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Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families
Why doesn't our child return our love? What are we failing to understand? What are we failing to do? These questions can fill the minds of adoptive parents caring for wounded, traumatized children. Families often enter into this experience with high expectations for their child and for themselves but are broadsided by shattered assumptions. This book addresses the reality of those unmet expectations and offers validation and solutions for the challenges of parenting deeply traumatized and emotionally disturbed children.
272 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 30, 2005
91 people are currently reading
622 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
September 2, 2017
Highly recommend! 5 years post adoption and I felt so understood, validated, and supported by this book! Wish I'd found it sooner!
February 17, 2013
A must-read for all adoptive families, this book tells it like it is without glossing over the difficulties. Research is explained in laymen's terms so parents can understand not only why their children act the way they do but why we as parents react as we do. Parents' feelings are validated and suggestions are given for healing. I also love that there is a section addressing the needs of wounded children in the classroom. I think it would be helpful to photocopy these pages for the teachers and school personnel dealing with our children in the classroom setting.
January 19, 2023
First read when we didn't have an actual traumatized kid in our home. It was really useful for setting expectations about issues you'll face, but not as useful for looking for practical ways to approach the issues. Still a very important read, but not what I was hoping for this time around.
July 20, 2016
Excellent. Helpful and validating for me as a struggling adoptive mom.
January 26, 2023
Practical, real, and insightful
February 7, 2018
Incredible information
Wish I had read this at the beginning of my teaching career; I could have offered more intelligent support to the adopted children in my classes
Will recommend this to family and friends who are looking to adopt
I learned that I would have been ill-equipped to foster or to adopt without a great deal of support. I was of the naive belief that all the love I could offer would help overcome the many difficulties involved. Of course, that love I still believe is the first step, but there are so many other qualities and strategies needed.
Good strong read!
Wish I had read this at the beginning of my teaching career; I could have offered more intelligent support to the adopted children in my classes
Will recommend this to family and friends who are looking to adopt
I learned that I would have been ill-equipped to foster or to adopt without a great deal of support. I was of the naive belief that all the love I could offer would help overcome the many difficulties involved. Of course, that love I still believe is the first step, but there are so many other qualities and strategies needed.
Good strong read!
October 29, 2019
I found validation and a path forward. I think the few Christian aspects of it were too narrow to fit all adoptive parents, obviously, so I read those parts as a personal interpretation of the origin of life and values from the author. The majority of the book was spot on for our experience, our struggles, and our calling and love in adoption and foster care. I highly recommend this book for parents of traumatized children and those who want to support or understand these children and their families.
February 9, 2021
This books understands the emotions and struggles of foster and adoptive parents in a deep way. I found myself laughing out loud at the way it seemed it could look inside my home and validate what was going on. This was a huge breathe of fresh air when many days I feel like I’m living in an alternate universe. Bringing children from hard places into your home will turn your world upside down. This book helps to make sense of that experience and provide some tools and ideas for how to cope with it.
February 20, 2019
If you are considering fostering or adopting children with any type of trauma, abuse, or neglect in their past, this is a must read. God bless the parents who educate themselves and still take on the sacrifice of loving and helping these wounded children. I read it for my volunteer work as a CASA.
March 2, 2018
"We must not only speak to the hearts of adoptive parents, we must also equip them. "
While I would not consider this book as THE all encompassing book an adoptive and/or foster parent will ever need, is is a book that will greatly help fill out and round out the foster/adoptive parent library.
While I would not consider this book as THE all encompassing book an adoptive and/or foster parent will ever need, is is a book that will greatly help fill out and round out the foster/adoptive parent library.
September 9, 2021
Thoroughly enjoyed the anecdotes shared. Written with compassion and wisdom!
The authors delve deep into the world of the adopted child. Totally inspiring while giving hope and very grounded !
The authors delve deep into the world of the adopted child. Totally inspiring while giving hope and very grounded !
February 2, 2022
Really informative book on adopting children with an early background in trauma. The difficulties that are unseen and are a lesson you learn as you go. Lots of knowledge that I’m hoping goes to good use.
April 24, 2024
I've read lots of books like this already, and yet this one still managed to offer some novel thoughts and perspective while still being comprehensive enough for someone just testing the waters on these kinds of topics.
December 30, 2024
This is a great jumping off point for families who have adopted a child and are looking for more resources to help their child and themselves. This book has lots of good ideas and the resource pages at the back are varied and will have something to help every type of adoptive family.
September 13, 2018
Adoption talk that isn't smattered with glossy lies. This book was honest and validating. Adopting a wounded child wounds everyone in the home.
March 20, 2020
I appreciated the exercises and concrete review of concepts at the end of each chapter.
April 25, 2020
I wish I had this book sooner in my arsenal.
March 10, 2021
Great resource. I know I’ll return to it frequently.
June 26, 2022
One of my favorites. A MUST read for adoptive families and anyone who loves them.
October 12, 2023
Despite taking me a while to read, this was very good. The last third is 5 stars for me for sure. The beginning was dry but important information.
March 19, 2017
Highly recommended
I am a pre-adoptive parent, and I am very glad I read this book so early in this stage of older child adoption. I have a feeling I'll be referring back to this book, especially since the book provided lots of practical tips and strategies. I've already shared details related to the schools chapters with one of my teacher friends. General Ed teachers need this type of trauma education, too!
I am a pre-adoptive parent, and I am very glad I read this book so early in this stage of older child adoption. I have a feeling I'll be referring back to this book, especially since the book provided lots of practical tips and strategies. I've already shared details related to the schools chapters with one of my teacher friends. General Ed teachers need this type of trauma education, too!
