Modern Mommies discussion

It's getting quiet in here, I guess you can only talk about Mommie issues so much, so I thought I would start an thread for bitching.

Just a place where we can bitch about anything that troubles us, or annoyed us, or the jerk that cut us off.

If you need to Vent...Bitch away

My daughter is moving to Winnipeg.She is leaving pretty much everything for someone she just hooked up with at most 2 months ago.This is not the first time my strong willed daughter has done something impulsive and destructive.It's like a repeat performance I see all too often.She had just gotten out of a tumultiuos(sp) long termed relationship and within 2 weeks was hooked up with someone new.
It's frustrating because it's so obvious when you speak to her that it's a rebound relationship but there is absolutely no reasoning with her.She is an adult after all and entitled to make her own mistakes even when costly.
Part of me wants to just shake her but I'm trying very hard to just let go and not be critical or confrontational.

It's hard to leave them to their life lessons,but for most it's the only way to really learn.My question is how often must I watch her make the same painful mistakes?

I read this quote recently,"you may as well drink the ocean with a teaspoon then to reason with a lover."

Sherry, I am so sorry you are going through that. While I don't have a child doing that, I have a best friend that did that over and over. It was like there was NO reasoning with her at all. I finally just had to let it go. There was no reasoning with her...she just wasn't ready or willing to listen to anything. She finally figured it out and is with a good guy.

I really like that quote...it is SO true!

Another...here is my bitch. I am tired of having to tell my husband what needs to be done. While I was out of town taking care of my dad and sick stepmother, with my daughter tagging along, my husband had a nice "vacation" here at home. Instead of coming home to a nicely cleaned house, I came home to a messy house...dishes in the sink because he didn't do them the ENTIRE time I was gone. To top it off, I got sick immediately when I got back home and they still sat for 2 days. I finally did them yesterday because I couldn't take it any longer.

One more example...my daughter (now 5) has gotten a bath EVERY Wednesday for as long as I can remember. However, if I am not here to remind him that it needs to be done, it doesn't get done.

I hate being a nag and I am definitely not his mother, but I feel like I have to make lists and follow him around pointing out what needs to be done just to get his help. I once said to him, "I don't want to have to tell you to do something, I just want you to see what needs to be done and do it." Am I asking too much?

LOL! My husband can point out to the kids what needs to be done but he can't rinse out the empty yogurt container--the yogurt HE finished. I usually just do everything for him because it's easier than starting a fight!

I end up doing everything too because I am not a real confrontational person. However, I hate the message it is sending to my daughter because she sees me picking up after him, while I am trying to teach her to pick up after herself. Not to mention the feminist in me that HATES that I am cleaning up after someone who I didn't give birth to!

My husband once came out of the bathroom and said "I wiped the toilet seat for you".He was so proud of sparing me the work of cleaning up his piss!He got such a look from me that there were no need for words.He got a sheepish grin and acknowledged htat yes that was a pretty idiotic thing to say.

If you ever get it figured out Stacie,let me know.After 30 years of marriage I still am washing the bread crumbs off of the counter after him and picking up his dirty laundry,and believe me I have let it be known that these things drive me nuts!

BTW,thanks for the supportive words.It just hurts,hurts,hurts and there is nothing to do but let go.

Sherry, I am still laughing as I type this. That is hilarious!

Sherry is it possible that you and I are married to the same man?!

I feel blessed that my husband does at least clean the kitchen up after dinner every night (thoug he NEVER wipes down the counter tops, but I am not going to complain!). My beef is when many of the things I do to maintain home and family (and the time they take to do) are just completely invisible to him. I feel like I should write a detailed log with time breakdown of my Monday - Friday just so he gets an idea...

My other thing that I want to whine about is how my kids go through phases of being completely incapable of entertaining themselves: "Mom, what can we do today?" "Play with me mom, play with me" "Mom I'm bored!" - well what am I? The f***ing floorshow?

Vanessa,your husband would be exempt from this particular beef(and ultimate theory)but a few years back there had been a death in my husband's family and I had many members of his family staying with us.Every time it came time to do dishes after a meal all the women would automatically rise and all the men would unfailingly remain seated.
My daughter(who was in her mid twenties at that point)and I began to speculate as to why the men never got up.We concluded that it must have been the extra parts of their anatomy that prevented them from rising.
After the umpteenth time of this happening,I returned to the dining table,sat down and stated that I definitely needed to get me a penis as it came in so handy when it was time to do the dishes.:)

Sherry, I think you just might be my hero!

