The Bibliophile Doctor’s Reviews > Firstborn: A Memoir > Status Update

I knew you weren’t supposed to tell people before twelve weeks, but that seemed insanely far away and I also knew, even then, that if I lost the pregnancy, a not insignificant possibility that early on, there was no way I was going through that alone.

I knew in that second I was powerless, and would follow this flicker of a being wherever she took me, for the rest of my life.

I wanted him to know that his body was just like everyone else’s, miraculous and embarrassing, fundamentally ungovernable. That despite our delusions, when it came down to it, none of us ever had much control over our lives, or our deaths, at all.

I couldn’t have given you a reason why I was angry at her, except that she has been a bottomless receptacle for my so-called suffering all my life.

Her grief will embarrass her, but it will refuse to be controlled. It will be the first time she realizes what she’s never had.

She is her mother’s alone, always.

You were still warm, I’ll tell her one day. Your eyes were closed; you did not cry. You were peaceful. You were the only perfect thing I have ever done.