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So we've got John as ‘Buddy the Barbarian’ and ‘Elvis the Elf’. Jane as ‘Winny the Wizard’ and ‘Duncan the Dwarf’. And finally, George as ‘George the Thief’ and ‘George the Warrior’. So I guess we're ready to play?
Good. This game begins in the town of Foxburg, where you are all sitting in the Foxtail Inn, drinking ale, when suddenly...
What?
Buddy the Barbarian doesn't drink?
He's a reformed alcoholic? Alright then he can drink Coke...
I don't care if Coke wasn't invented then...
Well maybe the barkeeper was the first person to invent it, but it just didn't catch on back in those days...
Huh?
How did he make it? I don't know...
What? Don't worry, we'll make Buddy the Barbarian have water...
What do you mean is it safe to drink? Of course it's safe! Everybody drinks it! Can I just get on with the game?
Thank-you. O.K., so you're sitting in the Foxtail Inn drinking ale, apart from Buddy the Barbarian, who's having water, when suddenly you hear a shout from outside...
What is it, Jane?
Duncan the Dwarf is deaf? What do you mean he's deaf?
He had his ears chopped off in the last campaign? Well how's he supposed to hear?
Winny the Wizard knows sign language? That's stupid! What would happen if Winny the Wizard died? Then Duncan the Dwarf would be in trouble...
How do you know she won't die?
You won't let her? You can't just not let her die! If she dies, she's dead, and that's that!
What do you mean you'll go home? You can't just get up and go if one of your characters dies...
... Because you've still got another character to play!
O.K., O.K. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it...
No, George, there are no bridges to cross right now. You're still inside the Foxtail Inn. And no one's dead yet, so let's just get on with it...
Suddenly you all hear a shout, except for Duncan the Dwarf, who is told about what is happening from Winny the Wizard, in sign language. An old man runs into the Inn...
What do you mean George the Warrior is going to kill the old man? You can't fight him!
Because he's a good old man!
No! George the Thief can't steal the old man's money! Now, let me get on with it! So, an old man runs into the Inn, shouting, "Please, someone, help me! The ogres have taken my daughter to Zorak the Evil's castle! Please, someone, bring her back safely! I will pay a reward of 3,000 gold pieces, if..."
What? Why does Zorak the Evil take her? Because he's evil. That's what evil people do!
What do you mean there has to be a motive?
O.K. So he wants to marry the man's daughter...
What? When's the wedding? I don't know! Why do you have to know when the wedding is?
So you know how long you've got. Alright then, it's in a week!
No, George, I don't know why that's bad. But, I suppose you're going to tell me...
What do you mean they haven't known each other long enough?
Oh! So just because your mum says that you should know a girl for at least three years before you get married, you think Zorak should know her for that long too. Well then, he was friends with her for four years before he turned evil! Is that better?
I'm glad you're happy, George. Alright, so the man tells you about the ogres and Zorak and the reward of 3,000 gold pieces...
Huh? Oh! Sorry, Jane, I should have told you that. There are six ogres...
No, Jane, they're not the friendly ogres from the last game...
What do you mean 'why'? Because they're not!
Yes, it is a good excuse. Now, I just want to get on with the game! The man comes to your table and asks for your help. So now your mission is to find the...
What do you mean Buddy the Barbarian and Elvis the Elf aren’t going?
They don't like the pay?
So, you've calculated that you'll each be getting 500 gold pieces and that's only if Zorak doesn't harm the girl. Well, what's wrong with that?
Gold prices are going down? And the likelihood of getting the girl back safely from someone so evil is very low? How did you work that out?
Zorak wouldn't have been given the title Zorak the Evil if he was a nice person. O.K., so what if he was called Zorak the Not-So-Evil and the reward was 9,000 gold pieces? Would you go then?
No. But, you'll agree if I called him Zorak the Good-Bordering-on-Evil and the reward was 120,000 gold pieces? But why would there be such a big reward on someone who was good bordering on evil?
Because there is? That's not a good enough answer!
Well it was good enough for me to say it to Jane? But, that was something entirely different!
O.K., O.K. I'll change his name to Zorak the Good-Bordering-on-Evil and we'll make the reward 120,000 gold pieces, but now you have to let me get on with the game...
Now, the six of you are walking towards the castle. The road is very rocky and the path is winding its way up to the castle walls. There is a forest to your left and a…
What? On who’s left? On the characters’ left of course!
But, Elvis the Elf is defending the party from behind and so he’s walking backwards? Well then, the forest would be on Elvis the Elf’s right and the other characters’ left. Are we clear on that?
Good. So you’re walking up this path and you come to a large rock. Here you see the castle walls clearly. There are three archers up on top of the castle walls. What will you do?
How can George the Warrior kill them, George? Can you please tell me that! How can he kill them if the only weapons he has are a two-handed sword and a dagger?
He can’t just stab them! He is down below, behind the rock and the archers are up above, on the castle walls!
No, George the Thief can’t steal the archers’ arrows!
Because he’s behind the rock too! Well, what do you want to do?
O.K., when you begin to look around the walls you notice what might be a hole in the right castle wall… That would be the left castle wall to any character walking backwards.
Winny the Wizard and Duncan the Dwarf are going to run down to the hole? O.K., as the two fearless characters run towards the hole, the archers begin to fire at them. The first archer… misses. The second archer… misses. And the third… hits! The third archer hits Winny the Wizard. You have to make a throw to see if you can dodge the arrow…
Winny the Wizard isn’t able to dodge the arrow and she falls to the ground badly wounded… You have to take seven hit points off Winny the Wizard… Uh… So, she’s dead.
