it's personal discussion

I'm here. I'm queer.


Here's where I'll *cough* try to post everyday. (No promises)

I must put a Trigger Warning *TW* here. I do talk about my mental health. GR is a safe spot for me to put this. If you are sensitive to this or would rather not listen to me rant about crap, then please click to a new tab.

Also. Anyone is welcome to post here (responding to my posts, saying hello, etc) but no meanie weenies here. :> Like I said. This is a safe space for me.

Sincerely,

~Aly <3

And here it is.... The first rant of... the decade. :3


T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, a single creature was stirring, but t'was no mouse. Aly sat in her room, her skin was so fair. For she had seen no sun, not even the glare.

^ wow, I'm a loser XD ^


And now the depressing rant
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I have been diagnosed with so many things now. All the letters are thrown at me: ADD, ODD, ADHD, MDD, GAD, PTSD, you name it. I feel so awful all the time and feel so unable to talk to anyone who tries to help. I feel like I'm slowly slipping away from reality. I no longer have a social life anymore. I'm losing all my friends. Somehow I have been able to keep all good grades in school (All A's and 2 B's). I can't seem to focus anymore, though. My dissociation, night terrors, flashbacks, paranoia, anxiety, etc. are slowly destroying me from the inside out. My parents are oblivious to this (my mom is sitting in front of me right now and has no idea I'm dying inside). I can't sleep, eat, or do anything anymore! I'm trying so hard to keep my head up and look on the bright side of things when I can't even get out of bed in the morning. Or make it through the day without having a panic episode. Everyone always asks "Alyssa? Are you okay?" I give them the same responses, *Fake smile* "I'm doing really well! Just stressed for a test" or *fake smile* "I'm fine! I'm just tired." I've gotten so good at lying at how I feel to others, that I've begun to lie to myself. "You'll be fine." "Fake it until you make it" "Just keep swimming."

I don't know how long I can't do this.