Divine Quietness: Finding Meaning When Heaven is Silent

by Emily Robison Adams

Do you ever feel like your sincere, heartfelt prayers are ignored or met with silence? Do you wonder why a loving God would ever refuse to answer? Divine Quietness explores the reasons God sometimes answers our prayers with silence, in spite of our best efforts. Through the lens of her own experience and drawing on literature from many faith traditions, Emily Robison Adams discusses new ways of thinking about faith, doubt, and divine quietness. This thoughtful new book will help you learn to rethink your assumptions underlying what it means to have faith and how to connect with God even in quietness.

Genres: Religion, Nonfiction, Faith, Spirituality, Church, Lds, Audiobook

128 pages, Paperback

Published March 6, 2023

Reviews

[Kimberly Christenson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book unexpectedly came as a big answer to my prayers (said and unsaid) pleading to find and feel Heavenly Parents and Jesus after stripping my faith to the ground. I'm grateful for the way Emily normalizes doubt and instead of the doubt-shaming which is unfortunately so prevalent in our faith. I felt solidarity in her questions, the distance she felt from God, and the depression she battled. It reminded me that one of God's ultimate priorities and values is allowing us our agency and freedom, and that he wants us to choose what to believe, not be spoon-fed every decision and dogma.

[Hope · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly what I need as I struggle to find my place as a liberal LDS woman in rural Missouri. I’ve always been a natural questioner. As I continue to move forward in my faith with more questions than answers, I know that I can continue to develop a relationship with God. It was a read that came in a timely manner. I appreciate and welcome the vulnerability without the usual platitudes I find in typical religious books. I found it comforting without the shame.

[Tasha (the_clean_read_book_club) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Christian non-fiction is such an interesting genre for me--and quite honestly one of my favorites. My faith is the biggest part of who I am. Some books resonate with me and some do not. I loved this line early into the book: 'This is a book about my experience; it is unique to me. Please take what is helpful and leave the rest.'

It framed my experience with this book into exactly what I needed it to be. Some of the experiences/situations this author relates about didn't apply to me, some did, but through it all the feelings and ability to recognize the feelings that were being felt would apply to almost anyone of the Christian world.

'I had an idea that God could not disappoint me because God is perfect. I had several ideas that resided in absolutes about how God would always show up in my life and therefore always meet my expectations. But my expectations are limited by my view; they are not divine and sometimes not even in my best interests. A perfect God should not be confined to meeting my expectations, because my expectations are not perfect.'

The author walks us through four stages of a "faith cycle": simplicity, complexity, perplexity and harmony; and then breaks them down into sections of doubt, rethinking, quietness rethought, God's will, faith rethought, spiritual nourishment, The Body of Christ, and lastly foundation.

God's will was my favorite section and resonated with me the most. Anyone who has felt feelings of disappointment, grief, and not having righteous desires answered how or when you wanted them could find this section helpful. In one of my favorite sections, she tell us, 'I am learning to be more like Martha: to found my faith on Jesus, not on formulas I expect Jesus to follow...My focus needs to be riveted on Jesus and who he is rather than what I expect him to do. This can be really challenging, because innately I feel that if I am obedient then I should receive something in return."
...
Adam Miller has said, "the aim of the gospel isn't simply to give us what we think we want. Rather, its aim is to show us that what we thought we wanted isn't what God, in all his goodness and wisdom and mercy, is actually trying to give.
...
The author follows up with her thoughts that, 'Sometimes those are the only places where we are humble enough to see ourselves as we truly are and become willing to reach out to God as he truly is."

I loved the directness from this author and her willingness to share about her faith and experiences with divine quietness. I think this book could be helpful for so many, in so many individual circumstances. The thoughts and feelings portrayed are applicable to everyone, and I truly mean everyone. Our individual situations will be unique, but the feelings are not.

'Gethsemane required Jesus to accept the strengthening hand of a messenger--instead of the escape He had prayed for. Calvary required Jesus to hold fast to what He knew about His Father's love--even when His Father seemed far away." Jesus could trust in God in all circumstances, including when it would have been easy to conclude that God was absent or aloof.'

Overall, this book was really well written. I found a lot to take away from it and I did exactly what the author said...I took what I needed and left the rest.

Thanks to the author for the copy. All thoughts in this review are my own.

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible, personal walkthrough of the faith cycle. The research done for this book was thorough and presented beautifully, and tied together with her own personal experience. I found this so uplifting without being self righteous. It makes you feel better about wherever you are in your faith. She is so open about not having answers to her questions and doubts, and yet also shows lovely ways to BE OKAY WITH THAT and possibly start moving through it. If you are getting (or giving) the silent treatment from God, read this book.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had a definite autobiograpy vibe. Books like this need personal stories and insights so I'm wondering why this wasn't speaking to me. Even after mulling this over, I'm still not quite sure. I liked the message though and I could appreciate the research....so 3 stars.

[Mallory Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was very impactful for me. I loved the preface in the beginning to “take what is helpful and leave the rest”.
It gave me some additional insight on how to approach my relationship with God, Jesus, and the gospel.

[Lindsay Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is so good ♥️ I love how she explained introspection and how it can broaden our views and understanding of faith. Such a good read

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a helpful book about faith even and especially when God seems silent in our lives. Each experience is different, but the author helps us see silence as an invitation to grow.

"With one exception, the answers never came. After asking a question several ways, I would assume that divine silence meant assent or at least not disapproval. So I moved forward (p. 1)."

"I keenly perceived a gap in my ability to obtain... revelation(p. 2)."

"God felt gone. For a time, I was in denial: maybe God wasn't really gone; perhaps I was still praying incorrectly, or maybe I didn't need an answer, or maybe God was too busy (p. 3)."

"What triggered my faith struggle was God not answering my prayers about the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon in a way what I could recognize, which let to my spiritual life going dark (p. 3)."

"I started playing with the idea that I was acceptable to God in my doubting, angry, bargaining, and depressed stages (p. 4)."

"I realized I had internalized the assumption that God was, in many ways, formulaic--that if I did certain things, God would respond in certain ways (p. 4)."

"Each of us walked our own path, but we could lean on and learn from each other. This is a book about my experience; it is unique to me. Please take what is helpful and leave the rest (p. 5)."

"Jesus did not heal the son until after the father had recognized his doubts... Jesus did not shame this father when he asked for help with his unbelief... Although unbelief was not a barrier to Jesus helping the father, unbelief was a barrier in other parts of Jesus's ministry... The father wanted to believe and brought his doubts to God; the people in Jesus's hometown were unwilling to believe and held their doubts tightly (p. 7)."

"'Doubt is not wrong unless it becomes an end in and of itself' (Dale G. Renlund, p. 9)."

"Simplicity... 'revolves around a simple mental function of sorting nearly everything into one of two categories'... When we begin to itch at some of the rigidness in Simplicity, we move to Stage Two: Complexity... However, when we do not see the results we were promised even though we followed all the rules... We move to Stage Three: Perplexity. In Perplexity, we discover that some things about our faith are 'mess' (p. 10)."

"We learn to hold 'knowing and unknowing' together as 'complements' rather than 'opposites' (p. 11)."

"At some point, my doubts began to tip away from doubting God towards doubting my understanding of God. I began to think about how I thought about God (p. 12)."

"No amount of squinting solves the problem... Squinting is exhausting. The eyes get tired. The brain gets tired. The old ways of seeing do not work. The only way to see a clear image again is to wear corrective lenses so that the light is refracted differently into the eye. And the strength and prescription for those lenses is unique to the shape and curvature of each eye (p. 15)."

"Doubt... does not have to be destructive to faith... it can prompt us to ask questions and consider viewpoints that were never on our radar (p. 15)."

"Our God is one who repeatedly asks us to assess where we are and move closer to him. This is a God who invites thinking and rethinking (p. 17)."

"When God went quiet, I felt I had lost God (p. 19)."

"Recovering from depression and anxiety does not necessarily mean feeling happy and calm (and totally spiritual) all the time (p. 20)."

"I found some of the scientific processes helped in my spiritual rethinking (p. 20)."

"Sometimes the laws that have withstood scrutiny for hundreds of years hit something the laws cannot explain, and the laws need to be reexamined. But sometimes we have the law right, and we just have bad data (p. 22)."

"I don't think that I can scientific-method God to figure out who God is(p. 23)."

"I see a God who consistently challenges human ideas of who God is supposed to be... I see a God who invites us to rethink (p. 25)."

"Peter had to allow Jesus to serve him. Jesus willingly interacts with the dirtiest, hardest parts of our souls. This is not the picture of an aloof, sovereign-like God who does not want to get his hands messy... Jesus pushed Peter to rethink what Jesus's role was: Jesus came to help and to serve. Peter had to allow Jesus to do what Jesus was already willing and ready to do. Peter had to reform his image of godliness (p. 29)."

"Rethinking invites me to embrace the very unlikely reality that I cannot know all of God. Rethinking allows me to accept that not knowing does not mean that I give up (p. 29)."

"The quietness triggered the depression (p. 31)."

"Because I had never thought that divine quietness could be a refining experience, I spent a lot of time either denying the quietness, trying to find a quick way to get back to God, pondering my worthiness, or questioning the nature and existence of God (p. 32)."

"Sometimes God seems to go quiet, even during times when we desperately need him (p. 32)."

"Not only could quietness stimulate growth, it could also develop attributes--patience, compassion, and gratitude--that mature when times are difficult (p. 33)."

"Others recognize divine quietness as an invitation into a different relationship with God, one that acknowledges the other's presence without needing communication... Communion with God--that intimate sharing of feelings with God--can be done in silence... because 'silence is the only language spacious enough to include everything and to keep us from slipping back into dualistic judgments and divisive words' (Richard Rohr, p. 34)."

"In rethinking quietness, some have urged to not reduce God to words or feelings; in other words, God is not just active in our lives because of what he says, or because we can feel the presence of the Holy Ghost... God can be active in our lives in a variety of ways (p. 34)."

"I don't know why Mother Teresa's divine quietness was so severe, but her book was a gift to me (p. 35)."

"For a reason I cannot explain, there seemed to be a golden thread that connected to me to heaven; I felt tied, and I felt compelled to stay and keep trying (p. 36)."

"Just showing up was one of the only things I felt that I could do to demonstrate to God that I was still interested and trying, even if--to others--my efforts seemed minimal (p. 37)."

"I had always equated the presence of God (or the Spirit) with feeling something... It was challenging to think of the possibility that God could be equally present when I was feeling nothing (p. 38)."

"I am learning to view divine quietness as a refining experience, as a tool God uses to clear out notions that clutter and weaken faith through the painful process of riveting my attention on what I wanted most but could not find: God (p. 39)."

"A quiet God is not an angry God or a careless God or an arbitrary God... Quietness can be an invitation to a deeper look at myself and at my relationship with God (p. 44)."

"I could find God in that quiet space (p. 44)."

"Formulas became problematic when I slowly turned God into a formulaic God (p. 45)."

"Wouldn't it be convenient if God had to respond in a particularly way if I did certain things? In many ways, I liked the idea of a controllable god (p. 47)."

"'Some misunderstand the promises of God to mean that obedience to Him yields specific outcomes on a fixed schedule' (D. Todd Christofferson, p. 47)."

"God's most compelling characteristics are incompatible with a vending-machine god. For example, I am inspired by seeing the rulers of the universe as loving heavenly parents who are invested in me... Pure love... is patient and kind; it is not jealous, boastful, arrogant, rude, self-serving, or resentful (p. 47)."

"Sometimes true parental love is not giving a child what she wants; sometimes it is allowing a child some space to figure things out on her own. True love balances immediate desires with needed growth (p. 48)."

"Strong backs do not come from sitting. Rather, strong backs come from working the muscles to the point that they tear slightly, and in the process of repairing those muscles, the body adds extra tissue to make the torn muscle stronger. If God always gives me what I want in a predictable way, I would never be forced to work hard enough to tear and then strengthen my emotional or spiritual muscles. And those strong muscles are necessary to handle the weight of glory that God wants to share (p. 48)."

"Grace is an enabling power that fills our lives and has nothing to do with our abilities or what we have done (p. 49)."

