Teens Interceding for Orphans (TIO) discussion

After the wonderful discussion prompted by "someone didn't like my tweet," I thought I'd start this thread where we can all share thoughts, quotes, and ask for other opinions on things we've read or heard.

I'm currently slogging through The Child Catchers. Definitely a thought-provoking book, though also one that pushes my buttons as a Christian. Here's a quote that I feel is one of the author's valid concerns,

"This type of progression, leaping from one country to the next, has become a common spectacle in the international adoption world, where advocates lobby hard for the needs of children from a specific country, only to move swiftly to another nation when the hurdles of adopting from the first become too large."

Assuming this quote to be true (which I believe it is to a large extent), what do you think of this? Are Christians simply reacting to being given the cold-shoulder as countries close to international adoption? Or are American Christians more or less communicating that they will only help orphans who they can adopt?

This is a great thread! I look forward to all the conversations that will take place here! :D

As for the quote, my ignorance as a teenager who is only just now starting to really learn about adoption and it's issues, makes me really unable to give a good answer.
I do have a question though; If adoption is closed in a country, are there some good, practical ways for us to help orphans there? Would the country allow us to donate money or even visit and work in orphanages there? Or does it just mean people from other countries cannot adopt them?

The Child Catchers is on my to-read list. :) I think it's important for us to understand both sides of an issue, even though we naturally will come to land on one or the other.

Madison, just because certain countries aren't open to international adoption doesn't mean there is no way to get involved in orphan care. Many countries are becoming closed to adoptive parents from the United States due to allegations of corruption (such as Russia - how much of this is actually adoption corruption and how much of it is a political move, I'm not sure we can really know). This doesn't mean they are closed to adoptions in general.

Or, countries may have very strict requirements about who can or cannot adopt, and so while they may not be "technically" closed, for all practical purposes they are.

Something we can do in countries that are and aren't open for adoption to Americans, is get involved in indigenous adoptions, like the Lifesong program in the Ukraine. http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/cou...

You can also sponsor a child or family overseas, and write letters back and forth in most situations. I know that with Compassion International www.compassion.com , you can specifically select a child who is an orphan (though I'm not sure if their definition is having lost both or just one of the parents).

Probably the most important, most often brushed-aside thing we can do is pray for them. We don't need any government's permission to do that! :)

Madison, I would really encourage you to read When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor . . . and Yourself if you're serious about caring for orphans, or just the poor in general.

I have to admit, it is frustrating when some people claim to be very "pro-adoption", but when all is said and done, are only willing to do infant adoption, or young child, international adoption. In my home state of Michigan, there are 300 kids, whose parents have had their parental rights terminated, who are waiting for "forever families". It would be virtually free to adopt these kids... yet, they're still waiting.

This may come across as harsh (I guess it is :) ), but I do believe that even though we don't like to admit our faults, American Christians are just like the rest of Americans when it comes to adoption: We want the young, cute kids; and we want to *feel* like we're doing something really good. That warm, fuzzy feeling tends to be multiplied when adopting from developing nations, where the "before and after" story is more dramatic. And the feeling tends to be much more fleeting when "only" giving money and allowing someone else to do the caring for that same child (indigenous foster care/adoption). Because we don't have the same investment, we don't have the same feeling.

This is kind of like asking, "Which orphan is most important?" Now, of course, any respectable Christian would be quick to point out that we're all equal, all created in God's image and all precious in His sight. But I think if we were honest, and followed the money, we'd find that cute orphans we can rescue, and adopt ourselves, would be our heart's answer.

Thanks for the recommendation and response, Rachel! :)

As previously stated several times, I have little to no knowledge about all of this, and you and Leah are both older than I am and you both have obviously given a lot of time to learning and thinking about these things, so my opinions and thoughts will probably seem pretty ignorant.
But I know that I personally would love to adopt kids who are not 'young and cute'. I actually wish that my family could adopt someone older (even someone older than me, which I don't think would work since I'm pretty sure if someone is my age or older, they would be out of the system) because I know that it can be hard for them to be adopted (at least according to some books and movies I've watched ;) ).

