David Spade > Quotes

“FYI, this book is not that serious. This is meant to be read when super bored, then forgotten fifteen minutes later. It could be read cover-to-cover during one medium-to-severe case of diarrhea.”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“I sometimes feel I have a kinship with Dave Grohl, because both of the guys we were very close to got famous very quickly, and then died, and we stuck around to field questions about them for the rest of our lives. It is an honor, but not an easy one sometimes.”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“Birthday Week should be a movie starring Kristen Wiig, not an actual thing you are desperately trying to organize for your life.”
― David Spade

“making a shitty movie is just as hard as making a good one. That”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“I turn around and saw that he had the mega-box of sixty-four Crayolas. Like a cinder block. Biggest one you can get. It even has a balcony. Every”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“Never tickle a girl when she has diarrhea”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“Once he pointed at the McDonald’s and commented that there was also one back home. This kind of naïveté is why I started calling him Wisconsin Dundee. Everything was new to him, and it was just part of his charm. That was the beginning of our dynamic. Every day I would casually analyze what he did and make fun of it.”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“(I don’t want to talk about that right this second but just FYI, I’m a little bit of an athlete . . . I mean you roll it down I’m going to kick it pretty hard, that is all I’m saying. Seriously, some guys bounce it, which is illegal, but either way I’m going to whack it. So if you’re the pitcher, might as well roll it smoothly down to me so you can sleep at night because you won’t be a cheater and either way you’re going to get shelled. But that’s neither here nor there.)”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“I've never heard girls get loud during sex; whenever I look down at them they just say 'continue”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“Oscar was a pig, and he was the SAE mascot. We were informed that the worst pledge of the semester would be fucking Oscar the night we became active. Yes. You read that right, folks! Fucking a pig! This was something I was positive had not come up during rush week”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“I’m one of three kids. All dudes. Bryan, Andy, and David. B.A.D., as my mom joked. (She’s not a pro comedian so I didn’t expect an LOL out of that.)”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting

“I’d tell her to come over at 10 A.M. and she’d roll in at 10:45 with a Starbucks going “The fucking 405 was nuts today!” I would sit there thinking, Well, this isn’t new information. No one ever says, “If you want to save time, take the 405. Best-kept secret in L.A. Shhhh.”
― David Spade, Almost Interesting