Ged Gillmore > Quotes

“Rodney and Janice were … Wait for it … Can you guess? No, not vampires! What is it with everyone and vampires these days? Get over the vampires thing already, it’s so last season. No, Rodney and Janice Burringo were witches!”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“more tired than before she went to bed. The old”
― Ged Gillmore, Base Nature

“Like a cat outta hell.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“You told that fat pig in there that a huge, big monster was out there.’ ‘How rude!’ said Mildred, who’d started listening again. ‘Beryl, that cat called you fat, did you hear?”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“Don’t mess with the Min, yo! Not even from the back row! When the Min is miaowing, You should be bowing, Or you’ll get a scratch on your chin, yo!”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats Undercover

“A BIT WITH A BAZOOKA”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“What’s the nastiest thing in the world, for example? Personally, I’d say poop is probably the most horrible thing in the world. But, hey, if there was no poop then all the food you’d ever eaten would still be inside your body, sitting there, gassy and rotting, and washing about your insides. You’d look like a politician!”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“I once had a little friend called Bertie. Bertie ate a spoon, He died too soon, They put him in a rocket ship and sent him to the moon.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“This is a book after all, not a video game. Easier on the thumbs,”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“But before she could press her nose to the button, Rodney Burringo came flying out of his apartment on his fastest broomstick. ‘Kill!’ he yelled, and pointed an evil finger at the lift. The kill spell, which all witches have at their disposal, left his dirty fingernail and travelled down the corridor at high speed. It passed the broken and smouldering apartment door as Minnie pushed the >|< button with her nose. It passed the little old lady as the elevator doors began to close. It reached the elevator doors just after they had closed. Then it bounced off the reflection of the elevator doors and started on its journey back along the corridor just as the little old lady said, ‘Oh hello, Mr Burringo. Did you—’ But that was as far as she got because that is as far as the kill spell got. It hit the little old lady square in the back, and before Rodney Burringo could cover his eyes and mouth, the little old lady exploded all over the corridor. Splat. Gulp. ‘What was that ‘orrible noise?’ said Minnie. ‘No idea,’ said Major.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“Anger in men is generally a default emotion, when what they are really feeling is embarrassment or fear.”
― Ged Gillmore, Stans By Me: A Whirlwind Tour Through Central Asia - Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan

“Aaaaagh,’ screamed Janice in a high-pitched wail, not unlike Lady Gaga in a blender.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“rid of the rugby balls which Ginger had turned the Burringos into. Initially, Major took them to a local rugby club, but after a while he got a phone call saying he had to pick them up again. ‘They keep saying, “OUCH!” every time we kick them,’ said the club captain. ‘It’s most off-putting.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“the trouble with nice dreams is that you have to wake up from them. Horrible dreams are much better, and nightmares are best. Then you wake up and think, ‘Phew! Thank goodness I didn’t really steal a shark from the aquarium and put it in my teacher’s bath and get double detention. Life is sweet after all!”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“Ooh,’ said Tuck, pointing at the shiny doors. ‘What are those?’ Now, Ginger was a pretty smart cat as you might have guessed. This was why the Burringos had got her, after all. But she also had a sharp tongue, and unfortunately for her, this sharp tongue sometimes acted before her brain did. ‘It’s a rocket ship. You go to the moon in it. What do you think it is, you moron? It’s a lift.’ ‘The moon!’ said Tuck, his eyes flashing green as they picked up the reflection of an old curry stain in the carpet. ‘I want to go to the moon!’ ‘I was joking,’ said Ginger, who despite having four legs still couldn’t actually kick herself.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“But Tuck was already snoring, deep in dreams which, given his tenuous grasp on reality at the best of time, are ideally left undescribed.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“Meanwhile, back at the milliner’s, Terrence the Topper now had six banana skins stuck up his brim. What? Oh, I’m so sorry, completely wrong story!”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“Picking the lock that night was far easier than Tuck had imagined. For a physically-intelligent animal like him, anything which involved using his various body parts to do different things at the same time comes very easily. That is why I will never have it said that Tuck is stupid. Intellectually-challenged, perhaps; academically lacking, definitely; but stupid, no. Because, physically, Tuck was a genius. Do remember, dear reader, everyone’s good at something, and just because it’s not the same thing as you, doesn’t mean that they’re smarter or dumber than you are. Truly stupid beings are as rare as truly ugly ones, and can normally be identified by the fact they use words like ‘stupid,’ or ‘ugly’ to describe anyone.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats Undercover

“When a fox running at full hunting speed trips in a forest in the middle of the night, does it make a sound? Yes, it blooming well does. It goes bang, crash, wallop, cacrumble, snap, crump, crump, caproomph - crash, tinkle-tinkle boomph!!! Bang. Clatter-clatter bump.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“introduced to the Wilkinses’ twenty-six children, who stood and introduced themselves in turn. Their names were Annabel, Bartholemew Jnr, Camilla, Diana, Edward, Frederick, Giles, Hubert, India, Jemima, Katharine, Lucinda, Margaret, Nigella, Oscar, Primrose, Quentin, Rupert, St John, Tamara, Ursula, Virginia, William, Xaviera, Yolanda, and Zara.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“Now, I don’t know if you know this or not, but unlike humans, cats prefer their second dinner to their first dinner. That’s why they always yowl for more food even when you’ve already fed them. In fact, the only thing they prefer to a second dinner is a third breakfast. Of course, they never eat lunch.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“But the most difficult part was getting rid of the rugby balls which Ginger had turned the Burringos into. Initially, Major took them to a local rugby club, but after a while he got a phone call saying he had to pick them up again. ‘They keep saying, “OUCH!” every time we kick them,’ said the club captain. ‘It’s most off-putting.’ Then Ginger tried donating them to a local school, but again they were handed back. ‘They complain when we land on them in the mud,’ said one of the teachers. ‘And they do it in the foulest language. I really cannot have our pupils exposed to such crassness.’ Finally, Minnie had a bright idea which the other three cats agreed couldn’t be beat. They donated the balls to the Try, Try and Try Again Rugby School for the Deaf. There at last the balls were happily accepted, and as far as anyone knows, there they are still kicked and thrown and jumped on in the mud on a daily basis. And just as long as no one ever rubs them three times anticlockwise in a rainstorm while saying, ‘Catch these balls, then kick your bum, this magic shall be undone’, there they will stay forever.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run

“Have you ever seen a blizzard? It’s like the heaviest windstorm you’ll ever see combined with the heaviest snow you’ll ever see. A snowstorm, you could call it. In fact, you could probably replace the word ‘blizzard’ with the word ‘snowstorm’ in most situations and no one would ever notice. Unless, of course, you’re playing Scrabble, in which case I want to know where the second ‘Z’ came from in the first place.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats Undercover

“This time Janice grabbed him and gave him a smack on his haunch with the palm of her hand. Ouch! Can you imagine how painful it is for a cat to be hit by something as big as a witch? That would be like a huge giant slapping you across the ribs with a hand as big as a car. Ouch, ow, ow.”
― Ged Gillmore, Cats On The Run