Beth Fantaskey > Quotes

“American women. Why do you all want to be nearly invisible? Why not have a physical presence in the world? Women should have curves, not angles. ...One should never confuse fashionable with beautiful. ...Eat. Be happy to have curves. A presence.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Jessica. For god's sake," he said. "Allow me to do at least one common courtesy for you. In spite ow what 'women's lib' teaches you, chivalry does not imply that women are powerless. On the contrary, chivalry is an admission of women's superiority. An acknowledgment of your power over us. This is the only form of servitude a Vladescu ever practices, and I perform it gladly for you. You, in turn, are obligated to accept graciously.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Where do you. come from?" Frank challenged, puffing his chest, a little bolder now that he could breathe. "Some of us are starting to wonder."
"I come from civilization," Lucius retorted. "You wouldn't be familiar with the territory. Now pick up the books.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“I like pink."
Lucius sniffed. "It's just red's sorry, weak cousin.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Lucius paused, turning on his heel to face me. "I grow weary of your ignorance." He moved closer to me, leaning down and peering into my eyes. "Because your parents refuse to inform you, I will deliver the news myself,and I shall make this simple for you." He pointed to his chest and announced, as though talking to a child, "I am a vampire." He pointed to my chest. "You are a vampire. And we are to be married, the moment you come of age. This has been decreed since our births."

I couldn't even process the "getting married" part, or the thing about "decreed." He'd lost me at "vampire."

Nuts. Lucius Vladescu is completely nuts. And I'm alone with him, in an empty barn.

So I did what any sane person would do. I jammed the pitchfork in the general direction of his foot and ran like hell for the house, ignoring his yowl of pain. ”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“No one's making any decisions today," Mom translated. "It's late, and we're all tired and a little overwhelmed. Besides, Lucius, Jessica is not ready to contemplate marriage. She hasn't even kissed a boy yet, for goodness' sake."

Lucius smirked at me, raising one eyebrow. "Really? No suitors? How shocking. I would have thought your pitchfork skills would be attractive to certain bachelors here in farm country.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“And as we kissed, really kissed, something inside me was smashed, like a splitting atom, erupting with all the force of a shattering nucleus. And yet I was strangely at peace, too. It was like I'd found my place in the universe, in the chaos, and Lucius and I could go along locked together throughout time without end, like pi, existing infinitely, irrationally, spinning through time.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“I don't know how to dress girls, I know how to dress women”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Why did I sign up for this?'

'Because we grow by challenging ourselves.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“No, Lucius is harmless,' I fibbed. If you don't count the fact that he thinks he's a warrior prince representing a semi-cannibalistic race of undead bat people.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“This is eternity, Antanasia," he said, both warning and imploring. "Eternity.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“I blame the lentils.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“I shan't take advantage,' Lucius promised seriously. 'And she can't be forced into a marriage, of course. It is a new century. Unfortunately. But I am afraid that I am compelled to pursue this courtship until Antanasia realizes her place at my side. As she will.'

'I will not.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Lucius smiled a little. "You do have a will of your own." The smile faded. "This is not the time to use it.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“I love you more with each passing moment, Antanasia – and this is just the beginning.”
- Lucius Valeriu Valdescu”
― Beth Fantaskey, The Wedding of Antanasia Jessica Packwood and Lucius Valeriu Vladescu

“The most beautiful thing we can experence is the mysterious.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“I wanted to die. Die right there. I wanted to run to the knife drawer, grab the biggest blade I could find, and plunge it into my heart. To be exposed as never even being kissed ... it was
almost worse than being a vampire princess. The vampire thing was a ridiculous fantasy, but my total lack of experience . . . that was real. "Mom! That is so embarrassing! Did you have to tell him that?"

Well, Jessica, it's true. I don't want Lucius thinking you're some sort of experienced young woman, ready for marriage.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Fear is the worst kind of grave, because it buries one alive.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica Rules the Dark Side

“I also need you to "spread the word," quietly, that if any harm should come to Antanasia during my imprisonment, I will not only tear down these walls stone by stone, but -- once freed -- shatter the rule of law and destroy, with great satisfaction, anyone who arouses in me even the slightest suspicion. Indeed, if so much as one hair on my wife's head is disturbed while I cannot protect her, this kingdom will see retribution that will go down in the history books -- to be read by the very few who remain standing.
- Lucius”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica Rules the Dark Side

“Princess. . . He honestly thinks I'm a vampire princess. . . . The strange, almost pleasurable, sensation I'd felt when he'd brushed my cheek was forgotten as reality hit me again. Lucius Vladescu was a lunatic.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“I want to ask you – in this place where we were promised to one another by mandate – to marry me not because doing so is required of you, but because you love me as I love you,” he says. “I ask you to choose me of your own free will, because that is how I choose YOU, Antanasia. Not to fulfill a pact, but to follow my heart, which will settle for nothing less than a life with you by my side.”
- lucius valeriu valdescu”
― beth fantaskey

“Lucius shrugged. "Perhaps in time you will find it useful."
"Sure. I'll keep it on my shelf right next to The Idiot's Guide to Becoming a Mythical Creature.''
Lucius actually laughed. "Very funny. I didn't know you made jokes."
"I'm a funny person," I defended myself. "And by the way—I don't snore."
"You do snore. And you mumble, too."
My blood froze. The dream . . . "What? What did you hear?"
"Nothing too intelligible. But it must have been a rather pleasant dream. You sounded ecstatic.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Sugared cheese?" I was skeptical. - "I ate the vegan birthday cake," Dorin noted. "Trust me, this will be a treat by any comparison.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Lucius needs you. He mourns you. He loves you. It's very unusual for a vampire to truly love. Some hold that real love between vampires is a myth. That we are too vicious by nature.But Lucius does. He loves you--as you love him.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Just remember, girls: The young male vampire is a predator by nature. Some boys may look at you not only as a romantic interest, but as prey...”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“Must we vampires always resort to violence so quickly? Could we not just all sit down over a "refreshing Bud Light" and "just chill," as my television and my teammates relentlessly urge me to do?”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“…If anything else, all I ever did was love you….”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“American women. Why do you all want to be
nearly invisible? Why not have a physical presence in the world? Women should have curves,
not angles. Not points.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“He'd lost me at "vampire."
Nuts. Lucius Vladescu is completely nuts. And I'm alone with him, in an empty barn.
So I did what any sane person would do. I jammed the pitchfork in the general direction of his foot and ran like hell for the house, ignoring his yowl of pain.”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

“December is celebrated quite heartily here in the United States. Aggresively, one might say. Every conceivable space is corseted with strands of twinkle lights, buildings are smothered beneath greenery, and a mass mania for erecting oversized, inflatable, waving "snowmen" in front of homes erupts amid the populace. It's quite a hysteria- and the evergreen trees are not just a myth, Vasile. People really do purchase them, in abundance. They are for sale everywhere. Imagine paying for the privilege of dragging a filthy piece of forest into your living area for the purpose of bedecking it with glass balls and staring at it.
Why a tree? If one needed to display glass balls-and I highly discorage it-why not just a case of some sort? A rack?”
― Beth Fantaskey, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side