother-in-law, and his wife’s suspected lover. Then he slashed the throats of his three young daughters—ages four years, three years, and twenty-two months—and left them for dead in the county dump. A day later, when the children’s bodies were finally discovered, three-year-old Carmina was miraculously still alive. “Daddy cut me,” she told her rescuers. In Not Lost Forever, Carmina Salcido reaches back into her traumatic past to reconstruct, in sobering detail, her father’s crimes and their aftermath. Recalling with clear-eyed candor, courage, and grace the horrific event and troubled childhood that followed, a remarkable young woman carries readers along on her miraculous journey of survival, discovery, and hope.
322 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 91 reviews
April 26, 2023
Not Lost Forever: My Story of Survival is an incredible true-crime memoir by Carmina Salcido. Salcido's father killed her mother, two sisters, grandma, two aunts and a man from a worksite. Salcido's father sliced her throat and threw her at the town dump with her two sisters who also had their throats cut. Amazingly, Salcido, age three, survived.
This haunting, tragic story is about their family, the horrendous killing spree, her father's capture and trial.....and Carmina's life for the next two decades.
This haunting, tragic story is about their family, the horrendous killing spree, her father's capture and trial.....and Carmina's life for the next two decades.
January 21, 2016
Overwhelming. This story has haunted me ever since I first read a piece about it in a TRUE DETECTIVE compilation, but I hadn't seen anything yet. This is the whole story, and what a crazy story it is. Beautifully-written story of Carmina Salcido's staggeringly difficult life. I thought this would be a garden-variety domestic-violence case but there is so much more going on in her life, I can't begin to list it here. Whatever you do, don't miss this one.
February 8, 2019
I read true crime for answers. In this case, why did a married man who loved his three girls suddenly "go on a rampage," slitting his children's throats and leaving them in the dump to die? Why did he murder his wife, mother-in-law, his wife's two young sisters, a former employer, and attempt to murder another former employer?
There are no answers, at least in this book. Perhaps no one will ever understand his actions, but calling Ramón Salcido "evil" is an unsatisfying explanation, at least for me. He certainly wasn't a great husband or perfect father, but before the tragedy, nothing indicated he was capable of this level of horror.
Not Lost Forever is Carmina's story. Salcido's middle child, she managed to survive hours upon hours in the ditch with her throat cut when she was only three years old. It was a miracle she survived, and you'd think (hope) that losing her family and having her throat slit open by her own father would be the last horror she'd have to endure. Sadly, her grandfather asked a bigoted couple of zealots to raise her, and they are about as abusive, controlling and narrow-minded as you'd expect.
From there, Carmina goes from heartache to heartache, with nary a single bright spot in her story, except for the fact that she is still determined to find one.
I really felt for her, but the journalist's contributions rarely added to the story, and it isn't clear what message she hoped to send. I also hated that Salcido is constantly referred to as a "Mexican immigrant," even on the back cover. If he'd been white, we wouldn't refer to him as a "Caucasian American." What does his ethnicity have to do with it? It's this kind of crap that fuels racism and bigotry. This is the fault of the publisher, not the authors, but if I had to rate that particular part, I'd give them one star.
There are no answers, at least in this book. Perhaps no one will ever understand his actions, but calling Ramón Salcido "evil" is an unsatisfying explanation, at least for me. He certainly wasn't a great husband or perfect father, but before the tragedy, nothing indicated he was capable of this level of horror.
Not Lost Forever is Carmina's story. Salcido's middle child, she managed to survive hours upon hours in the ditch with her throat cut when she was only three years old. It was a miracle she survived, and you'd think (hope) that losing her family and having her throat slit open by her own father would be the last horror she'd have to endure. Sadly, her grandfather asked a bigoted couple of zealots to raise her, and they are about as abusive, controlling and narrow-minded as you'd expect.
From there, Carmina goes from heartache to heartache, with nary a single bright spot in her story, except for the fact that she is still determined to find one.
I really felt for her, but the journalist's contributions rarely added to the story, and it isn't clear what message she hoped to send. I also hated that Salcido is constantly referred to as a "Mexican immigrant," even on the back cover. If he'd been white, we wouldn't refer to him as a "Caucasian American." What does his ethnicity have to do with it? It's this kind of crap that fuels racism and bigotry. This is the fault of the publisher, not the authors, but if I had to rate that particular part, I'd give them one star.
November 28, 2009
I was loaned this book only yesterday and I have already finished it. The story was one that gripped me so tight and terrified me deeply. The events that manifested themselves in Carmina's life are full of heartache, abuse, depression, and horror. Reading through this poor girl's story, you peer into a world where a father commits horrible acts and one particular child of his survives to relive them. Even after her ordeal, I expected her life to be a little better, thinking no one and nothing would ever be cruel to her after what she had been through. Of course, there are deplorable people everywhere in the world and even with her finding peace in the end, the events that took place angered me.
You will find yourself speaking aloud against every person that abuses her; My particular anger siding against the family that took her in and forced her down into depression. This is a great, heart-wrenching book that I hope my family and friends choose to read. As for Carmina, I only hope the peace she has finally found stays with her always.
