The Five Ghosts discussion

Okay. It's not stupid. But it certainly sounds stupid when you first try to give the dreaded SYNOPSIS, whether it's for a publisher, agent, or just a friend. Has anyone ever asked you, "Hey. What's your story about?"

And then your answer starts with, "Er... Well... It starts with... Well, you have to READ it really. But..."

Hooow awkward. I've had this happen.

More so, from a commercial standpoint, your synopsis has to be MORE than what's on the back of the book or what you tell your friends. You need explain what makes your book different than everything else, while also describing technical information such as how long or what type of story your novel is.

In essence, this is called your PITCH. If you ever go to a publisher or agent, this is what sells you story, not your actual manuscript. And trust me, it's hard! You've spent from anywhere to several months to a few years creating a story.

And now you have to make it fit into a few paragraphs. Wonderful.

But, there is a general pattern you can follow. While you can tweak a few bits, this pattern has been proven through and through.

Generally, there are three paragraphs. 1)Hook 2)Mini-Synopsis 3)Technical Info

Sometimes, particularly in query letters, the final paragraph may be combined with paragraph two, with the third paragraph being your bio. Other times, your bio will be the fourth paragraph. (But we're not too worried about that here, just the synopsis. ^_^)

First, the Hook.

The hook paragraph needs to have something interesting the VERY FIRST sentence! Really. A good publisher or agent can get hundreds of synopsis's in a day. So a mere glance is the most your synopsis may get. So you've got to have something shocking, interesting, or intriguing in that first line.

Here's an example of the first line I'm using, as well as the rest of the first paragraph.

"Croy Gilder’s an easy going guy who knows exactly what’s going on in his life… except for the fact that he’s a werewolf. So when the trauma of a car accident becomes the catalyst for Croy’s transformation, his life begins to unravel. Strange abilities start to surface within him, and he quickly loses control over his emotions."

Look at the first line. I tell the reader three things. I tell you the main character is Croy Gilder, I display some of Croy's personality, and what his major struggle going to be. I go on and tell how the story starts and a little more about the struggle.

So, on to the second paragraph. The Mini Synopsis.

You can get too detailed... yet you have to be thorough. You can't use overly-fancy language... but you have to give it a bit of style. And you have to, most of all, stay unbiased. In other words, you state fact. You can't boast and say this is the most awesomest plot in the world. You're describing, not critiquing.

With that said, here's an example of a mini synopsis I created, which immediately follows the example I just gave.

"As Croy questions his sanity, strangers intrude on his life. One such outsider is Janise, a wild and bawdy werewolf girl who wants to take Croy for herself as he copes with his new abilities. Janise tries to break Croy of his human ideals and his current infatuation with another girl, but her own conscience begins to catch up with her. Janise questions her own intentions as she realizes just how much she’s destroying Croy’s dwindling innocence. Before any easy solutions can be made, a single and tragic event sends everything off the rails into a final, snarling brawl."

Wow... It sort of de-emphasizes my entire plot, but this is what an agent or publisher wants more or less (my example isn't perfect, of course. They want to know what they're going to consider for publication. While I don't cite specific events, every event that does happen more or less falls under or connects to Croy discovering his abilities, Janise guiding Croy through his transformation (or tempting him), or Croy struggling with his emotions.

Also, I bring in the fact that Janise is an important character and shares the spotlight with Croy.

As a final point, notice how I didn't go ALL the way in and describe the full ending, but I showed that I know my story and its central theme. From this alone, a publisher can decide if my story is plot worthy. It's idea over content. They'll get the content from the manuscript, if they request it.

And lastly, the Technical Information.

This is just giving the basics of the story, as well as adding in any final things that make your story stand out. Also, put your story title in ALL CAPS. Not bold, not italicized. It has to stand out.

"INSTINCT RISING is a 124,000-word YA Paranormal/Urban Fantasy novel. It’s the story of Croy Gilder, who tells the story of his transformation into a werewolf and the lust and aggression he struggles with through a teenage point of view. Ranging from the risqué, humorous, heartbreaking, and violent, it defies genre cliché in many ways while still maintaining the staples of the field."

So let's see. I've got word count, genre, point of view, the style of writing, and a few story elements that are apparent. This will be the easiest thing of all, but really is important.

SO. Here's the whole thing put together in a compact 218 words.

"Croy Gilder’s an easy going guy who knows exactly what’s going on in his life… except for the fact that he’s a werewolf. So when the trauma of a car accident becomes the catalyst for Croy’s transformation, his life begins to unravel. Strange abilities start to surface within him, and he quickly loses control over his emotions.

