Brunette April has two worries. Her fledgling interior design business is failing because of the Recession, and her new stepsister hates her. April's taken the opportunity to redecorate (at great personal expense) her mother's house while her mother is on her honeymoon, and has paid particular attention to stepsister's room, in a bid to make her feel more welcome. She's also taking herself off to Greece for two weeks, at the invitation of Pete/Petros, a mere acquaintance of her university days. This is so that stepsister can acclimate to her new surroundings without feeling tense when April drops over all the time, because April loves her mum and is always going over to the house. April is a sweetie pie.
Her friend Dora is telling her she's mad and is going to get murdered or worse, but April's sure everything will be fine. Her mum called Petros' mum, and no one gets murdered when they've been vetted by mothers.
So April arrives in Athens, expecting to be met by Petros, but instead: she meets his older brother Michalis. And Michalis kidnaps her.
But before that happens, we learn that Greek airports are full of very tall, very Greek people, and that in 1993 airports had porters. I throw in this strange anachronism, because later in the book Michalis is all 'let's get into my helicopter and go to the family island' and I'm all: really, there were helicopters in 1993? And then of course I kicked myself very hard for doubting the existence of helicopters, but I'm pretty sure the whole porter situation is to blame.
Anyway, Michalis made use of 3 porters. The first held the name sign so that he could observe April from the menacing shadows as she approached sign porter. Porter 2 was (once it was confirmed he spoke English) enlisted to introduce Michalis to April when she offensively demanded proof that he was who he said he was, and then Porter 3 was ignored because Michalis decided he'd carry April's bags himself. He was very cranky. He also got POV on April, so that he could be confused by her innocent exterior masking her true hussy nature. In fact, I think Michalis only got POV when he was at airports, and that's probably symbolic somehow and may explain the porters, as an extension of Michalis' world view that he could command porterage whenever he deemed that porterage was necessary.
After Michalis is so offended about the whole 'let me see some ID' thing, April lets him bundle her into his big comfy car, and they subside into tense silence. April had dared to ask if they were going to get a boat to the island. Michalis had gotten snarky about the fact that islands are surrounded by water, and then April shot back that she understood islands and would go as far as to demonstrate knowledge of peninsulas, and before she could start listing more geography, Michalis shut her down by saying if he got bored enough to hear her peninsula narrative he'd let her know.
Which had the affect of making me think they were both adorable together, and also that if you are going to kidnap someone, this is just perfect. Get them to a state of huff that's on the edge of 'I refuse to go anywhere with you' and they'll be so distracted maintaining a barely polite silence that you can drive them just about anywhere.
So eventually it's dark and they're out in the middle of nowhere and Michalis drives up to these massive gates and they open automatically, and when April asks if he's kidnapped her confirms that yes, he has. He knows she's there to steal Petros from the perfectly nice girl Petros was supposed to be marrying, so Michalis is going to keep her away from the family island until the engagement is fully on.
April calls nonsense and makes escape attempt 1. She bursts out of the car and runs off into the darkness. Rapidly, it becomes clear that this is a stupid plan. She doesn't have her handbag and she doesn't know where she's going. So she runs back, yells at Michalis some more, and yells at the elderly Greek retainer who gives her a baffled look. No help there. And now she's out of breath from all that running and shouting, and having to refuse to drink a nice cup of tea on principle.
And look, I guess I should be a little more concerned about this whole abduction plot because clearly: abducting women and holding them prisoner is just not on. But ... I can't. Michalis lays out the details of his impregnable, escape-proof fortress of solitude house. April keeps making attempts to get away, because she's convinced she's good at climbing things. Michalis keeps rescuing her from her escape attempts, and becoming increasingly concerned that she's going to do herself an injury. And he's just so damn hopeful that she'll get Stockholm Syndrome. While he doesn't use the term, and April dismisses it as a thing that happens in movies, he keeps asking her if she's got it yet. It's wrong, of course, but it's also funny.