You will find yourself speaking aloud against every person that abuses her; My particular anger siding against the family that took her in and forced her down into depression. This is a great, heart-wrenching book that I hope my family and friends choose to read. As for Carmina, I only hope the peace she has finally found stays with her always.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 15, 2020
Carmina Salcido survived the unfathomable rampage of her father, Ramon. The years following his murder spree brought more pain and abuse for Carmina. That she found the courage to tell her story is remarkable and perhaps premature. Carmina is still climbing an emotional Mount Everest. This book tells the story of her arriving at base camp. Ramon Salcido's monstrous legacy still shadows her, but she has courage. As she wrote this story, she was still gasping for air and not yet ready for the climb to the summit. Perhaps in writing so candidly about the first three decades of her life, she will gain the support and guidance she needs to take control of her life's trajectory. The climb will not be easy, but she is resilient.
February 28, 2020
Not lost forever.
Ronald Gene Simmons is known as one of the worst cases of familicide ever. If not the worst. Ramon Salcido would surely be next to him. In terms of mass murder in 1989 we had Patrick Purdy shooting elementary school children with an AK-47 in January of that year. In April we had Ramon Salcido and then in September we had Joseph Wesbecker.
Not lost forever is not only about Ramon Salcido's life and massacre, but a survivor. The 3 year old who's throat was cut by her own father. I very much appreciate her honest look at what happened and not sugar coating any of it. Not going with "no notoriety" and giving vague insights that totally gloss over her father's presence within the story. I very much appreciate that in such true crime books such as this. I want the facts, not sugar coating, not "no notoriety", not some lame excuses to avoid context that would actually help tell the story.
This book started off slow in the first few pages but quickly got better and better. The main author, the little girl who survived the massacre; Carmina gives us intimate details of not only her family life and her father's life, but her 3 year old self along with her sisters. She tells us childhood stories, not only sad ones, but funny and entertaining ones. Which I really liked. I was very glad they didn't gloss over her father's story because "no notoriety". Something you might expect considering this book is suppose to be Carmina's survivor story. Instead it is written in classic true crime style, the best of the genre actually. Where everyone is given their story. This is the main reason why I decided to get the book. I want the full story when it comes to true crime. At least I prefer it. I got this book back in 2019 during the summer for a very cheap prize.
The book is written in classic true crime fashion, very well written, very well paced. It details the history of Sonoma, goes into Ramon's life story, details Carmina's mother's life story, details what other things were going on in the country at the time, what was going on in Sonoma at the time, details the lives and childhoods of Carmina and her sisters, etc. Very well written, very well paced, and put together.
I read 65 pages in the first night. I wanted to know what happened next.
The murders are described in pretty graphic detail as well as the experiences of the detectives and officers who saw the crime scenes and what they thought as they looked at the bodies and tried to piece each murder scene together.
Religious nuts obviously played a role in this case in multiple ways. If Angela wasn't raised by religious nuts this most probably wouldn't of happened. She was beautiful and would of had a lot of suitors and most probably wouldn't of gone with Ramon even if she had met him. Instead of gardening, she would of probably been out with boys and girl friends. Who knows? Later in the book religious nuts again enter the story in a very ironic way.
Also couldn't help but think of the movie "The red pill" about the men's right's movement.
I don't believe Angela ever cheated on Ramon. I really do think the financial issues Ramon was in and what it lead to quickly lead to the rampage. Like other mass murderers it seems that Ramon just wanted to destroy his life in the U.S, turn his back on them, kill them, and then live out the rest of his life in Mexico, leaving his financial burden behind with it. Although we soon find out that he was planning on suicide as well, but went to Mexico because he called his mother to say goodbye and she pleaded with him to come to Mexico. So he did and I would surmise that out of that frame of mind at the time he called. Then he decided to stay in Mexico and not commit suicide.
Ramon Salcido's case also kind of reminds me of Bruce Pardo, who in 2006 dressed up as santa claus for his ex wife's family's christmas party. As soon as the little girl opened the door Bruce shot his ex niece in the face and began shooting and executing anyone he saw. Then sprayed the house with racing fuel. Unfortunately for Bruce the house blew up before he set it off him self and was still inside the house and pieces of the suit melted onto his body, so he ended up committing suicide.
Another common characteristic of mass murderers who kill their entire family. Known as Family annihilators. Ramon thought that in the end he would end up seeing his dead children in heaven. Very common. This belief that "they are all better off being together in the after life."
During the investigation the book does go after the top sheriff who was literally exploiting the murders for his own press coverage. Reminds me of Mcmartin. Where the DA 100% used the Mcmartin case to try and gain publicity for his campaign for another year of DA. As the defense lawyer said in the Mcmartin case "I clearly asked...WHY IS HE HERE?" and he said during the hearing "Mr.Philibosian acted as district attorney while running for a campaign using this case to gain a greater name identity." The DA actually put him self right where the camera crews were. LOOK AT ME! LOOK At ME! ELECT ME AS DA!!!! I CARE ABOUT CHILD ABUSE!!!!
The sheriff walked into the station and was like "How I look on television?" clearly getting off on the publicity and the top detective was like "those kids didn't die so you could be on tv and gain publicity" or something to that effect.