As Croy questions his sanity, strangers intrude on his life. One such outsider is Janise, a wild and bawdy werewolf girl who wants to take Croy for herself as he copes with his new abilities. Janise tries to break Croy of his human ideals and his current infatuation with another girl, but her own conscience begins to catch up with her. Janise questions her own intentions as she realizes just how much she’s destroying Croy’s dwindling innocence. Before any easy solutions can be made, a single and tragic event sends everything off the rails into a final, snarling brawl.

INSTINCT RISING is a 124,000-word YA Paranormal/Urban Fantasy novel. It’s the story of Croy Gilder, who tells the story of his transformation into a werewolf and the lust and aggression he struggles with through a teenage point of view. Ranging from the risqué, humorous, heartbreaking, and violent, it defies genre cliché in many ways while still maintaining the staples of the field."

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So there's an slightly average example of a pitch and a little bit of info on how to do it. I hope this was helpful, or at least enlightening.

If anyone else has extra advice, questions, or think I'm just totally out-to-lunch and that I've totally got it all wrong (^_^') feel free to comment, ask away, or call me out. :3

I'm no expert on pitching. I hate the whole idea of boiling down a novel that much and trying to make it sound interesting, but I know it's required. That said, I do know a few places with helpful advice.

Miss Snark: http://misssnark.blogspot.com/
Aside from being HILARIOUS, this is the blog of a literary agent as she brutally rips to shreds would-be-authors in their attempts to get published. She points out the most common mistakes and pitfalls, and has a few handy entries where she reads through an actual query someone submitted and tells them what's crap and what isn't.

The number one thing I've learned, both from that blog, what I've read, my own reactions to a book synopsis, etc... the biggest question a literary agent or editor is asking when they read your query is 'why the fuck should I care?' What about these characters should make me want to read 124,000 words about them?' Or that's what I've gathered... Anyone may feel free to contradict me on that one, it's just what I've observed.

For example, this is how I pick up a book at the store. Read back jacket. Interesting enough? No? I put it back. If yes, I read the first page. If I have a hard time closing the book after the first page, I take it to the check out. Rarely has this failed me, and it's funny, since that's pretty much exactly how editors and literary agents scope through their 'slush pile' for publishable material. It depends though because some have different requirements of their query letters.

I can't claim to be any good at writing query letters because I never have. Though if you want any criticism, the one big reason I'd pass yours over for the next would be that in your hook, you describe Croy Glider as 'an easy going guy who knows exactly what's going on in his life.' Well... what is going on in his life? Is he a journalist, a waiter, an astro-physicist? Is he a student of any of these things (that would at least hint at his age, and thus what audience these books would be for) or in high school or even younger? An 'easy going' guy who 'knows what's going on in his life' is a rather dull way to describe your main character, even if he is a werewolf and doesn't know it yet. The thing of books staring 'average' people who get thrown into not so 'average' lives is that they were rarely average people to begin with anyway because what the hell IS average? Harry Potter isn't an average boy, he lives in a bloody closet and he's the only person to survive a curse which happened to kill both his parents. But he wouldn't be the first to say so, he'd be the first to describe himself as 'just Harry.' So maybe instead of leading with who he thinks he is, lead with what he is... if that makes sense... You've got lycanthropy, what else?

Er... hope that was helpful... and not just a pain to read >_< I'm a horrible critic. This is why when people ask me for feedback I always cringe. I'm afraid of hurting feelings and stepping on toes.

Yeah, sure as heck was helpful, even if it was just the first line.

Does this ring a bit better?

"Croy Gilder’s an easy going, if not introverted, guy who knows exactly what’s going on in his life as it nears his final year in high school… except for the fact that he’s a werewolf. "

Doooes that mean the rest of the synopsis was alright? :3

Also, I am totally alright with critiques. There's no point in learning how to write if you can't take criticism.

Actually, I think that hook is a little worse >_< Maybe I stressed the school thing too much. What I mean to say is, why are we reading about Croy and not about some other guy who got turned into a werewolf? What makes Croy Croy? Why is he interesting? Right now Janise sounds more interesting than Croy - she's the active character in the summary while Croy's a passive by-stander. What is the main conflict of this book and why is Croy the source of it or the resolution for it? (This is actually my only other quibble with your plot summary, is that the conflict isn't quite clear... especially since the summary makes the book sound like it's about Janise and not Croy.).

