Tornado Warning: A Memoir of Teen Dating Violence and Its Effect on a Woman's Life

by Elin Stebbins Waldal

Parents, teens, and survivors are lucky that Elin Stebbins Waldal has the courage to share her own harrowing experience with teen dating violence. At 17 she unwittingly fell in love with an abusive man. Tornado Warning is the true, honest portrait of how he whittled her down with words, hands, and weapons from a confident teen to the shadow of a woman.

But Stebbins Waldal offers more. Interwoven with her real-life journal, she reflects on how this relationship has affected her since, and how she is working to protect her teenagers from succumbing to a similar experience. Provocative and healing, Tornado Warning is a must-read for parents, women, and anyone who has suffered at the hands of a loved one.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

188 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2011

About the author

Elin Stebbins Waldal is the author of Tornado Warning, A Memoir Of Teen Dating Violence And Its Effect On A Woman’s Life.

Tornado Warning was a 2011 Mom’s Choice Awards® Gold Recipient in the Adult Book Category, won the About.com 2012 Readers’ Choice Award for Best Parenting Teens Book, placed as a Finalist in The 2012 Eric Hoffer Book Awards and won The 2012 Eric Hoffer da Vinci Eye Award for superior cover art.

Elin lives in Southern California with her husband, three children, and their family dog.

Reviews

[Stuart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tornado Warning Could Save YOUR Child from a Torturous Life of ABUSE or WORSE

Tornado Warning is one of the most powerful, heart wrenching true stories that I have been fortunate enough to read. The author courageously describes in chilling detail her late teen years suffering intolerable abuse at the hands of a narcissist.

Growing up in a well-to-do area and attending a good school many would falsely believe there wouldn’t be incidents of abuse. The author clearly highlights abuse is extensive and not contained to a particular socioeconomic group. Throughout our – civilized – society abuse is rife. I felt deep sorrow as she describes the vicious cycle of living in an abusive relationship. By uncovering the ghastly truth, she is reaching out to others that may travel the same frightful journey. As it is often said, prevention is better than cure, which is what makes Tornado Warning a vital book to read.

I strongly believe this brilliantly written book should be made available to all secondary colleges and libraries across the country----as the information contained inside could save your child, my child, or a friend. After finishing reading this powerful true story has left this reader with the utmost respect for the author. Highly recommended reading for all.

[Sabrina Rutter · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many books have been written on the subject of dating violence, but many fail to give the reader a clear understanding of why someone would stay in this type of relationship. Elin's memoir is probably one of the clearests examples of how someone gets sucked into this type of relationship, and why it is so hard emotionally to break away from one.
Elin describes it perfectly in her book how the victim is lured into an abusive relationship. The abuser doesn't start hitting you right away. They draw in, and make you feel like you are the most important person in the world which is a big part of why it is difficult to walk away. Who doesn't want to feel like they are best thing in the world!? Once they have that card in place then begines the needy part. They claim that they can't live without you making you feel like you are the only one that can help them.
Elin was drawn in like I described, but when it came to choosing herself or this man that abused her she chose herself. So many women and men choose their abuser, but Elin is a survivor! By sharing her story hopefully she can not only help those in similar situations, but also help family and friends understand what to look for if they suspect someone they love are being abused.

[Johannecr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really touched me. Not only because I know the author and her family but also because it is such an important topic for teenage girls. It brought me back to some of my own teen dating experiences and I wished there was someone back then I could’ve talk to. This book shows how teen violence happens to anyone and just creeps into a relationship little by little. It is such an eye opening book. The author is so right in stating that information is the best prevention against violence.

This book is an excellent book for book clubs. The topic is intense, very current and valuable for all.

Elin, thank you for writing this book.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Teen dating violence is more prevalent than many of us realize, and Waldal's book does an excellent job of exploring the dynamics of an abusive dating relationship, the vulnerabilities that lead to this type of relationship, and the things that women in abusive relationships do to try to explain or justify the situation. I would make this book recommended reading for all young, to help them better understand how dating violence can impact them throughout their lifetime, and to also understand that they are not alone and that there are resources out there that can help them to better cope with these types of situations.

