“I would tell you some of the bizarre things I have heard otherwise rational philosophers say about parrots, but it would probably be actionable if I did so in print, and they would deny it anyway. A human philosopher thinks that no one notices when she starts putting on airs. A parrot doesn’t think this way. You may say that a parrot puts on airs. Well, a parrot does. But a parrot knows he’s putting on airs; he’s not like a blue jay that way, it’s completely different. A blue jay gets all mixed up in his thinking because he starts believing his own PR, but a parrot is more cool-headed than that, which is why you can win an argument with a blue jay and never with a parrot.”