Eventually, Michalis decides that he is going to grab April's boobs a bunch and penetrate her. April's up for it, but warns him that she's a virgin. So they stop. Michalis, rather than go for hymen as proof that April is truthful and Petros is lying about how he's into April and is going to throw over the nice fiancée, Michalis decides that it's time they go to the island. In, as I mentioned above, the 1993 helicopter.
It doesn't really matter how Michalis persuades April to not expose him to his family as a creepy kidnapper. I think he uses some weird voodoo powers and also mentions that his mother cannot be bothered by news of her children's bad behaviour, she's too busy organising the engagement.
Petros explains to April that he's practising this sort of reverse psychology on Michalis. He desperately wants to marry the nice fiancee, but she's poor now, and Petros is convinced Michalis won't let him marry a poor girl. So he's concocted this scheme whereby he pretends he's desperately in love with April, to keep Michalis focussed on that as the problem, and maybe he won't start looking at the family's financials. April's all like: huh, if I hadn't been kidnapped, I probably would have gone along with this ridiculous plot, so why not? So she does, and immediately draws Michalis' ire, because hadn't she just finished saying she wasn't into Petros and she had this virginity thing going on, and doesn't she just go wobbly and soft around the edges every time he touches her?
And, let's ignore also what coming up with this plot says about this family dynamic and trust issues, because that's even less important than abducting women and lying to them and not believing anything they say, and hoping that they'll be so psychologically traumatised that they'll start sympathising with you, and then there'll be sex.
And there is sex. Michalis eventually orchestrates everyone leaving the island so that he can do April without any relatives around, and it's really satisfying. Everyone leaving was very complicated helicopter mathematics, and reminded me of that problem where you have to row the animals and food across the river and places in the row boat are limited and you can't leave certain animal-food combinations together because they'll eat each other. Or in this case, maybe use alone time to talk about things Michalis would prefer were left unsaid.
The sex, though, is spectacular enough for April to say she's amendable to doing a mistress gig, and Michalis is clearly all, ho ho, what a funny joke if I string her along and make her think that's what I want, when actually we're going to get married and it'll be all sparkles and puppies?
Naturally, this backfires. Back in Athens, Michalis leaves April in the car as he runs into a posh house to talk to the lady inside. Now, back when she was kidnapped but Michalis had to go to Athens for meetings, he locked April up in this house, and it was terrible because he forgot to turn on the air conditioning and she got really hot trying to escape, and she ended up lying down on a bed in her knickers and then Michalis came in and accused her of trying to seduce him. But, before all that, April had asked if this house belonged to his mistress and he implied that yes, it did. He did add that the woman owned the house outright, so the readers could helpfully connect the dots, but back in the present with April waiting in the car, she gets this terrible epiphany. Someday, Michalis is going to have another bird waiting in the car while he comes into a house to tell April that it's over, and she doesn't want that at all. Seriously, Michalis spent so much time organising complex and emotionally fraught transportation there should be some kind of mathematical logic problem thingy created around his struggles.
So April makes a dash for it, and gets on a plane back to England. And there's Michalis with his second confirmed airport POV, his nice sister who thinks April is fab beside him, as he realises that he's been quite the idiot about the whole thing. Still, I'm sure there are porters if he needs someone to fetch him a hankie.
THREE WEEKS LATER April's moping. There's still no interior design job on the horizon. She's probably going to have to move back home and put her business on hold, but at least her family love her and are totally on her side about how terrible it was to be kidnapped, and her stepsister adores her. She's contemplating this sad future when a sharp chap shows up in a snazzy Porsche and tells her he's got a job for her. April's not falling for any nonsense again, so she follows in her own car and tells him to sod off when they get to the big house in the country. She'll do her estimates without some fancy creeper breathing down her neck. But of course, Michalis is there! It's all sparkles and puppies after all, with love and marriage and helicopters, and being rich enough that you can pop back to England all the time to catch up with your mum.
And that's all very nice except: why the hell did it take him three weeks to show up, and also waste her time with this whole 'come paint my mansion' ruse? He could have got on the next damn plane and told her he loved her, but no: he had to wait so she could get her family relationships sorted out, but also be miserable. What a jerk!
Still: I always appreciate heroes with oddball senses of humour and April is cute. This is definitely worth tracking down.