Death, Dying and the End of Life discussion

I look forward to your candid and honest opinions on this question. Thank you.
Nina Angela McKissock, RN

Nina, I've been thinking about your question and wonder if an appreciation of the precarious nature of life can inform our approach to dying. This state may be awakened through a NDE; being given a potentially life-altering, "serious" diagnosis; or by being-with others at the end of their lives. Once integrated, this becomes our approach to living. We "get it" that dying is living and vice versa, they are the same continuum. They are life. I look forward to reading your book soon. Thank you for participating here.

Oh my goodness, yes! Yes! Your ability to articulate your theory is simply beautiful, too.
Yes, it may be a choice; it may be a case of someone's tempermaent they were born with that enables them to see life and death this way. As I witness a family interacting then meet with the patient in private, many times the conversation is very different. I always wonder how a family would change if the truth was known. Thank you and all the best to you,
Nina

Thank YOU, Nina, and all the best to you. :D Let's keep the conversations going, in all corners of our living lives.
Julie

YOU are most welcome! I'm more than happy to donate a signed copy to a hospice of your choice. Just contact me at nina.mckissock@gmail.com.
All the best of life to you,
Nina

Nina, you did such a beautiful job writing about as well as creating a shear veil across the, for the most part, feared release of life. Unfortunately, I've been struggling with an incurable and terminal disease for fourteen years. I am now disease free although I reside in a shadow of my former body.

Naturally over the last fourteen years and now, I often think of the imminent moment when I will pass. Since appropriately the age of sixteen, I've been a relatively confirmed existentialist.

To the point: of the uncountable number of books and essays that I've read about death and dying, nothing touched as beautifully, intelligently or as succinctly as your book.

You have indeed done a work to be proud of that will help so many people, whether the individual passing on or friends and family. Bravo!

Oh my goodness David; I am beyond touched! Thank you. Just remember; as soon as you proclaim, "I am a..." you limit yourself to those beliefs. As you read in the book, my existentialist patients were easy to care for. It seemed as though they had more versatile, in-the-moment personalities.
Have you The Metamorphosis by Kafka? It's a short read but may resonate with you.
Love to you,
Nina

Hi, I'm Chris and I'm new to the group. End of life issues are of great interest to me. I think the question you pose ("Is our approach to living the same as our approach to dying?") is a good one.

In general, I think the answer to this question is yes. For example, spiritual people tend to become more spiritual at end of life. Scientifically-minded people tend to see death through a scientific lens. (Of course, it's possible to be both scientific and spiritual.)

Both my parents died at home on hospice. My dad, especially, was a very independent, self-sufficient person all his life. This showed up in the way he died. He never would have wanted to die in a hospital ICU, tethered to a hospital bed, invaded by a dozen tubes and lines, at the mercy of a team of doctors. Instead he died in his own home, on his own terms.

One of my favorite works of fiction regarding death is Tolstoy's novella, The Death of Ivan Illyich. In this book the title character does NOT die as he lived. Ivan Illyich has lived a life largely characterized by self-interest, a life largely without meaning. Only at his death does he realize the importance of compassion and connecting with other people. It's a deeply moving story of self-discovery at the very end of life.

Anyway, I look forward to being part of this group.

Hi, Chris.

Thank you for sharing your thoughtful comments.

I agree with you, informed by the limited exposure I've had thus far to the last stages of people's lives: generally speaking, I believe they die as they lived. I also know sometimes this doesn't hold true, as I've learned from others with differing experiences.

I'm now curious to read the novella of Tolstoy's.

My own dad was a very conscious and proactively involved man through the very end of his life; he led our family through his final days with grace and love, and I am eternally grateful to have been present.

Happy to connect with you, Chris.
Julie

I'm reading Tolstoy's book now. Thank you!!!

Nina, I hope you enjoy. I hope the book resonates with you as well.

I see Oliver Sachs died today. I loved the movie Awakenings, and I enjoyed the great articles he wrote for The New Yorker. When he found out he had metastatic cancer, he wrote several beautiful essays about end-of-life. If anyone is interested, here are a couple examples:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/19/opi...

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/26/opi...

Thank you. He had a copy of my advanced reader copy and acknowledged he had received it. I loved him.