[Maggie Meany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down.
Elin Stebbins Waldal's memoir "Tornado Warning" is a great read that inspires one to reach for the best in life. The candor and vulnerability in her writing draws you in and takes you with her during this tumultuous time in her life. You will feel for her pain and cheer for her triumphs!
While a must read for teens and parents, it is a truly fascinating book anyone would enjoy.

[Michelle Adamski Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Had the honor & delight to meet Elin at my neighborhood book club. This is a well-written, heart-wrenching memoir about her experience as a teenager with an abusive boyfriend. No matter if you think this story can't apply to you––if you have children, it does.

[Emily Alos · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I've read that deals with abusive relationships. Highly recommended.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, this book was powerful.... i wanted to reach in and save her, i wanted to reach in and help, i wanted to say, omg i understand you, i understand this, this is me, i am you, i cannot believe , my words are being written onto these pages... i am not alone..
wow. very well written Elin, you are so strong!!! your a brave and powerful woman!!
GREAT BOOK! GREAT READ!! I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN!








I've just won this book in a GR First Reads giveaway. I look forward to reading it once I receive it."
This book touches home, im very interested to read it!

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful and eye-opening! The author does a good job of explaining why she stayed in an abusive relationship for as long as she did. The book takes an interesting approach to dealing with a really difficult topic. Done in "two voices," the is not afraid to show the vulnerability or naivete of youth. At the same time, she looks back at your teenage years with honesty from her perspective as an adult and mother. Together, it makes for a very compelling and enlightening read.

[Sherri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Her story is heartbreaking but provides a very clear picture of the dymanics of dating violence and how hard it is to break free.

[Camryn M. · Rating 2 out of 5]

The nonfiction technique being used is purpose. The purpose and significance of this memoir is to inform the reader about a young woman’s harrowing experience dealing with relationship abuse. This is significant because the author tells the audience her story in hopes that it will inspire and inform young girls to notice and see if their relationships are violent. If the purpose was persuasive or argumentative, then Waldal might have come off as brash and not as easily enlightened readers about her experience. The appeal being made is emotional appeal. The relationship between emotional appeal and the purpose is that Waldal states of her distressful experiences, which could have happened to any teenage girl. She informs the readers of this and urges them to rethink their own relationships. The evidence is where Waldal is telling each account of when her boyfriend abuses her with words, emotionally, and with his fists.

[Yona · Rating 2 out of 5]

I bought this book at a candlelit vigil for another girl who'd been beaten to death by her boyfriend. The author was there signing copies.

The story shifts back and forth from the writer's diary at age seventeen to her relfections today on what happened and how it has continued to effect her. She does a wonderful job demonstrating how she was sucked into the relationship and how the warning signs went unnoticed, as well as the way the trauma of surving abuse doesn't just "go away" overnight. It's relateable--especially if you live in southern California or have been to some of the places she mentions.

I also thought she was classy in the way she talked about her ex husband (who was not her abuser.) It was personal and it was clear that she'd been hurt, but there was no disrespectful mudslinging. And she only talked about it in the context of who they'd been as a couple, not who he was as a person.

That said, the writing is far from exceptional--many of the similies and metaphors were cheesy and sentimental--but I was still compelled to keep reading. I wish her reflections were less circular however, because I feel like she says the same thing many times. I also don't think they're very well connected to the diary much of the time. Obviously it's all related because it's all her memoirs and it all relates to how she handled her challenges, but there could be a stronger transition between the past and present moments. Finally, I think it's understandable because they are reflections, but I'd like more "scene" content from the present-day bits.

Overall, Stebbins Waldal makes up for unimpressive diction with a powerful and courageous story. It's not the most spectacular book I've ever read so far, and I feel removed from the "today" section of the story, but I think this story is an important one to read, especially for girls and parents.

[Nolanmarg · Rating 4 out of 5]

A First Reads Giveaway book. A pretty quick read...the book keeps moving with diary excerpts and snippets of the "present". Insightful and enlightening without being gory. If Elin Stebbins Waldal has more books, I probaly will give them a try.

[Elin Waldal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shameless promotion on my part. ;-)

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A harrowing story but good reading for mothers of daughters...makes you realize anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse.

[Katy Flaherty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very powerful....!

[B Town · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very brave woman's story about being in an abusive relationship as a teen. Excellent!

[Dina Friedman · Rating 3 out of 5]

She does an excellent job illustrating the cycle of violence in abusive relationship and the first 20 pages are particularly captivating and beautifully written. It held my attention well through the teen relationship parts and I finished it in a weekend. There were a few unexpected disappointments though.

Her technique of going back and forth in time held much promise but is often disjointed and abrupt and about half way through I began to wonder if was in need of more editing to smooth and flesh out the transition between past and present. For instance, she mentions the death of a brother-but it wasn’t clear to me how he died, why it was mentioned, what their relationship was like, or how her family coped with that death, or why or what it had to do with the larger story. About ¾ of the way into the book we learn she was married once before her present marriage but aside from the reader wondering it it was an emotionally abusive relationship we don’t know why it was included, and then dropped within about a page and a half-which felt too abrupt.

I read this book because I was curious about the epiphanies a woman in her late 40s would have about being abused as a teen and how it continues to affect her life in the present, if at all. I also wanted to know how she found herself in an abusive relationship and why she stayed and became slowly cooked like a lobster.

It isn’t clear other than memories of the abuse, or the briefly mentioned first marriage, if the abusive relationship haunts her in other ways still or in her present marriage, other than some fears in her childrearing. I was disappointed about not learning more deeply how she has dealt with its impact if any on her present relationships.

The author seems to indicate this could happen to anyone and she shows the cycle of violence-which is very important for readers..nevertheless I found myself awestruck and confounded as time went on that an intelligent girl like her could have found this hillbilly abusive guy so attractive and compelling even if she was able to dismiss some of his behavior (while she was a teen) as a result of his tumultuous upbringing.

Were it not for her abuser having friends who intervened, a cop who intervened and the abuse ramping up to more obvious/extreme level that put her life in danger, and her having had parents who didn’t blame or shame her and kept open doors, and having had the opportunity to go to school to escape or to their home it is likely she’d be dead. Its an important counter-balance to popular fiction and movies which glorify and romanticize relationships which resemble abuse. The biggest takeaway for me was the lesson- you can’t change someone by loving them enough.

I would recommend it to someone who needs an illustration of the cycle of violence but not to someone who was looking for more insight about how it affects someone years later on a daily basis. I would have enjoyed this book more, and it might have found a broader audience, if it had the benefit of some more editing and another revision to smooth the transitions, flesh out some of the points and make those important epiphanies a little clearer.

[Heidi Fettig Parton · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this memoir, Elin Stebbins Walhal writes about teen dating violence from her own firsthand experience. She bravely shares her (long) journey to escape an abusive dating relationship to help others, whether directly or as a parent or support person of a teen or adult in an abusive relationship. This book helps answer the question, "Why don't you just leave?" While this memoir is definitely for the parents of teens who might know or suspect that their child is in an abusive relationship, it also could very well be the book you need to begin to understand and heal from any past trauma you might have suffered.

Brava, Elin! Thank you for writing this book.

[Daren anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Valuable Insight Into the Nature of Abuse

The book provides insight into how anyone could find themselves in an abusive relationship and have a hard time walking away, hoping and believing things have improved.

Elin Stebbins Waldal bravely tells the story of how she was a smart, confident, succeeding girl and then found herself in a cycle of abuse with a needy, erratic, sometimes sweet, sometimes violent, boyfriend.

Parents with kids that are dating or anyone in a relationship now or in the future will be interested to learn some early warning signs.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book....I don't really know where to start. Basically, I read this for school, but I decided to review it anyway. It's obviously completely different from what I usually read, non-fiction for starters, as well as being honestly depressing. I think I would've been disappointed if it wasn't depressing though. Considering it's a story about teen dating violence, if it wasn't depressing, I would be disappointed with Elin Stebbins Waldal's writing. I can honestly say that I wasn't disappointed.
Like the description says, it's written partially in journal entries during the almost 3 year period where Elin was dating Derrick, and partially in reflections from the adult Elin. These are clearly broken up by a whole flower, signaling that it is the adult Elin talking, and a shattered flower, signaling that it's a journal entry. The journals are also in italics. I liked this format, and it made what could have been something really confusing.....well.....not.

