The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It

by Anthony T. DeBenedet, Lawrence J. Cohen

Everywhere you look, physical play—what some might call “roughhousing”—is being marginalized. Gym classes are getting shorter. Recess periods are being eliminated. Some new schools don’t even have playgrounds. Is it any wonder children retreat to “virtual horseplay” via video games?

But Drs. Anthony T. DeBenedet and Lawrence J. Cohen are here to shake things up—literally! With The Art of Roughhousing , they show how rough-and-tumble play can nurture close connections, solve behavior problems, boost confidence, and more. Drawing inspiration from gymnastics, martial arts, ballet, traditional sports, and even animal behavior, the authors present dozens of illustrated activities for children and parents to enjoy together—everything from the “Sumo Dead Lift” to the “Rogue Dumbo.” These delightful games are fun, free, and contain many surprising health benefits for parents. So put down those electronic games and get ready to rumble!

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Childrens, Audiobook, Self Help, Collections

192 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

Reviews

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I got it on kindle, then just ordered the hard copy to make my husband read it. I'm going to be giving it out as gifts like mad.

This book is challenging me to stop fretting about the lack of recess in schools and start DOING something about all of our down time at home. Instead of starting up another quiet craft project, we're playing tag inside and out and giggling a lot more! It also emphasizes WHY play and physical touch are so important to children and families, so if you get the stink-eye from someone for wrestling with a kid, you have plenty of info to spout off! It also discusses why letting your kids win is not only ok, it is GOOD; why rules are made to be broken (during safe playtimes, so they'll be better followed when necessary); why tickling past the point of fun is so mean, etc.

It is a very fast read, a great book to have on hand as a reference for ideas (play in small spaces, etc), and is going on my must-read list for parents - from infants to teenagers.

[Marc Rabell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amb ganes de provar alguna de les idees! Ja sabia jo que el joc és important, només m'ho han confirmat. Entretingut.

[Daciana Washburn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I guess I better teach my kids to jump off the roof safely 😂
I am not a roughhousing parent but I do have kids and after reading this book can definitely see the benefit of roughhousing together. Now to just do it!

[Joseph R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Modern life is rather sedentary. Kids are more likely to sit in front of big screens or down with little screens for unhealthy lengths of time. They spend their free time typing or swiping or just watching. This is one way for kids to play, but is it the best way?

Drs. Anthony DeBenedet and Lawrence Cohen present the case for a more dynamic and physically interactive way of playing in The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It. Their claim is "Play--especially active physical play, like roughhousing--makes kids smart, emotionally intelligent, lovable and likeable, ethical, physically fit, and joyful." [p. 13] They discuss each benefit in their first chapter, supporting their thesis in a credible way.

Most of the book is given over to suggestions of ways to roughhouse with children. The chapters are divided into various styles of play, including flight, games, and contact. Each chapter has six to ten possible activities. For example, the flight chapter includes the human cannonball (launching the child onto a mattress), the sleeping bat (hanging upside down), and the Flying Fox (acting as a human zip line). Basic skills are reviewed, ages are recommended, and safety tips provided. The chapters are quite entertaining to read and fun to experiment with (if you have access to kids!).

The book puts forth a convincing argument for roughhousing and provides great examples of how to roughhouse safely and joyfully.

SAMPLE QUOTE--on the problems of violence and sexual aggressiveness in school:

...when out-of-control violence--or out-of-control affection--is the problem, elimination of all physical contact is not the solution. The solution is more physical contact, as long as it's positive and mutually enjoyable. Healthy touch is also the antidote to the media's constant emphasis on sex and aggression as the dominant forms of physical contact. Roughhousing sends an alternate message: There are countless ways to be physically close and connected. The world of healthy touch is about friendship, camaraderie, nurturing, and fun--not sex or violence. [p. 100]

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very charming book. I agree that it's good for kids to roughhouse with their parents. Teaches them that it's okay to play around, but not to rough, and they won't break because of it. It also gets some aggression out and draws the parent/child relationship closer. My brother, sister and I roughhoused with our parents growing up. My brother rough houses with his kids. And they LOVE it! My 6 year old nephew calls it "bonding time". Every day he looks forward to playing around with his dad, he says it makes him tough. Cause he can get smacked with a pillow and he knows he'll be okay. (This is the same kid whose 1st sentence was, Mom watch this! As he bellyflopped off the back of the couch onto the floor, laughed, got up and did it again.)

I didn't realize that some "stunts" had names for them, I was suprised by that! Steamroller is my favorite. Takes people by suprise and they can't believe that a grown woman just yelled STEAMROLLER and is rolling over them! lol

*I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.*

[Jill Hardy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am really enjoying this book.
Oh to know that we know how to rough house and rough housing is good. We are doing something right.
Love the way this is written and it is an easy read and you just want to get up and try some of these "activities."

[Willa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantabulous! Every parent should read this.

[Novem · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned about this book through an article about how to manage a high energy and high intensity kid, and the book has been pretty useful so far and has a lot of ideas that make sense intuitively about the importance of play, physical contact, and being rowdy. The book has a "if you can't change your kid, join them" philosophy while helping them stay safe, of course. (E.g., take a kid who likes climbing to a climbing wall/gym, so at least they can learn/practice how to climb on and off things safely.) The book also has some illustrated examples of moves to try with your kid depending on what they're into. There are some that are familiar like the wheelbarrow and some new ones I'm trying out like wrestling. The idea is that your kid will learn how to better control their strength and intensity by watching how you do it, and the tricky part is just finding out which exact activities are best for your specific kid.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read, good ideas

“I wanna mess with you,” is the phrase my son uses when he wants to rough house. Sometimes 5 to 10 minutes of play can change his demeanor for the rest of the day or evening. In the first pages the author accounts a time in which he was roughhousing and it dawned on him, wondering if anyone had written a book on roughhousing. So, here it is.

