Patty Wipfler > Quotes

“Rather, it relieves the tension that causes misbehavior. In a sense, it allows your child to have an “emotional poop,” a chance to eject the feelings left over from moments that hurt her feelings.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“Your child will detest the limits you set just as much as always. But because you listen to how he feels, that hatred will drain away. Because you listen, your child’s perspective will readjust. He’ll come to realize that, although you’ve said “no,” you care about him. That’s all he really needs.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“coercion is the antithesis of play.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“This simple inpouring of focused warmth and attention signals the limbic system that we’re not alone. As Daniel J. Siegel, MD, puts it, you’ll each begin to “feel felt.” This turns out to be a very strong aid to human awareness, and to our ability to bounce back from hard times.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“It takes two crowbars—emotional release and positive action—to lift our minds and hearts out of emotional ruts that have deepened over time.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“You’ll want to set limits as a way of connecting, not as punishment or payback, and not as proof that you are in charge.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“There’s no need for harshness. Instead of yelling, issuing an order, or scolding your child for bad behavior, simply put yourself between your child and the nutty thing he’s doing.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“Humor is an uplifting strategy to use in setting limits, if your child isn’t too upset.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“Yes, parents know more facts than children. Yes, parents have some skills and judgment that can’t be perfected in childhood. Yes, children need guidance daily. But when grownups act like they’re superior and their children are inferior, it doesn’t support a child’s confidence, and it doesn’t credit a child with the vast intelligence and healthy instincts she possesses from the very start.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“For example, instead of policing turns or devising penalties for not sharing well, you can assume that your children know how to get along.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“you can leave these problematic tools behind: scolding, lectures, demands, punishment, bribery, raising your voice, threats, consequences, star charts, and rewards for good behavior.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“But every parent I’ve ever listened to has done their best to love their child. All parents face challenges that they did not bring upon themselves”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges

“No lecture, no moral judgment coming down on his head, no negotiation or diplomacy needed. And no coercion. You don’t force a thing. You just prevent further action, and listen until he can think. He’ll get there. It takes time, but you’re spared fruitless lectures and worry. You’ve got good children. They know how to get along. It just takes some time to peel the emotional tension away. When it’s gone, they’ll know what to do.”
― Patty Wipfler, Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges