E,

“That ability to see the right choice, but not until several hours have passed since making the wrong one? That’s what makes a person a dumbass, folks.”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End

“Keep driving," said a soft voice in my ear. "She will not bite if you keep driving."

Fuck that. Fuck that idea like the fucking Captain of the Thai Fuck Team fucking at the fucking Tour de Fuck.”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End

“We got back to my house to find it ransacked. It was difficult to tell because I’m not the world’s greatest housekeeper myself, but by the time I was in the kitchen I knew they had been here: I don’t normally keep the oven open. I whipped out the gun and prowled around the house, finding it empty. Amy asked what they were looking for. I dodged the question by pointing out what a pity it was they tossed the place because it was immaculate before they got here and that it was too bad she didn’t get to see it when it was clean. I went to the kitchen and ran water over my bleeding knuckles.
“Look,” Amy said, from behind me. “They threw laundry all over your floor in there.”
“Yeah. And they wore the clothes first, the bastards.”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End

“Marconi said, "I see you have your instruments. Can any of you sing? The old spirituals work best."
John said, "I can sing."
I said, "No, you can't, John."
"Well, I play the guitar."
"So can I," said Big Jim. "We have two guitars."
I said, "This could not be any stupider."
John said, "Dave, you remember the words to 'Camel Holocaust'?"
"Ah, once again, you prove me wrong, John.”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End