It was a quick read, and reads mostly as a manual on how to roughhouse with some observations of the effects of roughhousing, or play. I suppose it’s a needed book, along the side of the articles and books promoting the need to recess, as it’s been forgotten.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I would have appreciated if all the lists of roughhouse ideas were in an appendix at the back, rather than at the end of each chapter. My interest was more in the Why of roughhousing than the What. Our kids take care of that pretty well on their own!

I didn’t read this needing to be persuaded this was a good idea. Someone who was against wrestling and all, don’t know that they would be persuaded by the book. Felt more like a few more ways and reasons to do what you’re probably already doing.

YES on kids needing to be active, get out, get bumped around and fall over and laugh without interventions and all. Emotional resiliency must be practiced, not with Helicopter Mom.

[Hannah Powell · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very useful book. It outlines ways to roughhouse (or have some horseplay, as we would say in the UK), and the benefits of doing so. It gives age recommendations for each method, and has diagrams to ensure you do it safely.

My daughter is nine and I wish I'd read this earlier! She definitely benefits from some horse play, and it can be difficult to know what to do, and how to keep it safe. I think it would be better in paperback so you can flick back and forth to choose a method of 'roughhousing', might well buy that version instead.

[Sabrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that explains the rationale behind rough play, is filled with creative games & helpful visual images. All of the rough play ideas have resulted in laughter, sweating, improvised rules creativity & a resounding “AGAIN!” I’ve seen confidence developing as they master “CLIFF HANGER” etc. As a mom I feel more connected & confidence myself in playing rough with them which has typical been an activity differed to dad.
Glad I actually bought this book so I can refer back.

[Ada Tarcau · Rating 3 out of 5]

A jovial, practical, easy to read book on rough and tumble play. The book is more of a collection of fun little games for children of all ages than a defence of roughhousing or an exploration of principles (it is these also, but without much depth).
The ideas - almost all amusing and inspiring, few redundant/obvious - are structured on various types of play (warming up, flight, games, contact, imagination, extreme roughhousing). My kids where delighted with what we've tried so far.

[L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Short and to the point, just enough research to convince me of the benefits of roughhousing to physical, socio-emotional, and intellectual development. Just enough vignette to help me see how I could apply some of the games to parenting and behavioral challenges. Well organized and and easy to flip through to find an activity that fits for us now.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book! The authors give many examples of how roughhousing is good for a child's mental and physical development, along with specific play techniques. Some of the benefits of horseplay include strength, creativity and courage. Also, it can increase the bond between parent and child. A must read for any parent!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never thought I would need a book to know how to rough house with my child, but unfortunately it does not come naturally to me. This book has a great overview of some ground rules, safety concerns and many ideas for games to try with various age levels and very detailed notes to make anyone feel comfortable trying them!

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me connect with my 17-months old in a way that’s both fun and meaningful. We love horsing around and enjoy being an “airplane”, the “balloonist”, the “squirrel”, all the good stuff! The illustrations are really helpful and I can see a real benefit in my son’s gross motor skill set since we started roughhousing. Great book! Can’t recommend it enough!

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is written for parents or caregivers with children 10 and under. It provides a wide array of play ideas for engaging with young children in a healthy, active way. I encourage you to review what has been languishing on your reading list from time to time. This one sat on my wish list for so long that it was no longer relevant for my 12-year-old.

[Catherine Symchych · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ll be saving this for when my nephew has his first kid. I roughhoused with my kindergarten students and was always proud that we could play hard outside and then come in for learning in a respectful atmosphere. It’s a little goofy for the book to give instructions, but I do understand that we often need a place to start before we feel comfortable making something our own.

[Andrew Post · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent primer on roughhousing, and a compelling argument in its favor (with lots of real-life examples to back it up). As a dad who worries about not being close enough to his kid (and any future kids), I found this extremely encouraging and helpful.

[Renee · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book does a good job of outlining the benefits of roughhousing and gives example moves. I appreciated the learning without the feel of a textbook. I wonder if the ideas would have been more solidified with the inclusion of a FAQ type section at the end.

[Sascha Griffiths · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some fathers overcome it others have to learn it. The book addresses both. The audiobook is a little... inconvenient. You don't really know what's going on in the descriptions of physical play. However, overall this short-ish book is a lot of bang for the buck.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely one to keep on the shelf for reference. Lots of great ideas for connecting with your kids through play.

[Dave Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the combination of psychology and games: a lot of how-tos for different, fun games and activities, along with strategies for helping build confidence and skills.

[Vv · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for little (easily liftable kids)! Led to lots of fun moments in the park!

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mostly a list of different wrestling/roughhousing activities, but some writing on the benefits of physical activity and roughhousing in general.

[Gregg R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun ideas. Encouraged me to keep wrestling with my kids.

[Dini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great ideas for rough and tumble play.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seriously want to own this book but expensive right now. One of its kind. Definitely get the print version for the pics. Awesome dad book.

[Richmond Vernon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought there would be more science behind the value of roughhousing. That was present, but much of the book is more of a how-to for parents that might not take naturally to roughhousing.