L. Joseph Shosty > Quotes

“And you will spend the rest of your life wondering if I have disciples to avenge me. Hire your tasters, Burbesh. Until the Master of the Sleeps comes for you, you’ll never know a taste of anything that has not touched another’s lips first. You’ll never sleep in a bed that has not been first tossed for vipers. You’ll never sit in a chair that has not been tested for poisoned barbs in its cushions. You shall never see a bath drawn for you that you will not at first fear is acid. And you’ll never have another dream where my face is not grinning at you from the shadows.” -- From "Morality for Alchemists and Thieves”
― L. Joseph Shosty

“The gravedigger knew a fine trick. When the worms looked unhappy he would leave his place in the mausoleum and go up into the sunshine. He would go empty-handed, but when he returned, with him came a most exquisite corpse. The worms would rejoice, and they would feast upon the corpse until they were fat and could feast no more. The young would come with the old to see this trick and glory in it. No worm knew where the gravedigger got his corpses, but they were always succulent and nourishing. They praised the gravedigger’s generosity. -- From "Worms”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Swallow the Evil

“When you no longer look like yourself anymore, that’s your body saying it’s time to punch out.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Gomes & A Murder of Confessions

“The waitress came by with a pot of black coffee. She was a smallish woman, about forty, still had some of her looks left, but she had a hardness to her face. Money and bad men were the only things that left that much stone in a woman. I nudged my cup in her direction, and she served her purpose in life.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Herbie's Diner

“They drank and celebrated making it this far, for that was the only thing worth celebrating.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Trouble My Bones

“My mother said she had me late in life because of Richard Nixon.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Wizards for the Immediate Cheddar

“He eventually sloughed off his mortal coil with an efficiency that was both surprising yet indicative of his nature.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Trouble My Bones

“Just get me someplace safe, Miss Chase, and I’ll be happy to think of a new lie to tell you.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Gomes & A Murder of Confessions

“The old guys I've been around all say the same thing," Achilles said. "If you're in the business long enough, you'll eventually take that one job which haunts you. I think I've found mine, Swiss. I really do.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Operational Costs

“She’s at the Fall carnival because this is the South, and the South fetes the bleaker months because it has a heart more for the terrible beating of black wings than the song of a whippoorwill.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Wizards for the Immediate Cheddar

“I occasionally entertain guests in my office. There are too many things to do and see for them to spare more than a few moments for their professor. They certainly don’t have time for tea, and that’s a shame. I will not give in to cynicism and call them shallow, but they do concern themselves with trifles more than perhaps they should. They are so quick to be done with their education and out into the world they don’t stop to enjoy the pleasure of learning. I frequently hear the word “life” bandied about, and I wonder when they leave if they’ll truly know how to live at all.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, One of Us, Old Boy

“Sometimes words were useless. It was the deed that would be remembered, anyway, long after the words had faded into the wind.”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Wizards for the Immediate Cheddar

“Lionel was filled with awful remorse. He asked where had Thomas been last seen, and the boy told him he was headed for the church. Lionel nodded and went home to fetch his shotgun. Throughout the crisis he had done no violence, preferring to preach the sanity of pacifism to the flock. This was different. This was a requirement of the father to the son. He prayed over the shotgun while Darla wailed with the children in the living room. He got in his truck and drove to the church. -- From "The South Fork Penance”
― L. Joseph Shosty, Swallow the Evil