Sure, my heart does 'melt' whenever I see cute kids (orphan or otherwise) but my heart really goes out for the 'not cute'. That's not to say I wouldn't adopt a 'cute' kid. I would/will adopt whoever God calls me to and I am so grateful to realize whoever I or anyone else adopts is according to what He has ordained. :) God's sovereignty is such a blessing!! ;D

I really hope this is making sense, I feel like whenever I go to type a comment, my thoughts get all jumbled up! But I TOTALLY agree with you that we should understand both sides. One of the benefits is to be more easily able to argue against the opposing side and people won't be able to label you as ignorant or rude as easily. :)

You've been contributing SO much to these conversations, Madison. And you always make sense. No need to feel self-conscious. We're all still learning. ;) And, please, if you feel you don't know enough about something, ask questions! That's what this thread is here for and it will save me the trouble of constantly coming up with ways to feed the conversation.

I really need to finish reading When Helping Hurts. I think I'm going to need a break after finishing The Child Catchers, though. The author raises some good points, but I kind of feel beat-up by that book.

Personally, I wrestle with the quote I posted. I feel that corruption in international adoption is first under-reacted to and eventually over-reacted to. While I am very aware of trafficking situations and children permanently and needlessly separated from biological family, I also am aware of the children who will never be reclaimed by their biological family. The children who will remain in institutional care for the rest of their lives without foreign intervention.

At the same time, orphan care is not only adoption. And it shouldn't be isolated to vulnerable kids coming here. I think that's a valid point to raise.

Thank you so much, Leah. :) You are always so kind, thank you for being a great example of being gracious to others. I've been so blessed to find your blog and this discussion group. I love that you guys are willing to dialogue with me about these topics!

Are there ways we can help stop the trafficking of children for adoption? For example, are there groups/organizations out there working to bring an end to this? This is such a despicable deed, yet I feel like I have not heard anything about it (It could be because my parents have been very careful of what I have read/know) but I do know of those who kidnap children and force them to fight for them, and I'm pretty sure there are people who are actively fighting against that.

The whole subject of adoption is truly amazing when we see how the Bible uses it to describe us. We were definitely not 'cute kids' and yet God sacrificed so that we could be adopted into His family. And we still continue to be 'troublesome kids' sometimes, yet He has overwhelming love for us and will never 'send us back' or abandon us once we belong to Him. :)

I would also like to add that a lot of times, I think people want to adopt babies and younger children because it will be an easier transition for them (the kid) and they will be able to experience their whole life with them. Especially if a family already has kids, it can be potentially dangerous to adopt a child who is older than some of the kids. Not that I am opposed to adopting older children, it's just we can't really be upset that a lot of people end up not adopting older kids.

Also, the more I think about it (and after chatting a little bit with my mom) I think I would disagree with the fact that a lot of people adopt just for the warm fuzzies. Adoption is a long, hard process and a lot of times the only reason someone is adopting is because they truly desire to rescue children from their situations or because they have been through a long, painful process of finding out they cannot conceive children and see adoption as the way they can have a family. :)

I think chatting with your mom about it is a very good thing to do!

I have to leave for work in a few minutes, so don't have time to respond to everything you mentioned, but wanted to quick respond to your last paragraph.

When I speak about "warm fuzzies", I don't mean a surface superficiality. It is very easy for us to do things and believe things, thinking we are absolutely biblical and right in them, even when we aren't. I believe that women particularly are quite susceptible to deception (the Bible says Eve was deceived in eating the fruit, but Adam wasn't)... therefore, it's easy to convince ourselves we're doing everything right and for all the right reasons, too. This is a matter of asking God, "Search my heart and know if there be any wicked way in me" as the psalmist does... sometimes a lie is so buried or tangled up with half-truths that it can be hard to spot.

I think it's great that you want to adopt the "less" cute kids, and there are plenty of others who have that same heart. There are also plenty who would have doubts, and I place myself in this category, so no judgment :), about adopting a child with very severe needs. On the surface, my reasons are logical ones that anyone would understand and most are quick to reassure "It's not for everyone"... but deep down, I'm convicted that it's my attitude and doubt that is the real problem.