"His healing, in some cases, was not contingent on people being aware of who he was or what he could do; he just healed because it helped those in need (p. 50)."

"In the case of Lazarus--a man he loved from a family he loved--Jesus chose not to heal even when he was asked to do so (p. 51)."

"Despite Jesus not healing Lazarus or promising that he would resurrect Lazarus immediately, Martha believed that Jesus was God. She could believe even though Jesus had not show up in her life as she had hoped. Her belief, then, centered on Jesus and who he was and what he had promised to do at some future point, even though she did not have a timetable for when those promises would be fulfilled (p. 52)."

"Jesus did eventually raise Lazarus from the dead. But Lazarus's resurrection was not the focus of the story: it was Martha's declaration of her faith in Jesus after a period of painful waiting. Perhaps that waiting space allowed Martha to wrestle with her belief and doubt in a way that an immediate healing would not... Jesus's waiting was intentional and born from love and a broader perspective (p. 52)."

"'Deliverance from our trials is different for each of us, and therefore our focus should be less about the way in which we are delivered and more about the Deliverer Himself' (Amy A. Wright). My focus needs to be riveted on Jesus and who he is rather than what I expect him to do (p. 53)."

"I am learning to base my faith on just Jesus. But sorting out just Jesus can be hard... 'What we say about him is never more than a reflection of the particular circumstances in which we speak of him and the relationship that we have with him at that moment' (James Faulconer, p. 53)."

"Sometimes God does not show up when we want and how we want (p. 54)."

"I realized that faith arose from thoughts I had about God. That made faith in God not something external that happened to me. Rather, faith became more of a choice: I could choose the thoughts I had about God, and I could choose thoughts that engendered trust in God (p. 56)."

"I could desire to have faith, I could desire to believe, even if I did not feel like a could have faith or believe at the moment (p. 56)."

"Desire is the foundation (p. 57)."

"Although at my lowest points I wanted to look back at my life and see an absent God, remembering these events pushed me to question that interpretation of my history. When I chose to remember an event in my life as evidence of a God who at the very least cared about me, my desire to stay with God grew (p. 58)."

"Faith can be a synonym for trust... I could believe in God, but I did not trust God (p. 60)."

"The scriptures consistently invite us to seek to know God (p. 60)."

"When God does reveal himself, sometimes the gap between God and humans is even more profound (p. 61)."

"'True seekers understand that, of necessity, ambiguity and gray areas exist, and they embrace rather than fear the inherent uncertainties. The possibilities fascinate them rather than threatening the veneer of peace that the overly definitive creates. It is the very acknowledgment of uncertainties that causes true seekers to look at subtleties, new angles, and potential alternatives and to be open to new ideas, often leading to further light and truth... Embracing ambiguity, ironically, can eventually lead to clearer answers in the end that the comfortable, dogmatic declarative. Ambiguity can be one of the best friends of faith' (Anthony Sweat, p. 62)."

"'Calvary required Jesus to hold fast to what He knew about His Father's love--even when His Father seemed far away' (Wendy Ulrich, p. 63)."

"Instead of grounding faith in an obedience-reward system, we should ground our faith 'in the goodness of God' (p. 63)."

"I was overwhelmed with the feeling that God was good. I finally began to understand the concept that goodness comes from somewhere, and that somewhere is God. I am learning that it is possible to base my faith on the goodness of God: Jesus is good (p. 63)."

"I have sat in rooms with those who seem to pray to a God who is immediately present; I never figured out how to achieve that type of closeness. Yet prayer was still part of my routine, and once in a while I would feel a brief connection. In quietness, however, much of my desire to pray disappeared. The prayers I did say were not earnest... Should I ask for anything at all (p. 64)?"

"I was determined to figure out who God was by reading all the standard works with the question Who is God? in mind (p. 66)."

"I was angry, and I thought that God was unkind, demanding, and wrathful because he went quiet. And those insecurities and fears came through in my scripture reading. I saw what I was looking for (p. 67)."

"God could be both loving and unresponsive, or loving and also angry at times. God could be both (p. 69)."

"In my darkest moments, I needed Psalm 88 as a reminder that quietness happens to lots of faithful people and is painful (p. 70)."

"These scriptural writings 'avoid simplistic solutions to complex problems. It's almost as though God trusts us to approach those problems with wisdom, to use discernment as we read and interpret, and to remain open to other points of view' (Rachel Held Evans, p. 70)."

"'The scriptures are not the ultimate source of knowledge, but what precedes the ultimate source. The ultimate knowledge comes by revelation' (Dallin H. Oaks, p. 71)."

"The scriptures are... humanity's best shot at articulating God's inspiration. The inspiration can be hard to express in words, especially if that inspiration comes in a feeling or a sense that something is true or involves something that is not within our daily experience (p. 71)."

"Along with giving the scripture writers grace, I can examine their articulation of certain principles through the lens of the restored gospel (p. 72)."

"'Reading everything Joseph Smith wrote or was reported to have said has simply strengthened [my] testimony of Joseph's role as a prophet chosen of God to restore His work on earth' (Dale G. Renlund, p. 73)."

"I am learning to approach the scriptures with more curiosity (p. 73)."

"If prayer is 'first and foremost a vehicle of relationship,' then prayer can look like a lot of things... talking out loud while kneeling, whispering while lying down, pouring out thoughts while walking... telling God about our day, our hopes, and our dreams... inviting God into a still space or into a working space... pondering on a scripture (p. 75)."

"As she prioritized sitting twice each week, she began to feel that God did come sit with her, and when he did, he did not bring a list of things for her to do (p. 76)."

"'These are all good things. You can do whatever you like. But this is not what I care about right now. I care about you' (p. 76)."

"We can engage in this kind of prayer by 'simply inviting God to join us at whatever empty chair we see or can imagine, opening our heart to let Him come close and sit with us as we wrestle with a problem, or feel sad, or just stare in wonder at the night sky' (Wendy Ulrich). This is a type of prayer I had never thought about before (p. 77)."

"In my struggles with God, was it possible that I had leaned away from God's words a bit and relied on others and myself for strength? What did relying on God's strength mean in this scenario (p. 79)?"

"Perhaps giving Jesus our burdens is one way or relying on God's strength (p. 79)."

"'Serious doubt, the kind that leads to despair, does not begin when we start asking God questions, but when out of fear, we stop' (Rachel Held Evans, p. 80)."

"Having one heart and one mind... means that God's 'will and interest become our greatest desire' (D. Todd Christofferson, p. 81)."

"The body works best when the eye operates as an eye and is not trying to be a foot, or when the foot works as a foot and is not trying to be the pancreas. Each part is valuable in its own right, and each part does the most good to the body when it lives up to its own uniqueness (p. 82)."

"I adopted Gerrit W. Gong's counsel to make church 'a place of grace and space, where each can gather, with room for all' (p. 83)."

"Everyone in the faith community was an important member because of their uniqueness, and that uniqueness strengthened the entire community, even if that uniqueness caused some bumps and bruises along the way (p. 83)."

"What I find hard to hear might end up being an answer to someone else's prayer (p. 84)."

"Differences in our church congregations 'can be seen as an opportunity. God will help us see a difference in someone else not as a source of irritation but as a contribution. The Lord can help you see and value what another person brings which you lack' (Henry B. Eyring, p. 85)."

"All of us are at different stages in our faith. My job is not to convince people to join me at the place where I am, but rather to support others wherever they may be (p. 85)."

"I sent a draft to my Relief Society president, letting her know that I could write something different if needed. She did not need something different. She sent out what I had written. I had several women reach out after they read it to give me encouragement and love (p. 86)."

"Sometimes we found satisfying answers to our questions. Many times we did not. Oftentimes we just supported each other through the quietness (p. 87)."

"Being willing to sit in uncomfortable places with those who are struggling... is the essence of living our baptismal covenants (p. 87)."

"'You are mourning a loss. And I am to mourn with you' (Spencer Fluhman, p. 88)."

"Connection and vulnerability are healing (p. 89)."

"I wanted to teach from a place of genuineness... I was determined to bring my full self to church, even the messy parts (p. 89)."

"Those Relief Society lessons pushed me to challenge my assumptions and engage with talks or themes that I had avoided (p. 90)."

"A testimony can also be a statement of... what I desire to believe (p. 93)."

"My base isolators are Jesus... Divine quietness has taught me that Jesus must be my focus (p. 98)."

"I could move forward with God even with unanswered questions, as long as I had the conviction that God was good (p. 99)."

"I hope to be less judgmental and more kind. I hope to focus more on Jesus (p. 101)."

[Kerrie Rodgerson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book because there was a great review in BYU magazine with some amazing quotes. Much of this book did not resonate with me because I haven’t had her “quiet” experience (and it was a little hard to hear her doubts). I am very glad I read it, though, and it may have made me more compassionate to others and their doubts in the future. That is a worthy benefit right there.
There are some real inspired thoughts and ideas in here. One of my favorite quotes from the book was in analyzing the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. When Jesus arrived and spoke to Martha, He asked her if she believed.
“Her answer was yes, she still believed: “Yes, Lord. I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, the one who comes into the world”. This was Martha’s testimony. Despite Jesus not healing Lazarus or promising that he would resurrect Lazarus immediately, Martha believed that Jesus was God. She could believe even though Jesus had not shown up in her life as she had hoped. Her belief, then, was centered on Jesus and who He was and what He had promised to do at some future point, even though she did not have a timetable for when those promises would be fulfilled.”

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

In some ways I could have written this book: an attorney mother of 3 who at times struggles to receive answers from God. I loved so much about this book, how the author moves from a rigid, formulaic faith where she expects certain blessings from certain actions in a certain time frame to a more flexible faith and a more true understanding of the nature of God through her heart wrenching experiences of not being able to receive answers to the most simple and heartfelt prayers.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciate the author’s vulnerability in sharing such a personal faith journey. I learned so much from this book! A couple of my favorite things:
Belief is holding on to what you want to be true, while faith is letting go and trusting in what actually IS.
Make time every week to just sit with God, and invite Him to sit with you. No pretense or expectations.
I’m not sure if this book would help someone who has left their faith, but I can see it helping those struggling with unanswered questions but who want to stay.

[Caleb Farley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really grateful for this small book in its reminder to be patient and trusting when life is unclear. I’m grateful for a God who trusts me to discover and unveil life on my own terms!

[Amber]

I loved this! I don’t necessarily feel like I’ve experienced divine quietness, but I’m here for any nuanced discussion about individual experiences within the church. Such a beautiful, important perspective.

[Becky Schank · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

This book was really lovely, and I mostly really enjoyed the writing style. Overall, it contained a lot of messages that I really needed to hear, and I learned a lot

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book’s honesty and vulnerability touched my heart, especially as it echoed some of my own feelings in regard to my faith and spiritual life. The book is geared to an LDS audience, but I think it could benefit anyone who is navigating new and sometimes perplexing stages of their faith.

[Leticia · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone wrestling with faith crises or questions, this is an absolute must read. Loved this book and this author’s honest account of her doubts. This is one of my top reads of 2025 for sure.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Adams brings her heart and soul into this beautiful book. She does not waste a single word; this short book contains wisdom, honesty, and vulnerability. Adams is direct about her experience and invites readers to take what is helpful, leaving the rest. She carefully emphasizes that this is her journey and expounds on what has been helpful for her. She brings in a variety of sources and adds richness to her work. For anyone thinking about their faith, or feeling like faith can be oversimplified at times, Adams demonstrates the complexity of faith and and the power of hope.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful book. Very worthwhile for everyone, especially anyone struggling, wanting to better support someone in that position, or to prepare yourself for future possibilities.

Some notes:
Jesus didn't help the father until he acknowledged his doubt, which provided room to work in.
Four stages of a spiritual life: simplicity, complexity, perplexity, harmony.
Love the gazebo analogy on pages 12-13.
Just because things are familiar and comfortable doesn't mean they're fully accurate; must confront doubt and uncertainty to make space for new possibilities, revelation, and understanding. Learn to let go, grieve loss, and open mind to ideas with more truth than you were grasping at previously. Overcome the fear-based biological tendency to shut down contradictory ideas without first considering them.
Helpful account of seeking professional help for spiritually-instigated depression and anxiety.
Interesting analogy about the discoveries of some planets and the complicating factors that required various kinds of reexamination (p. 21-23). Learning requires "curiosity, humility, and mental flexibility."
C.S. Lewis: "God shatters our ideas of God" and examples from the Bible and Book of Mormon.
Quietness as an opportunity for choice, trust, discipline and consistency, to teach empathy, to reach and influence people with different experiences, to value communion instead of just communication, realize and release limited ideas, find and be open to new understanding, teach you to rely on your previous faith, remove opportunity to justify things that need work, find connection with God beyond what feels good and easy, etc.
Richard Rohr: "silence is the only language spacious enough to include everything and to keep us from slipping back into dualistic judgments and divisive words."
Value of endurance in the continual showing up even when painful: a purifying "dark night of the soul"
Relationship stages: honeymoon, power struggle, withdrawal, acceptance and renewal.
Are your actions performance to make you feel better or to truly connect with God?
Responsibility for quietness--or duration of quietness--shared with God.
Formulas are to teach us; they don't allow us to control how God behaves or responds. His compelling characteristics include patience and love, which balances desires with needed growth, and his enabling gift of grace, not uncreative vending machine consistency that limits his ability to interact in our lives.
"God's responsibility and power is a weight, one which we must be prepared to shoulder."
God alchemizes our suffering, rather than preventing it.
Learn to see how God's actions are a fulfillment of his promises, rather than neglecting because they don't look how you want.
"Letting go of timing and a notion that God had to perform in a certain way released my perceived control of God and allowed me to embrace a loving, grace-filled Being who wanted me to grow to the point that I could bear an eternal weight of glory with him."
Re-learn faith, and as previously anchored paradigms shift, trust in God can be lost until you choose to hope anyway, though faith may seem like an unavailable choice, as you rebuild with truer understanding. In the meantime, hold on to the foundational desire to believe.
Don't erase God from confirming moments in your past.
Work toward faith; the open-minded humility receptive to truth and trusting a promise-keeping but unpredictable God, rather than limiting what you'll receive to only those things which fit within your more narrow box of belief.
"True seekers embrace, rather than fear, inherent uncertainties. The possibilities fascinate them rather than threaten... Embracing ambiguity, ironically, can eventually lead to clearer answers in the end than the comfortable, dogmatic declarative." --Anthony Sweat
Continue with formerly helpful spiritual practices even if you are looking for or using other things to feed your spirit.
Challenging parts of scripture are an invitation to think more deeply, not to assume God is mean, insensitive, or otherwise not worth your time. Convert that place of injury into one of wrestling rather than letting insecurities and fears cloud your interpretation.
Gospel principle pairs: agency and responsibility, mercy and justice, faith and works, grace and obedience.
Reality often found in the middle ground, in the work of balancing complementary principles and attributes.
Negative feelings about God are not criticized in scripture, but turning away from him is.
God trusts us to approach problems with wisdom, discernment, and openness to other points of view.
Records of revelations, limited by mortal constraints (even when the wording is given by God), are not the revelations themselves.
Scriptures are a launchpad to revelation.
Good inspiration is based on good information, and we simply don't have enough of that for lots of OT stuff, but we can still learn principles even if questions remain. Study aids can help because our scriptures are basically written in Shakespearean English and can be hard to understand.
Concerns are an invitation to discover what is held there for you.
Gospel behaviors may be drudgery sometimes, but just like with other things, inconsistent pleasure or inspiration doesn't diminish their importance. Show God and yourself your commitment and practice openness.
"Cultivate a 'loving awareness of the presence of God' and consent to God's action in our lives," which may require ridding ourselves of assumptions.
Not asking questions, even though they can lead to uncomfortable places, closes off revelation and progression and leads to serious doubt.
Intent of prayer matters more than form.
Zion's "one heart and one mind" refers to commitment to wanting God's will, "not lack of disagreement... solidarity, not homogeneity." --Anthony Sweat
I try to be very cognizant of this because of my own experiences with it: "when I was deep in Perplexity, I spent a lot of time at church internally criticizing what others were saying. I would hear echoes of a formulate God or a simpler faith and wonder if the speaker had truly engaged with their faith. I worried that some of the things I heard would actually be harmful for many in the room if and when they reached Perplexity. I critiqued what I heard and often felt hurt because of it."
"Let not their Jesus be a barrier between us, or *they* will be a barrier between us and Jesus." --Thomas Merton
Pain along the way can still lead to a strengthened community depending on how we handle it.
Perceived incongruence between differing experiences doesn't need to be resolved; we don't have all the info on others' or our own lives to know how their experience was needed for them or ours for us.
Value in space with other born from shared pain; connection and understanding before testimonies that would come off as unhelpful, simplistic platitudes if borne prematurely.
Powerful opportunities in engaging with challenging ideas.
Testimony "is an acknowledgement of our religious experience," not just our collection of spiritually-confirmed truths. Can give form to faith, direction to doubt, and public commitment to effort.
Exposing and overhauling our foundations to be better supports requires strength and flexibility, like the Salt Lake Temple seismic upgrade. Rigid faith can break.
Focus on goodness of God and Jesus and connect everything back to them. Humility is for us; glory is for God. We can move forward despite unanswered questions with the conviction that God is good.
God has questions for us; what answers are we discovering to tell him?
We don't promise to believe all the time; we promise to devote ourselves.
Looking back, you can see glimpses of God's hand in the quietness though you couldn't perceive them at the time.

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good book for me to read at this stage in my life. I appreciate the perspective of the author and value the insights she gained.

Following are ideas from the book, some direct quotes, other summaries.

What if, when I see something that doesn’t comport with my construct, I choose to be curious…What if I could doubt my constructs and be willing to revise them…to revise and wrestle…in a way that brings me closer to God?

Rethinking allows me to accept that not knowing does not mean that I give up. Rather, it encourages me to be open to different ways that God can show up in my life and guide me.

…we may need to “learn to act on the basis of what drives us from within, rather than what acts upon us from without. It may be for this reason that the heavens close from time to time, to give us room for self-direction.” In other words, diving quietness can be God’s way of stepping back and asking, “What will you do now?”

