Like Dew Your Youth: Growing Up with Your Teenager

by Eugene H. Peterson

Adolescence is a gift, writes author Eugene Peterson. "God's gift, to the parent in middle-age. This 'gift' dimension of adolescence is my subject. For adolescence is not only the process designed by the Creator to bring children to adulthood, it is also designed by the Creator to provide something essential for parents during correspondingly critical years in their lives. Christian parents are most advantageously placed to recognize, appreciate, and receive this gift God so wisely provides."

In Like Dew Your Youth Peterson shows how adolescence is a time for parents to enjoy a deeper, richer relationship with their children and for both parents and children to grow in their relationships with Jesus Christ. In addition to its wealth of positive, effective ways to deal with many of the problems and pains of growing up, this insightful book offers an understanding of parent-adolescent relationships that will help promote an atmosphere of communication, growth, frankness, forgiveness, love, and harmony in the home. Study questions at the end of each chapter help readers apply Peterson's practical, Bible-centered teaching. There are also tips for using this material within the framework of parental support groups.

Like Dew Your Youth provides a much-needed balm against the fear and anxiety bred by traditional views of this exciting period of life and properly orients parents and teenagers within this God-provided environment for spiritual growth.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian, Faith

125 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 1994

About the author

Eugene H. Peterson was a pastor, scholar, author, and poet. For many years he was James M. Houston Professor of Spiritual Theology at Regent College in Vancouver, British Columbia. He also served as founding pastor of Christ Our King Presbyterian Church in Bel Air, Maryland. He had written over thirty books, including Gold Medallion Book Award winner The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language a contemporary translation of the Bible. After retiring from full-time teaching, Eugene and his wife Jan lived in the Big Sky Country of rural Montana. He died in October 2018.

Reviews

[Marisa Maloney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like I need to bathe in the words of this book for the next 5 years of my life. This book is timeless and so encouraging for parents of teens. Helps enjoy and look forward to this season and not dread.

I also love how he talked about the difference between our parenting with children vs parenting with teens. That helped me understand why certain things worked the. But not now.

A few items feel a bit dated but not enough for me to care. I have literally told anyone I know who has 11- teens to read this book.

[Molly Grimmius · Rating 5 out of 5]

In preparing for my upcoming adolescent years of my children, I was recommended this book and I highly recommend it likewise. It was such a good pull back of reminding how God is using this time of growth in our kids to grow us. It is a time to show our faith and in action and talk through all these things. I really appreciated his biblical examples, style of writing and examples of working through ‘common’ teenage situations.

[Trevor Schaefer · Rating 3 out of 5]

The thesis of this book is that adolescence is a gift of God to parents in our middle age, when we are prone to stagnation and depression. In these middle years, failures and disappointments accumulate and ideals and expectations are experienced as fatigue. Adolescents bring a challenge to grow, testing our love as well as our limits.
His argument is stated in the Preface (p.vii), when he quotes Psalm 110:3 that youth is not a permanent feature of our lives, like dew is not a permanent part of the landscape. As such, there are ways to avoid or dismiss the adolescent and still keep up the appearance of being a parent.
The structure of the book is 12 short chapters, each headed by an actual teenage saying. The first paragraph of each chapter is a statement of its theme. There are study questions at the end of each chapter, designed to be used in small groups of parents.
In chapter 2 the theme is personal identity. Adolescence is the time when we become ourselves (p.11). The experiences and training of childhood are reformulated and individualised into a personal identity. Parents have much less control over this process than they would like and their loss of control causes anxiety.
In chapter 3 the theme is the church. In search of personal faith, adolescents reject everything that is impersonal. Unfortunately, Peterson’s model father (p.27) sounds rather too verbose. Bob Kempe’s comment was that an adolescent is likely just to retort “So what?” to his model advice ( 28-11-01).
In chapter 4 the theme is authority and rebellion. Peterson tells the story in Luke 2:41-51 of Jesus in the temple at the beginning of his adolescence. It is a good story for Christian parents to ponder, even though it gives no easy answers to parents facing rebellious children, as Joseph and Mary do not attempt to beat or cajole Jesus into submission. The author suspects that many parents prefer the advice of Proverbs 13:24, because it gives them an excuse to beat their children rather than listen to them. In the Study questions, he asks, “How do you feel when your parental authority is defied? What do you do?”
In chapter 5, Peterson argues that the so-called ‘generation gap’ is a fabrication of fools (p.39). He knows that there is a breakdown in communication between the generations, but misunderstanding should not be treated as inevitable, the way the modern dogma prescribes.
In chapter 6, Peterson wisely notes that the insecurity of adolescence requires a great need to trust and be trusted.
In chapter 7, one of the great frustrations of this period of our lives is bared. The kinds of love that worked and were satisfying, both from parent to child and from child to parent, no longer work and are no longer satisfying. This provides a challenge for parents to grow as well as their adolescents.
In chapter 8 the theme is hypocrisy. As adolescents develop powers of abstraction, they learn to formulate general principles and from them to make application to specific situations (p.63). When the principles are moral, they practice on their parents, much to the latters’ discomfort.
In chapter 9 the theme is goal confusion in adolescence. Peterson gives the great commission in Matthew 28:19-20 as the basic text for the meaning of Christian work (p. 74). But why is this the only text chosen? Why not also the parable of the sheep and goats in Matthew 25, with its promise, “when you do this unto the least of these my brethren, you do it unto me”? Or Matthew 22 and the great commandment to “Love your neighbour as yourself”?
In chapter 10, the symbolic value of the automobile is skilfully drawn (p.79). In American society (as well as Australia), the automobile is a symbol of freedom and independence for adolescents. On the other hand, it is a symbol of danger and irresponsibility for parents and therefore a threat.
In chapter 11, the dangers of addictions are described. He says that adolescents are like the canaries in the mines that miners used to take underground with them, to warn of the presence of toxic gases. He warns that adolescents are also succumbing first to the growing toxicity of our culture.
In chapter 12 the theme is forgiveness. One of the study questions asks, “What is the most striking experience of forgiveness you have had?”
In his conclusion, Peterson leaves us with the encouraging message that in the Bible, there are no exemplary families.

[Michelle Fournier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly, highly recommend. So much insight and thoughtful examination of scripture and experience. Some of the “big issues” specifically addressed (like drugs) may be less of an issue than other big issues of our day, but the same thoughtful considerations and conversations can apply.
As a parent of younger teens, it’s interesting I never thought/considered a parenting book about teens despite having read many parenting books for younger children through the years. I was simply reading through a list of Peterson’s books after enjoying a few this past year;This title stood out to me and I am so glad I sought it all. Definitely buying myself a copy and well worth the wait for Interlibrary loan.

[Chris Frakes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I pulled this book out of the “free bin” at my favorite bookstore. Why it was there I’m not sure I’ll ever know. This book taught me more about myself, my own heart, my propensity toward acting out of my own selfishness than could have ever been anticipated. At the same time, it was packed with a constant barrage of Biblical wisdom and insight from as many angles as it possessed words on how to parent teenagers. As someone who works with students and families in the church, this will be the first resource I put into the hands of parents from now til another comes along that can top it. This book was a revelation, if I could give it more stars I would.

[Ethan Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some of Peterson’s examples are a bit dated, but this is a must read for parents, pastors, and youth workers.

[Graig · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was one of my favorite Eugene Peterson books. It’s so practical and real. I would recommend it to current and past parents of teenagers.

Thanks to my daughter for giving it to me when we were dealing with some teenager issues.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really fantastic, as pretty much all Peterson's work is. While it is dated, the principles and struggles at play are still relevant today.

Highly recommend for any Christian parents of emerging teenagers!

[B.j. Larson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book just as my oldest was turning 13! What a gift to enter into the season of raising an adolescent with the sage wisdom and advise of Eugene Peterson. The perspective Peterson has is just what I need--a man who can look back over decades, see objectively what is true and necessary for this stage of moving from youth into adulthood, and concisely direct parents.

[Ryan Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are seeking a “how to” manual, don’t bother. If you are seeking a tongue-lashing or a hearty pat-on-the-back atta boy, go elsewhere. But if you are seeking keen insights packaged in pithy and powerful words, read this book. Peterson always helps me see things in a different light and gives beautiful voice to things I’ve either been thinking or wished I was wise enough to be thinking. He does not disappoint here on a very difficult and sometimes troubling topic for parents like me - adolescence and children becoming adults. In most everything, Peterson is right on the money (even though some topics likely have been changed by our lightning-quick societal movement). I related in memory to what he wrote about teenage angst personally and identified with many of his thoughts on what this means for parents, both in our feeling about our child and our need for spiritual growth and maturity. Excellent all around - but I expected as much.

