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I'm Nobody: My Mother Said It; I No Longer Believe It

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As sixteen-year-old Erma Steppe stood in a one-room apartment over a bar in Columbus, Ohio, her mother said to her, "You are nobody." With no money, no clothes, and a rumbling stomach, Erma retreated into herself as her angry and intoxicated mother continued a familiar rant. Erma had always been her victim. In her poignant autobiography, Erma Steppe shares her heartbreaking story of a life shaped by desperate attempts to hear the words "I love you" from her mother. Abandoned as a toddler, Erma's quest for love would lead her through years of abuse, neglect, broken glass, blood, and black eyes- through an uncertain childhood spent in and out of children's homes and foster homes. In her struggle to find her mother and reconcile her past, Erma embarks on an unforgettable journey through the darkness of abuse to reach a new life on the other side where she would eventually learn to heal, forgive, and most importantly, feel safe and loved. I'm Nobody offers a brutally honest glimpse into what it is like to grow up without a mother's love and how one woman reached from within and found the courage to survive despite facing insurmountable odds.

176 pages, Paperback

First published November 2, 2010

5 people are currently reading
4179 people want to read

About the author

Erma Steppe

1 book163 followers
My name is Erma Steppe.
I grew up w/a mother who was an alcoholic w/no desire to be a mother to her children. She gave birth to 6 children and never gave us another thought.
I have spent the majority of my life waiting to hear my mother say," I love you". She never has uttered those words.
I was abused, every possible form of abuse. I have several learning disabilities.
During my lifetime to date, I have raised 3 intelligent, hard working members of the community. I have a bachelors degree from Morehead State. I then spent the rest of my years of employment working w/children & teens in trouble.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 68 reviews
Profile Image for Erma Steppe.
Author 1 book163 followers
December 9, 2016
I started this book as a journal because I was dealing with continual rejection from my mother. I put my memories and heartaches on paper and there was enough pain and suffering to complete a book. I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused throughout my childhood. This memoir is my story of survival. My hope is for adults to recognize and respond to any child who encounters bullying or is a victim of any form of abuse.
Profile Image for booklady.
2,745 reviews188 followers
March 2, 2014
‘Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me; my LORD has forgotten me.” Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you.’ Isaiah 49:14-15

All mothers are not created equal. In I’m Nobody, Erma Steppe describes a mother who far surpasses the Scriptural maternal forgetfulness and neglect described by the Prophet Isaiah. And yet it wasn’t the great atrocities committed by Erma’s mother, her numerous boyfriends, husbands, various relatives and others along the way which struck me, but the loving way the author responded and described her life. This is not an angry book. Rather it is a beautiful cathartic journey in search of lost love. Erma painstakingly describes the poignant little oases of kindness and mercy she experienced in between the torture which she never exaggerates but rather minimizes; unexpected times when people—strangers, teachers, neighbors and one particular social worker—showed her she was neither forgotten nor unloved.

Over and over again, Erma tried to give love to her mother. Eventually, it seems she is giving to herself and us, her readers, what her mother could not, or would not accept. And we are the richer for it.

I read this book in one day, almost in one sitting. Amazing!
1 review1 follower
September 4, 2011
I haven't stopped thinking about this book since I finished reading it. It's an amazing story of someones life that had every reason & every opportunity to never be more than what she grew up in, but her will and determination lead her down a different path. Although she may be still coming to terms with her pain, her story has the ability to change many lives or at least their outlook on their own lives. I have recommended this book to everyone I know.
Profile Image for Susie Spizzirro.
70 reviews25 followers
September 18, 2016
A good read. I read it in one sitting. Difficult to put down once you start reading. A book abt. cruel life struggles and ones desire to be love by her mother. A strength unbelievable for a small child and later as a teen, to continualy strive for love and understanding. How many of us have walked a similar path?

Merged review:

I'm Nobody written by Erma Steppe follows closely the path of life this woman was given as a child, as a teenager and as she began to make her own path as a young wife and mother.
A must read for anyone who has ever walked a difficult path in life. You will be amazed with how much you may have or a family may have in common with the author.I read this book in one sitting.
Profile Image for David Gallagher.
150 reviews170 followers
July 12, 2012
I've never won a giveaway before, so I'm thankful I did with this book.