Anyway, I need to run... I'm sure I'll be back later to expound. ;)

The Hague is a UN effort to curb the trafficking issue, Madison. Unfortunately, their efforts have served to muddy the waters further. As far as I can tell they are curbing trafficking, but they're also making international adoptions way more difficult and have not been terrible successful in kickstarting domestic adoption programs.

Also, I think the word trafficking is a little misleading. While there are certainly some clear-cut trafficking cases, it's usually more difficult to detect. Children separated from their parents for various reasons being adopted when reunification was possible ... stuff like that.

I'd also like to give a word of warning. I absolutely want everyone to be involved and active in these discussions. But please don't get obsessive about it. ;) I only say that because I'm an all-or-nothing kind of girl. Sometimes I get so focused on learning about orphan care and adoption that my family gets sick of hearing about it and my emotions get all out of whack. I don't want to cause that for any of you.

This is absolutely an important issue. Some of the issues should absolutely grieve us. As Christians we definitely need to give this topic careful attention and be diligent in learning about it. But, as I said, obsession isn't good for anyone. Just throwing that out there.

Hey guys! In light of what we've been discussing, here's a very well written, thought provoking article (from a secular viewpoint I think) about international adoption. I appreciate the fact that it's well balanced. It doesn't attack or condemn international adoption, but it also acknowledges the difficulties of it.
Did I Steal My Daughter?

I read this article today and thought it might better explain what I mean when I talk about the "warm fuzzies" :) in adoption/orphan care:

http://jasonjohnsonblog.com/blog/kill...

Definitely some good thoughts, there. Thanks for sharing, Rachel!

I just finished reading Did I Steal My Daughter. Wow, I could really feel the struggles they went through. Honestly; I don't know quite what to think at the end of it all! It feels like the positives canceled the negatives and the negatives canceled out the positives, if that makes any sense. It was definitely an interesting and thought provoking read. I'm now going to read Rachel's article. :)

Thanks for the article, Rachel! I agree with what he said :)

I just got around to reading "Did I Steal My Daughter"... I really liked this quote: "Many adoptive parents describe their connection with their children as something that was destined by a larger force. "God brought us to each other," they'll say. "We were meant to be a family." I understand why we want to think that, but the reality is, Flora is my child because something went wrong. To believe otherwise would mean that God intended for Beatriz to suffer because she couldn't afford to raise her child, that we were meant to have the option of adding a girl to our family because we could afford the price."

God does work everything out for His glory... but He must fix broken situations, heal broken people because sin brought hurt, pain, brokenness. And of course, it's not unique to orphan care.

I'm glad things worked out for the people in the article, but I still think, as Christians, we need to be asking ourselves hard questions *before* adopting, or making difficult decisions in other types of situations, also.

In healthcare, "back it up" is a phrase used to describe going to the cause of a problem, rather than looking at just the symptoms. I think we also need to "back it up" in orphan care. Instead of asking "How do we care for all these orphans?", maybe we can ponder how to prevent these children from becoming 'orphans' in the first place, while still caring for the ones who are orphans already...

Rachel wrote: "I just got around to reading "Did I Steal My Daughter"... I really liked this quote: "Many adoptive parents describe their connection with their children as something that was destined by a larger ..."

Very provoking thoughts, Rachel! Other than the death of parents, would you guys say the other leading cause of kids being put up for adoption is financial problems and kidnappings?

Well, it's hard to say as an American who isn't immersed in the problems overseas... however, from what I can tell given my reading, financial problems are a huge factor in a parent giving their child away.

Many parents in developing countries don't understand adoption in the same way we do, and often are not giving their consent for it when they "give up" their child.

I've read many, many accounts where a parent entrusts their child to someone's care after being promised that their child will be able to get a good education. Often these parents pay a hefty sum of money to people who are actually child traffickers (whether of the sexual or adoption nature), thinking their children will have a wonderful future.