[Beatrice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I may not necessarily agree with some minor things in this book, it is nonetheless an excellent one filled with the type of insight and wisdom that I haven't found in other parenting books yet! It's one directed at the parents' growth, too, not just that of the adolescent, because for as long as we have breath, our whole life is indeed a journey! Taking the journey of adolescence together is something that is not normally talked about.. This book really puts things in a better and deeper perspective, and the applications can be adapted to our current time! I couldn't put this book down.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Did I agree with everything the author said? No. Do I have some different theological beliefs than the author professed? Yes. But did this book challenge, dig deep, and reveal some unbelievably profound insights into growing with my teen? A resounding YES! My husband and I read a chapter or more each evening until we completed it and I went from terrified of the years ahead to excited. I went from completely at a loss to having a very hopeful and exciting view of the adventure that is ahead. So highly recommended.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If parents will not permit the possibility of dissent they also prevent the possibility of a free yes.

Murray Kempton: the test of maturity is the forgiveness of one's elders

I wish I would have discovered this book five years ago but better late than never. Peterson contends that the friction and distance between parent and teen is actually a gift for both parties. This small book is packed with insight, wisdom and hope, and other than some dated examples, continues to be relevant today.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the most impactful parenting book I have read. It’s wisdom is rooted love and in dripping with grace. The second half of the title “Growing Up with Your Teenager” is essential to the heart of the book. The challenge in each chapter is to reflect on how these adolescent years are so formative in the lives of parents as well. We are in a profound season of opportunity to grow and deepen together. Even in the process of my first read, I have already begun the process of rereading, and am certain I will return to it over and again in the coming years.

[Joshua Carney · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Peterson. I will read him to listen to his voice and appreciate this command of the written language. That being said this book, copyright, 1976, felt dated to me. Surely the cultural landscape has changed drastically in 50 years and consequent issues that teens face, but still, his approach to some of the issues, be they theologically robust, felt semi-helpful. Knowing how much wisdom he brought to other books and conversations, I wonder if he would have written it differently if he waited say 20 more years to write it.

[Julia Cheung · Rating 3 out of 5]

A devotional feel to the book, emphasizing how the teenaged years are a discipleship for both the parents and the teens—that these difficult years are ones in which parents must grow in character. Gives specific advice about how to talk to teens about drugs and driving, among other things. I’ll need to look back on this - because I did underline a lot of things, but all I can seem to remember is that the book speaks in tones of kindness and comfort vs fear and anxiety.

[Dan Glover · Rating 4 out of 5]

Much wisdom for parents of adolescents, or for parents who need to reflect on how to talk to their older children about where they should have parented differently. The premise is that God wants to use the stage of parenting adolescent children to grow and shape the parents in grace to be more like him even as he grows the kids in grace (hopefully through the parents and the broader Christian community).

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fresh and valuable insights in an older book. While some of the references and language are a couple of decades out of date, the principles are as relevant now as ever. Very glad that a friend’s post prompted me to pick this up as my oldest are entering their adolescent years.

One thing I think I will not soon forget is Peterson‘s admonition to take an adolescent’s irritatingly insightful criticism as a welcome opportunity for growth.

[Tiffany Lopez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title confusing, book encouraging

I was so surprised that Peterson wrote a book on parenting as he is not at all a how-to kind of author. Like his other works which I love this one is on becoming. I was surprised at his knowledge of teen development and found comfort and encouraging in becoming closer to Christ, and more like Christ, during this season

[Margaret Mechinus · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great perspective on raising teenagers, to see it as a time of spiritual growth for the parents as well as for the teen. This is the gift of adolescents to their middle age parents. Peterson encourages parents to examine their own character and communicate their own struggles with their teens so that both can grow toward spiritual maturity. A lot of wise, grandfatherly advice (a little dated- first written in 1976) but still looks at age old conflicts between parents and teens with chapters like -“You Can’t Make me.” “You never trust me.” “You’re nothing but a hypocrite.” “Can I have the car tonight?”

[Dorcas Showalter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. The first time I read it, I processed through my own teenage years and also felt so encouraged about our children's coming teenage years. I committed to reading this book every year while our children are in their teenage years- each year I have found a new friend to go through it with me.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Needed encouragement

Great insights on how to view and redeem the teenage years and really parenting in general. Biblical truth and hope for a time that we should seek to trust God and enjoy his gifts rather than fear.

[Ruthann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fast read- structured more like a devotional I really appreciated the practical wisdom within its pages and the perspective given in the first few chapters of the book! Very helpful as we enter these teenage years with our boys.

[Jennifer Rutherford · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. I will definitely be reading again.

[Albertus Minimus · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short book with excellent and practical insights. The only issue I had is that the author somewhat reads into some of the Scriptural passages.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

For not having adolescents yet, this book was still surprisingly relevant and good.

[Lise · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit dated so only 4 stars, but great ideas to ponder and discuss.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

5⭐and beyond! I hope I reread it each time I get a new teen.

[Ashley McNeese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every parent should read this!

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful!!