“We make elaborate scarecrows out of old clothes and hats; long strips of shiny ribbon flutter from the arms. It works for a day, then the animals move back in. So far the most successful scare method is a truck tuned to a righteous AM radio minister at full volume. Crows seem to have a fear of hellfire and damnation—like they know eventually they’ll have to pay for the theft. Even the deer don’t challenge a preacher.”