“The most meaningful response to divine silence is to recognize that perhaps God values communion with us as much as he does direct communication--that being with us does not always entail talking to us.” Communion with God--that intimate sharing of feelings with God--can be done in silence.

Just as we must allow others to make their own choices and live with their own consequences, God allows us agency, which may mean God doesn’t respond in a particular way just because of certain actions.

Sometimes true parental love is not giving a child what she wants; sometimes it is allowing a child some space to figure things out on her own. True love balances immediate desires with needed growth. Unfortunately, a vending-machine god cannot engage in that balance. And a quid pro quo relationship is not one borne of love but of economic advantage. I am drawn to a God who loves me, not one who is only interested in me solely because of the benefits I bring to the table.

From the perspective of a formulaic faith, this story does not compute. Even though Martha, Mary, and Lazarus lived righteously and asked properly, Jesus did not respond to them in the way that they had hope; he had not prevented Lazarus from dying. Their righteous behavior did not require Jesus to respond to their request in a certain way. They were not in charge….John 11:27 [Martha’s] belief was centered on Jesus and who he was and what he had promised to do at some future point, even though she did not have a timetable for when those promises would be fulfilled.

Amy A Wright wrote that “deliverance from our trials is different for each of us, and therefore our focus should be less about the way in which we are delivered and more about the Deliverer Himself.”

This distress can teach us greater compassion and kindness for others.

Have faith. This is a choice. We choose the thoughts we have about God, it doesn’t come from external things that happen to us.

“The believer will open his mind to the truth on the condition that it fits in with his preconceived ideas and wishes. Faith, on the other hand, is an unreserved opening of the mind to the truth, whatever it may turn out to be. Faith has no preconceptions; it is a plunge into the unknown. Belief clings, but faith lets go.” To illustrate this point, he notes that “faith is like looking at the sky through a clear or open window…with an openness to accepting it as it is; blue or gray, light or dar, starry or sunny, rainy or fair. But beliefs are like blue paints that people decide to apply to the window glass to be sure it will always be the color they wish it to be.” (Brian McLaren)

Revelation…often requires sleepless nights and jolts us from ambiguous dreams. It asks for seekers to go forward, not clearly knowing what the Lord intends or plans….uncertainties that cause true seekers to look at subtleties, new angles, and potential alternatives and to be open to new ideas, often leading to further light and truth. Embracing ambiguity, ironically, can eventually lead to clearer answers in the end than the comfortable, dogmatic declarative. Ambiguity can be one of the best friends of faith. My faith can be strengthened by my willingness to be comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty.

Instead of grounding faith in an obedience-reward system, we should ground our faith “in the goodness of God.”

Interestingly, all-or-nothing thinking is a common cognitive distortion in those who are depressed. All-or-nothing thinking places us in extremes; either I am perfect or a failure; either school is worth my time or it’s a complete waste; either my friend is thoughtful or horrible; either my work is inspiring or drudgery. There is no middle ground. But reality is often found in the middle ground.

Moving towards a both-and mindset--a mindset that saw complementary principles--allowed me to consider that God could be both loving and unresponsive, or loving and also angry at times. God could be both.

There are many scriptural accounts of faithful men and women who have felt abandoned by God, these experiences are common and we can expect them to happen.

The scriptures provide a variety of experiences, complex and contrary. I can use them to avoid simplistic solutions to complex problems. God trusts us to approach problems with wisdom to use discernment as we read and interpret and to remain open to other points of view.

The scriptures give space to think about complementary principles, how God works through flawed individuals, and how God shows us in unexpected places.

She tells the story of a woman overwhelmed, who was nervous God would ask more of her. She committed to “sit with God” in a still place for 15 minutes twice a week. One day, she brought her long to-do list with her and asked God where to begin. “She felt the answer slow and gentle, ‘These are all good things. You can do whatever you like. But this is not what I care about right now. I care about you.”

Sheri Dew wrote “Asking inspired questions leads to knowledge. It leads to revelation. It leads to greater faith. And it leads to peace. Not asking questions, on the other hand, closes off revelation, growth, learning, progression, and the ministering of the Holy Ghost.”

In times of doubt and struggle, church can be a painful place. But it can also be a place where, as Elder Gerrit W. Gong puts it, we can “grow through our imperfect participation.” By participating in the body of Christ, I got to put into practice what I was learning: I had to learn to give grace, to hold space, to mourn with others (and to let others mourn with me), and to allow myself to be pushed.

I love the comparison made to the spiritual foundation and the remaking of the Salt Lake Temple foundation.

S. Michael Wilcox, “Perhaps the critical point is that God has questions for us and we must wrestle--not to receive answers from Him, but to give them to Him. How we answer those questions tells our Father in Heaven much about us, and helps reveal ourselves to ourselves.”

[Don Gubler · Rating 2 out of 5]

Make no mistake. This is not a spiritual treatise. And it is not a carefully crafted how-to book. It is memoir that may have some instructive value but it doesn’t even do that very well.

[Wanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first I thought the author was just putting forth her thoughts on how depression and covid brought about a decreasing ability to be in tune with the spirit and her ability to hear answers to prayers. However, from the massive amount of research she did and her unceasing efforts to find those answers, she put forth several really interesting theories about her thoughts.

Second reading. A few good pointers here and there but mostly I think she was writing as therapy for her own depression.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This short book is a reflection on the author’s experience and lessons learned through a period of “divine quietness” where she couldn’t recognize God’s voice in her life. She wrote in an attempt to understand and connect with God when all she seemed to have was a desire to believe. While her feeling of disconnection didn't fully resonate with me, she had some good insights that helped expand my understanding and, hopefully, spiritual practice. “It takes great humility to continually reexamine our stories and challenge our own framing of things to see if we might arrive at something even more true" (Thomas McConkie).

Notes and Quotes:

-“Consider approaching some prayers as one would sitting by a warm fire with a beloved friend, not with a wordy agenda, but with full presence and appreciation. To do that, we have to cultivate a loving awareness of the presence of God and consent to God's action in our lives, whatever that looks like. And to fully consent to God's presence and action in our lives, we may need to empty ourselves, our minds, our stories, our expectations of what should be happening in order for us to be taught and tutored by Him.”

