The Secret Power of Middle Children: How Middleborns Can Harness Their Unexpected and Remarkable Abilities

by Catherine Salmon, Katrin Schumann

This myth-busting book shows how "forgotten" middle children can-and do-rule the world.
In this counterintuitive book, psychologist Catherine Salmon and journalist Katrin Schumann combine science, history, and real-life stories to reveal for the first time that our perception of middle children is dead wrong.
Using unpublished and little-known research from evolutionary psychology, sociology, and communications, The Secret Power of Middle Children illustrates how adaptive strategies middleborns develop during childhood translate into stronger friendships, lasting marriages, successful careers, and effective parenting.
Over seventy million adult Americans are middle children, and forty percent of young American families have middle children. With constructive advice on how to maximize the benefits and avoid the pitfalls of being a middle child, Salmon and Schumann help middle children at any age (and their parents) use birth order as a strategy for success.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Parenting, Self Help, Family

304 pages, Hardcover

First published August 4, 2011

Reviews

[Scott Lupo · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an interesting book. I've only read a little about birth order studies in the past and this book basically summarizes those studies and adds some new information in an easy to read format. I'm a middle child and I can honestly say this book pretty much describes me to a tee. Unfortunately, none of the secret powers are superpowers. I was so hoping I could read people's minds or something. But seriously, there is some great information about how birth order affects an individual's upbringing. The author then takes that information and gives practical advice on how middles get along in the workplace, which careers are best for them, how they are as friends and lovers, how they parent, how to parent a middle, etc. The book has many examples taken from well-known middles such as Julia Roberts, Warren Buffett, Teddy Roosevelt, Princess Diana, Charles Darwin, and Abraham Lincoln. The most interesting statistic: 52% of US presidents have been middles. If you are a middle child you will find this book enlightening and fascinating. If you're a firstborn just ask what mommy and daddy want you to do and if you're a lastborn do what ever you want because you'll get it anyway :)

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fascinating collection of research and anecdotes delving into the oft-neglected and misunderstood world of the middle-child. A lot of birth-order researchers have previously focused on first and last-born, so this researcher, Catherine Salmon, felt compelled to investigate and write about the middle child.

At times, it felt the author was manipulating her display of statistics in order to prove her point, rather than the other way around. She frequently cites stats like "52 percent of US Presidents have been middle-borns". While this may be true, she never discusses the percent of the population which are middle-borns and the comparison to other birth orders. It seems that particularly when looking at history, when families were often much larger, there would be a higher percentage of middles than firsts or lasts, simply based on mathematics.

Despite this flaw, I was still deeply engaged in the writing and I do feel I learned a lot. I'm currently parenting two middle-children who have personalities that are night and day. It was interesting to see how they both demonstrate traits of middle-children, just in wildly different ways.

[Shavawn M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a middle child, I found the information in this book rather fascinating. I especially enjoyed seeing how much impact middle children have had as leaders, artists, creators, innovators. I was also surprised to see the connection between my empathic nature and being middleborn. It is apparently a common trait in middle children. It also saddened me to realize that all of these great qualities may go away as families shrink to just one or two children. A thoughtful book on an often overlooked subject.

[Darlene Hull · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting. I love wearing the badge of having "middle child syndrome" when it can get me some sympathy from my parents (jazz joking) but I found some of the insights in here quite true and empowering. Her comments on how the world might be affected by the lack of middle children was also rather interesting. A great read if you have a middle child, are married to a middle child, or if you are a middle child.

[Beverly Ho · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, the context resonated with me. I didn't read it page by page but would read it in details when the topic seemed interesting. I am a middle child. The book highlighted the traits of middle child, and why and when they are great traits. I had a few aha moments. I would recommend this book if you are interested in personalities.

I agree with the author that the birth order affects us strongly on how we see the world and handle difficult situations.

[Hayley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I would have rated this book less than one star if possible.

Catherine Salmon speaks in such broad generalities about birth order and personality that I cannot take this book seriously. There is a bibliography but no footnotes. So, for instance, when Salmon make the sweeping statement that parents of middle children don't often think of these children as distinct and capable, we don't know what has led her to this conclusion. She tells us that younger mothers are more likely than older mothers to kill their infants because "...younger mothers have a greater likelihood of getting pregnant again, and so they'll have many more future opportunities to reproduce." Really? What data has Salmon used to come to this conclusion? There were many examples like this in the three chapters I managed to get through.

