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“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“In the center of that open space, a bony woman in a threadbare garment was hunched over a dead plant.

Sword of Divine Fire's reaction was succinct: "Fuck!" The woman cringed as if he'd hit her with a bullwhip. Then: "What has happened to our potato?”
― Neal Stephenson, The Confusion

“You have responsibilities, now, Bob. You must lose this naive understanding of violence! You are embarrassin' me in front of the lads! You can't play by their rules or they'll win unfailingly! You don't engage in courtly play-fightin' with one such as this. You get a great friggin' tree-branch and keep hittin' him with it until he dies.”
― Neal Stephenson, The Confusion

“I'll buy it right now, Jack," said an English voice, somehow familiar, "if you stop being such a fucking tosser, that is.”
― Neal Stephenson, Quicksilver

“The first woman who spent any amount of time aboard this ship was Elizabeth de Obregon, whom we salvaged from the wrack of the Manila Galleon at the same time as him who burned it, one Edouard de Gex.”
“He’s dead, by the way.”
“Again? I am glad to hear it.”
― Neal Stephenson, The System of the World

“I only steal because my dear old family needs the money to live!"
Locke Lamora made this proclamation with his wine glass held high; he and the other Gentleman Bastards were seated at the old witchwood table. . . . The others began to jeer.
"Liar!" they chorused
"I only steal because this wicked world won't let me work an honest trade!" Calo cried, hoisting his own glass.
"LIAR!"
"I only steal," said Jean, "because I've temporarily fallen in with bad company."
"LIAR!"
At last the ritual came to Bug; the boy raised his glass a bit shakily and yelled, "I only steal because it's heaps of fucking fun!"
"BASTARD!”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“I can't wait to have words with the Gray King when this shit is all finished," Locke whispered. "There's a few things I want to ask him. Philosophical questions. Like, 'How does it feel to be dangled out a window by a rope tied around your balls, motherfucker?”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“If reassurances could dull pain, nobody would ever go to the trouble of pressing grapes.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“What kind of knife is this?” Locke held a rounded buttering utensil up for Chains’ inspection. “It’s all wrong. You couldn’t kill anyone with this.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“You can't help being young, but it's past time that you stopped being stupid.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“So that makes us robbers of robbers," said Bug, "who pretend to be robbers working for a robber of other robbers.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“Locke sighed.
'So this is winning,' he said.
'It is,' replied Jean.
'It can go fuck itself,' said Locke.”
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

“Shit, if I took time out to have an opinion about everything, I wouldn't get any work done.”
― Neal Stephenson, Snow Crash