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I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Science Fiction (2023), Nominee for Readers' Favorite Debut Novel (2023)Dept. of Speculation meets Black Mirror in this lyrical, speculative debut about a queer mother raising her daughter in an unjust surveillance state.
In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.
Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh realities of the world. She can’t forget her wife, but with time, she can make a new life for herself and the kid, supported by a community of fellow misfits who defy the Department to lift one another up in solidarity and hope.
With a first-person register reminiscent of the fierce self-disclosure of Sheila Heti and the poetic precision of Ocean Vuong, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a bold debut novel that examines the long shadow of grief, the hard work of parenting, and the power of queer resistance.
Duration: 8 hours 29 minutes.
In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.
Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh realities of the world. She can’t forget her wife, but with time, she can make a new life for herself and the kid, supported by a community of fellow misfits who defy the Department to lift one another up in solidarity and hope.
With a first-person register reminiscent of the fierce self-disclosure of Sheila Heti and the poetic precision of Ocean Vuong, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a bold debut novel that examines the long shadow of grief, the hard work of parenting, and the power of queer resistance.
Duration: 8 hours 29 minutes.
9 pages, Audible Audio
First published January 17, 2023
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49941 people want to read
About the author
Marisa Crane
17 books266 followersMac Crane is an American writer. Their debut novel I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself won the Lambda Literary Award for LGBTQ Speculative Fiction.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,509 reviews
January 25, 2023
I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself by Marisa Crane (they/she) is an incisive portrayal of one family trying to survive the clutches of a government that resembles Big Brother.
Set in the near future, the government has found a new way to deal with crime. Instead of incarcerating people, the government dispenses extra shadows for each infraction of the law. It’s a very right-wing leaning government that offers scant civil rights to offenders, or as they’re known in this world: shadesters.
Kris and her newborn daughter, whom she calls the kid, both have a second shadow. Kris’s wife Beau died in childbirth, leaving Kris to grapple with the grief of losing her while finding joy in raising their daughter.
There’s not much of a plot in this novel; it’s more character-driven. It follows this family and their close friends as the kid grows up and starts questioning the injustices of this world. The narrative voice is slightly unusual, in the second person, with Kris speaking directly to Beau.
There are no distinct chapters, but there are frequent breaks in the text.
Even though this novel deals with darker themes, like loss, grief, and shame, it also balances the story with humour and joy. The writing style is both accessible and insightful. It’s deceptively simple yet packs a big punch.
Initially, I struggled with this book’s lack of a plot, but once I decided to read a few sections at a time, I appreciated it a lot more.
If you enjoy speculative fiction, I highly recommend giving this debut author a try.
Thank you to Catapult for providing an arc via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
https://booksandwheels.com
Set in the near future, the government has found a new way to deal with crime. Instead of incarcerating people, the government dispenses extra shadows for each infraction of the law. It’s a very right-wing leaning government that offers scant civil rights to offenders, or as they’re known in this world: shadesters.
Kris and her newborn daughter, whom she calls the kid, both have a second shadow. Kris’s wife Beau died in childbirth, leaving Kris to grapple with the grief of losing her while finding joy in raising their daughter.
There’s not much of a plot in this novel; it’s more character-driven. It follows this family and their close friends as the kid grows up and starts questioning the injustices of this world. The narrative voice is slightly unusual, in the second person, with Kris speaking directly to Beau.
There are no distinct chapters, but there are frequent breaks in the text.
Even though this novel deals with darker themes, like loss, grief, and shame, it also balances the story with humour and joy. The writing style is both accessible and insightful. It’s deceptively simple yet packs a big punch.
Initially, I struggled with this book’s lack of a plot, but once I decided to read a few sections at a time, I appreciated it a lot more.
If you enjoy speculative fiction, I highly recommend giving this debut author a try.
Thank you to Catapult for providing an arc via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
https://booksandwheels.com
January 26, 2023
Absolutely a 4.5 — creative, smart, thought-provoking. This is just a really interesting book I’ll be thinking about for a while.
What an interesting story — if you paired the dystopian feel of The Women Could Fly with the sapphic relationship and emotionality of Our Wives Under The Sea, with the structure of No One Is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood, this would be that book. It's The Scarlet Letter, if every tired mom who accidentally dropped their baby was given a scarlet A.
Kris is now a single mother to a daughter after her wife dies in childbirth. Kris has been given a shadow by the Department of Balance, a weird government-adjacent organization that doles out shadows to anyone they believe has committed a crime — moral or otherwise. Whoever receives a shadow has to face a slew of consequences: A public ceremony where they receive their shadows while people heckle/harass them, extra taxes on every purchase they make, full-time surveillance in their own homes, difficulty in finding jobs and apartments, restrictions on gathering as a group. There is no removing a shadow once you have it, and there is a lot of stigma in society about associating with people who have them. The story kicks off when Kris' infant daughter receives a shadow as punishment for her mother's death in childbirth. This is the reader's first taste of the type of moral judgements the Department of Balance gives out. And of course there is a dictatorial autocratic president at the helm of the country who has thrown his full support behind the Department Of Balance.
This was a fascinating story of grief, shame and guilt, difficult family relationships, and queer resistance. I really just found it to be so well-executed. While they are similar in many ways, the Department Of Balance is a very extreme version of our justice system in America, so I found this book more poignant as it discusses shame and guilt, as opposed to crime and punishment.
But I couldn't recommend this book more highly especially for anyone who likes Black Mirror or dystopian stories. A story that is easy to read, creatively formatted (there are word searches in this!), and has biting commentary that made me think.
What an interesting story — if you paired the dystopian feel of The Women Could Fly with the sapphic relationship and emotionality of Our Wives Under The Sea, with the structure of No One Is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood, this would be that book. It's The Scarlet Letter, if every tired mom who accidentally dropped their baby was given a scarlet A.
Kris is now a single mother to a daughter after her wife dies in childbirth. Kris has been given a shadow by the Department of Balance, a weird government-adjacent organization that doles out shadows to anyone they believe has committed a crime — moral or otherwise. Whoever receives a shadow has to face a slew of consequences: A public ceremony where they receive their shadows while people heckle/harass them, extra taxes on every purchase they make, full-time surveillance in their own homes, difficulty in finding jobs and apartments, restrictions on gathering as a group. There is no removing a shadow once you have it, and there is a lot of stigma in society about associating with people who have them. The story kicks off when Kris' infant daughter receives a shadow as punishment for her mother's death in childbirth. This is the reader's first taste of the type of moral judgements the Department of Balance gives out. And of course there is a dictatorial autocratic president at the helm of the country who has thrown his full support behind the Department Of Balance.