I wish there were half stars, because this book is a 3.5 for me. Currently, I don't have the heart to give it a 3.

I'm particularly critical when it comes to books that are autobiographies and/or memoirs. The information age and the internet has made us all writers, and unfortunately, so many stories of those being written are not worth being read.

That doesn't happen here however. A complete page-turner, with the author's voice coming through loud and clear - the writing is simplistic and basic, but it flows on the page and sweeps you off. I loved the first half - when Erma was still a child. Got slightly bored and annoyed by the second half - after Erma got married. I found the married life scenes too repetitive and unnecessarily long. (The internet has made us all book critics too, and who are we really to be critiquing this woman's work and life? But she did write it for a reason, so there you have it.)

I completely cared for Erma - all throughout the book. I care about her now, and am happy she managed to get on her feet and make a life for herself. However, I will never understand how she could just handle all that cruelty and malice her mother treated her with. I also want to know what has happened to her siblings and where they are now.

Regardless, surprisingly enough, I enjoyed this book. Though enjoyed is probably the wrong word here. I would like to thank the author and Goodreads for allowing me to have this.
Profile Image for Sharnie.
12 reviews19 followers
February 28, 2012
I was fortunate enough to receive this book as a part of Good Reads Giveaways, and I'm very glad I did.

I began reading this book earlier today as a break from study, I was unable to stop reading.

It tells the story of Erma who since she was a toddler found herself in and out of children's homes and foster care due to abuse of a physical, sexual and emotional nature as well as heartbreaking neglect, all the while dreaming of attaining her mother's love.

The true strength of this novel comes not from disturbing details of which few are given but rather that she writes her story almost as a dialogue to the reader and to herself.

Erma's adult life is the main focus of the book, and with her to the point dialogue-esque style she is able to portray how her childhood affected her throughout her life, from the most taken for granted skills of organizing a house and cooking, to coping with life, relationships and family.

The book is beautifully presented and the photographs and legal documents shown throughout give a greater depth and reality to situations which are truly horrific and unbelievable.

Erma Steppe wrote 'I'm nobody' as a final fair well to her mother, and I truly hope that through writing this she can find peace and assist others who identify with her experiences.

This is the sort of book I will readily recommend to all who ask, and those who don't as well. And if you are considering reading it, I hope I've helped to make up your mind.
44 reviews10 followers
June 4, 2012
If I can recommend any book over the years I would say that this is it. This book has hit me on an emotional and intellectual level.
It is a book that has haunted me, it's taken me a while to try and even formulate a review on the book due to the impression it has made. Where do I start? This book sits with me because the author is brutally honest about what happened to them, how they felt and how they still feel. It is not a book about self-pity. It is simply Ms. Steppe telling her own story and trying to say good bye to her mother. It doesn't end with flowers, champagne and fireworks. It documents her own history vividly in such a way that it is relatable.
It is funny because I never liked biographies, they never interested me because they always seemed just to perfect. As if they never had depressed thought and everything was rosy. When I read Ms. Steppe's book it leaves me with chills as I can relate to how she feels and felt. She is truly an admirable woman who I greatly admire.
Profile Image for Hollysteppe.
4 reviews
December 5, 2012
Very heartbreaking story of a young women that had a very hard life. This book is truly motivational and a must read for everyone!
Profile Image for Wendy.
2,371 reviews45 followers
November 6, 2013
"I'm Nobody My Mother Said;I No Longer Believe It" by Erma Steppe which I won from Goodreads Giveaways is a poignant and heartbreaking memoir about a woman crippled all her life by the sexual abuse, torment, and lack of parental love she suffered as a child. Crushed by a lack of self-esteem, this courageous and gentle woman struggles to overcome the nightmares of her past, doting affection on her children and loving a domineering husband while still clinging to the hope that one day her mother would welcome her with the affection and warmth that she's so cruelly denied.

