David Thomas > Quotes

“Emotionally strong males are Resourceful—having the ability to name and navigate emotions Aware—having a rich interior world, including strengths and weaknesses Resilient—having the capacity to cope and feel competent Empathetic—having an ability to understand and share the feelings of another”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“As God’s image bearers, part of laying a healthy foundation is accurately defining masculinity by looking through the lens of Jesus as a man. His strength was defined by sacrifice, humility, compassion, and love. He had close relationships with a small group of men. He was a champion of women. Scripture tells us Jesus wept in an encounter of loss, felt anger at injustice, and experienced fear in his last hours. Scripture is full of examples of Jesus feeling different things in his humanity.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“We don’t think ourselves into new ways of living. We live ourselves into new ways of thinking.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“We often try to rush the connections or force the conversation before boys are ready. Any time a parent or a child is in an emotionally charged space, it’s a bad time to do much talking. Furthermore, it’s not a good time for discipline. Discipline is all about learning. We want kids to make the needed connections that allow for new behaviors next time. If they aren’t regulated, they can’t make the connections. If we aren’t regulated, we’re likely to shame, over-discipline, yell, or lecture. Recognize. Regulate. Repair.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“Empathy is moving outward with emotions. It’s the ability to slip into another person’s shoes and offer understanding of their emotional experience. However, if I can’t read, name, and scale my own emotions, I’ll certainly struggle to show up with others in theirs.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“Interestingly enough, over-performing is a dressed-up version of numbing out. An inability to deal with the discomfort of life drives a need to shut down the internal storm with external performance. To the degree that I feel out of control internally, I will work to try to control something externally—people, outcomes, situations, or circumstances. It’s an attempt to quiet a storm that’s raging inside. The louder the storm, the more desperate the need for control.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“We want to coach boys in the hard work of building emotional muscles. I believe these four milestones are like muscles. For many boys the muscles are simply weak or underdeveloped. But we know weak muscles can get stronger with work. Building emotional muscles is some of the most important, yet most neglected, work in a boy’s journey to manhood. The muscles impact his everyday experience as a son, brother, student, athlete, and friend. These muscles will define who he is as a husband, father, friend, and coworker.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“once spoke to a group of professional men who were part of a forum. These men were all executives”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“Fine is an acronym for Feelings In Need of Expression.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“You are committed to developing a more expansive emotional vocabulary. You plan to become more skilled in talking about the things you feel and not just what you do. You plan to become well versed in recognizing the signs your body is giving you when emotions register internally.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“Boys need to be able to articulate the events of life that have shaped who they are. They need to develop the courage to talk about their inside selves. To name their hopes and fears, joys and sorrows. A boy’s capacity to do this interior work is what sets the stage for him to be present in friendships and some day marriage and parenting. If a boy can’t show up to his own life, it will be extremely difficult for him to show up for others. If he can’t see a reflective life on a man he respects and trusts, it will be challenging for him to develop this skill set for himself.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life

“Emotions are like the tire, oil, or wiper fluid lights. They alert us to experiences worth paying attention to throughout our day. Anxiety and depression are more like the check engine light, an indicator that more may be going on.”
― David Thomas, Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life