Like, hm... When I first started writing my story, I stopped because I realized I didn't know (or care) about my main character. Why do you care about Croy and why should your audience? That's sorta what I'm trying to get at in a round-about way... IS he an active character in the story, or does everything just 'happen' to him? If he's not active, but passive, why not write it from Janise's perspective? Reading about things happening to someone is not as interesting as reading about what they DO in response. Recently, at a seminar with Ed Hooks, he taught us that if ever in your novel/movie/whatever you ask your main character 'what are you doing?' and they can't answer, the scene ought to be cut. They should always be able to answer that they are doing something in order to reach an objective. What is your character's motivation and what is he doing to attain it? I can ask Janise what she's doing - she wants Croy and she's gonna do whatever it takes to get him. What does Croy want?

I hope this makes sense >_< Glad you're not anti-critique, I really am doing my best to help!

.. Hot dang I think you nailed it there. I can definitely see where to go with this now.

I hope this is a step in the right direction.

"Easy going Texas teen, Croy Gilder, is the kinda guy who has a pretty good handle on his quiet, lonely life… except for the fact that he’s a werewolf. So when the trauma of a car accident becomes the catalyst for Croy’s transformation, his simple life begins to unravel. Strange abilities start to surface within him, he quickly loses control over who he was, and he questions the meaning of his own existence."

That's better than the last two, though it still lacks the driving force for your character. Just so I get a better grasp of things... could you answer these questions?

What is the main conflict of your story? (is it character vs. character, character vs. self, character vs. situation/environment?) What is your character fighting for or against?

What obstacles are in your character's path? (Janise?)

What does your character achieve by the end of this story? How has he changed?

I'd seriously consider whether or not you should include the 'questions the meaning of his own existence' part. For one thing, what does that mean, really? I get the picture of the statue 'The Thinker' and wonder if the entire story is about a guy sitting about thinking things? You're getting warmer with 'loses control over who he was' but I think it could be worded a lot more nicely. Is he losing touch with the boy he used to be and becoming a man? Is this a coming of age story, a good vs. evil story? Instead of trying to rewrite the summary, if you can answer those questions I might be able to get a better idea of how to summarize it.

I see. Lemme answer your questions.

1) The main conflict is Croy deciding between retaining his human life, and fully giving into the animal instincts and urges of being a werewolf. The main manifestation of this (or what ACTUALLY happens) for this is him deciding between his high school crush, Melody, or giving into Janise.

2) The main obstacle is Croy's hesitation to change his lifestyle. He tries over and over to ignore his instinct, ignore his new wants and urges, and keep living his old life (which can never happen)

3) At the end Croy finally realizes that life can never be perfect and has to change because he's changed, and that what he thought he wanted (human life, the human girl) doesn't match what he really wants (werewolf life, werewolf girl). He achieves finding his place in the world, a werewolf roaming the night with his mate (Janise).

Okay, this definitely sounds like a coming of age story then. Don't quote me on this, but as someone going to read the book I'd like to know that. You don't have to say it explicitly, but include somewhere in the synopsis that this story underscores the irreversible changes Croy goes through as a human being after becoming a werewolf. If he hadn't been in his last year of high school, I'd have assumed the lycanthropy was almost a metaphor for puberty (what with the hints to lust and aggression that he struggles with). It also sounds like it's a lot more of a romance than the synopsis lets on. The love triangle (a plot device I normally hate) is actually being put to good use here, I think, since usually love triangles are representative of a crossroads in the main character's life.

What this means to me is that the entire paragraph about Janise is irrelevant to Croy's story because it's written almost from her perspective. Instead, write about Croy. Underscore his struggle and conflict choosing between two women (which is, in reality, a choice between two lifestyles - humanity and his feral side - and, even deeper, might be an allusion to a boy becoming a man...).

Rewrite with these things in mind... What your story is, in a nutshell, doesn't concern Janise's desires or her conscience - it's about an irreversible change in Croy's life and how that change comes to be. ^^

Oh no... I've spent four-five years of my life writing this damned story, and to publish I have to condense? Well bugger! By far my weakest link. This thread wouldn't by any chance be open to everyone now, would it? I've actually never thought of this till you, Tomato, brought it up! Fiend :)

@ Alanna Oof. Actually, Janise plays a big role.

You see, a good amount of the story is told from her perspective, and a lot hinges on her actions. Sooo... how would I go about that? that's why I was really keeping that first paragraph on croy, and the second on Janise.

So... Hmm... Here's another version.