March 5, 2017
This was very eye opening for me, helping me adjust my expectations of what our home might look like if we become a foster family. Every page was FULL of information, examples and strategies to guide foster and adoptive families through the process of connecting with their children in a meaningful way. EXCELLENT read!
September 15, 2015
Foster parents, adoptive parents, therapists, school counselors--anyone who works with behaviorally challenging children should read this book.
Wounded Children is a valuable resource for everyone involved with maltreated children--whether they are in foster care, have been adopted or are still living with bio parents. The authors focus on children who have been removed from abusive or neglectful homes and therefore experienced transitions in caregiving, but in my work I encounter children with many of the same emotional and behavioral problems who have never been removed from the maltreating parent. It's worth noting that if you work with children, you may well encounter kids with all the hallmarks of reactive attachment disorders even though they have never been removed from their birth parents.
The authors do a great job of presenting the current understanding of how childhood maltreatment shapes the brain and behavior, and then providing specific strategies and suggestions for how caregivers can respond to assist the children in healing.
Especially valuable is the emphasis on how the disruptive behavior and intense needs of maltreated children impact the caregivers and other children in the family. In my experience, children already living in the home before the arrival of traumatized foster/adopted children are the least recognized 'victims' in these family systems.
One bone to pick: One of the authors describes a couple who adopted a special needs child as doing so as part of their belief in "Voluntary Redemptive Suffering". Ugh. Something in me just rejects the notion of calling child-rearing voluntary suffering, as if parents are taking up the scourge as a way of martyring themselves for their own reasons, instead of just trying to produce a whole and healthy child for the child's sake. As objectionable as I find that concept and label, it does highlight the degree to which the experience of birth children is overlooked in our process of identifying the impact the arrival of traumatized children has on existing families--it isn't "voluntary" for the children of the adoptive/foster parents, but in many cases the suffering is very real.
Wounded Children is a valuable resource for everyone involved with maltreated children--whether they are in foster care, have been adopted or are still living with bio parents. The authors focus on children who have been removed from abusive or neglectful homes and therefore experienced transitions in caregiving, but in my work I encounter children with many of the same emotional and behavioral problems who have never been removed from the maltreating parent. It's worth noting that if you work with children, you may well encounter kids with all the hallmarks of reactive attachment disorders even though they have never been removed from their birth parents.
The authors do a great job of presenting the current understanding of how childhood maltreatment shapes the brain and behavior, and then providing specific strategies and suggestions for how caregivers can respond to assist the children in healing.
Especially valuable is the emphasis on how the disruptive behavior and intense needs of maltreated children impact the caregivers and other children in the family. In my experience, children already living in the home before the arrival of traumatized foster/adopted children are the least recognized 'victims' in these family systems.
One bone to pick: One of the authors describes a couple who adopted a special needs child as doing so as part of their belief in "Voluntary Redemptive Suffering". Ugh. Something in me just rejects the notion of calling child-rearing voluntary suffering, as if parents are taking up the scourge as a way of martyring themselves for their own reasons, instead of just trying to produce a whole and healthy child for the child's sake. As objectionable as I find that concept and label, it does highlight the degree to which the experience of birth children is overlooked in our process of identifying the impact the arrival of traumatized children has on existing families--it isn't "voluntary" for the children of the adoptive/foster parents, but in many cases the suffering is very real.
February 21, 2015
I wish I had read this book five years ago before problems in our family escalated. It opened my eyes to some of the egregious errors I have made as aN adoptive father. I felt validated when reading some the accounts of how homes change when trauma becomes the focus. These authors were taking notes on our home and our relationships, right? I'm so glad that the issues we deal with on a daily basis have an answer and a hope. You are not alone!
While the task is daunting, the road to recovery and healing has some markers on it and I found hope in the pages of this book. It goes beyond describing the issues to giving specific advice and summaries of issues. I especially appreciate the section on how to interview counsellors and therapists; I didn't even think of this as an option. Thanks to NavPress for this gem of a resource.
While the task is daunting, the road to recovery and healing has some markers on it and I found hope in the pages of this book. It goes beyond describing the issues to giving specific advice and summaries of issues. I especially appreciate the section on how to interview counsellors and therapists; I didn't even think of this as an option. Thanks to NavPress for this gem of a resource.
September 3, 2015
essential reading for parents of adopted children. easy to read, well organized, and really recognizes the need not only for support of the child but support of the parent as well. it's a great intro to some of the ways your child might struggle and also how you as a parent will struggle.
parenting in a such a process, so day in and day out, hour by hour, it can be so exhausting. i found this book really recognizes and affirms everything it is, and casts a light on the reality of parenting in adoption.
parenting in a such a process, so day in and day out, hour by hour, it can be so exhausting. i found this book really recognizes and affirms everything it is, and casts a light on the reality of parenting in adoption.
April 6, 2015
Of the books I read about adoption this was a "heavier" read. It really made me take a hard look at whether or not I have what it takes to adopt an older child. But that is the point, adopting a child is not something to take lightly and it should be entered into with as much preparation as possible. However, adopting is really similar to giving birth, until you are there you have no idea what you are really getting into.
January 1, 2016
This is a great book for families who have adopted children from difficult places. Each chapter could be a topic of discussion for parents with their children's therapist or with their adoption case workers.
May 2, 2016
A good introduction to the topic, in my layman's opinion. Since it came from a Christian publisher, I was hoping for a more thoroughly Christian approach in addition to a review of the social and psychological factors.
October 24, 2012
Didn't finish the entire book yet - but read through some of the key chapters as part of our Empowered to Connect reading.
January 15, 2014
Very helpful and hopeful book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews