Victor Gischler > Quotes

“Fifty-one hybrids and ten MINI coopers. We're the most eco-friendly assault force in history.”
― Victor Gischler, Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse

“She was like some kind of Energizer Bunny nonstop bitch machine...She needed three more husbands, so we could all take shifts listening to her.”
― Victor Gischler, The Deputy

“Mortimer had maxed three credit cards stocking the cave with canned goods and medical supplies and tools and everything a man needed to live through the end of the world. There were more than a thousand books along shelves in the driest part of the cave. There used to be several boxes of pornography until Mortimer realized that he'd spent nearly ten days in a row sitting in the cave masturbating. He burned the dirty magazines to keep from doing some terrible whacking injury to himself.”
― Victor Gischler, Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse

“Plans are what people make when Fate is sneaking up behind them,”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“You think your muscles hurt? Try a blade in the belly.”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“That was life, wasn’t it? You spend so much of it trying to find happiness, and then when you get some, you worry every day something is going to take it away.”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“Brasley still drank too much and liked his women, but at least he paced himself now, walking the path to self-destruction instead of sprinting down it at full speed.”
― Victor Gischler, The Tattooed Duchess

“David sat at his kitchen table, a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue in front of him. He was generally a beer-and-wine kind of guy, but on special occasions, he wanted something with a kick. He’d filled a Pokémon glass three fingers full”
― Victor Gischler, Stay

“You’ve come to the wrong shop for mercy.”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“Don’t you feel it? History is thrusting us into the path of … something. I don’t know. Really, I’m not sure how to explain, but can’t you sense it? The world is being tossed into chaos, and there are just us select few who see it, who can do something, and if we don’t … well, I’m not sure the gods will forgive us. That we would be offered this chance and then cower. I can’t believe it. I won’t. We must rise to the occasion.”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“At first, the pinpricks felt like hot fly bites down the soft white skin over her spine and along her shoulders. The first time Rina flinched, the mage had admonished her harshly. She hadn’t moved again.”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“Prague lay before him like a mysterious stranger in an old hat. An exotic woman waiting for him in poor light. Like an inviting gypsy with a brand-new iPod.”
― Victor Gischler, Vampire a Go-Go

“Big Stupid leapt up. Little Duane had a gun. Big Stupid punched Little Duane so hard his whole family tree died back to the Middle Ages.”
― Victor Gischler, Big Stupid

“After I murder everyone in this room, I plan to eat them cannibal style and use their bones to build a scale model of a Viking longboat.”
― Victor Gischler, Gestapo Mars

“Kidpool: Seems like we spend a lot of time bashing flunkies. There's no end to them.
Lady Deadpool: They belong to the same union as Stormtroopers and red shirts.”
― Victor Gischler, Deadpool Corps, Vol. 2: You Say You Want A Revolution

“Prinn lived by one governing thought: Whenever life seems to be going surprisingly well, just wait ten seconds and everything will go back to shit like normal.”
― Victor Gischler, The Tattooed Duchess

“Is that what you want? To stagger around the afterlife blind and eye-fucked?”
― Victor Gischler, Gestapo Mars

“His stomach growled again. He couldn't remember ever being this hungry. A little brown spider scurried between his shoes. He snatched it up, shoved it in his mouth, chewed, swallowed. Wait. That's not right. Allen strongly suspected he needed to be rescued.”
― Victor Gischler

“Alem had not realized prostitutes were so dangerous.”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“The first thing I did when they opened the chamber was puke on the guy’s shoes.”
― Victor Gischler, Gestapo Mars

“I hate them.” “Pity them, Emmon,” Tosh said, “because the world they live in is small, and when it gets bigger fast, they won’t know what to do.”
― Victor Gischler, The Tattooed Duchess

“between the ink mage and the wizard, his mouth falling open at the sight. The hulk had nearly let her go after Talbun’s shock attack, but he recovered quickly and took her head in his meaty hands. Don’t. With appalling ease, the ink mage twisted. The snap was so loud, it made Brasley flinch even from across the chamber. His mouth fell open to scream. “No!” The brute’s mouth twisted into a contemptuous grin as he let the limp body fall from his hands. Brasley watched it happen in slow motion, almost like she was floating, eyes closed, face peaceful, hair floating up around her. It was as if life had been some tremendous weight, and now that it was gone, her shell drifted down to the floor like a dry leaf. Talbun’s body hit with a dull thud that brought Brasley back to reality.”
― Victor Gischler, A Painted Goddess

“He felt oddly that he was being accused of something, but the feeling passed and was replaced with the peculiar honor one feels when trusted with a secret. Strange how honors and burdens are so often confused.”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“This is how Mortimer Tate ended up killing the first three human beings he'd laid eyes on in nearly a decade.”
― Victor Gischler, Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse

“If is a disagreeable word. The better a plan, the less if there is in it.”
― Victor Gischler, A Rumor of Kings: An Epic Fantasy Series

“been simple fear before was now a cold feeling of dread as he realized the battle and the slaughter in the streets of Klaar was only the beginning. For the survivors there would”
― Victor Gischler, Ink Mage

“A shiver ran through him. “That actually might have been the best kiss of my life.” Maurizan fixed him with a hard glare. “That does not mean you have permission to die.”
― Victor Gischler, A Painted Goddess

“I’d finally in up in jail for a murder I really did commit.  Amazing how fate can work against us sometimes.  We like the think we’re the center of the Solar System, everything revolving around.  More likely, we’re the center of the vortex when we flush the toilet.”
― Victor Gischler, To the Devil, My Regards

“David smiled tightly. In the last three days, he’d replaced missing bricks in the chimney, fixed a dripping bathroom faucet, installed a ceiling fan in the den, painted the garage, removed a stump from the backyard, took apart and cleaned and reassembled the lawn mower, put up Dora the Explorer wallpaper in Anna’s room, replaced a sputtering garbage disposal, changed the oil in the Escalade, and reread a dog-eared copy of Ice Station Zebra. So yeah. He’d stayed busy around the house. David rocked heel to toe. “Oh, you know. The usual.” “Right.” Jeff tossed back the rest of the beer. “Well, you know, it’ll pick up.”
― Victor Gischler, Stay

“The house looked like some gay architect had gotten drunk and watched Gone with the Wind. ”
― Victor Gischler, To the Devil, My Regards