Funny, since I support true crime collecting. Collecting true crime artifacts. Owning a painting or a letter written by a serial killer or what ever. I don't see that as condoning or exploitation. Other then exploiting the public's interest in the macabre. I wouldn't support that sheriff being reckless for the publicity. For me a piece of artifact would represent the entire case including the little girls who were brutally killed. Literally no different then this very book which is also exploiting the public's fascination with the macabre. Also because of the fact that it's a fight they can never ever win. It's just the nature of reality, but needless sensationalism and exploiting for PR is totally different. In the case of Mcmartin, they created that story and tried to profit off of it. I guess you could call it wanton/pure exploitation.
The book goes through the trial after Ramon is captured and immediately confesses. It then goes into what happened to the main author Carmina after the trial. Her foster family, her new childhood experiences, her new "parents", etc. Her new family were total pricks, horrible uncaring people who 100% exploited her and were full of projection. I like how at one point she says she watches horror movies [serial killer/slasher movies] and can see how someone can finally lash out and start killing people because they had enough abuse. I of course immediately wonder if she's ever seen one of the best slasher movies ever made Silent night, deadly night. Which is somewhat similar to her story. The father is shot and killed and is slumped out of his car door [Identical to a murder committted by Ramon], a child is told by his insane grandfather that santa claus is gonna "get him" and "punish him" and "you better run boy, run for your life!" after the murders the traumatized child is put up for adoption and raised by evil nuns who abuse him and further traumatize him. In Silent night deadly night, he never got over his hatred of and fear of Santa claus and once he dressed up as santa for his job and witnesses an attempted rape [like his mother] he's literally triggered into a psychotic break and goes on a killing spree literally believing he is santa claus. Ironically his drunk boss told him "Stay with me kid and you'll think your the real santa claus." as he pours him a shot of whiskey.
They blamed her mother for the murders. Of course they did.
1.She basically left the cult. Therefor her murder reinforces their insane beliefs.
2.She's a women and this is a sexist cult.
I blame her cult upbringing for the murders along with Ramon.
That is what happens when you raise your kids to be insular, naive, ignorant, and make everything forbidden. Her mother was gonna be a model! If she had been allowed to florish from the beginning, she would of probably never ever met Ramon, let alone fell for him. She would of had better prospects! As the saying goes "there are more fish in the sea."
Of course the grandfather was to blame for her abusive adopted parents. He gave her to them because they were "respected" within the cult. Despite that I felt bad for the grandfather because of how they treated him. So again, I blame the cult. If her grandfather had only cared about her being given to a LOVING AND CARING FAMILY and less about his cult beliefs, then she would of undoubtfully had a better home life after the murders. Disgustingly when the grandfather tried to get her out of that abusive home he was told by a social security worker that he "gave up his rights" when he gave her to them. Remnds me of when my mom called the police on her drunk ex boyfriend and the police blamed her for the abuse and said they would arrest her.
Very sad story all around. Carmina should be admired. For putting up with everything that went wrong in her life [all due to adults around her] and yet coming out of it with understanding. She had a very strong character from the beginning and I can totally relate to her plight since I lived in an abuse home. She said sometimes the alcoholism of her adopted parents was "funny" I can relate. I remember looking at my mom's ex boyfriend and laughing at the absurdity of it all. "He's like a clown." I would constantly defend my self and my mother. When my mom died I had to deal with my abusive grandmother who tried to control me like she did my mom and I refused to give in. She would also mock me and make fun of me for no reason. Just mean snide mocking comments. Tried to get my brother to join her in the mean remarks. She would also ask me a question and then mock me for avoiding a response because if I responded she would flip out and make a scene and act like she was the victim. She would literally try and start fights with me but after a while I decided I wasn't going to allow her to start fights with me. I basically said "I aint gonna answer you! You don't care what I say! You don't respect my opinions, you don't respect me at all! You just want me to nod my empty f*cking head like an idiot and go "yes, your right, you right. Me stupid. me stupid" so I refused to give into her provoking. I just completely shut down and said "I don't know..." and then she would make fun of me for being stupid! I lost my house because of her because I told my aunt about the abuse, in my aunt's own words "humiliating" me [according to the dictionary "causing someone to feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect." that is exacly what she was doing] and yet she blamed me. What started that fight that caused me to tell my aunt? She had constantly been blackmailing me with my house for months from the very beginning. "if you can't get along with me, maybe I should sell the house.". Sometimes she would threaten to sell the house for no reason what so ever. I heard this DAILY! FOR MONTHS! I worshiped my mother, was having a hard time with losing her, my best friend, and my grandmother caused me to have a mental break down several times through the year. My brother found me sleeping on the floor instead of the bed and I would go into the bathroom and try and think my self out of existence. I'd cry my self to sleep. I just didn't want to exist at all. Everything was taken away from me and my grandmother was threatening to take more away from me! My father was gonna visit and she threatened that if I do see my father at all, then she would sell the house. We even said we would hang out with him at a motel "your not gonna prevent us from seeing our dad." and she threatened us. She also made my brother and I tell my other brother not to come to our mother's funeral because she disowned him. Despite the fact that he was my mom's favorite child and would of wanted him there. I felt so bad for my brother. My aunt didn't know that until my brother told her this after telling her that she tried to control our relationship with my father. Instead of sticking up for us, she just kicked us out of the house and blamed us. I know my mom would of been disgusted and enraged by all of this.
