Denise Swanson > Quotes

“If you don't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth.”
― Denise Swanson

“Men are like horoscopes,” Trixie cut Skye off. “They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Royal Pain

“Try not to let your mind wander ... it's too small and fragile to be out by itself.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Pink Elephant

“If you’re having trouble sleeping at night, don’t count the sheep; talk to the shepherd.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Chocolate-Covered Cherry

“If guns kill people,” Ivy moved next to her uncle and stared down Kip, “Then pens misspell words, cars cause accidents, and forks make people gain weight.”
― Denise Swanson, Tart of Darkness

“Dante's got the long term memory of a squirrel, Skye snickered. He is forever forgetting which of the acorns he buried were rotten.”
― Denise Swanson, Die Me a River

“At first, the grandniece who had booked the event had said that if Dani couldn’t make the cake, they’d just skip it. But Dani had pointed out that a party without a cake was really just a meeting.”
― Denise Swanson, Tart of Darkness

“Grabbing a cookie sheet, she lined it with parchment, then arranged the bacon slices flat across the bottom and sprinkled them with brown sugar. After placing the pan in the oven, she programmed the temperature to four hundred, set the timer for seventeen minutes, and started on the pancakes.”
― Denise Swanson, Tart of Darkness

“The man following her had been handsome in his youth, but time had clawed its signature across his features.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Sleeping Beauty

“Forget about registering guns, register six-packs. Each can of beer takes you closer to shooting yourself in the foot.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Sweet Old Lady

“May shook her head. “Don’t imagine you can change a man unless he’s wearing a diaper.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder Of A Snake In The Grass

“There's nothing to get. It's the law. Skye's hold on her temper slipped. I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.”
― Denise Swanson, Die Me a River

“He and Homer were laughing. That was a bad sign. It meant the men were getting along, and she would get stuck doing all the work.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Sleeping Beauty

“Anyone who disrespects the flag has never been handed a folded one.”
― Denise Swanson, Leave No Scone Unturned

“Contrary to popular belief, no one owes you anything. Even your folks have met their obligations once you reach eighteen,” Dani pointed out. “You could always refuse.” “Not really.” Red flooded Starr’s face. “We have three choices. The dorm. You and Spence. Or no more money from our parents.” “Yep.” Ivy snickered. “They have us by the checkbook.”
― Denise Swanson, Tart of Darkness

“The only employees in the building who had been excused where those who had hall monitoring duty.”
― Denise Swanson, Body Over Troubled Waters

“Vince went over to Skye. "I shouldn't have pressed her so hard," she admitted, whispering. "This could be the thing that pushes Aunt Minnie around the bend."

He put his arm around her shoulder. "Don't blame yourself. She's had that turn signal on for twenty years.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Sweet Old Lady

“When I think about dying, one of the things that really scares me is that I’ll be surrounded by my family in heaven. I’ll be trapped in eternity with people I don’t even want to spend Thanksgiving with.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Sweet Old Lady

“In the sixties, we took acid to make the world weirder. Now the world is weirder than we can handle, and we take Prozac to make it normal.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Barbie and Ken

“Right ... And I'm not sayin' that if brains were water, you wouldn't have enough to baptise a flea.”
― Denise Swanson, Murder of a Real Bad Boy

“He hadn’t pushed her about whatever she was hiding because he damn well knew that arguing with a woman was like trying to read the terms of agreement on the computer. Eventually, he always ended up ignoring everything else and just clicking I AGREE.”
― Denise Swanson, Tart of Darkness

“did.”
― Denise Swanson, Dead in the Water