The plot is honest, gritty and straightforward. Erma Steppe does not mince words or soften the struggles she faced as an abused child or the repercussions of such a deprived childhood, but rather her story brings a strong awareness to the plight of battered and mistreated children everywhere.

The characters in this book are not as complex as Erma Steppes, a suffering child who clings to an imaginary family and the protection of her guardian angel for comfort and support. As a child she's perceptive, instinctively modifying her behaviour for the caregivers she interacts with at institutions like the Meigs County Children's Home. She's fearful of emotional attachment, of being touched but yearns for maternal love that 's denied. As she grows older her feelings of inferiority, her lack of self-worth lead her into a marriage she's ill prepared for. But this is a woman who fights to survive and to overcome her handicaps. She's determined and brave, and to be admired for her strength of will. Frank Steppe, a divorcee is hardworking, honest and caring, but his good points don't outweigh the bad as he's short-tempered, miserly, controlling, blunt and critical. Erma's mother a prostitute and drunk can only be described as self-centered, cold, ill-tempered, and jealous. Among the other characters in Erma's life are; Pap, her aloof biological father, Mary her angry, brittle aunt, Bill her mother's abusive, bullying boyfriend, and Barbara the loving and kind social worker . The personalities of the people in Erma's life are displayed in unvarnished detail making them brutally real to the reader.

This is a story that exposes the depravity and inhumanity in some people's souls. Yet throughout the cruelty, pain and suffering that Erma endures there is a spark of faith, hope, and love as she struggles to find light in the darkness of her despair. Too often we forget that there is all kinds of abuse that goes unrecognized in our society, and this novel brings that reality home. I admire Erma Steppes and her willingness to share her story and highly recommend this book.
1 review
November 17, 2013
I'm Nobody, written by Erma Steppe is a real life history of Erma Steppe. A story filled with history of the social work programs for the children in need in the 40s, 50s and 60s. A history of the court systems and the school systems in dealing with children living in severe poverty and extreme cruelty on a daily basis.
Erma's story goes on to present day seeking only to hear these words, "I love you" from a mother who has no understanding of what these words mean.
As a part time teacher, I believe this memoir would make a great teaching tool for social work, psychology and many other classes.
I highly recommend this book to any parent and to anyone working in these areas of social programs.
Edward Laudermilt
1 review
November 16, 2013
I read this book when it first came out. a true story of a little girl living with a cruel, unloving mother. Erma endured years of physical, emotional,sexual and deviant behaviours from her mother and her mothers' boyfriends. A child with the added responsibilities of her little sister and little brothers.
I'm Nobody, contains legal documentation of when and how a friend finally put a stop to the mothers' rule of Erma and her siblings lives only to be tossed into another world of childrens homes and foster care in the 50s and 60s.
I'm Nobody is a must read for anyone who has only sought to be love by a parent. An excellent true story.
1 review
November 15, 2013
WOW! This heartwrenching autobiography is a mustread for anyone who has been abused, knows someone who has been abused, or works with someone who has been abused. In otherwords,EVERYONE. Everyone should have a copy of this book.
Profile Image for Annie.
30 reviews6 followers
December 14, 2012
This was a heart breaking book. A quick read too. She writes with honesty. I hope she goes on to let go of the past and have a bright future.
Profile Image for Courtney.
6 reviews
Want to read
October 31, 2013
This book is a must read for everyone, I simply could not put it down.
Such an inspirational and insightful tale into a woman's cruel life. Truly amazing.
Profile Image for Aline.
77 reviews41 followers
September 25, 2012
Won the book from Goodreads First-Read Giveaway.

---------------------------------------------------

What is a mother?

According to Dictionary.com, a mother is a "female parent". And what is a parent? According to the same source, a parent is a "protector or guardian". So, if a mother couldn't protect her offsprings, does she still deserve to be called a "mother"?

As a toddler, Erma was neglected. Not only denied the love and care from the only parent she knew, her mother, she had to endure physical and emotional abuse from her. Worse, her mother’s boyfriend also abused her sexually. The mother knew, but instead of rescued her, she even envied her! How sick is that?