Like Carmina I was stubborn and wouldn't give in and I admire that in people. I always admired that in my mom. I always admired my mom for being tough and sticking to her principals and standing her ground. I admire that in Carmina and my self. Don't take flak from anybody!
I also admire her honesty, understanding, and openess as well. I admire her telling the story and not falling into the "no notoriety" that makes zero sense. How are we suppose to feel the full extent of what happened if you keep it vague? Instead she tells the whole truth and that makes her story more tragic and also more powerful. It also allows us to look at the entire thing and come to our own conclusions and so forth. A lot of true crime nowadays is totally condescending to it's own audience and is trying to control the narrative.
As I've said many times. You don't get to control how I react. PERIOD. End of story. You don't get to decide what is fascinating. WE DO! You don't get to social engineer society!
Carmina's entire childhood was just constant abuse and neglect. Her story is somewhat similar to other survivors of cults. They are kept isolated from the world and once they leave the cult they have nothing. No money, no education, and are completely ignorant about the world outside their cult. They are simply not given the skills to survive outside the cult and of course many turn to drugs or commit suicide. A perfect example would be one of my favorite cults The family. The children who made it out of that cult ended up drug addicts and they have a very high suicide rate.
I was never in a cult but I've gone through abuse, was very shy, have social anxiety, and have always been isolated. I can relate to Carmina on many other levels and I do admire her.
This is a very well written book about a pretty interesting case. It's well paced, written in classic true crime. A well put together narrative. This entire case should be made into a movie, but then again they would probably ruin it by not making it very accurate. "truth is stranger then fiction." then why do you have to make sh*t up?! A very sad book, but also uplifting. I am glad Carmina wrote this book.
Ronald Gene Simmons is known as one of the worst cases of familicide ever. If not the worst. Ramon Salcido would surely be next to him. In terms of mass murder in 1989 we had Patrick Purdy shooting elementary school children with an AK-47 in January of that year. In April we had Ramon Salcido and then in September we had Joseph Wesbecker.
Not lost forever is not only about Ramon Salcido's life and massacre, but a survivor. The 3 year old who's throat was cut by her own father. I very much appreciate her honest look at what happened and not sugar coating any of it. Not going with "no notoriety" and giving vague insights that totally gloss over her father's presence within the story. I very much appreciate that in such true crime books such as this. I want the facts, not sugar coating, not "no notoriety", not some lame excuses to avoid context that would actually help tell the story.
This book started off slow in the first few pages but quickly got better and better. The main author, the little girl who survived the massacre; Carmina gives us intimate details of not only her family life and her father's life, but her 3 year old self along with her sisters. She tells us childhood stories, not only sad ones, but funny and entertaining ones. Which I really liked. I was very glad they didn't gloss over her father's story because "no notoriety". Something you might expect considering this book is suppose to be Carmina's survivor story. Instead it is written in classic true crime style, the best of the genre actually. Where everyone is given their story. This is the main reason why I decided to get the book. I want the full story when it comes to true crime. At least I prefer it. I got this book back in 2019 during the summer for a very cheap prize.
The book is written in classic true crime fashion, very well written, very well paced. It details the history of Sonoma, goes into Ramon's life story, details Carmina's mother's life story, details what other things were going on in the country at the time, what was going on in Sonoma at the time, details the lives and childhoods of Carmina and her sisters, etc. Very well written, very well paced, and put together.
I read 65 pages in the first night. I wanted to know what happened next.
The murders are described in pretty graphic detail as well as the experiences of the detectives and officers who saw the crime scenes and what they thought as they looked at the bodies and tried to piece each murder scene together.
Religious nuts obviously played a role in this case in multiple ways. If Angela wasn't raised by religious nuts this most probably wouldn't of happened. She was beautiful and would of had a lot of suitors and most probably wouldn't of gone with Ramon even if she had met him. Instead of gardening, she would of probably been out with boys and girl friends. Who knows? Later in the book religious nuts again enter the story in a very ironic way.
Also couldn't help but think of the movie "The red pill" about the men's right's movement.
I don't believe Angela ever cheated on Ramon. I really do think the financial issues Ramon was in and what it lead to quickly lead to the rampage. Like other mass murderers it seems that Ramon just wanted to destroy his life in the U.S, turn his back on them, kill them, and then live out the rest of his life in Mexico, leaving his financial burden behind with it. Although we soon find out that he was planning on suicide as well, but went to Mexico because he called his mother to say goodbye and she pleaded with him to come to Mexico. So he did and I would surmise that out of that frame of mind at the time he called. Then he decided to stay in Mexico and not commit suicide.
Ramon Salcido's case also kind of reminds me of Bruce Pardo, who in 2006 dressed up as santa claus for his ex wife's family's christmas party. As soon as the little girl opened the door Bruce shot his ex niece in the face and began shooting and executing anyone he saw. Then sprayed the house with racing fuel. Unfortunately for Bruce the house blew up before he set it off him self and was still inside the house and pieces of the suit melted onto his body, so he ended up committing suicide.
Another common characteristic of mass murderers who kill their entire family. Known as Family annihilators. Ramon thought that in the end he would end up seeing his dead children in heaven. Very common. This belief that "they are all better off being together in the after life."
During the investigation the book does go after the top sheriff who was literally exploiting the murders for his own press coverage. Reminds me of Mcmartin. Where the DA 100% used the Mcmartin case to try and gain publicity for his campaign for another year of DA. As the defense lawyer said in the Mcmartin case "I clearly asked...WHY IS HE HERE?" and he said during the hearing "Mr.Philibosian acted as district attorney while running for a campaign using this case to gain a greater name identity." The DA actually put him self right where the camera crews were. LOOK AT ME! LOOK At ME! ELECT ME AS DA!!!! I CARE ABOUT CHILD ABUSE!!!!
The sheriff walked into the station and was like "How I look on television?" clearly getting off on the publicity and the top detective was like "those kids didn't die so you could be on tv and gain publicity" or something to that effect.
Funny, since I support true crime collecting. Collecting true crime artifacts. Owning a painting or a letter written by a serial killer or what ever. I don't see that as condoning or exploitation. Other then exploiting the public's interest in the macabre. I wouldn't support that sheriff being reckless for the publicity. For me a piece of artifact would represent the entire case including the little girls who were brutally killed. Literally no different then this very book which is also exploiting the public's fascination with the macabre. Also because of the fact that it's a fight they can never ever win. It's just the nature of reality, but needless sensationalism and exploiting for PR is totally different. In the case of Mcmartin, they created that story and tried to profit off of it. I guess you could call it wanton/pure exploitation.
The book goes through the trial after Ramon is captured and immediately confesses. It then goes into what happened to the main author Carmina after the trial. Her foster family, her new childhood experiences, her new "parents", etc. Her new family were total pricks, horrible uncaring people who 100% exploited her and were full of projection. I like how at one point she says she watches horror movies [serial killer/slasher movies] and can see how someone can finally lash out and start killing people because they had enough abuse. I of course immediately wonder if she's ever seen one of the best slasher movies ever made Silent night, deadly night. Which is somewhat similar to her story. The father is shot and killed and is slumped out of his car door [Identical to a murder committted by Ramon], a child is told by his insane grandfather that santa claus is gonna "get him" and "punish him" and "you better run boy, run for your life!" after the murders the traumatized child is put up for adoption and raised by evil nuns who abuse him and further traumatize him. In Silent night deadly night, he never got over his hatred of and fear of Santa claus and once he dressed up as santa for his job and witnesses an attempted rape [like his mother] he's literally triggered into a psychotic break and goes on a killing spree literally believing he is santa claus. Ironically his drunk boss told him "Stay with me kid and you'll think your the real santa claus." as he pours him a shot of whiskey.
They blamed her mother for the murders. Of course they did.
1.She basically left the cult. Therefor her murder reinforces their insane beliefs.
2.She's a women and this is a sexist cult.
I blame her cult upbringing for the murders along with Ramon.
That is what happens when you raise your kids to be insular, naive, ignorant, and make everything forbidden. Her mother was gonna be a model! If she had been allowed to florish from the beginning, she would of probably never ever met Ramon, let alone fell for him. She would of had better prospects! As the saying goes "there are more fish in the sea."
Of course the grandfather was to blame for her abusive adopted parents. He gave her to them because they were "respected" within the cult. Despite that I felt bad for the grandfather because of how they treated him. So again, I blame the cult. If her grandfather had only cared about her being given to a LOVING AND CARING FAMILY and less about his cult beliefs, then she would of undoubtfully had a better home life after the murders. Disgustingly when the grandfather tried to get her out of that abusive home he was told by a social security worker that he "gave up his rights" when he gave her to them. Remnds me of when my mom called the police on her drunk ex boyfriend and the police blamed her for the abuse and said they would arrest her.
Very sad story all around. Carmina should be admired. For putting up with everything that went wrong in her life [all due to adults around her] and yet coming out of it with understanding. She had a very strong character from the beginning and I can totally relate to her plight since I lived in an abuse home. She said sometimes the alcoholism of her adopted parents was "funny" I can relate. I remember looking at my mom's ex boyfriend and laughing at the absurdity of it all. "He's like a clown." I would constantly defend my self and my mother. When my mom died I had to deal with my abusive grandmother who tried to control me like she did my mom and I refused to give in. She would also mock me and make fun of me for no reason. Just mean snide mocking comments. Tried to get my brother to join her in the mean remarks. She would also ask me a question and then mock me for avoiding a response because if I responded she would flip out and make a scene and act like she was the victim. She would literally try and start fights with me but after a while I decided I wasn't going to allow her to start fights with me. I basically said "I aint gonna answer you! You don't care what I say! You don't respect my opinions, you don't respect me at all! You just want me to nod my empty f*cking head like an idiot and go "yes, your right, you right. Me stupid. me stupid" so I refused to give into her provoking. I just completely shut down and said "I don't know..." and then she would make fun of me for being stupid! I lost my house because of her because I told my aunt about the abuse, in my aunt's own words "humiliating" me [according to the dictionary "causing someone to feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect." that is exacly what she was doing] and yet she blamed me. What started that fight that caused me to tell my aunt? She had constantly been blackmailing me with my house for months from the very beginning. "if you can't get along with me, maybe I should sell the house.". Sometimes she would threaten to sell the house for no reason what so ever. I heard this DAILY! FOR MONTHS! I worshiped my mother, was having a hard time with losing her, my best friend, and my grandmother caused me to have a mental break down several times through the year. My brother found me sleeping on the floor instead of the bed and I would go into the bathroom and try and think my self out of existence. I'd cry my self to sleep. I just didn't want to exist at all. Everything was taken away from me and my grandmother was threatening to take more away from me! My father was gonna visit and she threatened that if I do see my father at all, then she would sell the house. We even said we would hang out with him at a motel "your not gonna prevent us from seeing our dad." and she threatened us. She also made my brother and I tell my other brother not to come to our mother's funeral because she disowned him. Despite the fact that he was my mom's favorite child and would of wanted him there. I felt so bad for my brother. My aunt didn't know that until my brother told her this after telling her that she tried to control our relationship with my father. Instead of sticking up for us, she just kicked us out of the house and blamed us. I know my mom would of been disgusted and enraged by all of this.