This was a fascinating story of grief, shame and guilt, difficult family relationships, and queer resistance. I really just found it to be so well-executed. While they are similar in many ways, the Department Of Balance is a very extreme version of our justice system in America, so I found this book more poignant as it discusses shame and guilt, as opposed to crime and punishment.
But I couldn't recommend this book more highly especially for anyone who likes Black Mirror or dystopian stories. A story that is easy to read, creatively formatted (there are word searches in this!), and has biting commentary that made me think.
February 1, 2023
This book disappointed me. Given all the strong ratings I truly expected something better.
The story is good but the writing could be a lot tighter. For example, dozens of pages are spent describing sex sessions, which is fine even fun but only if they really move the story and all but the first one or two don’t. (For the record, I could care less that it was lesbian or BDSM sex, there’s too much pointless description that adds nothing.)
On the flip side, the authors take on grief felt very real and sadly accurate (reinforces my belief it never hurts less, just less frequently…). The reality of being an outsider, being born into an unjust situation supported by unjust authorities, being marginalized, persecuted, looked down on, with no way out…well done and all too real.
The phrases ‘the kid’, ‘pop quiz’, and ‘bonus question’ will now irk me forever. I hope never to hear any of them again. Like the sex text, overused to the point of annoyance and without any purpose relative to the story.
The title and the repeating of creatures with exoskeletons didn’t connect for me at all. I assume I missed some significance to the main characters childhood quirk of repeating these lists.
Overall, meh.
The story is good but the writing could be a lot tighter. For example, dozens of pages are spent describing sex sessions, which is fine even fun but only if they really move the story and all but the first one or two don’t. (For the record, I could care less that it was lesbian or BDSM sex, there’s too much pointless description that adds nothing.)
On the flip side, the authors take on grief felt very real and sadly accurate (reinforces my belief it never hurts less, just less frequently…). The reality of being an outsider, being born into an unjust situation supported by unjust authorities, being marginalized, persecuted, looked down on, with no way out…well done and all too real.
The phrases ‘the kid’, ‘pop quiz’, and ‘bonus question’ will now irk me forever. I hope never to hear any of them again. Like the sex text, overused to the point of annoyance and without any purpose relative to the story.
The title and the repeating of creatures with exoskeletons didn’t connect for me at all. I assume I missed some significance to the main characters childhood quirk of repeating these lists.
Overall, meh.
March 14, 2023
1.5/5✨ rounded up to 2/5 for Goodreads
📇Review
This book is the epitome of had potential and wasted it. I started out loving this, the prose, the allegory, the exploration of grief. But the further we got, the more frustrated I became with the MC.
The primary thing that ground my gears was her parenting style which was beyond lacklustre at best, and given the allegory being explored and being sold as the central premise of the book (the references to how POC have to raise their children due to the fear of them getting hurt etc.), the fact that the MC did not actually parent her child was infuriating.
Not only did she not discipline or actively raise her child in any way, but she also let a >10 year old constantly challenge the government— which it was established was not only watching them at all times but was willing to kill with impunity. So many of the MC’s parenting choices felt wildly unrealistic to me and also reinforced how little is understood of how POC are forced to raise their children in ways that can sometimes dull their spirit in order to keep them safe.
As we progressed, I just got increasingly more incredulous and, in turn, angrier at the MC, the decisions she was making, and what I viewed as her general refusal to actually parent beyond trying to be the kind of parent that her child likes, which is absurd to me since the point of parenting is to prepare you for the world and the MC was not doing that.
Pop Quiz
Q: name me a single functional parent who would be chill with finding their 8-9 year-old skipping school and smoking weed with friends?
A: none
Overall I found myself teetering between 1 and 2 stars for this one but settled on 1.5. Had this book just been Part 1, it would have been 3.5-4 stars.
📇Review
This book is the epitome of had potential and wasted it. I started out loving this, the prose, the allegory, the exploration of grief. But the further we got, the more frustrated I became with the MC.
The primary thing that ground my gears was her parenting style which was beyond lacklustre at best, and given the allegory being explored and being sold as the central premise of the book (the references to how POC have to raise their children due to the fear of them getting hurt etc.), the fact that the MC did not actually parent her child was infuriating.
Not only did she not discipline or actively raise her child in any way, but she also let a >10 year old constantly challenge the government— which it was established was not only watching them at all times but was willing to kill with impunity. So many of the MC’s parenting choices felt wildly unrealistic to me and also reinforced how little is understood of how POC are forced to raise their children in ways that can sometimes dull their spirit in order to keep them safe.
As we progressed, I just got increasingly more incredulous and, in turn, angrier at the MC, the decisions she was making, and what I viewed as her general refusal to actually parent beyond trying to be the kind of parent that her child likes, which is absurd to me since the point of parenting is to prepare you for the world and the MC was not doing that.
Pop Quiz
Q: name me a single functional parent who would be chill with finding their 8-9 year-old skipping school and smoking weed with friends?
A: none
Overall I found myself teetering between 1 and 2 stars for this one but settled on 1.5. Had this book just been Part 1, it would have been 3.5-4 stars.
July 22, 2023
"I don't want to rate this because I was so disappointed" - me, for the past 3 days
I was so excited for this book. When our power went out earlier this week, I thought "yes!! an evening of reading Exoskeletons!!". And then I finished it out of spite and frustration and now we're here.
The book is written from Kris' first perspective perspective to her now-deceased wife, Beau. Beau died in childbirth and "the kid" she birthed was given a second shadow. Shadows, in this society, are doled out to those who seriously injure another person. They replace prisons, instead tarnishing people for life with higher taxes, housing and work restrictions, and other overt forms of discrimination.
Amazing concept, right? Given that we now live in a world where our digital past can be dug up (or fabricated), held against us, and result in social punishment outside of a court of law, I was really interested in what this book had to say. But all the insights felt shallow, vaguely reminding me of simplistic instagram infographics that use the right words but don't actually get into the details of a social issue. I also found the exploration of kink alongside these themes really jarring and frustrating. I think I was looking for a story with some meat, but instead got a series of disjointed vignettes against a backdrop of this shadow system.
While this is a 2-star read for me, I actually have multiple friends I would recommend this to because I think they would like it. Maybe you know who you are. But if you don't: recommended if you're interested in very overt discussions of oppression through a modern queer lens, don't mind highly experimental writing, and don't mind losing out on the sci-fi social commentary that I found lacking.
More thoughts here: https://youtu.be/7rhiwvWp9YY
I was so excited for this book. When our power went out earlier this week, I thought "yes!! an evening of reading Exoskeletons!!". And then I finished it out of spite and frustration and now we're here.
