“Not only do you want to signal that you’re listening, but you want to signal that you’ve understood them. You want your listener to feel, ‘wow, they really get me.’
You can do this by paraphrasing what you’ve just heard. Here are some phrases you can use: “What I hear from you is… Is that right?” “Sounds like you are saying… Did I get that right?” “If I’m hearing you correctly…“ “That must have been very… for you.” Note that we’re not only paraphrasing but also acknowledging their emotion and asking them to confirm (e.g., “Is that right?” and “Is that correct?”). This shows that you empathize with their situation and allows you to confirm whether you got it right.”