Like Carmina I was stubborn and wouldn't give in and I admire that in people. I always admired that in my mom. I always admired my mom for being tough and sticking to her principals and standing her ground. I admire that in Carmina and my self. Don't take flak from anybody!
I also admire her honesty, understanding, and openess as well. I admire her telling the story and not falling into the "no notoriety" that makes zero sense. How are we suppose to feel the full extent of what happened if you keep it vague? Instead she tells the whole truth and that makes her story more tragic and also more powerful. It also allows us to look at the entire thing and come to our own conclusions and so forth. A lot of true crime nowadays is totally condescending to it's own audience and is trying to control the narrative.
As I've said many times. You don't get to control how I react. PERIOD. End of story. You don't get to decide what is fascinating. WE DO! You don't get to social engineer society!
Carmina's entire childhood was just constant abuse and neglect. Her story is somewhat similar to other survivors of cults. They are kept isolated from the world and once they leave the cult they have nothing. No money, no education, and are completely ignorant about the world outside their cult. They are simply not given the skills to survive outside the cult and of course many turn to drugs or commit suicide. A perfect example would be one of my favorite cults The family. The children who made it out of that cult ended up drug addicts and they have a very high suicide rate.
I was never in a cult but I've gone through abuse, was very shy, have social anxiety, and have always been isolated. I can relate to Carmina on many other levels and I do admire her.
This is a very well written book about a pretty interesting case. It's well paced, written in classic true crime. A well put together narrative. This entire case should be made into a movie, but then again they would probably ruin it by not making it very accurate. "truth is stranger then fiction." then why do you have to make sh*t up?! A very sad book, but also uplifting. I am glad Carmina wrote this book.
November 12, 2020
Not Lost Forever
294 pages
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
On April 14, 1989, for reasons still debated today, Mexican immigrant Ramón Salcido went on a violent rampage in the idyllic Sonoma Valley wine country where he lived and worked. In the course of just two hours, he killed his wife, her two younger sisters, his mother-in-law and the man with who he suspected his wife was having an affair. He then slashed the throats of his three young daughters, leaving them for dead in the county dump. A little more than a day later, the bodies of his daughters were discovered. Miraculously, his almost 3-year-old daughter, Carmina, survived. She was alive, and told her rescuers, “My daddy cut me.”
“I know now that if I’m ever going to reach the summit and see that (mountain) view, I’m going to have to put one foot in front of the other and keep climbing. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been walking such a long, long time. But I’m not lost, not anymore, and I’m going to get there.”
This book has my whole heart. Carmina’s story is heartbreaking and what she went through is traumatizing to say the least. Not only did she lose her family, but she was then adopted by a Catholic extremist family who tried to bury her past. Then she escaped by joining a convent, and then a ranch for troubled girls. She finally found peace, and didn’t let her past drag her down.
This was so well written, weaving in the events and new headlines surrounding the murders with recollections from detectives, witnesses, and her as an adult. There’s a lot packed into these pages, but it flows flawlessly.
She also captured the relationship with her grandfather, one of her only relatives still alive, so perfectly. I was slightly mad that the grandfather didn’t adopt Carmina, but came to understand that he couldn’t, and she portrays that so well.
The details overall in this book are phenomenal. We will probably never know why exactly her father did what he did, so if you’re reading this expecting answers, you won’t get any. Although there are no answers, this book is still amazing.
*Disclaimer—my nonfiction book review ratings are based on the writing, length, flow, and my overall feelings, not the story itself.
294 pages
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
On April 14, 1989, for reasons still debated today, Mexican immigrant Ramón Salcido went on a violent rampage in the idyllic Sonoma Valley wine country where he lived and worked. In the course of just two hours, he killed his wife, her two younger sisters, his mother-in-law and the man with who he suspected his wife was having an affair. He then slashed the throats of his three young daughters, leaving them for dead in the county dump. A little more than a day later, the bodies of his daughters were discovered. Miraculously, his almost 3-year-old daughter, Carmina, survived. She was alive, and told her rescuers, “My daddy cut me.”
“I know now that if I’m ever going to reach the summit and see that (mountain) view, I’m going to have to put one foot in front of the other and keep climbing. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been walking such a long, long time. But I’m not lost, not anymore, and I’m going to get there.”
This book has my whole heart. Carmina’s story is heartbreaking and what she went through is traumatizing to say the least. Not only did she lose her family, but she was then adopted by a Catholic extremist family who tried to bury her past. Then she escaped by joining a convent, and then a ranch for troubled girls. She finally found peace, and didn’t let her past drag her down.
This was so well written, weaving in the events and new headlines surrounding the murders with recollections from detectives, witnesses, and her as an adult. There’s a lot packed into these pages, but it flows flawlessly.
She also captured the relationship with her grandfather, one of her only relatives still alive, so perfectly. I was slightly mad that the grandfather didn’t adopt Carmina, but came to understand that he couldn’t, and she portrays that so well.
The details overall in this book are phenomenal. We will probably never know why exactly her father did what he did, so if you’re reading this expecting answers, you won’t get any. Although there are no answers, this book is still amazing.
*Disclaimer—my nonfiction book review ratings are based on the writing, length, flow, and my overall feelings, not the story itself.
September 2, 2024
Ik lees dit soort boeken nooit, maar door de extremiteit ervan bleef ik doorlezen. Soms fijn om naïef in de wereld te staan en bijna niet voor te stellen dat dit echt is gebeurd.
December 6, 2019
Interesting but tragic story about the three year old survivor of a family massacre. Her father let her biological family down, and her adoptive parents let everybody down, but mostly Carmina. She deserved a better childhood, but somehow her resilience her got her through. Thankyou Carmina for sharing your story
May 9, 2011
Not sure if I should give it 3 or 4 stars. The story is shocking and very interesting. The writing is sometimes not that good though. It was so shocking to read what her father did to her and the rest of her families. I had never heard of this case before. Sad that she ended up being adopted by another very religious family. (Wondering, can't she sue them over spending her money?That was hers!)I am glad I was finally able to read this book, thanks to the library.
I do think this book would have probably been better if I could have read it in the original language. Did not like the translation and did discover quite a few errors, so yes, it does deserve 4 stars.
I do think this book would have probably been better if I could have read it in the original language. Did not like the translation and did discover quite a few errors, so yes, it does deserve 4 stars.
March 7, 2016
On April 14, 1989 Ramon Salcido commented one of the most evil unthinkable crimes. He killed 7 people. Two of them were his very young girls but he failed to kill one, his young daughter Carmina. Carmina Salcido is a survivor, not only did she survive her Father slashing her throat but the people who adopted her. This is not a easy book to read due to the intense heartbreaking subject but it is a page turner.
February 26, 2010
It's hard to give a biography 3 stars but I just didn't love the way it was written but I am absolutely 100% amazed at what a human can go through & come out the other end beautiful. I admit I'm still wondering how she'd really doing- my heart aches for her- she's so close to my age, living here in Sonoma County. I'd love to sit over coffee with her to find out more.
October 13, 2012
The crime is horrific but the history of the area in Cal. is fascinating and the fact that Jack London lived and died there under somewhat shady circumstances..
July 12, 2018
Alleen ik overleefde, een titel die het ergste doet vermoeden. En dat klopt ook wel, want Carmina Salcido overleefde, als door een wonder, als enige van het gezin een koelbloedige moordpartij. Het boek beschrijft wat Carmina heeft doorgemaakt.
Een groot deel van deze beschrijving heeft ze ontleend aan kranten en het door de politie verzamelde bewijsmateriaal. Vooral van de periode dat ze nog erg jong was. Maar ook put ze uit haar herinnering. Zelfs die van toen ze nog maar drie jaar oud was.
Uit het boek blijkt dat Carmina het niet gemakkelijk heeft gehad. Haar moeilijkste tijd was in feite de periode dat ze bij een adoptiegezin werd ondergebracht. Maar ook daarna viel het haar allemaal niet mee. Want ze kreeg te maken met indoctrinatie, met lichamelijke, maar ook met geestelijke mishandeling.
In het boek laat Carmina de wereld weten wat haar overkomen is. Ik denk dat het ook een goede uitlaatklep voor haar geweest is. Omdat ze in al de jaren daarvoor met zo goed als niemand over haar lot heeft kunnen praten.
Op momenten is het boek indrukwekkend, maar er zijn ook delen die wat mij betreft overgeslagen hadden kunnen worden. Toch vond ik het een interessant en deels boeiend boek om te lezen.
Een groot deel van deze beschrijving heeft ze ontleend aan kranten en het door de politie verzamelde bewijsmateriaal. Vooral van de periode dat ze nog erg jong was. Maar ook put ze uit haar herinnering. Zelfs die van toen ze nog maar drie jaar oud was.
Uit het boek blijkt dat Carmina het niet gemakkelijk heeft gehad. Haar moeilijkste tijd was in feite de periode dat ze bij een adoptiegezin werd ondergebracht. Maar ook daarna viel het haar allemaal niet mee. Want ze kreeg te maken met indoctrinatie, met lichamelijke, maar ook met geestelijke mishandeling.
In het boek laat Carmina de wereld weten wat haar overkomen is. Ik denk dat het ook een goede uitlaatklep voor haar geweest is. Omdat ze in al de jaren daarvoor met zo goed als niemand over haar lot heeft kunnen praten.