Since Salmon seems to be stating opinion as fact, her treatment of the subject does not make a reasonable case that birth order has a major effect on personality or the lives of middle children in our culture. And worse, it makes for an awful read.

[Robbin · Rating 4 out of 5]

My interest in birth order developed because I kept noticing similarities between people that were of the same birth order. I am a middle born (2 older and 2 younger sisters) so my curiosity was spiked when I found this book. The author convinced me birth order has influence over your entire life from interaction with siblings and parents, handling of intimate relationships, to parenting. The real life examples of very famous middle borns like Abraham Lincoln added impact and understanding.

I not only recommend this book for middle kids but for anyone who's interested in learning more about the effect birth order has in their lives.

[Trulie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really interesting! I don't always self-identify myself as a middle child. Even though I'm the 2nd of 7, I am the oldest girl and so I often classify myself as an oldest child along with my brother. But, I found this book really insightful. I feel like I do have a better understanding of my personality: both strengths and weaknesses after reading it. If you're a middle child or are involved with a middle child in some way (spouse, children, friend, etc), I think you'd find it insightful and enjoyable. Go middle children!

[Neil Sewell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting book for me as I’m a middle boy of three sons. I’ve got a strained relationship with my parents and a non existent one with my two brothers. I tried over many years to reconcile but they were not interested so I walked away from the stress and found a quieter life without them. A lot of my past makes sense after reading this book.

[Andrew Hull · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting book on the dynamics of family and birth order. Provided both research findings, implications of these findings, and recommendations for addressing and utilizing the strengths and weaknesses of middle children.

[Monica · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't finish this book. To put a lot of emphasis on birth order seems silly after you read the six factors, with multiple sub-factors, that can affect birth order. Maybe this book would be helpful to parents while raising their children, but I just couldn't stick with the book.

[Tonya · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was an interesting look at middle children. As a middle, I related well to the concepts in this book, and I liked the stories about middle's contributions to society in general. It was worth reading.

[Lucy Briggs · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cat recommends because of NPR story. Note for middles, a bit of parental neglect isn't always a bad thing.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Extremely dry... Was hoping to get science backed up insights about middle Born's, instead it was more of self made conclusions based on some self made theory that is not very consistent.

[Paxton Evers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting topic. I made a lot of jokes to my parents when I was reading about how misunderstood I was, but that's not really the premise of the book. Prior to Dr Salmon, there wasn't a whole lot of research or text available with an emphasis on middleborns by themselves. There were many things that resonated with me. During a mini road trip with my mom, I read aloud the sections about parenting a middleborn and middleborns as parents, and it invoked a lot of discussion between us as we talked about her life as a firstborn (who had a secondborn boy for a brother) and about my life as a middleborn with some first and last tendencies (my older sibling and I are very close in age, and my brother is eight years younger). Dr Salmon and Schumann do not posit that people are magically born with their birth order traits, they really are nurtured. So for example a firstborn is adopted and remains an only child in their family, while unbeknownst to them, their biological parents have more children later on - the firstborn doesn't magically know that they are a firstborn and develop those characteristics; they are a product of parenting, siblinghood, and social/cultural expectations. Overall, an interesting read that is a thought-provoking conversation starter.

[Stephanie Wilcox · Rating 2 out of 5]

My mother read this a long time ago and thought I might find it interesting, so this was my out of comfort zone quarantine read haha.

I'm not really a self help kinda person, and my interest in pop psychology is fairly limited, and honestly I'm not even sure how much I buy into the birth order thing? So this book was okay, but had WAY too many anecdotes and retroactively imposed a lot of qualities and ideas on people who have long been dead. I wasn't thrilled with any of that, from a scientific and academic standpoint

There were certainly some ideas and experiences that resonated with my own (ie the notion of placing more weight on chosen family than biological family and having to make a conscious effort to maintain biological family ties, especially as an adult) but there wasn't enough to really sell me on the book. At least it was a quick afternoon read, and hopefully my slump is over now HAHA.

