R.L. Ullman > Quotes

“See, I know my life probably sounds glamorous and all, but trust me, it’s not. Living with a bunch of do-gooders comes with some major drawbacks. At the top of the list is the fact that while superheroes are really great at the big things—like thwarting the forces of evil—they really stink at the little things. Like, for example, remembering their kid’s birthday.
- Elliott Harkness, age 12”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero

“Unthinkable alliance?”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“it’s too late. But how?”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“dog or a vacuum cleaner covered in fur.”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“I close my eyes, and as I drift off to sleep, I hear the not-so-sweet sounds of Dog-Gone barfing in my bathroom.”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“But if I were you, I’d pace myself. You’re cleaning up any invisi-barf.” With Dog-Gone busy gorging himself,”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“the All-Seeing Eye to bring forth an image of the”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“punctures the street like a giant spear.”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“hero’s gotta do. Even if he’d rather be doing anything else—like algebra or going to the dentist. I hang a right at the corner bakery and make a beeline for Keystone Police Station. Why the police station? Well, it’s not because I’m trying to stuff this Godzilla wannabe into a human-sized jail cell. That’s impossible, although it sure would be nice. No, I’m heading for the police station because that’s where TechnocRat told me to meet him. He said he had a big solution for our not-so-little problem. And he better be right, because we’re coming in fast, so I hope he’s ready to deliver on his end of the deal. THUMP! My feet fly off the pavement. Every time that over-sized lizard takes a step,”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“side of the story, I’m toast. But who could I possibly call that could sway this biased audience? “Order!” Quovaar demands again, this time rising to his feet. “Order in the court! I say order in the court!” Wait. What did he just say? Order…? In the court? That’s it! But it’s a longshot. And if it doesn’t work, I’m doomed. Finally, the Paladins settle down. “Elliott Harkness,” Quovaar says. “While you plead innocent to one charge, you plead guilty to the other, with a claim of self-defense. These accusations against you are serious, and this case must be carefully deliberated. Per the Order of the Paladin, you are allowed to call before the Court one witness who may try to support your claims. Once named, we will summon this individual to”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“After I polish off my plate, I lean back in my chair, totally stuffed. Okay, I ate that way too fast.”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 2

“Meta-Busters”
― R.L. Ullman, Tales of a Major Meta Disaster

“Traditionally,” Sir Bedivere continues, “we would be secure inside our castle stronghold, thoroughly protected from the enemy by high, thick walls. Our opponent would then attempt his siege in four distinct stages. First, the commander of the opposing army would call for our surrender, which we would immediately decline, resulting in a spirited exchange of well-crafted insults. Then, the enemy would attempt to scale our walls using waves of expendable foot soldiers. Of course, here we would simply deploy the usual means of repellent, such as flaming arrows, large stones, and boiling oil. Next, they would attempt to breach our defenses by hurling large objects at our walls, including rocks, boulders, and unfortunate prisoners of war. Finally, if they are successful in driving a breach, they would then dispatch their knights for hand-to-hand combat.”
― R.L. Ullman, Unlegendary Dragon Books 1-3: The Magical Kids of Lore

“Crow-copter”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 3

“Meteorite”
― R.L. Ullman, Tales of a Total Waste of Time

“Cyclops!”
― R.L. Ullman, Vampire Misfire

“Count Dracula”
― R.L. Ullman, Prince of Dorkness

“FRIED”
― R.L. Ullman, The Boy with Video Game Powers: Book 5: Game Over

“RUMBLES”
― R.L. Ullman, Tales of a Total Waste of Time

“Mint? After sleeping for so many days, I can only imagine how foul your mouth must taste.”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 1 (Epic Zero Books 1-3

“milling”
― R.L. Ullman, Tales of a Total Waste of Time

“It would blow her mind if she knew that she just served her nemesis breakfast.”
― R.L. Ullman, The Boy with Video Game Powers: Book 3: Tournament of Champions

“could go on making the rules for virtual, make-believe worlds. But now I actually had the chance to rule over a real one! With Nikademos’ help, I could reshape this planet and the people who live on it in any way I desired! All I needed was the ring I was promised. Except things didn’t go according to plan. When Nikademos sent the ring through the game, a glitch in the code prevented me from obtaining it. Instead, the ring was programmed to be retrieved by the game’s greatest player, and congratulations, that player was you. But now that I’ve finally found you, I want my ring. So hand it over and no one will get hurt.”
― R.L. Ullman, The Boy with Video Game Powers

“Shadow Hawk”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 3

“DEJA VU”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 1 (Epic Zero Books 1-3

“two”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 1 (Epic Zero Books 1-3

“I’m heading to Earth for a meeting at the Hangout,” I say. “Uh-huh,” Grace says, not even turning around. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back,” I say. “Uh-huh,” she says again. “There’s a giant squid on your head,” I say. “Uh-huh,” she repeats.”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 3

“Oblivion,”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 1 (Epic Zero Books 1-3

“INTERVIEW”
― R.L. Ullman, Tales of a Total Waste of Time

“I’m in a small, white room roughly the size of a minivan. Other than the bed I’m lying in, which is sitting smack dab in the middle of the room, the only piece of furniture is a white bench to my right where my costume is sitting—neatly folded. So, wait a minute, does that mean … I peek under the covers and realize I’m wearing white pajamas. Whew! That could have been embarrassing. Hold on! I don’t remember putting on pajamas! Wonderful.”
― R.L. Ullman, Epic Zero: Collection 1 (Epic Zero Books 1-3