*LOL*

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL....omg goodness so funny you guys.

Stacie...my husband and I are in counseling and I said that very thing, "why do I have to tell you to put trash in the bin and not leave it on the counter?"...He actually said why don't you write a list of what you want me to do.

I wanted to tear my hair out, I asked him if he wanted me to also put on the list to take a shower and brush his teeth.

It seems if it's something he needs done common sense if over flowing, but for anything domestic he turns into a 3 year old.

Sherry,

I was your daughter at one time. Dating older men, when I was 16 I took off to NB, from NS with a 23 year old. Decided to run off to Europe "to find myself" without a dollar in my pocket and no plan in sight...I grew up, unharmed, thank goodness and my mother survived it.

Having a daughter myself I dread everything you are going through and I hope I never do, somehow I, well lets just say my daughter couldn't be anymore like me.

I can't really offer you any peace of mind, but you know you raised her right and you have to have faith in what you gave her. She might be putting herself in situations you don't want her in, but it maybe her only way of learning her lifes purpose. She'll be fine.

How old is she? If nothing else...SATURN RETURN...lol...Wait until she's 30, that's apparently when we shed our previous life, and actually become an adult in this life.

BTW...the toilet story...I couldn't stop laughing.

Thanks Santina.She's 25 and she frequently calls me mommy too!I know what you're saying is right and surprisingly this situation has me reflecting on my relationship with my mother and what it was like for us during the time of me moving away.

Change and loss is just painful,and unfortunately necessary.She does need to go and grow and I need to let her.Such simple lessons but it seems we have to keep on learning them over and over.

Good for you and your hubbie going to counselling.My husband and I did some years ago and we will still go back if we feel the need to work something out that is troubling.Though that hasn't been needed for a while.We have a good marriage because of it.

And for the toilet story we had been in counselling for a while so that when he said it and I gave him the look he knew he had negated his own "good deed".I'm sure it was something that probably came up in counselling! :)

My husband and I were too in counselling a while back and it was really helpful. While we have always been good at communicating, we weren't at the time. I sometimes think that we should go back to simply kickstart that communication again - have that objective third party to listen and guide.

I think the inability to pick up after oneself or look around and see what needs to be done is somehow connected to the Y chromosome. I am sure that science will prove it soon. My husband also leaves empty cereal boxes, bread bags, milk jugs, you name it on the kitchen counter and it drives me wild. He also says that he doesn't understand why I feel responsible for everything but then I remind him that if I don't tell him to do something it generally will not get done. In his defense, if I ask point blank for him to do something he will do it. However, I get exceedingly tired of asking him to do the same thing over and over. He says he doesn't think of it as nagging so I am over that and just keep pointing him in the right direction.

My second beef is "World of Warcraft." High speed internet is new for us so my husband just began to play this game. Already the hours he devotes to it are far too many in my opinion. We have already discussed it but he is convinced he is not spending any more time doing that then he would spend watching TV or doing something else. I am hoping the novelty will wear off before I begin to consider it an addiction. I am trying to use it to my advantage because he is so keen on proving that it is no big deal that I can get him to do anything I want him to do almost exactly when I want it done.

Shea,I salute you!What a wonderful,machiavellian
approach to getting things done!I always used this approach with my children but never considered the benefits of applying this technique with my hubbie.Brilliant! :)

Shae,

I would recommend that you start writing down the hours your husband spends playing WOW. We just went through this with my husband - it went for 3 years, and he was spending more, and more and more time on it until it was absolutely ridiculous - it was EVERY SINGLE NIGHT I was putting the kids to bed at the end and I was heartily pissed off with him. In the end, he realized that he was spending altogether too much time playing at the expense of his wife and children and just went cold turkey. Once he stopped playing and started doing other things like exercising, reading, photography and spending time with me and the kids again, I think he really regretted the vast chunk of his life that he wasted on that stupid goddamned game. Forgive me, but I just hate WOW and think it is little better than crack or meth.

Here is an interesting website:

http://wowdetox.com/

I am SO glad my husband doesn't play that. We can't have video games in our house because he does get VERY addicted to them. Years ago we had Playstation and I would come out of bed at 4 in the morning and he would be trying to "beat just one more level" before going to bed. It was ridiculous. Luckily, this was before we had our daughter, so it didn't conflict with that. He finally realized his issue and we got rid of it. He is totally anti those games now.