The book is written from Kris' first perspective perspective to her now-deceased wife, Beau. Beau died in childbirth and "the kid" she birthed was given a second shadow. Shadows, in this society, are doled out to those who seriously injure another person. They replace prisons, instead tarnishing people for life with higher taxes, housing and work restrictions, and other overt forms of discrimination.
Amazing concept, right? Given that we now live in a world where our digital past can be dug up (or fabricated), held against us, and result in social punishment outside of a court of law, I was really interested in what this book had to say. But all the insights felt shallow, vaguely reminding me of simplistic instagram infographics that use the right words but don't actually get into the details of a social issue. I also found the exploration of kink alongside these themes really jarring and frustrating. I think I was looking for a story with some meat, but instead got a series of disjointed vignettes against a backdrop of this shadow system.
While this is a 2-star read for me, I actually have multiple friends I would recommend this to because I think they would like it. Maybe you know who you are. But if you don't: recommended if you're interested in very overt discussions of oppression through a modern queer lens, don't mind highly experimental writing, and don't mind losing out on the sci-fi social commentary that I found lacking.
More thoughts here: https://youtu.be/7rhiwvWp9YY
June 28, 2023
DNF!
Pop quiz. Question. How did this book get so many 5 star reviews?
Pop quiz. Question. How did this book get so many 5 star reviews?
Read
April 27, 2023I am not rating this book since I DNF'd at 25% and don't rate books that I don't finish.
This book made me think of "Our Wives Under The Sea"- Julia Armfield. But where I loved that one, this one didn't work for me. Both books had a supernatural element, both books dealt with grief and loss of a spouse, both books featured a lesbian couple.
"Our wives..." had characters I connected with, but "Exoskeletons..." characters were less likeable/ relatable to me. Neither book had a very compelling plot, both were much more character driven, so to enjoy it, I needed to really care what happened to the characters and I just didn't really care about Kris and Beau's story.
"Our Wives..." had more traditional, yet very poetic writing that I really enjoyed. "...Exoskeletons..." writing was very much stream of consciousness meanderings that covered all manner of subjects and really kept me at a remove- my mind just kept drifting off to other things.
I would recommend this book to someone who likes introspective, stream of consciousness writing that is more character study than plotted novel.
This book made me think of "Our Wives Under The Sea"- Julia Armfield. But where I loved that one, this one didn't work for me. Both books had a supernatural element, both books dealt with grief and loss of a spouse, both books featured a lesbian couple.
"Our wives..." had characters I connected with, but "Exoskeletons..." characters were less likeable/ relatable to me. Neither book had a very compelling plot, both were much more character driven, so to enjoy it, I needed to really care what happened to the characters and I just didn't really care about Kris and Beau's story.
"Our Wives..." had more traditional, yet very poetic writing that I really enjoyed. "...Exoskeletons..." writing was very much stream of consciousness meanderings that covered all manner of subjects and really kept me at a remove- my mind just kept drifting off to other things.
I would recommend this book to someone who likes introspective, stream of consciousness writing that is more character study than plotted novel.
April 19, 2024
I am left with such mixed feelings. The writing is beautiful. The story did what the author wanted it to do. However, it was not the story I thought I was getting.
The plot summary: A woman navigates grief while raising her child alone in an authoritarian nation that criminalizes otherness while monetizing that criminalization. That is what I expected but how we traversed this story is not what I was prepared for (and for me in an unpleasant way.) It didn't help that I started to intensely disliking our protagonist at the 75% point.
The tale was told in second person with the protagonist talking to their late spouse, a little like The Fifth Season. (No spoiler, the entire story is told from this perspective.)
Spiciness: Thai 5 star, not for the prudish
Be prepared: Grief is portrayed in all of its visceral, raw details. It is the path this story walks and it is brutal in places.
The plot summary: A woman navigates grief while raising her child alone in an authoritarian nation that criminalizes otherness while monetizing that criminalization. That is what I expected but how we traversed this story is not what I was prepared for (and for me in an unpleasant way.) It didn't help that I started to intensely disliking our protagonist at the 75% point.
The tale was told in second person with the protagonist talking to their late spouse, a little like The Fifth Season. (No spoiler, the entire story is told from this perspective.)
Spiciness: Thai 5 star, not for the prudish
Be prepared: Grief is portrayed in all of its visceral, raw details. It is the path this story walks and it is brutal in places.
January 11, 2024
3:75 🌟 (rnd 🆙) — This is a prescient novel, that explores themes of self, sexuality, conformity, body image challenges, and much much more. Whilst the world-building was a little muddy, rushed & altogether far too thin, the characters are brought to life through a simple styling of prose, that’s served well by a narrative that moves at a steady pace without ever changing or getting out of step more than a handful of times, which offers the reader a comforting sense of stability amongst the deep morass that is unfolding within this surveillance-state, laden with grief, fear and self-deprecation.
This novel, while not catering to those craving an intricately mapped world, astutely captures the stolen pleasures and pervasive disquiet of a constrained existence. Kris's interiority, reflecting the jitteriness of life under trauma and surveillance, renders the intricacies of the state's workings inconsequential to the novel's enjoyment. In a masterful display of verisimilitude, Crane's narrative intertwines the struggle for queer liberation with the encroachment of legislative bigotry across America, recognizing the insidious nature of fascism and the grotesque specificity of state violence. Amidst suffering, love flourishes, networks form, and plans are made, as "I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself" poignantly meditates on the resilience found in acts of queer parenting, chosen family, forgiveness, and expansive love.
I read ‘I keep my Exoskeletons to myself’ after receiving a copy as a gift, being something I’d probably not ordinarily jump into ahead of the immense TBR pile, I picked it up and checked if it’d stick nonetheless. The outcome, clearly — was that it most definitely stuck, carving out the hours to be completed in 3 sessions. I love to be surprised and the literary world continually throws curves at me, whilst this one is not going to be my read of the year or month, it is something I am appreciative of and that serves the growth of my own personal canon.
This novel, while not catering to those craving an intricately mapped world, astutely captures the stolen pleasures and pervasive disquiet of a constrained existence. Kris's interiority, reflecting the jitteriness of life under trauma and surveillance, renders the intricacies of the state's workings inconsequential to the novel's enjoyment. In a masterful display of verisimilitude, Crane's narrative intertwines the struggle for queer liberation with the encroachment of legislative bigotry across America, recognizing the insidious nature of fascism and the grotesque specificity of state violence. Amidst suffering, love flourishes, networks form, and plans are made, as "I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself" poignantly meditates on the resilience found in acts of queer parenting, chosen family, forgiveness, and expansive love.
