Andrew Kevin Walker > Quotes

“A hunter goes into the woods, and he sees this grizzly. Biggest he’s ever seen. He raises his rifle, and he fires. The bear falls, the hunter rushes forward, and to his surprise, there’s nothing there. There’s no bear, there’s no broken twigs, there’s no blood. And then suddenly, the grizzly throws this massive arm around his shoulders and explains, “You took your shot.” “You missed, so either I feast, or, and the choice is yours, I sodomize you.” Naturally, the hunter chooses life. The next day, the hunter returns to the woods with a much bigger gun, and he spots the bear again. And he aims. He fires. The bear falls. The hunter charges. No sign of the bear, until the bear is standing beside him, saying, “You know the deal.” Indignity ensues. The following day, the hunter treks back to the wood. This time with a bazooka. He sees the bear, lines him up in his crosshairs, fires. The recoil from the bazooka throws him backwards. And he looks up as the smoke’s clearing, and there’s the bear standing above him, arms crossed. And the bear squints. “You’re not really out here for the hunting, are you?”
― Andrew Kevin Walker

“Can I interest you in a battery-operated vagina?”
― Andrew Kevin Walker, Seven & 8Mm