I have a friend whose husband made them leave a BBQ because he needed to get home to play WOW...needless to say, she wasn't pleased.

Vanessa, I totally agree. I love being a mother but hearing MAMA, MAMA every 30 seconds some days drives me crazy. I'm always saying I'm going to pack up all her toys and take them to the charity since she can't find any use for them...lol.

I Love her like crazy though and I try to remind myself someday she'll be pushing me out of her way, not begging me to play with her. Doesn't work, but I try...lol.

I was so embarrassed tonight at Safeway.While our groceries were being packed up a child in the next aisle gave a truly ear-piercing scream.It was truly painful,but sometimes no matter how hard a parent tries those things happen.My husband thought it was funny to say to the woman packing our groceries that there should be dog collars invented for children so that when they screamed they would get a shock the way a dog gets shocked when it barks from their special collars.He persisted with this "joke"though not one person appeared to appreciate it.It was so embarrassing!I swear the man has no filter.

I love him dearly but I don't understand how you go through life without some internal sensor that lets you know when you're saying something uncool.

Oh No Sherry! That must have been a hard situation to be in!!! :) Hope all ended well! :)

Vanessa! You made me laugh! Thank you! I needed that... I SO FEEL YOUR PAIN about the kids saying, "I'm bored", "I don't know what to do Mommy!" "Can you play with me?" OH! I know how that is. I agree too.... I love my kids like crazy too, but how many block towers can we make, right? But you know sometimes I just step back and look at their little faces and say to myself... hang in there... it's all going to be ok!!!! :)

Well I didn't kill him so I guess it worked out ok.... :)

I had to cook dinner and my daughter kept saying "I'm bored" - you know, the standard. I looked at her and said, "sometimes you just have to entertain yourself because the world is not here to entertain you." She looked at me a minute and then pulled out her horses and had a grand old time. Sometimes I just think they need the reminder that they are capable of doing for themselves.

LOL...Sherry I wish I was there. I'm totally the sort of person that would have cracked up laughing at that. As the mother I probably would have said something back like, good idea, I think I'll work on that.

As least he was making a joke of it, I've had people in that situation make rude remarks, I even had one guy at tim hortons, move to the other side of the restaurant, and that time all my baby was doing, was making cute baby noises.

I'd have appreciated that.Mostly we were surrounded by people who did NOT get the humour!

Some people have no patience though,even for sweetness.

My friend was telling me of a mother and child at Superstore,where the child screamed for 20 solid minutes ratcheting up the volume as hte minutes went by, the mother scanned in her groceries without once looking or speaking to the child.

I'm all for letting the tantrum run it's course, but there is a time a place for everything.

Well I got into a car accident Tuesday and I'm so pissed because it's my fault. But if the jackass hadn't decided to stop all of a sudden to make a supposed left turn he wasn't signaling for, I wouldn't have crashed into him.

And I wasn't following too close, it just happened to be the first day we had rain in over a month and as the CAA guy explained to me, after a dry run the first rain causes all the grease and oil to float to the top or the road, and that is why I slide about 5 car lengths.

GRRRR...between car payments, gas and insurance, and now I'll have to pay higher insurance...I just can't afford to drive.

There are too many nuts out there anyway, I don't feel safe in a car on good days, never mind rain, and God forbid we get snow. I wonder if Canada will ever get their act together and do like Germany...their people have to train for a year before they are allowed to drive. Not only that, over there they have to learn things like how long it will take them to stop in every road condition. That is why they can have the autobahn and still have fewer traffic accidents.

Santina, I am sorry to hear about your accident. Are you OK physically?

I agree...I hate driving and often don't feel all that safe in a car. I am often worried about the idiot in front of, behind of or on the side of me. What are they going to do?

Anyway, I am really sorry...that sucks, but I hope you are OK.

We're fine, just sucks to be without a car, but I'll manage.

Hi, nice to meet you. I couldn't help but notice that you need something to start a Bitchfest. You might want to check out my latest book, "19 reasons why he really left you honey" Only if you can handle it!!

Lesley D. Nurse

Hi Leslie,are you a new member,interested in our site or are you promoting your book?I for one never feel interested in books that are presented to me in this manner.

