Go Fug Yourself Book Club discussion

Time to talk about In the Dream House, a book that is likely to be amongst my favorite books of the year, certainly it is likely to be the one that surprised me most. Normally I use my review as my comment here, and I will do that here, but with some revision, now that I have had a couple months to think about the book.

Sometimes when I sort of hate a book I can write pages about it. Sometimes when I love a book, really love it, when it dazzles and surprises me, expands my understanding of what language can do and what structure means and what it does not mean, and leaves me better and wiser for having read it, I find I don't have the language to say very much at all. What I can say is something that will make this sound boring, and it is so completely not boring that in defines the opposite of boring. So here I go -- Machado starts by telling us about the importance of the archive, and of the archivist, and then becomes the archivist. Its a tiny archive, but the foundation is here, the foundation that creates the crack where the light will get in. Oh, and it has a happy ending.

There are many reasons there is no significant archive of abuse in queer relationships, and I found myself wondering if the stories were not told in the literature because of the (largely correct, I imagine) perception that cis-straight people wouldn't care, or if it was self-censorship by queer people who did not want to give haters ammunition in their quest to devalue and delegitimize "non-traditional" unions, Or maybe it is something else entirely. I do know that it is painful and destabilizing to be victimized by the person who loves you and that the hurt must be amplified a thousand fold when the people around you can't even conceive what is going on in your life, when the language does not seem to exist to talk about it, when you have to create the language so that you and those who come alongside and after you can exist. (If there are no words to define a thing or experience, if you have to make up the words, I think it must feel like you must have made up the thing itself. Years ago I knew a man who had been abused by his wife who was half his size and, you know, female, and I know he reported having feelings like these.)

So Machado creates a language, an uses existing references to anchor it. I was fascinated by the structure of the book. I really appreciated The Dream House As" divisions where she structures her story around film, religion, art, music, literature and popular culture. The movie Gaslight comes up twice. both the fictional narrative in one chapter, and the true story of the ways Cukor manipulated and emotionally tortured the already unstable Judy Garland during the filming were very effective references. There is an extended and brilliant Star Trek metaphor (I am 100% not a trekkie, and it still really moved me.) Building the story around these existing structures is so effective. It really grounds the story and makes it relatable, and also leaves the reader to challenge her preconceptions. First, these things that seem new -- they have been there in slightly different form forever in stories you know, or at least know of. Second, if its the the things we don't think or talk about, the things we just accept as "fact", which leave us stuck with the worst things in life, than by providing the language and connection to things we know Machado is bringing this into the light and busting that concept of "normalcy" wide open. It is awe-inspiring in its realized artistic potential, but more important it is useful and it makes us better if we let it.

Bonnie G. wrote: "Time to talk about In the Dream House, a book that is likely to be amongst my favorite books of the year, certainly it is likely to be the one that surprised me most. Normally I use..."

That Star Trek thing moved me too, so much that I told my husband (who IS a trekkie) about it, and then he tried to make me watch the episodes, and I was like, but I already know what happens! Now I don't need to watch it! He was just so excited...

I also loved the format of the book, and all the tropes of folklore in the footnotes, how she was able to analyze is from so many different perspectives. The Choose Your Own Adventure thing was so good too.

One of the things that really struck me was the elements of religiosity - the way the biblical Adam is called to name things that he has no context for; I also thought her statement about Noah's Ark and the flood being a violent abuse, with the abuser saying he wouldn't do it again to be particularly challenging as a practicing Christian. I've got lots of feelings about some of those Old Testament stories, but I hadn't seen it as an abuse story before.

Looking forward to what others thought. I'm so glad this was selected, as I loved the reading experience.

As a Star Trek fan, I wholeheartedly endorse the use of that fantastic episode in this book. :-D

This was a phenomenal book. I'd read the Halloween story when she published it earlier and remember wanting more, so I expected to like it, but everything else about the book was unexpected. I loved how the chapter titles acted as commentary on the content, and the through-line about folklore tropes -- reinforcing that these stories are not unique, and even people who know them by heart can become main characters in new versions of them.

It's a brilliant work and I'm in awe of Machado's mind.

Sara, I had the same reaction to Machado's brilliance, pure awe. She drew lines between things that I know I would never see even if I spent my life looking for them, and those connections were never attenuated or contrived, just not visible until she shined a light. I mentioned in another thread that it was gratifying to go and read her current press and social media because I liked her so much, and wanted to know that despite the pain of the years covered on this book she has made a great life. I was worried about her, I wanted only the best for her. There is nothing sappy or sentimental here, it is extraordinarily emotionally restrained, but it moved me more than any book I can remember.

Allie, your perspective is really fascinating, thank you for raising the religion issue. Though I practice my religion in my way, I feel comfortable picking and choosing my scripture. If I was told I had to believe everything in the Bible/Torah/Koran/Bhagavad Gita, etc. I would be sunk from the first chapter. The old testament God was cruel, and mercurial, and violent. He cast Eve out of the garden for being curious (and turned Lot's wife into salt for the same reason), he tricked Abraham into killing his son, taking him through all the pain of that decision in the name of some divine practical joke set up to test allegiance and love. These are not nice things. I was really interested in how being steeped in those things shaped the adult Carmen, and led her to follow those examples, to not ask questions, to move forward toward things she knew were bad to show her allegiance and love. It really made me think about how we might reframe the lessons of scripture while still honoring our belief, and the lessons of the One (or the many for the polytheistic) in whom we believe.

Just having this discussion makes me want to go back for a re-read

I loved it.
I'm not a Trekkie at all but I'd like to watch that episode. The way she wrote about it was so gripping.
I was awed by the incorporation of all the tropes but I admit I skimmed over most of the folklore citations.

I may search out that episode of Star Trek as well. Thanks for the suggestion!

I was loaning my copy of this to someone yesterday (I have listened to the audio. but also read the text and I am glad I did both) and stated leafing through the book, and I found this passage that I think has universal importance and is relevant to the current moment in America. I am making it a part of my personal code because silence really does equal death:

“What is placed in or left out of the archive is a political act,” Machado writes. “I speak into the silence. I toss the stone of my story into a vast crevice; measure the emptiness by its small sound.”

Sooooo, I resisted reading this book, and it was a difficult read. It hits very close to home in a lot of respects. I've spent the last three days since finishing it trying to clear my head of what I recognized in my own relationship. Oooof. (Personal note, we're hetero, and both seeing counselors, and I attend a recovery group for friends and family of people who suffer with addiction.)

Altogether, a phenomenally well written and researched book. The footnotes were as interesting as the book itself. I "enjoyed" if it can be described as such, how each genre was effectively, sometimes humorously, and often brilliantly explored, and yet remained succinct and recognizable. This was no small feat, and while painful to process, I'm glad I read it.