Side by Side: Supporting a Spouse in Church Service

by Jeanette Goates Smith

Your sweetheart has just been called to serve as bishop (or Relief Society president, elders quorum president, or Young Women President). What now? Does this mark the end of life as you have known it? Is there any way your marriage can survive the demands of this weighty responsibility? What of your relationship with your spouse, now that you must share him or her with others? As the wife of an LDS bishop, author JeaNette Goates Smith knows all about those late-night phone calls from ward members, the disappointment of having to cancel personal or family plans, living in the spotlight and under the scrutiny of the whole ward, sitting alone in the congregation with restless children while her husband/bishop is sitting on the stand, and watching her spouse wrestle with difficult situations and hard decisions. She also knows about the joy of service and the blessings that can come to a devoted Church leader and to his wife and family. She has had the satisfaction of being a supportive spouse and experiencing the closeness that comes when a couple works together in a righteous cause. Candidly addressing both the challenges and the rewards, and also writing from the perspective of a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Sister Smith shares her experiences and provides helpful tips on taking care of your spouse, taking care of yourself, taking care of your children, and taking care of the flock your spouse has been assigned to shepherd. Filled with insight, practical advice, expressions of faith, and a joyful testimony of service, Side by Side provides welcome encouragement to the man or woman whose spouse has been "called to serve."

Paperback

First published September 28, 2012

Reviews

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading this book years ago when my husband first got called as Bishop, but I only got halfway through. I finally pulled it back out and started again from the beginning. I rated this book five stars because I gained so much from reading Side by Side. This is a great book for anyone who desires to better support and serve those around them(not just their spouse). I really appreciated her perspective on service and how to create boundaries and know your limitations. I enjoyed the personal stories the author shares and found all the tools she shared helpful when life and callings get demanding. I only wish I would have finished reading it years ago.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book full of practical ideas and personal stories; I will refer to it often and recommend it to friends. It has removed some of the anxiety I’ve been feeling about a new and unfamiliar phase of life.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate the practical tips throughout. Since it’s written by a LMFT, it’s teaches lots of therapy tools, such as shaping thoughts, creating boundaries and communication. Some of it seems dated, but the meat and bones of the book was beneficial to me.

[Rebecca D · Rating 3 out of 5]

A dear friend gave this to me to read. It's a bit dated, but has some good suggestions.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved her perspectives and practical advice.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

After thinking about this book more, I upped my rating. It is really a great book, and wonderful resource. There is not a lot out there as far as instructions go to be a supportive spouse to someone with a heavy calling. When my husband was a Bishop, I longed for a good resource to answer many of the questions I had. This is that book in a very big way. I wish I'd found it 5 years ago. Smith offers practical advice for balancing, prioritizing and making appropriate sacrifices of time and talents. She discusses the way the calling affects the marriage, the family and children, and how to handle many hurdles that may arise.

No doubt selfless service can require much time and effort, but I love this quote from LDS prophet Spencer W. Kimball, "...the more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our soul"

This book is a very helpful resource in accomplishing any worthy service goals one may have regarding church service, and building "substance to our souls".

[Lesli · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book, because it was only 2 dollars, and I was about to make my husband quit being scout master. It helped me put my church service, and my husband's in perspective. I would totally lend it to anyone who was struggling with the high demands of LDS church service. The author was cheesy but she got her point across.

[Kristiana Silver · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for anyone whose spouse has a demanding calling. I learned so much about how I could support and help my husband serve in his calling without it taking over our lives. There has to be balance between church service, the day job, and family, and there is practical advice here on how to achieve that. Have your spouse read it too!

[Connie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the best book I have ever read on service and how it fits into our very busy lifestyles. It had so many good ideas and I wrote tons of notes. If you have ever struggled with a busy husband or wife and how to support them yet keep life in balance, this is the book to read.

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a great resource for spouses of those serving in big church callings. There were some great ideas throughout the book that I think everyone would really benefit from. I would recommend this book to those in need of a little comfort and direction.

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was just the extra boost I needed during a tough week as a new bishop's wife. It helped me to organize my thoughts and set goals for myself and seek the Lord's help as I begin this journey with my husband. I'm so glad I stumbled across this.

[Louan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perfect book for my present situation as a Bishop's wife.

[Jen]

I need all the help I can get!

[Tawnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband was called in to the bishopric and this was a great book with tips to always be supportive of each other!

[Lanita · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some great reminders. Some of the suggestions were presented in such a way that they really clicked for me. Parts of it I found some what repetitive, but overall I'm glad I read it.