"Easy going Texas teen, Croy Gilder, is the kinda guy who has a pretty good handle on his quiet, lonely life… except for the fact that he’s a werewolf. So when the trauma of a car accident becomes the catalyst for Croy’s transformation, his simple life begins to unravel. Strange abilities start to surface within him, he quickly loses control over who he was, and he must decide who he must become.

As Croy questions who he is, strangers intrude on his life and influence him. One such outsider is Janise, a wild and bawdy werewolf girl who wants to take Croy for herself as he copes with his new abilities. Janise tries to break Croy of his human ideals and his current infatuation with another girl, but her own conscience begins to catch up with her. Janise questions her own intentions as she realizes just how much she’s destroying Croy’s dwindling innocence. Before any easy solutions can be made, a single and tragic event sends everything off the rails into a final, snarling brawl.

INSTINCT RISING is a 124,000-word YA Paranormal/Urban Fantasy novel. It’s the story of Croy Gilder, who tells the story of his transformation into a werewolf and the lust and aggression he struggles with through a teenage point of view. Ranging from the risqué, humorous, heartbreaking, and violent, it defies genre cliché in many ways while still maintaining the staples of the field."

My overly ambitious sci-fi:

"M" by C.M.

'A trillion years into the future, the last surviving civilizations of the universe have gathered by the last burning star. And it has started to die.

Living in ships that orbit this star, these cultures have independently built simulated worlds to artificially live out their lives. Some try to simulate reality, creating planetscapes that look most like what they believe their home worlds used to be; many choose to design worlds that reflect an ideal, or fantasy, or an old folktale. Most want nothing to do with the other, neighboring species, preferring to live in autonomous peace.

Then a stranger arrives.

In a ship of unknown design and origin, its pilot can hack into these simulated worlds, taking on the form of each species. "He" is attempting to gain their trust, to gain information from all the last advanced civilizations of the universe.

"His" mission?

To find a way out of this dead, cold universe, and into a new, living one part of the foam that makes up the multiverse. And to take everyone with "him".

Seen from the viewpoint of this visitor, "he" will travel through mystic deserts, the perpetual battles of an artificial war, and into landscapes that are mere expressions of mathematical concepts. He will become beings of carbon, silicon, and those with hardly any form at all.

In the quest for the sciences of the very large and the very small, our scientist will become many things. But knowledge is not always forth coming. Xenophobia still exists, even at the end of everything; and one who can become anything is the least trusted of all.'

Give me an hour or two and I'll be back with your review of this description of your story :)

Tristan wrote: "Give me an hour or two and I'll be back with your review of this description of your story :)"

*waits* ^_^

Now that sounds like an interesting story to me. It's perfectly ambiguous and it creates an intriguing plot design that actually makes me want to read it. Post-apocalyptic wastelands... in space? I don't believe that's ever been done before and that's saying quite a bit.

It hits the right notes and hits them hard when you describe the story (though the ending sounds a bit off) but the name sake is the only things that'll make me look over at the next book apart from yours. Does "M" mean anything? Because as far as I know, it's a letter in the alphabet. :P

I'm not the greatest at pitches, but this comes from the perspective of the average sci-fi reader. More to come, I still have a piece to edit my good-sir!

oh gosh this story sounds cool. im not usually in to sci fi... but damn! it sounds soooo cool. ^_^

and i agree with tristian on the title. its a wee-bit ambiguous.

Ahhh, see I was missing that link Tomato, it sounded to me that it was all written from Janise's perspective because you introduced her as a stranger that walked into his life, so I was seeing it through her eyes, and then it suddenly switches to being about her... if that makes any sense at all. But yeah, it makes sense to include her part if she's one of the main narrators.

Collin, if I read that on the back of a book, I'd read the book in a heartbeat. Imaginative settings are invariably my favourite aspect of a novel.

"M" is sort of a working title. M stands for M-theory which is so far the best bet on the 'theory of everything,' a way of describing why everything in the universe works the way it does.

And from what I've read thus far, it's weird. Like, really weird. So weird that most of this book's develoment will probably be taken up with research!

Now, why is the theory called 'M'? Ask a different scientist and she/he'll give you a different answer! 'Membrane,' 'Mystery,' 'Matrix (ya, rly),' and even 'Monster' have been used to stand in for 'M'. Really, it's String Theory, only stings with width.

I was thinking of giving our mysterious stranger a symbol on prominite part of his anatomy wherever he goes and whatever he is in the shape of our 'M' to help tie it in even more, but I still might change it.

Oh, and thank you everyone! Although now I feel like I really need to start writing this! ;-)