-Doubting God vs doubting your understanding of God (trusting god vs trusting your understanding of god); separate God from your views about God; let go of preconceived notions of who God is and what he should do; our expectations are not perfect, but God is; trust and ground our faith in the goodness of God, not expectations

-Mother Teresa’s “dark night of the soul” (Chapter 4)

-Be a truth seeker over a comfort seeker; getting comfortable with ambiguity/uncertainty helps us gain more truth; not all or nothing mindset, but a both/and mindset; requires more work, but allows more truth and light

-Expanded her spiritual practice and nourishment (books, conversations, nature, writing, sitting in quiet spaces)

-We need diverse principles for diverse needs at different times

-Scriptures aren’t the ultimate source of knowledge but a starting place to receive revelation; give the scripture writers grace; approach the scriptures with curiosity; engage in a wrestle

-Example of woman who sat for 15 minutes, twice a week, and invited God to sit with her; she thought He would come with a long list of things to do, instead he came with love, and sometimes one thing to do

-Explore different kinds of prayer; Ignatian prayer - imagine and put yourself in scripture and see what you learn

-Power in meeting with others who are trying; “Make church a place of grace and space where each can gather with room for all” (Elder Gong); Church as a place to grow through our imperfect participation

-Thomas Burtons guidance on communicating with others of different faiths “Let not their Jesus be a barrier between us, or they will be a barrier between us and Jesus.”

-Hold space for your experiences and someone else’s different experiences

-“Testimony gives form to your great faith…it’s a public commitment to the great effort of trying to live what god gives.” (Adam Miller)

-Connect your foundation back to Jesus; God can turn the worst things into the best things, to redeem experiences for our good; Move forward with unanswered questions, with the understanding that God is good; give Him our questions

-The fourth stage of faith (simplicity, complexity, perplexity, harmony): “In harmony we learn to hold binaries in larger unities, to gather paradox and tension in a larger embrace, to welcome diversity without division, to hear difference without dissonance. Interestingly enough, this is not a stage where we find all the answers to our questions. Rather, we learn to hold knowing and unknowing together as complements, rather than opposites. We learn to live in uncertainty and paradox, and it points us toward universal love.”

-“Oftentimes I’ve confused the promise-keeping God with the doing-certain-things-within-my-timeframe God. If God’s actions fall outside my circumscribed ideas, then those actions, I have falsely reasoned, cannot be a fulfillment of His promises.”

-“My obedience did not require God to respond to me in a particular way. I had to let God be God. Letting go of timing and a notion that God had to perform in a certain way released my perceived control of God and allowed me to embrace a loving, grace-filled being who wanted me to grow to the point that I could bear an eternal weight of glory with Him.”

-Belief vs faith: “The believer will open his mind to the truth on the condition that it fits in with his preconceived ideas and wishes. Faith, on the other hand, is an unreserved opening of the mind to the truth whatever it may turn out to be. Faith has no preconceptions. It is a plunge into the unknown. Belief clings, but faith lets go.” Brian McLaren

-“Spiritual strength requires finding one's own well from which to drink. We should recognize first that we are responsible for our own spiritual diet, and second, that sources of inspiration are sprinkled indiscriminately throughout time and place.” -Terryl and Fiona Givens

-Father to daughter at her confirmation: “What you promise when you are confirmed is not that you will believe this forever. What you promise when you are confirmed is that that is the story you will wrestle with forever. Wrestling is our faith lineage.”

[Kristin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and Emily’s insights. It has given me a lot to think about, ponder and explore. One of my favourite chapters was her “Faith” chapter ans how she went though her journey and explaining belief and faith. Thankful she wrote this❤️

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, by a lay member of the church, offers some valuable ideas about building a relationship with God and understanding some common questions about faith and belief. However, there are a few sections that rehash the same ideas too much and at the end, she complains without fully acknowledging her distress occurred during the COVID lockdown.
The author begins her journey in explaining that she prayed to get reassurance from God about the truth of the Book of Mormon. She did not receive an answer but instead felt that God had gone silent. As she explored this prolonged situation, she pointed out:
-God does not fit our ideas or conceptions; sometimes we create what God is like rather than come to know Him.
-God does not respond in the way or time we expect; He has his own ways and timing.
-Coming to know God can put us in a cycle of the honeymoon stage, power struggle, withdrawl, acceptance.
-Faith is stronger than belief because it requires trust.
-Quietness can be it's own way of communicating (we meditate, ponder, or recognize our feelings)
-Our prayers can include speaking, thinking, feeling a range of feelings to share with God, and Ignatian (studying scripture).
She does explain that she suffered from depression after the quietness started. Mental health definitely can play a role. She pointedly makes clear that she chose to continue to seek God and follow her faith, which I feel gave more structure to her seeking; she wants to better understand her faith, not question it completely. Questioning gave her new insight.
The short book is full of quotes and ideas from LDS leadership and sources, as well as a few Christian sources. I felt that was one of the biggest strengths of the book because it seemed well considered.
However, I did wonder why she mentions seeking God in receiving personal revelation only through feelings and thoughts (and sometimes through scripture). Elder Bednar's book, The Spirit of Revelation lists a dozen ways to hear God. She also only touches on the fact that much of her seeking occurred during the pandemic. During this time, much of our traditional worship was impossible. Wouldn't that have been a factor? In the second-to-last chapter, she talks about how she struggled (again) in a way that felt self-pitying rather than exploratory.
Because most of the book is written from Robinson Adam's perspective, I had to accept some of her experiences seem foreign to me. The prose is clear and some ideas were very valuable to me. But this book isn't for everyone.

[David Doty · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short book is one of the most compelling things I've ever read on the very real struggle that occurs when a person with deep religious faith begins to question the truth and reality of their beliefs, especially as they pertain to a loving God who answers prayers and blesses people according to their righteous desires.

Emily Robison Adams is a lifelong member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and an appellate attorney in Salt Lake City, who gets very real about the dark period in which she found herself a couple of years ago when she felt like her prayers were hitting the ceiling and God was quiet in her life.

