Steve Brewer > Quotes

“When the woman you love is angry, it’s best to give her space, time, and copious quantities of wine.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“The fact is, I am scared to death of women. They are an inscrutable species. I don’t understand them. In my opinion, any guy who claims he understands women is either a fool or a liar.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“Tom Waits said, ‘The big print giveth, and the small print taketh away.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“people were often surprised to learn that game wardens were in fact real police officers, commissioned with the power to enforce any state law, not just hunting and fishing regulations.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“If the law is on your side, hammer the law. If the facts are on your side, hammer the facts. If neither is on your side, hammer the table.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“Never argue with a man whose tattoos outnumber his teeth.”
― Steve Brewer, Calabama

“Hell, most folks aren’t even surprised by what you people do nowadays. Guy gets a bee-jay right in the Oval Office and what do we do? Elect his wife to the U.S. Senate, that’s what.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“the law says there’s no such thing as a false opinion.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“You don't whack someone upside the head with a poker unless you mean it.”
― Steve Brewer, End Run

“out the news a little at a time. Grant sighed. "You have something for me?" "You heard about the shootout?" "Excuse me?" "That woman in the red truck who came to see you?”
― Steve Brewer, Homesick Blues

“Have to be a big garage door.” As they drove south, the businesses and houses thinned, with only a few buildings”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“When arguing with a woman who is strong, intelligent, and forthright, consider using trickery, artifice, and deceit.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“Born tired and raised lazy, the typical country music fan was a backwards, tobacco chewing, snaggle toothed, inbred, beer swilling boob who couldn’t pour piss from a boot with directions printed on the heel. This crude portrayal, probably a creation of the liberal East Coast media elite, might once have contained a grain of truth. However, thanks to the reams of research compiled by country radio programming consultants, we now know better. Today we know the typical country music fan is a home-owning, college educated, city-dwelling, constantly-on-the-cell-phone, Suburban driver, earning between $40,000 and $100,000 a year.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“a lawyer who’s afraid of jail is like a surgeon who’s afraid of blood.”
― Steve Brewer, Die Laughing: 5 Comic Crime Novels

“out the news a little at a time. Grant sighed. "You have something for me?" "You heard about the shootout?" "Excuse me?" "That woman in the red truck who came to see you? Gwen Rogers? She and her boyfriend got into a big gunfight at this coffee shop over by UNM." "Jesus, when was this?" "Lunchtime. I heard about it and stopped by there. Lot of cops." "You just walked up to the crime scene?”
― Steve Brewer, Homesick Blues