it's personal discussion

I'm Abby. I'm a Christian. I'm bi, and I use they/them pronouns.
Feel free to comment here if you want. I'll probably rant, post random thoughts, bits of writing, and funny things here.

Not even a minute after starting a journal and I already want to rant. My English teacher is so frustrating. She assigned a poster project last Thursday that is due Wednesday, and she didn't even give us the needed supplies to do it. For the project we have to design a character, write a poem about the character, and write five vocab words from the Canterbury Tales to describe our character, but she didn't give us the Canterbury Tales, and she won't give us time to work on the project during class. I'm so tired of this English class. The teacher has given us nothing but trouble all year. She gives us more work than can be completed in class and she gives tests without having taught anything. She doesn't grade any of our work and than questions why we aren't showing improvement.

A poem I just wrote for school about a business man I drew inspiration for the man from Wilson Fisk

The Business Man

Gleaming gold and gems
on the hand of his blonde prize
pressed suits and black tries
gold watches and gold cuff links
He always looked best in gold

some called him Midas
people mattered so little
money was his love
With gold he was a dragon
his worth rivaled that of kings

He had an ego
It was the size of the world
he was called the best
he was money and power
why should he be seen as less?

Hi Abby! Your English teacher sounds awful!! I had a horrible English teacher for my freshman year of college and it's not an experience that I'm going to be forgetting anytime soon

I will be so happy next year when I no longer have this English teacher. I have talked to a lot of her other students that are in different classes and they all agreed that she doesn't grade fairly.

I'm tired, school has been crazy this week. There's been rumors that they're talking of shutting down the program I'm in. I don't think they'll shut down the program before I graduate, but I hope they don't end the program. It's a really good program for kids who want a better high school education but don't have any other options.Th program is on a collage campus and it offers the chance to earn your associates degree by the time you graduate high school. The school pays for all of my collage classes as long as I graduate from the program and keep my grades up.

My English teacher assigned an entire essay today due by tomorrow. This isn't uncommon, but I get tired of writing essays like this. My teacher won't even grade it for a while.

I very not happy with my high school right now. I don't attend a traditional high school, however I am still considered a student at my local high school. I am taking the ACT through the local high school, and I just found out that I have to take it over my spring break. I found this out not from the school, but instead from my math teacher who does not work for the high school I am legally considered to be a part of. The high school only considers me a part of it when it benefits them.

The person in charge of the program I'm in talked to the high school and convinced them to let me take the makeup ACT instead of the actual one that will be during my spring break. I'm happier with that however I wish they would have gotten this figured out before.

Life is really stressful right now. My parents have been divorced since I was four, and I haven't gone to my dad's house in almost a month because people keep getting sick or quarantined. My dad told me he was going to pick me up tomorrow, but I don't want to go over to his house. I love my dad, but I don't feel like I fit in his house. I feel like I can't be the person that they expect me to be and that I'm going to end up disappointing them. Going over to my dad's house feels more like a chore I'm required to do than something I actually enjoy or look forward to.

I about cried at lunch today because my classmate asked me about spring break plans, and I said that I was hoping to be at home with my mom all week, and they asked me if I didn't want to go to my dad's house. I feel like something's got to be wrong with me that I don't want to go to my dad's house even though I haven't seen him in almost a month.

School is a disaster right now. I had to sign up for classes today for next year, and I couldn't get any of the classes I wanted. Honestly I'm so frustrated right now I just want to cry. The teachers are at a complete loss for what to do right now.

Abby wrote: "School is a disaster right now. I had to sign up for classes today for next year, and I couldn't get any of the classes I wanted. Honestly I'm so frustrated right now I just want to cry. The teache..."

I feel you. I was like that when I had to pick too. What a frickin pain. haha. Yo, I'm MelonPie. nice to meet you abby!

MelonPie wrote: "I feel you. I was like that when I had to pick too. What a frickin pain. haha. Yo, I'm MelonPie. nice to meet you abby!"

