“I was a mess of contradictions. I craved intimacy, and yet, when offered it, I found myself unworthy. I wanted affection, and yet, when someone showed me how much they cared, I shrank from that trust, as if it were a collar around my throat. I did not know what I desired anymore. I had been the one to come here late at night, to wake him from his rest, to demand his attention, and now I was the one pulling away, trying to hurt him, trying to hide from him. And still there was a part of me that long to be known, that begged him to forgive me, to understand me, to not let me push him away.”