Sarah Turner > Quotes

“words; my boy uses the iPhone while I thumb the pages of the dictionary. ‘What’s the definition of “women”?’ asks my Yorkshire lad, who has two front teeth missing. Siri: ‘The definition of “rimming” is the licking or kissing of …’ You get the picture. Luckily, the only word he giggled at was ‘anus’. I apologize profusely to any Year 4 parents of pupils at Brough Primary whose kids have come home with a comprehensive knowledge of said practice.”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mums: A Collection of Your Hysterical Stories from the Frontline of Parenting

“formed theories about the residents of Pontypandy. (Could Norman Price be Fireman Sam’s secret love child? There’s no sign of Mr Price, Sam is always far too forgiving about the fact that Norman’s a total arsehole and they are both ginger. Definite grounds for a DNA test.) Don”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mum

“how your baby is fed does not determine your parent-awesomeness rating. Sometimes, mums deserve the best option, too. I”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mum

“3. The stand-off Now you have established that he is well and truly awake (he is the colour of a beetroot; half the street can hear his screams), you lie perfectly still. Your stillness sends a body-language message to your husband: I am asleep; I am not getting up. You pray he will get up. He doesn’t even stir. Marvellous. Sometimes, you commence the stand-off only half-heartedly, because you need to get up for a wee, so the game is already over.”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mum

“Somebody’s children have to be the worst behaved in the park. They just do. The law of averages suggests that, sometimes, those kids will belong to you.”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mum

“Every now and again, we go to Pets at Home and B&Q in the same day. Those are the days I am winning at life. (Yes, I, too, am finding it difficult to understand when browsing guinea pigs and DIY materials became a ‘win’.)”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mum

“If sleep were a drug, I would be the first to lock myself in the bathroom and snort it.”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mum

“Emma Cavanagh”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mums: A Collection of Your Hysterical Stories from the Frontline of Parenting

“I think I am angrier generally since having kids. My fuse is shorter and I suffer from bouts of seeing red. Chats”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mum

“My three-year-old niece was in bed with her mum and dad one morning and said to her dad (who goes to the gym), ‘You’ve got massive boobies, Daddy.’ She then turned to her mum and said, ‘You haven’t, you’ve got boobies like me, Mummy!’ — Abi Richardson”
― The Unmumsy Mum, The Unmumsy Mums: A Collection of Your Hysterical Stories from the Frontline of Parenting