Adam Rex > Quotes

“Woah,' I said, blocking the doorway. 'You can't come in here. This is the girls' room.'
Even as it came out of my mouth, I knew it sounded dumb. Dumb, I thought and maybe even wrong.
You...are a boy, aren't you?' I asked. 'I mean, don't take that the wrong way or anything -'
J.Lo is a boy, yes.' I let that go.
So...you Boov have boys and girls...just like us?'
Of course,' said J.Lo. 'Do not be ridicumlous.'
I smiled a wan little smile. 'Sorry.'
The Boov have seven magnificent genders. There is boy, girl, girlboy, boygirl, boyboy, boyboygirl, and boyboyboyboy.'
I had absolutely no response to this.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“Is there a short-eared koobish, then?'
Mmmyes ...' said J.Lo. 'But it is technically not really a koobish. Is more alike a kind of singing pumpkin.'
We had conversations like these all the time, where I just eventually gave up.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“Can I see some ID?"

"WE DON'T HAVE ID," said Jay, loudly. "'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN."

Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Great Fall and Halloween Read for Teens

“I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G."
"Sausages.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“YOU have no room to laugh, that's all. I'm not doing any worse with Boovish than you did with English.'
Get off of the car,' J.Lo huffed. 'I am an English superstar.'
Uh-uh. There's no comparison. 'Gratuity' in written Boovish has seventeen different bubbles that all have to be the right size and in the right place. 'J.Lo' in written English only has three letters, and you still spelled it 'M-smiley face-pound sign.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“Wherefor are you knowing it? If you stacked all of the Gorg in the galaxy on top of eachother, the Gorg would kill you.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“When I was a little girl,' I said, sitting down, 'the wallpaper in my room had pictures of Noah's story.' [...]
You know what's weird though? It's weird that the ark would be such a kids' story, you know? I mean, it's...really a story about death. Every person who isn't in Noah's family? They die. Every animal, apart from two of each on the boat? They die. They all die in the flood. Billions of creatures. It's the worst tragedy ever,' I finished, my voice tied off by a knot in my chest.[...] 'What the hell,'I said, 'pardon my language, was that doing on my wallpaper?”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“The Boov frowned. 'Everybodies always is wanting to make a clone for to doing their work. If you are not wanting to do your work, why would a clone of you want to do your work?”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“Sneaky would be a lime-green Volkswagen. Nobody would suspect the assassins in the lime-green Volkswagen.”
― Adam Rex, Cold Cereal

“Captain Smek himself appeared on television for an official speech to humankind.
[...] 'Noble Savages of Earth,' he said. 'Long time we have tried to live together in peace.' (It had been five months.) 'Long time have the Boov suffered under the hostileness and intolerableness of you people. With sad hearts I now concede that Boov and humans will never to exist as one.'
I remember being really excited at this point. Could I possibly be hearing right? Were the Boov about to leave? I was so stupid.
'And so now I generously grant you Human Preserves - gifts of land that will be for humans forever, never to be taken away again, now.'
[...] So that's when we Americans were given Florida. One state for three hundred million people. There were going to be some serious lines for the bathrooms.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“What part of Canada are you from, honey?"

"THE LEFT PART," said Jay.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Great Fall and Halloween Read for Teens

“We could have made it to the Arizona border in a few more hours if we hadn't been distracting each other with stupid little arguments. Don't get me wrong; I liked J.Lo fine. I've made that bed. But I'm not sure there's a person in the world I could be with twenty-four hours a day for three weeks without getting a little snippy. If I ever meet such a person, I'm marrying them.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't.”
― Adam Rex, Cold Cereal

“Sejal had not thought of her home, or of India as a whole, as cool. She was dimly aware, however, of a white Westerner habit of wearing other cultures like T-shirts—the sticker bindis on club kids, sindoor in the hair of an unmarried pop star, Hindi characters inked carelessly on tight tank tops and pale flesh. She knew Americans liked to flash a little Indian or Japanese or African. They were always looking for a little pepper to put in their dish.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