Nice to meet you as well.

My little brother is going to get tested for autism soon. My step mom wondered if he had it before because he has sensory issues, but my dad told her not to worry about it because Abby meaning me had sensory issues when she was younger. My mom told me the other day that she thinks I might have autism, so my dad's argument about the sensory issues are now invalid.

Abby wrote: "My little brother is going to get tested for autism soon. My step mom wondered if he had it before because he has sensory issues, but my dad told her not to worry about it because Abby meaning me h..."

Hopefully everything goes well for your brother Abby.

MelonPie wrote: "Hopefully everything goes well for your brother Abby."

He'll probably be all good. If anything the diagnosis will help him because my dad and his mom really don't always know how to help him.

One of my short stories is going to be published in Limestone University's new magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am ecstatic.

Abby wrote: "One of my short stories is going to be published in Limestone University's new magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am ecstatic."

Congratulations!

I am exhausted today. I can only put up with my classmates for so long. There's only 9 of them, but they talk about everyone, and they never have a good thing to say about anything. They're not so bad when it's just one or two of them, but when it's the whole group it's terrible. The highlight of my day is getting to talk to a group of kids who are in the grade below mine. Unlike my own classmates, I can talk with a group of them for hours without feeling like I feel now.

I would like to start by saying that I'm not obsessed however anything I say following this sentence will probably look like it is invalidating this sentence. I'm currently reading two different J. R. R. Tolkien biographies, and he is amazing. I've placed a hold on two other of his biographies, but I haven't gotten them yet. He started writing his first novel The Silmarillion when he was in this hospital due to an infection during WWI. He actually fought in WWI and only one of the friends he had made during his time studying in Oxford survived the war. After the war he ended up teaching at Leeds before being offered a position at Oxford. While teaching Oxford he began to write his first published novel The Hobbit, or There and Back Again. He actually lost the respect of some of his colleagues because he, a professor of languages and the history of languages, wrote fantasy novels. Tolkien is one of my heroes. He faced so many challenges during his lifetime, and he still wrote a series of successful novels.

I went to the doctor today for my yearly check up, and my mom mentioned to the doctor that she's concerned that I'm having issues with anxiety and depression. Now I'm being put on meds for it and will probably be put in counseling. I know I probably need it, but I don't like it.

I'm tired. My mom thinks that the new med kept me awake last night, but now I've felt tired all day long. I don't like taking meds.

Why have I never been tested for autism? This is an honest question that I have right now. The doctors are starting to wonder if my little brother is autistic, and so I've been reading about it. I started looking up autism in teens after my step mom and my mom both mentioned that I could be autistic. I could relate to just about all the traits and symptoms for autism in teens. Why have I not been tested before?

I think I might have just had a small panic attack. I can't really explain how I felt, but I just suddenly got shaky and felt like I was struggling to breath. I'm still shaky, but my mind is clearer now. It only lasted for maybe a minute.

heyo. you doing good?

Right now my mind feels like it's spiraling telling me i'm not good enough. I made a 70 on my stats test today. I should know how to do this stuff I used my notes, I know my formulas, and I made 90s on the practice tests, but i still couldn't do good on this test. I know a single test shouldn't matter this much, but i'm disappointed in myself for doing bad on it even after i studied. I kept second guessing every choice I made. I'm doing okay in all my harder classes, but I can't do a basic class that should be easy.

I went to the doctor yesterday. They increased the dosage of my meds and said they want to see me back in two weeks. If I can't tell a difference then they are going to try a different med. My step-dad's father is also in the hospital. His intestine has a tear in it, so he had to have an emergency surgery last night, and I haven't heard anything about it yet. This week just feels like its been one thing after another.

Hopefully everything goes well. Hope you're doing well Abby.

Melon wrote: "Hopefully everything goes well. Hope you're doing well Abby."