I read ‘I keep my Exoskeletons to myself’ after receiving a copy as a gift, being something I’d probably not ordinarily jump into ahead of the immense TBR pile, I picked it up and checked if it’d stick nonetheless. The outcome, clearly — was that it most definitely stuck, carving out the hours to be completed in 3 sessions. I love to be surprised and the literary world continually throws curves at me, whilst this one is not going to be my read of the year or month, it is something I am appreciative of and that serves the growth of my own personal canon.
February 3, 2024
Remarkable book. I went slow on this one because it merited a mindfulness. On its surface, the book is a dystopian Big Brother cautionary tale. Instead of prison, the government now punishes criminals by giving them additional shadows and does it on a public stage like old time executions. The people with extra shadows lose many of their human rights permanently and are continuously monitored by men in black suits who pound on doors at any given time. Even more frighteningly, the conservative government begins to give extra shadows to “others” like poc, queer people, protesters, anyone who does not fit in their boxes or think within their margins.
But within this spec fic story is a more powerful narrative about grief. Kris has just lost her wife who died giving birth to their daughter. Between being a new single parent of a baby she isn’t even sure she wanted in the first place and fighting off the black hole of sadness, she stumbles from one day to the next trying to keep them both alive. Both Kris and her baby have a second shadow. The story is told in first person pov so I felt the claustrophobia of Kris’ world getting smaller and smaller the way depression can work. But thankfully, there are also amazing supporting characters, including her daughter, who make Kris seek out that next day. A powerful book that made me ache in my heart, laugh, and want to punch something. I listened to the book on Hoopla and the narrator, Bailey Carr, hit a perfect note of quiet desperation and the strength borne of family love.
But within this spec fic story is a more powerful narrative about grief. Kris has just lost her wife who died giving birth to their daughter. Between being a new single parent of a baby she isn’t even sure she wanted in the first place and fighting off the black hole of sadness, she stumbles from one day to the next trying to keep them both alive. Both Kris and her baby have a second shadow. The story is told in first person pov so I felt the claustrophobia of Kris’ world getting smaller and smaller the way depression can work. But thankfully, there are also amazing supporting characters, including her daughter, who make Kris seek out that next day. A powerful book that made me ache in my heart, laugh, and want to punch something. I listened to the book on Hoopla and the narrator, Bailey Carr, hit a perfect note of quiet desperation and the strength borne of family love.
July 28, 2023
DNF’d at 66%
edit: did anyone else find the book anti-Semitic? Like the person who “takes over the government” and installs these hyper-invasive monitoring of citizens, strips away humans rights of the (mostly from what I can tell) white characters is a person with a stereotypical Jewish last name (-stein)? Like??? It rubbed me wrong when I read his name but I didn’t put together why immediately.
————
I am so tired of these utterly defeated, hyper emotional, inactive FMCs in literature that just let life happen to them and men explain life to them.
This is supposed to be a queer dystopian book.
The world-building is so weak.
For a character driven novel, very litle character building. Why is our MC obsessed with pop quizzes? No explanation given. Why obsessed with things with exo-skeletons? There’s a few sentences on that but I didn’t really understand it.
The metaphors are too vague- everything could be anything yet nothing.
Also, I hate Kris’ parenting style. But I can’t get into that without writing a novel on parenthood at large, specifically motherhood so I’m just not. I’ll just say that reading about a person who didn’t really want kids, having a kid, forced into single parenting, hating the kid/using the kid as a coping mechanism for grief, accepting the situation but still being a pretty lackluster parent, then being sad that the kid acts out against them isn’t compelling. In the slightest. To me at least.
Very disappointed by this book though.
edit: did anyone else find the book anti-Semitic? Like the person who “takes over the government” and installs these hyper-invasive monitoring of citizens, strips away humans rights of the (mostly from what I can tell) white characters is a person with a stereotypical Jewish last name (-stein)? Like??? It rubbed me wrong when I read his name but I didn’t put together why immediately.
————
I am so tired of these utterly defeated, hyper emotional, inactive FMCs in literature that just let life happen to them and men explain life to them.
This is supposed to be a queer dystopian book.
The world-building is so weak.
For a character driven novel, very litle character building. Why is our MC obsessed with pop quizzes? No explanation given. Why obsessed with things with exo-skeletons? There’s a few sentences on that but I didn’t really understand it.
The metaphors are too vague- everything could be anything yet nothing.
Also, I hate Kris’ parenting style. But I can’t get into that without writing a novel on parenthood at large, specifically motherhood so I’m just not. I’ll just say that reading about a person who didn’t really want kids, having a kid, forced into single parenting, hating the kid/using the kid as a coping mechanism for grief, accepting the situation but still being a pretty lackluster parent, then being sad that the kid acts out against them isn’t compelling. In the slightest. To me at least.
Very disappointed by this book though.
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May 8, 2023
In a near-United States not quite unlike ours, rule-breaking people are given second shadows to mark them forever for their crimes. And third- and fourth- and fifth-, a shadow added for each infraction. Kris is a newly made mother with a second shadow, her daughter given a second shadow from birth. Grieving the loss of her wife, Kris raises her kid as best she can—trying to find life in a world that wants to strip her humanity away.
What is it about me and 2023 reading where I'm all about books that focus on humanity and hate: who is left behind, who is dehumanized, who goes "forward" and why.
The shadow-addition is an allegory for felony crimes, except the stain of prison is made permanent, affecting everything a person touches. Extra visible, just in case you didn't get the hint of how there is very little rehabilitation when perpetual retribution is available, allowing for discrimination at every turn.
I particularly liked the cameras everywhere—the notion of being watched always. When you eat, when you poop, when you fuck or masturbate, every single moment is captured and the normalization of being watched and possibly found wanting at every moment—doubly scrutinized if you are "deviant" in any way. Crane merely takes a step to the right of today, in a world that feels all too believable.
Anywho, this is a book about finding and forgiving yourself for your past mistakes. About single parenthood and life and queerness and discrimination and living. About finding family—both family of blood and family of finding. About constantly fighting for dignity in a world determined to crush you.
What is it about me and 2023 reading where I'm all about books that focus on humanity and hate: who is left behind, who is dehumanized, who goes "forward" and why.
The shadow-addition is an allegory for felony crimes, except the stain of prison is made permanent, affecting everything a person touches. Extra visible, just in case you didn't get the hint of how there is very little rehabilitation when perpetual retribution is available, allowing for discrimination at every turn.