Basically, this book was really hard to get into, but that might just be because I read it for school. Some of the characters in the journal entries also seemed to appear out of nowhere/disappear into thin air. This is probably because there are journal entries that weren't included in the book, or some of the stuff just wasn't written down by Elin at the time. So I was slightly confused at time as to who some of Elin and Derrick's friends were when they randomly showed up. If you looked past this though, Elin explained herself and all of her feelings really well.

To see the rest of my review, go here: http://readwriteramble.blogspot.com/2...

[Cassie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Elin was a regular seventeen year old when she fell for Derrick after he saved her from a potentially dangerous situation at a party. She quickly came to love her hero but he was not the man she thought him to be. Derrick had a darker, more violent side. For two years, Elin suffered under Derrick's physical and emotional abuse. She covered the bruises, hid behind a facade, embarrassed to have fallen victim to domestic violence. Luckily, she was able to escape Derrick with her life. Elin is a survivor. And this is her story.

First I want to say that Elin is an incredible woman for having the strength to share her story. The story was beautifully written. I liked her descriptions, especially of herself after Derrick started abusing her. I'm not even going to pretend I know what Elin went through but I was completely able to relate. I, too, am a victim of domestic violence - although my situation was not nearly as bad as Mrs. Waldal's. This book brought back a lot of memories and I found it difficult to get through. The book switched back and forth between the past and what I assume was close to the present. Sometimes it was hard to follow, the pages of her diary especially. I thought that the book was also slow because there were some parts that didn't feel like they belonged. It was a little repetitive with quite a few of the sections of the book dedicated to her running. I wish I could give this book a higher rating and I have all the respect in the world for Elin Waldal but I just couldn't get into it.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this memoir because I work with teenage girls, and I wanted more information about teen dating abuse. What I got from the book was one woman's story of struggle and survival told through journal entries and time-shifting reflections. I am thankful for the shifts because they gave me breaks from the hurt and let my mind process a young woman's struggle to free herself from a nightmare of abuse. They also offered a ray of hope, as I saw that a girl who struggles with abuse can become a strong, independent woman. I know this was a hard book to write for the author, but her story will hopefully help young women in a similar place identify the problem and realize that they can overcome it. I will make this book available to my students, and I hope that those who need it, read it.

[Christine Young · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is such an important topic and I am so glad Elin was brave enough to tell her story. But I was distracted by the timeline...going back and forth between the past and the future. And, honestly, the writing wasn't that great. So I wasn't able to give it five stars like I'd like to. But I do think this is a very important book for girls to read. I had my tween read it. We tend to think we would never let ourselves get in to an abusive relationship. Or we would definitely leave if a guy ever hit us. But Elin shows that even strong girls can get caught up in an abusive relationship. Very powerful message.

[Sally · Rating 2 out of 5]

This would be a good book for teenagers and young people doing research on relationship violence. I didn't care for it and skipped many pages to just find out what happens in her life. There is a lot of skipping around, from past to present and back again, which can get confusing.
It was really nice to get this book on the giveaway list from goodreads!

[Jen Knox · Rating 5 out of 5]

An important and very accessible book that will keep a reader on edge in a necessary way. The writing herein is strong because of the author's candor, and there is a confidential tone that makes the reader feel as though she's being spoken to directly. I highly recommend this book, especially to teenagers and parents, who from either side of the abuse cycle may benefit from the author's story.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elin, you're amazing and such a strong woman! This book was so well-written & powerful. I couldn't put it down- the story seemed so real as I read it. Amazing how you took such a horrible experience and used it and your voice to speak out and make a change! ❤

[Serahe · Rating 4 out of 5]

"What people don't seem to get is the guy doesn't haul off and hit you on your first date. First there is the falling in love, followed by the extreme need, and then there's this slow erosion of self until without noticing it, the woman becomes unrecognizable even to herself." -Elin Stebbins Waldal

[Chere J · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a gripping story of her experiences. It was difficult to read parts of her story, and yet hard to put down.