“Soon the Boov was in the ghost suit and Pig was in the car, which would be a good lyric for a bluegrass song, now that I think of it.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“There was less than I’d expected in the rainy-day fund that Mom had kept in the bottom of an underwear drawer in a panty hose egg labeled ‘DEAD SPIDERS.’ As if I hadn’t always known it was there. As if I wouldn’t want to look at dead spiders.”
― Adam Rex

“Why would a vampire create a younger vampire if there was a possibility the young one might end up destroying the old one?'

Stephin stared. 'If you can explain to me how this is different from parenting in general I might know how to answer that.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Great Fall and Halloween Read for Teens

“This is where you all live?" Asked John as they ascended the stairs. "It's small."
"This is just our Thanksgiving house," Scott muttered. "We have a house for every day of the year.”
― Adam Rex, Cold Cereal

“Ohh,' said the girl with a sad tilt of her head.

It was a response Sejal would hear a lot in the following weeks and which she would eventully come to understand meant, 'Ohh, India, that must be so hard for you, and I know because I read this book over the summer called The Fig Tree (which is actually set in Pakistan but I don't realize there's a difference) about a girl whose parents sell her to a sandal maker because everyone's poor and they don't care about girls there, and I bet that's why you're in our country even, and now everyone's probably being mean to you just because of 9/11, but not me although I'll still be watching you a little too closely on the bus later because what if you're just here to kill Americans?'

There was a lot of information encoded in that one vowel sound, so Sejal missed most of it at first.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Great Fall and Halloween Read for Teens

“For the gentle werelibrarian,
who's strictly vegetarian,
there's nothing like Tofillager
the MEATLESS TOFU VILLAGER”
― Adam Rex, Frankenstein Takes the Cake

“For you time-capsule types, MoPo was something called a convenience store, as in, 'The soda is conveniently located right next to the doughnuts and lottery tickets.' People who want to understand better how the human race was conquered so easily need to study those stores. Almost everything inside was filled with sugar, cheese, or weight-loss tips”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“[J.Lo] found us a police car. Sort of.
'It's not a police car,' I said.
'It is,' said J.Lo. 'Looknow. Lights for flashing.'
'That's true.'
'Writing on the sides.'
'Yeah, but the writing? It says ''BullShake Party Patrol.''
Yes. Whatnow?”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“I've been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda... I should be a video game.”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Great Fall and Halloween Read for Teens

“...Almost everything inside was filled with sugar, cheese, and weight-loss tips.”
― Adam Rex

“I'm sorry, but -I'm sorry!' I yelped and skipped backward as Gorg advanced on me. 'You were given bad information. Probably some human's fault.'
I AM PRINCIPAL ANGER COORDINATOR ASSOCIATE-OF-THE-MONTH GORG FOUR-GORG! HUMANS WILL GIVE ME BAD INFORMATION AT THEIR PERIL!'
He didn't look like a principal. He looked like something Hercules ought to be wrestling on the side of a vase.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“J.Lo gasped. When I looked to see why, he had one hand to his mouth and the other pointing at me.
"You . . ." he squealed, wagging his finger. ". . . your hand!"
I raised my hand to my face, turning it over and back again.
"What? What's wrong with it?"
"You are bearing the mark! The mark that has been foretold! You are The One . . . The One who will bring peace onto the galaxy!"
"What, this? This is taco sauce," I said, wiping it clean.
J.Lo stared at my palm for a moment, then turned back to the wall.
"Never mind," he said.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.'
'Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“The United States was a big country where everybody wore funny t-shirts and ate too much.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“I didn’t feel up to arguing about it, but I was pretty sure if you loved everything you didn’t really love anything.”
― Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What does that even mean?”
― Adam Rex, Fat Vampire: A Great Fall and Halloween Read for Teens