As a teenager, Erma still lived in nightmares. She lived in and out of several foster homes and separated from her siblings. Often found herself denied the proper education she deserved as a child, she had difficulty to write or read properly. And that is just so sad.

Thankfully as an adult, Erma is a wife and mother of three. But the horror of the childhood wouldn’t go easily. She found herself unable to function properly as the housewife her husband deserved.

This book is an eye opener. Countless children suffer the horrible life Erma had to endure since childhood, maybe even worse. This book reminds me to thank God for my life, every single day. I may not be living the perfect life but I still have both parents who love me unconditionally.

I may not be able to understand how a woman like Erma’s mother failed to love her children the way they deserve to be love, but if I’m fortunate enough to be a mother, I promise myself I would do my best to be the “protector and guardian”.

Thank you Ms. Steppe for sharing your life story with us. My prayer goes out to you and all the abused children out there.
Profile Image for Wanda.
261 reviews10 followers
September 4, 2016
I received a copy via Goodreads Giveaway and I express my sincere appreciation to the author Erma Steppe for giving me the opportunity. It was with a heavy heart that I read Erma's life story. I chose not to review her book as I would with all the others as to do so would be unfair and judgmental. I cannot put a rating on someone else's life, only I can rate my own. Erma Steppe endured unimaginable abuse and suffering at the hands of the adults that were meant to protect her. She and her siblings lived through their early existence in a world filled with hatred, neglect, poverty and without their basic needs being met. Their world was deprived of love, safety, respect. Erma was able to hold onto hope and the idea that someday her reality would become closer to the imaginary life that she had created as a means of self-preservation. Erma did not grow up to know the essence of what a healthy relationship should be as she did not experience any for herself. Erma chose to write this novel as a means of healing along the path of her recovery. She was brutally honest in sharing her experiences, allowing the reader to have an open window to view the life that she had endured. Looking in on the life of Erma was not a pleasant view at times and it created very unsettled and uncomfortable emotions. How many times did I ask myself the one word question,"WHY"? What is more important is the "HOW", how Erma was resilient and was able to move forward into adulthood without falling victim for life. Erma Steppe faced her past head-on and chose to BE SOMEONE! I remain humbled and in awe of the person that Erma Steppe became and believe that she is a testament to the true meaning of HOPE. I give this a five star rating for Erma Steppe is five stars in my book. She is somebody and she is loved.
Profile Image for Catherine.
89 reviews
October 31, 2013
I'm Nobody: My Mother Said It; I No Longer Believe It
I was sent this book by good reads.com - and I would like to warn people not to read this unless they are prepared to be reduced to tears.
I find it incomprehensible that any mother could treat a child so, and Erma looks such a dear little girl!
The story is told very straightforwardly, without any traces of self-pity, and is heart-rending at times. It is incredible that a child who has been so abused still yearns desperately for her mother's love, and that she dreams of taking care of her mother some time in the future.
Erma met several people who were extremely kind to her along the way - Barbara, the social worker for one. Also a teacher who provided Erma with a lunch box every day otherwise the poor child would have starved.
Erma married Frank when she was 17, and had no idea whatsoever how to cook or run a home. It says a lot for his kindness, patience, and love for her that the marriage endured for so long, and produced three children. Eventually, however, they parted, and Erma had to sort out her life yet again.
It is a real tribute to her strength of character and perseverance that she gets herself together, and lives a fulfilling life with her dear companion Laura.
I will end with this sobering quote from Erma "There are probably 8 million abused children, and I am just one of them."
Do read her story - it will make you count your blessings!
Profile Image for Lucy Leblanc.
22 reviews
June 28, 2012
I received this book about a month ago from Good Reads and put it aside as I was already reading two books at the time. Once I picked it up today I couldn't stop reading. Erma Steppe shares her heartbreaking story in a way that makes the reader feel as if they are having a conversation with her. From the Introduction right through to the Epilogue, Erma had me hanging on every word. Written simply and honestly, "I'm Nobody" is Erma's haunting memories of her abusive childhood and her journey through to a new life where she could begin to heal, forgive, and for the first time in her life, feel safe and loved. As a child Erma is ignored, neglected, abused, and discarded by the one person who should love her the most, her mother. Erma, and her siblings, lived through some of the worse conditions while with their mother, yet were always returned to her by the state. At times it was difficult to read some of the things that happened to a child who was looking for acceptance and love but I could not put this book down. Erma Steppe's memoir is a true testament of her courage and ability to survive against all odds. This book will stay with me forever. Thank you, Erma Steppe, for sharing your story and thank you, Good Reads, for offering this book. I hope Erma Steppe has much happiness and love in her life now and wish her all the best in the future.

