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592 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1997
When I sit down at my dressing table at night to take off my makeup, I ask myself if it’s me or the mirror in the bedroom that has grown old. It must be the mirror: these eyes don’t belong to me anymore, this face isn’t mine, are these wrinkles and blemishes on my skin the traces of old age or just spots where the acid from the tin has corroded the mirror?
letters just like putrid dead animals
sending letters covered in stamps and seals, as dirty as if they’d come on foot all the way from Malanje to Ajuda, the mailman brought them and I kept piling them up in the drawer without reading them, envelopes from the plantation at first and then from Marimba, a little village that doesn’t even show up on maps, mango trees, buildings in ruins, the military barracks crumbling in the rain, my mother living there temporarily, who knows how she managed to eat, in some ramshackle hovel with one or two of the servants who stayed with her, the cook named Maria da Boa Morte
“Look it’s that idiot”
if I went out on the street to torment the street vendors and stray mutts, they’d pour water on me with a watering can just because I pulled the folded clothes off their stands or unscrewed the cover plate of their doorbell with a really wonderful screwdriver, those morons who painted the façade of the Dockworkers’ Union building swore they’d kill me if I messed with their tethers or took away their ladders…
I tried again, Luís Felipe, Yes, also in the cackling voice of an old person, impatient, irritated, I’m completely distraught I really need to talk to you, and Luís Felipe, You have the wrong number, he spent months chasing after me with bouquets of flowers, lingerie, rings, invitations to spend the weekend with him in Madrid, promises that he would get a divorce, a four-bedroom place in my name, a car, a boutique, the doorbell rang, one of his employees with a piece of a paper from a little notepad, written with such force that it tore holes in the paper if you dare harass my family you’ll be out in the middle of the street in three seconds…