No… She’s dead. If you take seven away from four that’s minus two. Winny the Wizard is dead. But, don’t worry, you still have Duncan the Dwarf, who made it to the other side…
No, Jane, Winny the Wizard is dead!
She can’t come back to life! She was shot with an arrow and she died!
No! It wasn’t a fake death! It was real! Winny the Wizard is dead!
What do you mean you’re going home? You still have Duncan the Dwarf to play with…
You don’t want to play Duncan the Dwarf if Winny the Wizard is dead? But you have to! Otherwise Duncan the Dwarf will be left standing near the hole.
So you’re playing?
Good. All right, so Duncan the Dwarf is next to the hole, what does he want to do?
Huh? He can’t just kill himself!
He can and he did? So now you’re just going home? Fine. I’m sick of hearing about Winny the Wizard and Duncan the Deaf Dwarf anyway!
O.K., fellas, it’s just us now. You’re stuck behind the rock, what are you going to do?
What? Buddy the Barbarian and Elvis the Elf are going back to town? But they can’t! They have to rescue the girl!
It’s too dangerous?
They’d rather make their living singing, as they move from town to town. All right, go then…
I guess you’re going too, George?
No? O.K. then, let’s play. Now, you’re stuck behind a rock below the castle walls. There are three archers up on top of the walls. There is a hole in the right castle wall… What will you do?
Agh! Fine. George the Thief leaps right over the castle wall, taking the archers by surprise and he steals their arrows and George the Warrior, who also leaps right over the castle wall, kills them with his sword. And when the archers die, the girl runs out to meet her two rescuers and they bring her back safely and get the reward money and live happily ever after…
Huh? Oh, sorry. When the girl runs out to meet her two rescuers, George the Warrior kills her and then they go back to the village and George the Warrior kills the old man, while George the Thief steals the money. And they live happily ever after.
Well, I’m glad you’re happy, George. O.K. then, good-bye.
Yes, you’re the winner, George. Good-bye.
Good-bye, George!
Haha!!! I love it! (Especially the last one)
Loved Wizards, Warriors and George! It reminds me about how my brother was whenever we played games (not RP games, but board games). He always wanted to do things his way or he'd crack it. :)
A flash of light brings him from the darkness of the little cavern in which he was hidden. The only way out is up… Up into the sun’s light. He scales the first part of the climb with ease, as he feels the sun’s warmth beaming down onto his worn face. He continues to fly up the mountain, until he comes to a dark overhang. This was not here before he recalls, but alas he knows he must keep climbing. This is very dangerous without the proper gear, he thinks, but the more he climbs, the further away he gets from the cold darkness below.
He manoeuvres himself around the large overhang, the wind blowing him too and fro… he hangs on and keeps climbing. When he first began the climb he did not think it would be so hard. But the formation of these mountains seems to change every minute, making it near impossible to scale – however the arduous climb continues.
After what seems like hours, he reaches the ledge of the overhang. To his surprise, he notices another climber making their way up the second phase of the treacherous climb.
“Hey!” He yells.
But the other climber does not respond.
He calls a second time.
Again there is no response.
He decides to begin the next phase of the climb to see if he can catch up to the climber.
Being as experienced as he is, he finds this climb much easier – again, he finds himself flying up the mountain. Within minutes he catches up to the second climber. It is a woman. She looks beautiful, he thinks. But as he stops to admire her, the wind breaks the wall of the mountain and he loses his hold… leaving him hanging by one arm. Once the wind has ceased, he swings himself up onto the newly formed ledge.
He sits on the ledge, catching his breath, before looking up at the woman. She looks very uncertain, as she gazes up into the sunlight and then into the darkness far below. What is she doing? He thinks.
“You can make it! Keep climbing!” He shouts to her.
She looks at him. It appears that she has heard him. Again she glances into the sunlight and then down into the darkness… Still unsure.
“Wait!” He yells, as he begins the ascent, “I’m coming up to help you!”
He climbs up as quickly as possible, always keeping an eye on the frightened woman above. Suddenly, just as he is only metres from her… she lets go and falls…
… down…
… down…
… down…
into the darkness.
He looks below him. Stunned.
“She looked as though she jumped!” He exclaims to himself, “Why would she jump?”
He looks below him once again, but the woman is not there. He thinks that he should go back down and tell someone, however, something tells him to keep climbing… and he does.
For the rest of the climb, he thinks about the woman, and then about his own life. What has he achieved? What do others think of him? Why has he done what he has done? But the answers do not come.
Soon he reaches the summit. To his amazement there are many other people lining up here. The light is at its brightest, and it makes him feel warm and relieved. He walks over to where a group of people are standing in line. What is this mountain? He thinks. Why are all these people here?
Just then, as if to answer his question, he is confronted by a bearded old man. “You’re new, aren’t you? Congratulations on making it up here.”
He looks at the old man with a confused expression. “Where is here? Why are all these people here?”
The group turns and stares at him. They all look very surprised and horrified that he does not know. The old man puts his hand on the climber’s shoulder and guides him away from the group. “You really don’t know where you are, do you?”
“No… at least I think I’m on the top of the mountain.” He replies.
The old man smiles. “Now you must make a choice. Do you want to stay here or go back?"
“Stay here? Go back? Where is here?”
The old man smiles again, “You were just climbing the skies to heaven.”