Adams shares so many profound insights and thoughtful recommendations, I won't attempt to cover them all here. I'll just share a passage from the last chapter, which I found very compelling, where Adams writes:

"Divine quietness has taught me that Jesus must be my focus. The core of my religious experience must be reserved for Jesus. As I have been trying to focus more on Jesus, one of my favorite titles of his is Redeemer. While discussing this title, Wendy Ulrich noted that 'God's greatest genius is His ability to turn the very worst things into the very best things.' That doesn't mean that God takes away pain, sickness, or evil. Rather, it means 'He can teach us through the hardest things we experience some of life's most important lessons . . . It does mean He can redeem anything He allows to happen and turn it to some good. Sometimes great good.'"

In a very clear and honest way, Adams concludes: "I [can] move forward with God even with unanswered questions, as long as I had the conviction that God was good."

If you are struggling with grief, loneliness, discouragement, or doubt about your relationship with God and His involvement in the details of your life, this book will give you a lot to think about, and many reasons to be hopeful.

[Better Book Bureau · Rating 4 out of 5]

🎧REVIEW OF Divine Quietness: Finding Meaning When Heaven Is Silent by Emily Robison Adams

SYNOPSIS (Amazon)
"Do you ever feel like your sincere, heartfelt prayers are ignored or met with silence? Do you wonder why a loving God would ever refuse to answer? Divine Quietness explores the reasons God sometimes answers our prayers with silence, in spite of our best efforts. Through the lens of her own experience and drawing on literature from many faith traditions, Emily Robison Adams discusses new ways of thinking about faith, doubt, and divine quietness. This thoughtful new book will help you learn to rethink your assumptions underlying what it means to have faith and how to connect with God even in quietness."

BRIEF REVIEW
I feel like most conversations about doubt are focused on how we can get rid of them. That's not inherently wrong, but Emily Robison Adams approaches the discussion in a way that suggests we can make peace with having some doubts and keep our head up during "divine quietness." I liked her sincerity. It's a short read; it felt like an appropriate length.

CONTENT GUIDE
😘🙊🍷🤕 Mild or N/A for all categories

BOTTOM LINE
If you experience theological doubts due to divine quietness (i.e., apparent silence from God in your life), or would like to develop greater empathy for those who do, this book will be a validating and enlightening read. It will especially appeal to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but the author also pulls from the experiences and knowledge of other faith traditions.

FULL REVIEW AND CONTENT GUIDE available on blog betterbookbureau.weebly.com

[Mariah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was the perfect follow up to Faith is Not Blind. I could relate to her experiences and feelings and hearing them helped me be able to sit with those feelings instead of avoiding them because they felt catastrophic. So many good quotes and thoughts from this book.

- “Jesus willingly interacts with the dirtiest, hardest parts of our soul”
- God invites rethinking. The reality is that I cannot know all parts of God.
- Quietness could be a stimulant for growth. (Beg ch 4 many reasons for divine quietness)
- “It has been helpful to recognize that the language used in the scriptures is a human’s interpretation of a revelation from God. The records of such revelations are not the revelations themselves. Rather, all scripture is limited by mortal complaints such as culture, opinion, perspective, memory language The scriptures, then, are not meant to be a perfect record of God’s dialect or diction, but to act as a personal urim and thummun, a launch pad for revelation to connect us to the same divine source that revealed those truths in the first place.”
- Despite Jesus not healing Lazarus or promising that he would resurrect Lazarus immediately, Martha believed Jesus was God. She could believe even though Jesus had not shown up in her life as she had hoped… Jesus’s waiting was intentional and born from a broader perspective.”
- “My expectations are limited by my view. They are not divine and sometimes not even in my best interest. A perfect god should not be confined to meeting my expectations, because my expectations are not perfect. Disappointment is a natural part of a life of faith in a being that I do not completely understand or control.”
- “Goodness comes from somewhere and that somewhere is God. I am learning that it is possible to base my faith on the goodness of God. “

[Gabrielle · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this at a family member’s request. I found it rambling, speculative, more about doubt and depression than revelation, and not at all instructive.

I think it is also an incredibly harmful book for perpetuating the idea that we should blame ourselves if we don’t hear from God, and that he’s allowed to basically give us the silent treatment but we should accept it as love, which is part of why I think there’s so much abuse and manipulation that happens in the church. We’re taught to put up with so much and that it’s our fault, never the religion’s.

Most of this book just made me incredibly sad. I felt so much empathy for this woman, who didn’t receive answers from God the way she thought she was supposed to, so she felt like she was doing something wrong, and was sent into a deep depression that caused her to need therapy and medication.

I found it to be yet another example of how damaging the performances and rules of religion, and particularly Mormonism, can be to its members that don’t fit into its rigid rules.

[Heather Preece · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The believer will open his mind to the truth on the condition that it fits in with his preconceived ideas and wishes. Faith, on the other hand, is an unreserved opening of the mind to the truth, whatever it may turn out to be. Faith has no preconceptions; it is a plunge into the unknown. Belief clings but faith lets go.”

“Ambiguity can be one of the best friends of faith. My faith can be strengthened by my willingness to be uncomfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty.”

“My focus needs to be riveted on Jesus and who he is rather than what I expect him to do.”

This book is such a lovely read if you have
Ever felt like heaven was silent and your prayers and desires haven’t been met. I love how the author quoted people from various faith and their insight as well as her personal experiences. This is a great book if you want to increase your capacity to know God and rethink your relationship with him.

[Megan Weston · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a short, but thought-provoking book. It acquainted me with an issue that lots of people have that I didn't know existed. I realize how fortunate I am to feel like I have received answers to my prayers. Although my spiritual experiences differ from Emily's, I was able to learn from her experiences. I feel like at some point in my life I too had to do some soul searching and had to figure out or re-assess who I thought Jesus was and what He is really like. I do have some questions that I know won't be answered in this life, but like Emily, I have learned to focus on the fact that God and Jesus are good, and that they love us. Like Nephi, I can say, I don't know the meaning of all things, but I know God loves His children. He will redeem our bad experiences and help us find good in them. I wish Emily the best on her faith journey, and I hope I can be more compassionate to those who are in her situation.