[Sabine Stolwijk · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is dedicated to middleborns. Through research and real-life anecdotes, Dr. Salmon aims to show the character traits, life ambitions, and social interactions middle children are prone to from early childhood into their adult lives. Some of the examples, specifically the celebrity ones, were gimmicky and that some of the points made and examples used felt manipulated or too convenient to suit the author's purpose. Therefore, the book should be read with a grain of salt. Nonetheless, it definitely contained interesting insights into family dynamics and the special role middle children have in being a negotiator, a listener, and a risk-taker, which can lead to great successes later in life. Now that birth rates are dropping in Western countries, middleborns are becoming endangered :( The main takeaways include: have 3 children and marry a middleborn as they are great in romantic relationships.

[Victoria · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am a middle child and became a lawyer through my own ambition and perspiration.
I was expecting this book to help me to tap into "the secret powers" since I am always the scapegoat in my family of origin. Middles often are the neglected child that people in the family target for their misfortunes. We are also known as "the invisible" child.
This book is extremely political. I did not buy a book on politics, I bought a book on being the middle child and learning to exploit the characteristics of being fair minded and the peacemaker.
This book delivered none of that and was a political platform for the scrivener's ideology.
Just my two cents!

[Sir Nicho · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wish this book had been written by an actual middle. Like many others have stated before me the book seems to focus more on her broad conclusions/assumptions and anecdotal evidence than actual data. She constantly expresses her surprise about how middles respond to her "research" questions. It doesn't appear to me that a lot of research has been done, more like she gathered a bunch of anecdotal stories she could fit into a niche book that would sell. There's also a lot of superfluous nonsense when it comes to celebrities and famous people she uses as examples. Let me know when you've done some actual research and I may read that book.

[Basel Nasser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting book , Im a Middleborner and it is literally describe what I have gone through in the last years .As Middle Eastren community’s we have large family normally between 4 to 6 and I think the larger family number the harder for parents to give attention and time to There children which make harder on the MiddleBorner .Also , the first Born child He has the control on the family which explained in the book. However, I really get benefit from what I have read and describe all the feelings I haven’t notice..

[Elana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this! As a middle born myself, it was a fun read. I feel more aware of my strengths and weaknesses and have a better understanding of why I have some of these qualities. I didn’t resonate with everything but I definitely related to a lot of what was said! Birth order has always been fascinating to me, so it was cool to learn about this research specially with regards to middle borns. I am proud to be a middle born! Everyone should read about how cool we are :)

[Caro · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first half of the book is pretty science heavy and not my speed, but the second half is more practical and I greatly enjoyed it. If you are a middle child, dating a middle child, have a middle child or have a close friend who is a middle child I was encourage the read because I do think it gives some important insight.

[Céline · Rating 2 out of 5]

Certaines informations présentées dans le livre sont intéressantes. Mais il y avait sommes toute peu de présentations de recherches avec des échantillons importants. On présentait plutôt des portraits de personnes ou de personnalités connues. De plus, certaines références dont celles reliées à Donald Trump ont vraiment mal vieilli ;)

[Mariam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. The author is a PhD and based this book on her research; I would have liked to see more discussion of those studies. Instead, we got some anecdotes--highlights of her research perhaps-- and lots of repetition. This book made some very good points, but could have done so in half the pages.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a middle child married to a middle child! We’re both #3 in birth order, me with two older brothers and he with two older sisters! Was like reading about myself in so many ways! Loved every part of this book! Highly recommend even if you’re not a middle chid!

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and insightful. This book really helped me understand myself as a middle child. Smack dab in the middle of 5 children, 2 older than me and 2 younger than me, it helped me understand myself, my relationships with others, and the paths I've chosen to take in life.

[Claire · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very cyclical and repetitive. Not very well written.

[Phyllis Cox · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was incredibly boring and had very little useful information for me. There was at least one inaccurate fact. Patty Hearst was not kidnapped in San Francisco. She was kidnapped in Berkeley.

[Katie R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit repetitive but interesting. I've read a couple books on birth order before, so I liked the zoomed in approach on middle children.

[Nancy M. Baggott · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book explained everything...I wish I would have read it years (many) ago. So many ah ha moments. This will help me in building even greater relationships with my sisters. Thanks