I'm okay. I'm going through a lot mentally. I don't think the higher dose of meds for anxiety is working and I'm also pretty sure I have autism and want to get tested for it, but I also don't want to ask my mom about getting me tested. My pawpaw is also still in the hospital. He's been put back on a ventilator and life support. They've given him a week and if he doesn't respond to the treatment then they're going to take him off life support. I'm really worried that he's not going to make it. I couldn't even cry when I found out he had gotten worse. I wasn't able to say anything at all.

I'm really sorry to hear that. *Hugs*. I hope everything goes well.

Melon wrote: "I'm really sorry to hear that. *Hugs*. I hope everything goes well."

My pawpaw ended up making a complete turn around in the middle of the night. He's actually responding to treatment now.

Abby wrote: "Melon wrote: "I'm really sorry to hear that. *Hugs*. I hope everything goes well."

My pawpaw ended up making a complete turn around in the middle of the night. He's actually responding to treatmen..."

That's really good!

Does anyone else ever feel like there's too much going on in their brain but not enough at the same time? It's like you want to do Something, but you don't know what Something is so you end up doing nothing while also trying to create enough stimulus so you don't feel like you're going crazy. Usually i only feel like this when I'm home alone, but right now I'm at school.

Today was a bad day and I don't know why. Everything just feels like it's too much right now. I'm sitting in a room at school by myself, and all I can hear is the people in the other room. Usually it isn't this bad, and I don't know why it is today. I don't want to be by myself, but I don't want to go back into that other room. I feel like I'm going to cry, but I've felt like that for the past hour without any reason.

Hey, you doing okay? Are you doing well?

I'm okay. Yesterday was a bad day, but I'm doing better today.

That's good. :)

I'm not doing good again today. My bio teacher gave us one of those details quiz as extra credit. I read the entire thing, but I wasn't sure if it was real or if she was doing it as a joke. She took the last part off of it so we were actually supposed to do all of them. I put my name on it, but I didn't do the rest of it. She got mad at me for not doing it. I didn't really understand the thing or see the point of it. Honestly this week has just been a bad week.

Abby wrote: "I'm not doing good again today. My bio teacher gave us one of those details quiz as extra credit. I read the entire thing, but I wasn't sure if it was real or if she was doing it as a joke. She too..."

Im sorry Abby, I agree it has been a bad week, and its not over yet.
can´t you talk to your teacher for help? say hey I didn´t understand this, could you explain it? that might help.

It was one of those following directions quiz when it has you do weird or kinda embarrassing things. I read over it several times, but I couldn't figure out if I was missing something or not. Usually it says that you should have only done part one when you reach part 20, but she took that off. I tried to tell her I didn't really understand it, but she just seemed upset that I didn't do the rest of it.

yeah that teacher is mean. did you ask any of your other friends or classmates?

No all of them seemed to understand it. She gave us 3 minutes to do the whole thing. One of the parts said if you were the first person to reach this part go to the bored and write your name. I wasn't even sure if the thing was real. I really didn't like it. It had nothing to do with bio at all.

oh well that doesn´t help. 3 minutes that's, just no. yeah that is poor teaching and poor instructions. that is just not a fun day for you. I'm sorry.

bruh, that's not even enough time. I mean I could do it in 2, but that isn't enough time, bruh.

She said that she meant it has a fun activity for extra credit, but I didn't understand the point of it. Usually shes a really good teacher though.

ah. some teacher are like that.

Abby how is today going for you?

hey, how's it going?

Sorry I didn't respond to either of you before. Sunday I was busy getting my picture taken by my step mom. I was dressed up for prom even though I didn't actually go to prom, and Friday I was volunteering with the Special Olympics, so I haven't really been on Goodreads in a little while. I went to the doctor yesterday, and they changed my anxiety meds to a different one because the other one was working for depression, but not anxiety and they gave me a second med for anxiety that I'm supposed to take as needed. I probably should have taken it today at school because I was feeling really anxious this morning, but I didn't take it and I probably won't take it unless I'm struggling to function.