Profile Image for Mary Hosmar.
Author 13 books5 followers
November 18, 2013
This is a disturbing and thought provoking book. Erma is told over and over again by her mother that she is a nothing. She has written this book in an effort to make her story known and possibly to exorcise some demons. At the end of the book she lets the reader know how successful that exercise has been.
The style of writing takes some getting used to. It is written very simply, almost in the manner of a child listing a series of events. At first glance there seems to little if any emotion involved in the telling of the author's story but the fact that it does read like a list of events, makes it a poignant and compelling story. It becomes clear throughout the writing what Erma's mother's declaration has cost Erma.
It is a story which makes clear the terrible toll which a lack of parental love can have on a child.
It is not an easy book to read but one worth reading. I did not give it higher than three stars because I could not, with clear conscience, say I really liked, it simply because of the subject matter. It is not a book I would soon read again, yet I am glad I did read it. It is worth the effort. I would recommend it to discerning readers.




Profile Image for Jae Park.
173 reviews19 followers
December 3, 2015
I read this book extremely quickly, and for two reasons. The first being the fact that wasn't a super long book, and the second reason was because it was one helluva good book. "I'm Nobody" is a gritty, real and no holds barred look at an abused neglected child's life.
The main character and author, Erma, tells the story of her life as a small child being raised by alcoholics, or as she puts it, "mean drunks." She and her siblings suffer abuse after abuse, such as hunger, filth, beatings, and even a homemade tattoo on her arm as a child.
The story goes on to cover Erma's life and how the abuse she suffered affects her on a daily basis even after she is an adult. She keeps trying to win her mother's affection and finally comes to realize she never will.
So I just want to say thank you Ms. Steppe for such a great book, and thank you for telling your story and the stories of many abused children with your voice. Someone needs to speak for these innocent victims, and you did a great job. Bravo!
Profile Image for Carmen.
40 reviews14 followers
April 12, 2016
Thank you for the Goodreads win!

This memoir was a page turning. Very emotionally captured and seems as if I was watching scenes from a movie than just reading a book. Towards the ending though, I felt the story was a bit rushed, like Ms. Steppe just wanted the story to end.

There are so many children out there just like Erma and her siblings. Some are fortunate enough to be fostered into loving families, other's adopted to families that actually love and care for them. But others like Erma are not as fortunate. Some of those become individuals we see on the streets doing things we as a society look down upon.

Thank you Erma for writing this, it must've been hard trying to remember every detail from your broken childhood. Thank you for letting me win a copy of this. May God still be part of your life.

P.S. does anyone know who the woman and the man are holding cigarettes? It doesn't look like the mom....but I remember Erma and Frank doesn't smoke either...
Profile Image for Annie.
108 reviews
October 26, 2015
Erma Steppe's life story will break your heart. She endured what no child should ever have to survive. Erma grew up in Ohio with a mother who could hardly be called a mother. Her mother barely provided the basic essentials for life. Even with so little to give her mother had several more children. Erma's mother was more interested in the men in her life than her children. I can't even begin to understand that thought process. She blamed her problems on everyone else but herself. She was a poison in the lives of her children. Erma deserved a whole lot more from her mother. At a young age she married and began her new life. Although her life was different she still had her demons to face. Her life was never an easy life. Throughout it all she kept a steel core of survival. She did what she had to do to keep going. It is as inspirational as it is heart breaking. Read this book and hug your loved ones a little tighter. I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.
1 review1 follower
December 1, 2013
Excellent book. When things get tough, the tough get going. Despite a terribly hard life Erma proved that you can still come out on top. Nothing prevented her from getting what she wanted. The book was extremely easy to read, very compelling. Your beginning is your beginning; but the end is what you make of if. It may not be easy but with a little determination and hard work the end results can be wonderful.