I particularly liked the cameras everywhere—the notion of being watched always. When you eat, when you poop, when you fuck or masturbate, every single moment is captured and the normalization of being watched and possibly found wanting at every moment—doubly scrutinized if you are "deviant" in any way. Crane merely takes a step to the right of today, in a world that feels all too believable.
Anywho, this is a book about finding and forgiving yourself for your past mistakes. About single parenthood and life and queerness and discrimination and living. About finding family—both family of blood and family of finding. About constantly fighting for dignity in a world determined to crush you.
November 13, 2022
Inventive, tender, and honest. This book is queer and vivid all the way through, and approaches parenthood from a truly vulnerable lens. I loved it as a speculative work and found the prose to be so gorgeous!
Following our narrator in the aftermath of their wife's death as they raise their child, this story dives deep into the perils of a society run by second shadows. This book was unlike anything I've ever read, and it entranced me from the start. If you're looking for something with humor and joy that will also pack an emotional punch, pick this one up immediately.
Following our narrator in the aftermath of their wife's death as they raise their child, this story dives deep into the perils of a society run by second shadows. This book was unlike anything I've ever read, and it entranced me from the start. If you're looking for something with humor and joy that will also pack an emotional punch, pick this one up immediately.
April 1, 2023
Kind of feels like if Twitter political discourse wrote a book.
November 29, 2022
This novel contains a multitude of messages, all delivered through narrative, yet crystal clear. The writing is tender, whip-smart, funny, and painfully real, immersing the reader in the heartaches, joys, fears, and anxieties of the characters. The author takes satirical jabs at every systemic bedrock of inequality, exposing the failings of the carceral state, the surveillance state, all the ways in which control is packaged as "keeping us safe," even the failed role of shame itself. Punishment doesn't lead to rehabilitation, but rather to discrimination and isolation.
The author tackles head-on the entire societal system of "othering" as it applies to race, ethnicity, class, and most especially to the queer community. The burden of wearing the scarlet Q can wear down even the most self-contained, and the prejudice comes in microaggressions, insults, violence, and even state-sanctioned harm. A person who is in constant readiness for any level of assault starts the day already exhausted, yet is expected to function uncomplainingly and politely in a society which bristles at them just for existing. Add to this the need for connection, for family, for protection and safety, for the feeling of home in other people.
Through the experiences of the main character, we feel what it's like to be queer in a world where your core relationships are constantly defined by others as nonstandard, even abnormal or undesirable. Those who had never really considered the harm they might cause you with their votes, approach you, not to redeem themselves with any real action, but to ask you to absolve them so they won't feel any guilt. Interactions with everyone from medical staff to government employees to service workers can be a minefield, since queer people can never know in advance how others will react to them.
The most engaging part of the story centers on the precocious child, the truthteller extraordinaire. She is wise and petulant, and refuses to think of herself as inferior to anyone. Her irascibility seems completely justified. She will not cower quietly in the face of a system which seeks to silence or disrespect her. (True to my own experience, kids can be cruel, but parents and teachers are often worse.)
There is no way to adequately describe the quality of the writing, which is sharp, and true and just so perfect at times that it takes your breath away. Thank you to Catapult Press and #NetGalley for providing an early copy for review.
The author tackles head-on the entire societal system of "othering" as it applies to race, ethnicity, class, and most especially to the queer community. The burden of wearing the scarlet Q can wear down even the most self-contained, and the prejudice comes in microaggressions, insults, violence, and even state-sanctioned harm. A person who is in constant readiness for any level of assault starts the day already exhausted, yet is expected to function uncomplainingly and politely in a society which bristles at them just for existing. Add to this the need for connection, for family, for protection and safety, for the feeling of home in other people.
Through the experiences of the main character, we feel what it's like to be queer in a world where your core relationships are constantly defined by others as nonstandard, even abnormal or undesirable. Those who had never really considered the harm they might cause you with their votes, approach you, not to redeem themselves with any real action, but to ask you to absolve them so they won't feel any guilt. Interactions with everyone from medical staff to government employees to service workers can be a minefield, since queer people can never know in advance how others will react to them.
The most engaging part of the story centers on the precocious child, the truthteller extraordinaire. She is wise and petulant, and refuses to think of herself as inferior to anyone. Her irascibility seems completely justified. She will not cower quietly in the face of a system which seeks to silence or disrespect her. (True to my own experience, kids can be cruel, but parents and teachers are often worse.)
There is no way to adequately describe the quality of the writing, which is sharp, and true and just so perfect at times that it takes your breath away. Thank you to Catapult Press and #NetGalley for providing an early copy for review.
July 12, 2023
The first I want to say 50% of this book were 5 stars, beautifully written and emotionally powerful. Then it became mostly about tedious stuff the kid did and I was just bored with it. Great setting but ultimately nothing was really done with it and given the lack of plot and the fact that so much of the book was focused on the "actions" of the kid that seemed to be a cross between Sheldon Cooper and the edgy my little pony character but without any of the charm I wish I had stopped reading halfway through and stayed with how amazing the first part was.
Netural 2.5 rounded up.
Netural 2.5 rounded up.
November 28, 2023
I’m going to be honest, I really did not like this book when it started.
For starters, there’s no chapters. Yes I still lay here dying on that hill.
Secondly, it’s very stream of consciousness style. On the plus side, you get an excellent sense of the narrator and a close up of her feelings about everything. (It has a strong sense of voice, in other words. Kris is a unique, fleshed out character.)
On the down side, there’s no sense of how much time has passed from any one vignette to the next. Clues are given entirely from context until she says “so and so is 9 now,” but by then they’ve been nine for like, awhile.
But I’ll be damned if it didn’t grow on me, right around the time Bear calls Siegfried “Zig Zag”.
It can be kind of depressing through out? But there is a note of hope holding it all together and it delivered on the mostly HEA.
“I keep my exoskeletons to myself” is what I’m going to go around shouting when I’m mad probably until the end of time, now.
Great book, even if I wish its format and structure had been a little more traditional in the end.
For starters, there’s no chapters. Yes I still lay here dying on that hill.
Secondly, it’s very stream of consciousness style. On the plus side, you get an excellent sense of the narrator and a close up of her feelings about everything. (It has a strong sense of voice, in other words. Kris is a unique, fleshed out character.)
On the down side, there’s no sense of how much time has passed from any one vignette to the next. Clues are given entirely from context until she says “so and so is 9 now,” but by then they’ve been nine for like, awhile.
But I’ll be damned if it didn’t grow on me, right around the time Bear calls Siegfried “Zig Zag”.
It can be kind of depressing through out? But there is a note of hope holding it all together and it delivered on the mostly HEA.
“I keep my exoskeletons to myself” is what I’m going to go around shouting when I’m mad probably until the end of time, now.
