Harvey Karp > Quotes

“Hitting children teaches them that it’s okay for big people to hit little people and that it’s okay to vent anger through violence. Is that really what you want your child to learn? And what sense does it make to spank kids to punish them for hitting? We don’t teach children not to spit by spitting at them, do we?”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Some critics disapprove of giving kids “rewards.” They say, “Children should obey simply out of respect.” Nice idea, but expecting toddlers to cooperate purely out of respect is like expecting patience from a baby. It’s not going to happen.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Can young babies inadvertently be turned into brats who demand constant holding and attention? Thankfully, the answer to that question is … No! During the first three months of life (the fourth trimester), it’s impossible to spoil your baby by letting her suck or stay in your arms for hours. Does that surprise you? It really shouldn’t when you remember that you were lavishing her with these sensations twenty-four hours a day—up until the moment of birth. Even if you hold your baby twelve hours a day now, it’s a giant reduction from her point of view. What”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer

“Even the greatest geniuses fail … many, many times! Dr. Seuss, America’s beloved children’s author, was rejected twenty-eight times before he found a publisher for The Cat in the Hat. Barbra Streisand’s off-Broadway debut opened and closed the same night. Walt Disney was once fired because he “lacked imagination” and “had no original ideas.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Remember, there’s a huge difference between angry feelings and angry actions. Yes, you have to discourage misbehavior, but it’s superimportant that your child know that you understand how she feels, and you care, even if you disagree.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“You don’t have to worry that responding to his cries might teach bad habits. Limit setting only becomes important after around nine months. But during the early months, you have a much more vital job: Building trust. Predictable, consistent, kind responses—whenever he cries—teaches your baby to have confidence in you and helps him grow up feeling loved and worthy of love! Psychologists call this great life foundation a secure attachment”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer

“Your ultimate goal as a parent is not to win any one particular fight or another, but rather to win your child’s love and respect for a lifetime.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Babies need to sleep in total quiet … Wrong! Rice cereal boosts an infant’s sleep … Wrong! All infants sleep longer after three months of age … Wrong! Stomach gas and cramps cause babies to be wakeful and fussy … Wrong! Crying it out is the best way to sleep train a child … Wrong!”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep: Simple Solutions for Kids from Birth to 5 Years

“Children whose feelings are lovingly acknowledged during the toddler years grow up emotionally intact. They know how to ask their friends for help and how to support others in need. They seek out healthy relationships, avoiding bullies and choosing confidantes and life partners who are thoughtful and kind. Respect: As Important as Love”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Here’s one more bit of consolation for you: Toddlers save their biggest meltdowns for their parents. We’re the people with whom they feel the safest. So you might consider your primitive little friend’s tantrums a form of flattery.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“America's favorite pastime is not baseball but giving unasked-for advice to new parents.”
― Harvey Karp M.D.

“Most people think that what we say is the key to good communication. Of course, words are very important, but when you’re talking to someone who is upset (mad, sad, scared, etc.), what you say is much less important than the way you say it.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Massage (A Very Special Type of Attention) Lavish your toddler with loving touch! Touch is a rich “food” for growth. Your toddler could easily live without milk, but he’d be scarred for life without loving touch. (I agree with the noted psychologist Virginia Satir, who said we all need four hugs a day for survival, eight to stay calm, and twelve to grow stronger.)”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“nutrient. When you give your child a big daily dose of “Vitamin P,” you: •   thrill his senses •   help him master movement •   sharpen his thinking •   encourage his language use •   boost his people skills •   teach him about the world •   stimulate his immune system •   build his self-confidence •   improve his sleep Do you see why play is such a brilliant way to feed your child’s meter? Happy, healthy toddlers have their days filled with chasing, pretending, rolling, and tinkering.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“I think America’s favorite pastime isn’t baseball.…It’s giving new moms unsolicited advice.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer

“Spirited infants are constantly excited by the world. They’re the “Me, too!” kids. Since they hate missing even a moment of fun, they fight sleep until they’re so tired they either conk out mid-giggle or suddenly crumble and turn into total fussbudgets.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep: Simple Solutions for Kids from Birth to 5 Years

“You just want to “make everything better.” But when your little one is upset, immediately saying “It’s okay!” can actually make things worse. That’s because repeating “It’s okay” over and over again may inadvertently give your child the message that you want her to stuff her feelings deep down inside and act happy even if she isn’t. And that is absolutely not okay.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“I'm not saying we should encourage defiance. But I do believe the goal is to get our headstrong toddlers to join the team... not to break their spirits.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old

“The amazing thing about bedtime sweet talk is that pretty soon you’ll start noticing how much more is going right in your life than you”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“don’t get enough help and guidance. •   Daily battles can make us feel like failures. •   Our toddlers’ actions can “push our buttons.” •   Our temperaments may clash with our children’s.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“There are times when parenthood seems like nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.” —Peter De Vries”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“To everything there is a season.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer

“If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time, you’re the grandma. —THERESA BLOOMINGDALE”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep: Simple Solutions for Kids from Birth to 5 Years

“Avoid mixed messages. Speaking too sweetly or smiling while you set a limit confuses kids. It unintentionally gives a green light to your toddler’s annoying acts. If you want your child to know you mean business, crouch down (staying just a bit above your child’s eye level) and give your message with a deep voice and a serious face.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Your toddler understands that the more play and attention you give him—and the more you build his confidence—the more co-operation he owes you.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Mary and Phil realized that Stuart needed a few more months of “womb service.” But it’s not easy being a walking uterus! Doing everything your uterus did—holding, feeding, nurturing your baby—takes all day long, and you may find yourself still in your pj’s at five P.M.! (Try not to get too self-critical if the house is a mess, emails go unanswered, and dirty dishes pile up.)”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer

“can often avoid power struggles with one simple trick: Tell your child what to do, rather than what not to do. For example, “Chairs are for sitting” rather than “Stop standing on the chair.” Or “Slow down, now!” versus “Don’t run!” Or “You usually keep your feet off the new sofa, but I guess today you forgot.” Correcting behavior with positive statements makes kids feel more respected.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

“Yet, while thousands of clinics have been created to solve feeding problems, very few are set up to help with screaming babies. In fact, most doctors have little to offer families of colicky babies, other than sympathy. “I know it’s hard, but be patient; it won’t last forever.” Or, even worse, “Just put your baby in a dark room and let her cry. She just needs to blow off steam.” (Hey, babies aren’t pressure cookers.)”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer

“Then before you know it, you're living with an all-new creature--cuter than ever, but suddenly opiniated, stubborn, and lightning fast. Welcome to toddlerhood! Toddlerhood is one of the joyous high points of parenthood. There's nothing like a one-, two-, or three-year-old to help you see the world in wonderful new ways: the bugs in the grass...the shapes in the clouds...the "castles" in a pile of sand. Toddlers brim with curiosity, excitement, and irresistible charm.”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old

“Let’s take your toddler’s temperament “temperature.” Look over these nine traits and circle the words that best fit your child. Variety Is the Spice of Life”
― Harvey Karp, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old