I feel this book should be in a requirement in all middle schools. Perhaps someone will see themselves in this book and will realize that life doesn't necessarily have to be the hand that was dealt; that they can come out on top with a little or maybe a lot of hard work. It is not impossible.

I wish I could give this book 10 Stars
Profile Image for Nancy Luebke.
1,466 reviews65 followers
November 5, 2015
This was a very heartfelt and revealing telling of what many children are going through.This woman's telling of her life as she remembers it, touched me in many ways that I find hard to describe. This is not a story for the under 18 age group. Erma tastefully recounted many of the things she went through. No child should have to go through what Erma and her siblings and even her cousins went through in their young lives. I applaud Erma for the courage to reveal these things though her mother would say it hadn't. I liked that Erma shared copies of documents that back up some of what she said. Thank you Erma, for sharing your and undoubtably many others tale. I give this a 4* and a job well done.
130 reviews4 followers
August 1, 2012
Received this book courtesy of Goodreads First Reads

The subject matter of the book is disturbing (child abuse, abandonment, foster homes, alcoholism etc). Certainly not the type of book to pick up for pure enjoyment and pleasure. Regardless, this is the type of book which everyone should read from time to time to get a first hand appreciation of what the victims have to endure, cope and survive. The author's experiences are vividly portrayed in this book and I admire her courage for openly putting her life on paper for all to read. I hope the writing was somewhat thereaupeutic for her and I am sure it was difficult for her to have to remember many of the things that happened in her life.
Profile Image for Diana King.
40 reviews1 follower
December 24, 2013
The book is haunting. Shows how cruel your own family can be to an innocent child. I have to admire Erma for surviving the cruelty and finding the good in some of the people who helped her along her journey. Its to her credit that her own children (one daughter in particular) helped her with the research for this book. This amazing woman who endured so much is stronger than she thinks. This book is a testament to how someone can be hurt so badly and yet cause no harm to those around her...unlike the other who blame being abused for their own cruelty to others. Such an inspirational story!!
43 reviews5 followers
January 2, 2014
It takes a great deal of courage to put into words those terrible experiences that one endures during their lifetime. Congratulations Erma for sharing those moments of your life. For those of us who have experienced violence in our lives we can relate to the severe trauma that emotional abuse causes....bodies heal quickly, minds on the other hand are always a work in progress.

Erma's story is a personal journey and is a must read for anyone wanting to understand the impacts of violence on a child and the resilient nature of humanity.
Profile Image for Debbie.
8 reviews2 followers
January 25, 2014
I was excited to win this book as part of the giveaways and began reading it as soon as I got it.
Erma led a very heartbreaking life and I applaud her for wanting to share the details of it with others. While there were some parts that were hard for me, as a mother, to read, I still enjoyed learning about how Erma overcame her struggles. She did her best to end the cycle of abuse that she was put through and never allowed her mothers example to influence her actions with her own children.

Erma, Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Profile Image for Zuzu Burford.
381 reviews34 followers
February 7, 2013
I could relate to this story having spent time in a childrens home and having the 'black dog' accompany me most of my life. This is a harrowing read written from the heart. Don't expect a well written book in the literary sense, which, strangely adds to understanding the terrible and redeeming experiences that life can throw at you. The guilt one suffers when it's not your fault comes through on every page. For me , Erma's story is honest, brave, and in the end, a triumph.
Profile Image for Lyndsay-ann.
552 reviews3 followers
November 22, 2013
This is a sad story about the life of a woman who grew up in such sad and terrible way.

It's crazy that some people can have children, and keep having more children, even though they don't want them or want to take care of them. It doesn't make sense that a person could have so much control over the lives of other people but only use their kids to make their life better, by taking their money and manipulating them with only a few words.
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