So financial problems and "kidnapping" (of sorts) often go hand-in-hand, at least in foreign arenas.

Alright. I do wonder if there would be a way for someone to go over to an area that is at high trafficking risk and actually do something to help stop it, since I haven't heard of much being done to stop this. Almost like an Amy Carmichael, in a sense; someone willing to dedicate their lives to help these vulnerable children and families by educating families and offering to thoroughly check all 'offers' that could turn out to be trick. And, at the same time, teaching families how to provide for themselves. I know that a few ministries such as World Vision do something along those lines.

Wow. I didn't check in for two days and the conversation revved up again. :) Great thoughts guys (or should I say gals)!

I do believe there Christians are beginning to become aware of the need to work on helping the root causes of kids being orphaned.

To answer one of your questions, finances are a huge factor that leads to parents surrendering their children to orphanages. Abandonment is another issue. Also, many children with special needs are abandoned due to social stigma, superstition, lack of medical care, and financial issues. So there area a variety of reasons behind kids being orphaned.

Also, there quite a few ministries that work to prevent trafficking and preserve families. Wold Vision and Compassion International have sponsorship programs to help kids go to school. Bethany Christian Services has a sponsorship program specifically to help keep at risk families together. Then there are other ministries like International Justice Mission that exist to fight human trafficking.

I think a lot of what is needed is awareness. There's a lot of Christian attention on the adoption movement (though there could certainly be more), but not nearly as much focus on becoming truly educated about the situations. And very little awareness of the needs of orphans and vulnerable families outside of adoption.

Hey guys, I was just reading an article about how many kids are being affected by Ebola. Not just from catching it, but by having their families die and having the whole community reject them for fear of getting sick themselves. My heart is breaking for these children right now. If I could, I would be on a plane right now headed over to care for and just love on these terrified children, but unless the Lord miraculously provides a way, that's not going to be happening.
So, I wondered if anyone on here knows of other ways I can help them (other than praying, of course)?

I know that World Renew has been working in West Africa, doing their best to treat those who are sick.

http://worldrenew.net/our-stories/wor...

Maybe you could fundraise?

I've definitely been thinking about fundraising, but I'm trying to figure out if there is a place/person I can donate to who will help these kids specifically. Yes, I do think it's important that we donate to those who are helping treat Ebola and for helping find medical treatment etc. but my heart is breaking for these kids who are terrified and left alone because either they have Ebola or someone in their family did/does and so everyone shuns them. Everyone is so busy with the outbreak, they can't really do anything to help, even if the kids are sick.

Since most organizations these days work fairly holistically, I do believe that general donations will ultimately help. It's probably also worth mentioning that organizations can only do so much with the money they already have - in order to expand their programs, they will need more money.

Christian Relief Fund appears to be working holistically in Liberia; Samaritan's Purse is also there. As far as orphan-specific goes, SOS Children apparently has agreed to care for orphans in Sierra Leone, though they're not a Christian organization.

I know you have a huge heart, Madison, and I'm very happy about that. :) Sometimes, I think God allows us to feel helpless so that we'll pray harder and truly learn to depend on Him, truly realize that we are powerless and humble ourselves before Him. It's very easy to get busy DOING and to claim that prayer works but not truly believe it wholeheartedly - because prayer IS doing! I struggle with this ALL the time. I'm quick to read my Bible and zero in on "Faith without works...", when what God is trying to drill into my head is "Works without faith..." :)

Pray without ceasing, and know that God is big enough to care for those kids even if organizations never step up to that specific plate.

Wow, thank you very much for that reminder, Rachel! :) I really love and appreciate what you said about prayer. I am incredibly blessed to be on here and be able to discus with godly older women like yourself and Leah who help point me to Christ and the things above! :)

Samaritan's Purse is usually my go-to organization for stuff like this. I know of a teenager in one of my writing groups whose an MK and got evacuated because of Ebola. I could maybe ask him if he knows of anything. I know his family has some foster kids from the country they work in.

Definitely second what Rachel said about prayer. That's a huge thing I need work on.