Great book, even if I wish its format and structure had been a little more traditional in the end.
February 23, 2024
This was the most unusual book that I’ve ever read , it intrigued me and I kept listening.
Things I liked:
The narrator, Bailey Carr, was excellent
“The Kid”was an excellent character and we do not find out her name until the end of the book. Which for me made her and Kris’s relationship distant which was the authors point I think.
The philosophy throughout was very interesting
The storyline of putting a shadow on a person who committed a crime or was wrongly accused of a crime and singled out. This was a very intriguing idea on what to do with criminals.
The first person POV , enhanced the story
What I didn’t like:
Kris, the main character, I could not relate to at all and since she was the main part of the story I had a hard time liking it more. I especially didn’t like her BDSM actions and what happened because of them.
I know several other friends have this 5⭐️ and I can appreciate their thoughts on this one.
Things I liked:
The narrator, Bailey Carr, was excellent
“The Kid”was an excellent character and we do not find out her name until the end of the book. Which for me made her and Kris’s relationship distant which was the authors point I think.
The philosophy throughout was very interesting
The storyline of putting a shadow on a person who committed a crime or was wrongly accused of a crime and singled out. This was a very intriguing idea on what to do with criminals.
The first person POV , enhanced the story
What I didn’t like:
Kris, the main character, I could not relate to at all and since she was the main part of the story I had a hard time liking it more. I especially didn’t like her BDSM actions and what happened because of them.
I know several other friends have this 5⭐️ and I can appreciate their thoughts on this one.
January 19, 2024
I really struggled with this book. I almost DNFed at 25%. Ultimately, I did finish it, and I am glad I did because I think the final act was my favorite part of the story. However, I think the title and cover set me up with expectations of what this book would be which were very different than what the book actually delivered. This is not science fiction- despite the fact it was nominated in the science fiction category in the Goodreads Choice Awards. It is only barely speculative. This is a book about grief, depression, and parenting a baby and then a young child as a single mom struggling with loss and borderline alcoholism. There were passages of the book which struck hard, individual observations and lines which rang like bells. There is also nearly no plot and I was frustrated by the lack of world building. I wanted to know more about the laws governing extra shadows- were Shadesters allowed to vote, hold passports, travel across state lines? Had anyone experimented with the removal of Shadows? When and how did cameras get installed in apparently every home in American, and how did the government hire and pay for a workforce of seemingly 1:1 surveillance agents to citizens? Also, how on earth did Kris manage to pay for a whole apartment on a single salary working a call center job, especially when as a Shadester she had to pay extra taxes? I understand that this is literary fiction, and these questions are obviously not the ones the book was interested in answering. But it felt strange to me that a book so focused on parenting would not include a single passage about struggling to pay for or arrange childcare. The "pop quizzes" that break up the text did not work well in audio, and did not add anything to my experience of this book. Ultimately, I would only recommend this novel to a vary narrow audience of readers who enjoy lit fic, and are willing to spend a lot of time in the POV of a character teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown through much of the story.
November 9, 2022
I saw another reader talk about this book as an experience in their review, and oh god yes, I agree. This book was an experience for me; a profound one that shifted some plates in my geography. As a new parent, as a queer person, as a human being filled with old and new shame and grief and desire; whew. This book, this book, this BOOK.
Crane's prose is the rare type of beautiful that hurts to touch. I underlined so many lines and would have returned to them except I think they live in my brain now. And the characters are painfully real, gorgeously flawed. Kris (and the kid's) story of survival, dignity, and loss is something I moved through with them. They felt entirely real, and they chipped away at me until I had nowhere to hide by the end. I was in tears.
If this review is erratic it's because I have too much to say and am on such little sleep. Just thank you, M Crane, for this place to visit, for this story. It's something so special.
Crane's prose is the rare type of beautiful that hurts to touch. I underlined so many lines and would have returned to them except I think they live in my brain now. And the characters are painfully real, gorgeously flawed. Kris (and the kid's) story of survival, dignity, and loss is something I moved through with them. They felt entirely real, and they chipped away at me until I had nowhere to hide by the end. I was in tears.
If this review is erratic it's because I have too much to say and am on such little sleep. Just thank you, M Crane, for this place to visit, for this story. It's something so special.
June 9, 2023
First time reading review: I couldn’t put this book down once I started and pretty much blew through it. I love the originality of the idea: the government has decided that instead of prison you get another shadow every time you commit a crime. There are higher taxes for these people, a general shunning by society, the taking away of freedoms. The story is written from the point of view of Kris, a recent widow trying to raise her infant. It’s an exploration of how to live with yourself, of motherhood, of how to protect your kid when you have no clue how. How to love again, how to live in a world that actively hates you.
I was caught off guard by how deeply the story moved me, seeing as how I’m not a widow or a mother, but the color of my skin has caused more than one incident that might as well have been taking place on a stage, the way the people living in this fictional world are humiliated in public when they receive their shadows. I loved the way this story was told, it was unique, and so was this fictionalized version of America.
Second time reading review: This is the second time I’ve read this book this year. I think what draws me back is the idea that while the idea of extra shadows per crime is pure science fiction, it’s not that far-fetched. Look at the DeSantis-type charmers of the world and tell me if they could give minorities, LGBTQA+ people, and anyone living on the fringes an easy way to universally single them out, that they wouldn’t. Bear simply dared to be born the child of two women and earned a shadow the second she took her first breath. She’s forever marked as less than, someone to avoid, a feral child who clearly has and will have a terrible upbringing. Judgment all before anything’s even happened yet.
When you live a life of being intensely aware of every part of you that makes you different, you eventually get so worn down that it’s your normal. It becomes not normal again only when someone on the outside points it out. And then gee, thanks, I hadn’t noticed that certain things really fucking suck because I live in a place my skin color makes me an Other.
Where I don’t relate to the book is the kink aspect, but it was certainly interesting. SPOILERS: While it isn’t for me, again, it’s the idea that Kris did something accidentally while engaging in a normal, consensual practice, but because she dared to love someone with the same physical parts as her, it was an instant shadow. I admit, I held my breath for a lot of the book when I read it the first time, wondering if Bear would be taken away. In this second reading, I paid more attention to Zig Zag, Dune, and Julian. Zig Zag was a major element that wrecked me both the first time and now, because I wish he would have been able to come around to telling Kris on his own why he was given a shadow. The fact that Bear saw him first outside of their apartment guts me, but it was her spark. The kind of flame that burns from a spark like that never goes out and only grows more intense. That kid is going to be the voice of a revolution, and I worry about her. (A fictional child…)
I would like to thank Dune and Julian for being two of the best emotionally supportive/stable people ever. They are a healthy couple, and it was fun to see them through Kris’s eyes as she slowly got to know them through the wall, and ultimately in person.
