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112 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1974
"Unless I fulfill my destiny my mother's labour pains were pointless and what am I doing here?"The Abbess has one-liners (and more) for days:
"I love you so dearly, Winifrede, that I could eat you were it not for the fact that I can't bear suet pudding."
"Only the beautiful should make love when they are likely to be photographed."
"And it seems to me, Gertrude, that you are going to have a problem with those cannibals on the Latter Day when the trumpet shall sound. It's a question of which man shall rise in the Resurrection, for certainly those that are eaten have long since become the consumers from generation to generation. It is a problem, Ger-trude, my most clever angel, that vexes my noon's repose and I do urge you to leave well alone in that field. You should come back at once to Crewe and help us in our time of need."
"We are truly moving in a mythological context. We are the actors; the press and the public are the chorus. Every columnist has his own version of the same old story, as it were Aeschylus, Sophocles or Euripides, only . . . of a far inferior dramatic style. . . . However that may be―the facts of the matter are with us no longer, but have returned to God who gave them. We can't be excommunicated without the facts."
"Towards evening Walburga reports to Alexandra, 'Her supporters are wavering. The nasty little bitch can't stand our gentleness.'"
“Such a scandal could never arise in the United States of America. They have a sense of proportion and they understand Human Nature over there; it’s the secret of their success.”Published in 1974, The Abbess of Crewe is a reductive, irreverent take on the US Nixon/Watergate debacle, ingeniously relocated to a Catholic convent in Cheshire. Subtitled ‘A Modern Morality Tale’, it is derived from contemporary press reports of the scandal and is often described as ‘political satire’ – though many, according to Muriel Spark’s biographer Martin Stannard, see it as “another version of [her] recurrent theme” of complex relationships between individuals plotting or exploring various scenarios, “which is dependent on lies and evasions”.
“Fathers, there are vast populations in the world which are dying or doomed to die through famine, undernourishment and disease; people continue to make war, and will not stop, but rather prefer to send their young children into battle to be maimed or to die; political fanatics terrorize indiscriminately; tyrannous states are overthrown and replaced by worse tyrannies; the human race is possessed of a universal dementia; and it is at such a moment as this, Fathers, that your brother-Jesuit Thomas has taken to screwing our Sister Felicity by night under the poplars…”In the midst of numerous intrigues, the “daily curriculum” of “book-binding and hand-weaving” has been replaced with courses on electronics and surveillance equipment. Realising her collection of love letters to a young Jesuit priest have been stolen and suspecting her conversations have been recorded with “eavesdropping devices”, Felicity calls the police. Journalists and TV crews descend en masse on the provincial Benedictine Order, causing consternation in Rome.
“…not to gratify the desires of the flesh. To hate our own will and to obey the commands of the Abbess in everything, ... remembering the Lord’s command … systems of recording sound come in the form of variations of magnetisation along a continuous tape of, or coated with or impregnated with, ferro-magnetic material. In recording, the tape is drawn at constant speed through the airgap of an electromagnet energised by the audio-frequency current derived from a microphone. Here endeth the reading.”You can read more of my reviews and other literary features at Book Jotter.