Op momenten is het boek indrukwekkend, maar er zijn ook delen die wat mij betreft overgeslagen hadden kunnen worden. Toch vond ik het een interessant en deels boeiend boek om te lezen.
June 22, 2024
Man, I struggled to want to pick this one up. I am a huge fan of true crime. This is such a sad, horrific story...but the way it was written just didn't do it for me. I got reallllly bored with the family history in the beginning of the book and just didn't really find it necessary. The crime and the subsequent suffering of the main character is heartbreaking. Our system, her "religion" and her family, failed her. I understand why she would want to tell her story and I hope it helped her find some version of closure (if that's even possible). I wish we could know if she is ok now...because I don't feel like she was ok at the end of the book. She survived the crime, but I want to know that she survived her life and is ok. Idk. Overall, I was just bored with this book, and am glad I'm finished.
February 6, 2025
I was torn between rating this book as a 3 or 4 star book. It was well written and if you are a fan of true crime books you may rate it closer to a 4 star, but if you are not a fan or you just pick this up to see what it’s about you may find it a very emotionally hard to stay with and read completely. The true story of Carmina Salcido surviving her father’s murderous rampage wiping out her family and then the aftermath of being with people who for the most part physically and emotionally abused her may be too much for some readers. The writing is authentic and will pull true crime readers who want the complete story behind the news headlines into the story. If you stay with the book to the end, you may come away with hope that Carmina may find happiness, peace, and love in the future because she definitely deserves all three.
November 3, 2017
Het voelt een beetje gek om zo’n tragisch verhaal weinig sterren te geven, maar het is natuurlijk niet de gebeurtenis die wordt beoordeeld, maar het boek op zichzelf. Het boek was met momenten zelfs wat oninteressant. Misschien lag het aan de iets teveel omgevingsomschrijvingen en verwijzingen naar plekken die ik, als Nederlandse, nog nooit heb bezocht. Het voelde als een ‘ver van mijn bed show’ alhoewel ik het ook interessant vond om meer te lezen over dit gebied en de problematiek met immigranten die er heerst. Het laatste gedeelte van het boek, waarin de schrijfster schrijft over haar persoonlijke worstelingen, trekt mij daarom veel meer.
October 28, 2021
I really had a hard time with this story. I didn't like the italicized portions, nor did I believe that Carmina at less then 3 years old, would have remembered anything about her time with her parents. Further, there was just too much stuff left out, did Ramon ever give a reason? Was the prosecution able to say that Ramon molested her aunts? Was there any money left in the trust?
It was an ok book, just not a great true crime book.
I think that has to do with her age at the time of the murders.
This is another "true crime" book that really did NOT need to be written.
It was an ok book, just not a great true crime book.
I think that has to do with her age at the time of the murders.
This is another "true crime" book that really did NOT need to be written.
February 8, 2024
Heartbreaking
I liked how the book gave you the facts and how it went beyond just the crime. Carmina got to tell her side and what she went through. Her life after the
crime committed against her and her family was awful for the most part. I hope and pray lots of good things will be in store for her going forward.
I liked how the book gave you the facts and how it went beyond just the crime. Carmina got to tell her side and what she went through. Her life after the
crime committed against her and her family was awful for the most part. I hope and pray lots of good things will be in store for her going forward.
December 30, 2018
This is one of those stories that truly deserves a memoir. I also don’t feel like I am deserving of writing much criticism about it. The story was well-written and enthralling. Carmina Salcido is a very strong and very brave woman. I am better for having read this book.
January 12, 2025
must read
An incredible story, great writing, and an insane story. Carmina is so real and honest in this book and the additions by Jackson describing scenes for us as the readers was a lovely narrative choice
An incredible story, great writing, and an insane story. Carmina is so real and honest in this book and the additions by Jackson describing scenes for us as the readers was a lovely narrative choice
July 30, 2017
an interesting book ,with the details of an awful crime . 7 people killed by one man because of rage.
April 10, 2019
Religion: mysticism and emotion. Sad. But nothing more.
August 28, 2019
Quick read. Horrific story. I sure hope Carmina is doing well now.
August 2, 2020
Wow what a story!!! I can't imagine what this author went through and I am hoping it was helpful to write it all down. She went through hell and then some.
July 31, 2021
Hoeveel heeft zij doorstaan in haar jonge leven. Sterke vrouw!!
March 28, 2022
God bless Carmina.I have never forgotten this story since I heard about it,nor will I ever forget.So sad for every person whom her father killed.Will never know how he could do such a horrible thing.All innocent victims.
June 30, 2022
That was extraordinarily depressing.
February 27, 2024
Lost but not forgotten
I liked the strange reality of surviving a murder but still losing a meaningful life. She is still on her road of recovery hoping to find happiness.
I liked the strange reality of surviving a murder but still losing a meaningful life. She is still on her road of recovery hoping to find happiness.
March 2, 2024
Not lost forever
Well written….. didn’t try to sugar coat any of it. Heartbreaking but I believe Carmina is very strong and will make her loved ones and herself proud!
Well written….. didn’t try to sugar coat any of it. Heartbreaking but I believe Carmina is very strong and will make her loved ones and herself proud!
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