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“If you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”
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“A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: 'Duh.”
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better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: 'Duh.”
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“All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”
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“When all else fails, there's always delusion.”
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“It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.”
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“The top two movies at the box office this weekend were 'High School Musical 3' and 'Saw V.'
One movie features gruesome onscreen torture that is difficult to watch and the other is about a guy with a saw.”
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One movie features gruesome onscreen torture that is difficult to watch and the other is about a guy with a saw.”
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“My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point.”
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“I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”
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“There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.”
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“I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.”
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“Applaud my idiocy.”
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“Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”
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“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, "Jesus! This cup is expensive!”
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“Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation.”
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“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.”
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“If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting on a rock, jumping up like a frog, coming up with weird concepts and ideas, making faces, and combing his hair into a giant pastry.' It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.”
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“Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised when somebody funny is not musical.”
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“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism – it's my least favorite quality, and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”
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“It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way. ”
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“Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood. ”
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“I've always believed, in my heart of hearts, that it would be a better show if, when I crossed over to the desk, the band kept playing for an hour and I danced in a cage.”
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“It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.”
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“Eventually, all our graves go unattended.”
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“If you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst to profound reinvention.”
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“When all else fails there's always delusion.”
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“Work hard and be kind and amazing things will happen.”
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“All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”
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“You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein Because he hates America he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French people.”
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“There are few things more liberating in life than having your worst fear realized.”
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“Success is a lot like a bright, white tuxedo. You feel terrific when you get it, but then you're desperately afraid of getting it dirty, of spoiling it in any way.”
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