I'm happy to get to know you as a "Modern Mommie" member and perhaps as you let us get to know you I may feel more inclined to show interest.But if it's spam I'm really not interested at all and find myself quite capable of finding my own topics to bitch about without any help,such as being solicited for a book I have no need or interest in.

Well put Sherry.

Sherry, I think prehaps you should be a co-moderator of this group. What do you think?

I vote for Sherry! She is well spoken and looking out for our best interest.

Yes she is Shea and she is also here more than I am, not to mention I'm on Vacation next week and might not get a chance to come in at all, so that would be great.

Sure,if it helps out,I'd be happy to,but I'll be gone in the third week of August myself.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. :)

Cool...I'll be back the 3rd week.

Vanessa and Shea I can totally relate. My husband will do anything I ASK him to do. I am always reminding him that he never has to ask ME to do the million things I do each day so why the heck should I have to ASK him??? I really wish i could give him a breakdown of exactly what I do so he gets a clue. And don't even get me STARTED on WOW. I have threatened to throw my husbands computer out the window several times. It takes up family time which is something we don't get a lot of. REALLY a very sore spot with me.

Ugh Angie - another WOW widow? I can only feel thankul that my husband finally broke his addiction and can now see what a waste of time it was. My sister-in-law went through it too with her husband for 2 years. I think that they (WOW addicts) can't see it for what it is at the time - they think "Well, if I wasn't playing WOW, I'd just be watching TV in the evening" (until 2 in the morning? I don't think so!). As it is, my husband and I watch half an hour to an hour of tv in the evening when the kids are in bed now that he is done with WOW - most of the time we read,or he exercises, does video editing, or photography projects while I sew or knit or write. He is SO much happier now that he is "recovered" - and much more connected to us (his family)! The probelm with WOW is that it makes players think that they are truly achieving something and it makes them feel a part of a community - like everyone in their guild is a real friend, when neither is true. Anyway - enough rant (again) - I think I need to become a WOW interventionist for a living!

Vanessa from reading these posts I'd say there may be a market for it.

LOL...no doubt there is Sherry, it sounds just as bad as any drug out there. Thankfully my hubby's only addiction is reading the news, at least that saves me from having to read it. I can't imagine having to deal with WOW.

I'm glad to see the bitchfest board has been quiet, but I'm about to break that.

Is it just me or has yogurt become the most annoying item to shop for? I'm wondering if it's possible to just get a normal yogurt with fruit that doesn't have contain 10000 other items and god forbid it contain SPLENDA. What do they think every person he likes yogurt is on a diet. There are more yogurt types than ice cream and that is just wrong considering there are like 8 flavours.

There are so many pro this and pro that, you have to bloody well read the fine print to see what you're getting. I bought a yogurt that said no artificial sweetner added...only to get it home, try one and GROSS. I read the back it's made with sucralos, which is really SPLENDA, which in my opinion is FAKE SUGAR. Just give me regular old yogurt and throw some strawberries in it.

I'm telling ya, I have yet to find one, but I spend more time in the damn yogurt isle than I do shopping. Someday maybe I'll find a brand I can just stick with.

I agree Santina,it shouldn't be so complicated to buy something as simple as yoghurt.

I totally agree with you. I actually don't buy flavored yogurt and really haven't for years. Once in awhile, for a "treat" my daughter gets to pick out an organic flavor; but, that is few and far between. Here is what I do to work around the crap that is in the so-called healthy yogurt...

I buy plain yogurt...usually non-fat. I buy organic that has nothing but the milk and cultures it takes to make it. I then buy frozen berries or go to the farmer's market and buy a 1/2 flat of strawberries - we eat some and freeze the rest. I also freeze bananas. So, when I want a flavored yogurt (or a smoothie for that matter) I just take the fruit out of my freezer. To get it juicy, I warm it up...I then puree it and mix into the plain yogurt.

You can either make a big batch (lasts about a week) or make it as the desire for yogurt grabs you. The longer you let it sit, the more the flavors become infused.

I sometimes add unsweetened applesauce to it if we want to eat it right away.

Before I was adding fruit to the yogurt, my daughter's favorite thing was molassess yogurt. She would eat it up!

I made her food when she was a baby...many people say it takes too much time, but the time it takes is truly minimal and worth it in my opinion.

Wow,Stacie that sounds soooo yummy! I'll have to try that with my son.

Has anyone tried to make their own yogurt? I haven't but every once and a while I see the kits for sale and I wonder if it's worth it.