This isn’t a happy book, but it can be funny. I literally laughed so hard I had to put the book down at one point involving explaining insemination to a child, but it was a delightful moment. I’ve read some arguments that Bear is too advanced for her age, but when you’re born at the bottom, sometimes you have no choice but to learn how to navigate the world as an adult and like an adult, starting too young.
I was caught off guard by how deeply the story moved me, seeing as how I’m not a widow or a mother, but the color of my skin has caused more than one incident that might as well have been taking place on a stage, the way the people living in this fictional world are humiliated in public when they receive their shadows. I loved the way this story was told, it was unique, and so was this fictionalized version of America.
Second time reading review: This is the second time I’ve read this book this year. I think what draws me back is the idea that while the idea of extra shadows per crime is pure science fiction, it’s not that far-fetched. Look at the DeSantis-type charmers of the world and tell me if they could give minorities, LGBTQA+ people, and anyone living on the fringes an easy way to universally single them out, that they wouldn’t. Bear simply dared to be born the child of two women and earned a shadow the second she took her first breath. She’s forever marked as less than, someone to avoid, a feral child who clearly has and will have a terrible upbringing. Judgment all before anything’s even happened yet.
When you live a life of being intensely aware of every part of you that makes you different, you eventually get so worn down that it’s your normal. It becomes not normal again only when someone on the outside points it out. And then gee, thanks, I hadn’t noticed that certain things really fucking suck because I live in a place my skin color makes me an Other.
Where I don’t relate to the book is the kink aspect, but it was certainly interesting. SPOILERS: While it isn’t for me, again, it’s the idea that Kris did something accidentally while engaging in a normal, consensual practice, but because she dared to love someone with the same physical parts as her, it was an instant shadow. I admit, I held my breath for a lot of the book when I read it the first time, wondering if Bear would be taken away. In this second reading, I paid more attention to Zig Zag, Dune, and Julian. Zig Zag was a major element that wrecked me both the first time and now, because I wish he would have been able to come around to telling Kris on his own why he was given a shadow. The fact that Bear saw him first outside of their apartment guts me, but it was her spark. The kind of flame that burns from a spark like that never goes out and only grows more intense. That kid is going to be the voice of a revolution, and I worry about her. (A fictional child…)
I would like to thank Dune and Julian for being two of the best emotionally supportive/stable people ever. They are a healthy couple, and it was fun to see them through Kris’s eyes as she slowly got to know them through the wall, and ultimately in person.
This isn’t a happy book, but it can be funny. I literally laughed so hard I had to put the book down at one point involving explaining insemination to a child, but it was a delightful moment. I’ve read some arguments that Bear is too advanced for her age, but when you’re born at the bottom, sometimes you have no choice but to learn how to navigate the world as an adult and like an adult, starting too young.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 28, 2023
Books written in this style--a bunch of disconnected short paragraphs--are an extremely hard sell for me. I liked Kris, and I thought the story was compelling over all, but I did hate the format. I also found the shadow metaphor pretty heavy-handed and artless in the beginning, though it mellows out through the middle and end.
I also found it hard to accept that the kid is whaling on the electric guitar and staging political insurrections in kindergarten. Most of her dialogue reminded me of those tweets that are like "my 6-month-old said to me yesterday, 'why is there war, Mommy?'" I spend most of my day with kids under 10, and the kid character's development really, really strained credulity.
It's an interesting book with some solid writing and character work, but its weaknesses are glaring.
I also found it hard to accept that the kid is whaling on the electric guitar and staging political insurrections in kindergarten. Most of her dialogue reminded me of those tweets that are like "my 6-month-old said to me yesterday, 'why is there war, Mommy?'" I spend most of my day with kids under 10, and the kid character's development really, really strained credulity.
It's an interesting book with some solid writing and character work, but its weaknesses are glaring.
January 31, 2023
So meh, I’ve realized stories without a plot infuriates me
March 23, 2023
fundamentally changed me and made me a better human being
April 1, 2024
Please continue keeping your exoskeletons to yourself.
Review to come.
Review to come.
December 7, 2022
I KEEP MY EXOSKELETONS TO MYSELF |
In a surveillance state society a few steps farther than where we are now (like the starting point of THE SCHOOL OF BAD MOTHERS), we've gotten rid of prisons but instituted a new form of punishment - people are given extra shadows as a visual marker of transgressions and criminality.
Like our world today, our government is hard at work on finding new and cruel ways to exact punishment by marking criminals rather than solving the root causes of social issues.
Given the dystopian premise of the book, the book is not too dystopian heavy. There's also not a lot of description about how shadows are added, how the mechanics work. It's just there, as simple as putting handcuffs on a person, only undoable.
At the core, this book is about a wife's grief in losing a spouse and raising a child on one's own in a society that sees you as a problem. We watch the child grow over many years in short spurts of updates that our MC, a grieving wife pretends to relay to her dead wife, from a fussy baby, to a hilarious mimetic toddler, to a courageous leader and force to be reckoned with, who is beginning to ask questions for how and why certain things are the way they are. Because of the repeated address to her dead spouse, we are repeatedly reminded of who we are missing, who we should be grieving for, and what they are missing in this life that's gone on without them.
Throughout, the characters all want to resort to quick fixes - if a child is acting out, send them to behavioral modification/therapy. When a child is potentially getting abused at home, the state is monitoring for potential abuse and will intercede to decide if the child should be taken away or parents simply fined for negligence. Violent crimes persist? Don't worry, we'll stigmatize the perpetrators into shame and correction, when really at the base of it all, it is a human concoction, approved by society to be used as a tool of manipulation, separation and control.
This book tangentially deals with the question of are people more than their worst committed actions? Can you have done something horrible and still be a good person? Should you forever be branded irredeemable? How do we ensure we never create this world and how is it much worse than where we are today?
I really enjoyed this book.
In a surveillance state society a few steps farther than where we are now (like the starting point of THE SCHOOL OF BAD MOTHERS), we've gotten rid of prisons but instituted a new form of punishment - people are given extra shadows as a visual marker of transgressions and criminality.
Like our world today, our government is hard at work on finding new and cruel ways to exact punishment by marking criminals rather than solving the root causes of social issues.
Given the dystopian premise of the book, the book is not too dystopian heavy. There's also not a lot of description about how shadows are added, how the mechanics work. It's just there, as simple as putting handcuffs on a person, only undoable.
At the core, this book is about a wife's grief in losing a spouse and raising a child on one's own in a society that sees you as a problem. We watch the child grow over many years in short spurts of updates that our MC, a grieving wife pretends to relay to her dead wife, from a fussy baby, to a hilarious mimetic toddler, to a courageous leader and force to be reckoned with, who is beginning to ask questions for how and why certain things are the way they are. Because of the repeated address to her dead spouse, we are repeatedly reminded of who we are missing, who we should be grieving for, and what they are missing in this life that's gone on without them.
Throughout, the characters all want to resort to quick fixes - if a child is acting out, send them to behavioral modification/therapy. When a child is potentially getting abused at home, the state is monitoring for potential abuse and will intercede to decide if the child should be taken away or parents simply fined for negligence. Violent crimes persist? Don't worry, we'll stigmatize the perpetrators into shame and correction, when really at the base of it all, it is a human concoction, approved by society to be used as a tool of manipulation, separation and control.
This book tangentially deals with the question of are people more than their worst committed actions? Can you have done something horrible and still be a good person? Should you forever be branded irredeemable? How do we ensure we never create this world and how is it much worse than where we are today?
I really enjoyed this book.
January 8, 2023
This book made me feel, made me smile, made me weep or feel like weeping, made me proud to be queer and alive and alive and alive even as beloveds are dead and gone (because who is really entirely gone when they are with us, who is to say that the life inside our minds is less real than the one outside it). Marisa Crane is a phenomenal writer, and I can't wait to read the rest of the books they will write and publish and tell <3.
January 15, 2024
3.75 star
A character-driven literary sci-fi on motherhood, one would need to be in the right mood for I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself, as its first-person, stream of consciousness structure is not the easiest to get into—the hypothetical future where one's 'crime' is documented through the addition of one's shadow is deeply provocative (one literally cannot escape from his/her past), but in execution this is more of a peripheral world-building rather than the story's focal point.
This is not to discredit the novel for lacking in substance, as we follow the protagonist becoming a new mom and a widow simultaneously, in a society that discriminates against her kind (her queerness, as well as her additional shadow), there are sections I find the storytelling extremely poignant and raw (the helpless hysteria driven by grief, shame and guilt), the self-deprecating humor darkly funny and true to character, and its candidness around sex and BDSM eye-opening (considering this is not marketed as a romance). However, the story lacks a clear end goal to keep me fully invested, since the main driving force is simply following the protagonist in raising her child and keeping her inner demons in check. Even when towards the end there's more of a 'plot' developing, the solution also comes very quickly and over-simplified.
I see other readers comparing this to Our Wives Under The Sea, and I agree, as both features a sapphic relationship, set in a dystopian near-future world, with an unusual, stylish execution. Even though I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is overall a little uneven, with its strength lies in depiction of internal turmoil, rather than external conflict (which is primarily what I was expecting) —it is still worth checking out if you're in the mood for an in-depth character study.
A character-driven literary sci-fi on motherhood, one would need to be in the right mood for I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself, as its first-person, stream of consciousness structure is not the easiest to get into—the hypothetical future where one's 'crime' is documented through the addition of one's shadow is deeply provocative (one literally cannot escape from his/her past), but in execution this is more of a peripheral world-building rather than the story's focal point.
This is not to discredit the novel for lacking in substance, as we follow the protagonist becoming a new mom and a widow simultaneously, in a society that discriminates against her kind (her queerness, as well as her additional shadow), there are sections I find the storytelling extremely poignant and raw (the helpless hysteria driven by grief, shame and guilt), the self-deprecating humor darkly funny and true to character, and its candidness around sex and BDSM eye-opening (considering this is not marketed as a romance). However, the story lacks a clear end goal to keep me fully invested, since the main driving force is simply following the protagonist in raising her child and keeping her inner demons in check. Even when towards the end there's more of a 'plot' developing, the solution also comes very quickly and over-simplified.
I see other readers comparing this to Our Wives Under The Sea, and I agree, as both features a sapphic relationship, set in a dystopian near-future world, with an unusual, stylish execution. Even though I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is overall a little uneven, with its strength lies in depiction of internal turmoil, rather than external conflict (which is primarily what I was expecting) —it is still worth checking out if you're in the mood for an in-depth character study.
December 15, 2025
i am a wreck oh my god fantastic !!!!!!!!! a beautiful incredible touching heartbreaking hopeful story about queerness and oppression and grief in all of its complexities im throwing up this was so good the prose and storyline and characters were all so well written and developed and jesus christttttt
September 28, 2023
2.5 stars
I put off reviewing this book for a long while. I couldn't put together the right words on how I felt about it. I still can't but going to try to put it out there as best as I can muster.
The story is set in a United States similar to ours but where our punishment is incarceration, theirs is more of humiliation. It is kind of like wearing a scarlet letter but instead a second shadow is attached to you. More if you commit more crimes. In this world we are wrapped up in Kris's world. Newly widowed after her wife died and now having to raise a baby on her own, we travel with her through her struggles. Not only does Kris bear a second shadow but her newborn daughter has one as well. How can a newborn commit a crime? Well she killed her own mom coming out of the womb. This is just a sign of how corrupt and unstable the government is. We watch as the family grows and struggles through life.
The whole idea sounded intriguing but it just fell flat for me. It was hard to imagine this world that it was set in and the writing just seemed to ramble in some areas of the book. I also didn't have a connection with the characters. There wasn't much of a plot just a lot of meandering through their lives. I almost gave up with it a couple times at the beginning but stuck with it. In the end, it ending up being a book that I thought about for a bit but it left me indifferent.
I put off reviewing this book for a long while. I couldn't put together the right words on how I felt about it. I still can't but going to try to put it out there as best as I can muster.
The story is set in a United States similar to ours but where our punishment is incarceration, theirs is more of humiliation. It is kind of like wearing a scarlet letter but instead a second shadow is attached to you. More if you commit more crimes. In this world we are wrapped up in Kris's world. Newly widowed after her wife died and now having to raise a baby on her own, we travel with her through her struggles. Not only does Kris bear a second shadow but her newborn daughter has one as well. How can a newborn commit a crime? Well she killed her own mom coming out of the womb. This is just a sign of how corrupt and unstable the government is. We watch as the family grows and struggles through life.
The whole idea sounded intriguing but it just fell flat for me. It was hard to imagine this world that it was set in and the writing just seemed to ramble in some areas of the book. I also didn't have a connection with the characters. There wasn't much of a plot just a lot of meandering through their lives. I almost gave up with it a couple times at the beginning but stuck with it. In the end, it ending up being a book that I thought about for a bit but it left me indifferent.
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