Meg-John Barker > Quotes

“Knowing who we are, what we want, and being able to express our needs, wants, and desires - so that we can find others to share them - makes us poor targets for capitalism, because we can now access intimacy in many ways, with several beings, and even by ourselves. This type of knowing is rooted in radical self-care, an acceptance of interdependence, and radical self-love.”
― Meg-John Barker, Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

“If heterosexuality was just natural, it wouldn’t need to work so hard to shore itself up, and it wouldn’t be so threatened by the alternatives to it.”
― Meg-John Barker, Queer: A Graphic History

“Limits on people's capacities to conduct activities that are essential to everyday life are imposed by structural and systemic barriers. These barriers are part of a social system that regards some bodies as "normal" and some as "other", rather than considering a broad range of bodies and possibilities, for example when designing a building or piece of furniture. This relegates people with disabilities to the status of lesser citizens because of their lack of access. Disability is a byproduct of a society which is organized around only certain bodies which are defined as "normal", in laws, education, institutions, and in popular culture.”
― Meg-John Barker, Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

“Some people who experience themselves as gender diverse but don't identify or express this in ways obvious to others recognize their cis privilege. They might use words like 'cis-ish' or 'cish' as well as non-binary terms to define themselves.”
― Meg-John Barker, Gender: A Graphic Guide

“Perhaps an overarching binary when it comes to love and relationships is the one which privileges partners over friends. You can see this reflected in phrases like "just friends", "more than friends" and "friendzone", all of which suggest that being friends is inferior to - and less desirable than - being partners with someone.”
― Meg-John Barker, Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

“There are many things to question in this conflation of binaries: good/bad, with normal/abnormal, and natural/unnatural. First off, can we really say that "normal" and "natural" things are somehow morally better than those that are "abnormal" and "unnatural"? It's not normal to be a genius, a musical prodigy, or a great altruist, but we generally don't shun those people! And it's pretty unnatural to use smartphones and to fly around the world, yet people welcome the ability to do those things.”
― Meg-John Barker, Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

“Men tend to be seen as
“bad”, and women as “mad” because men are regarded as having
more agency than women.”
― Meg-John Barker, Gender: A Graphic Guide

“The body, at the centre of a web of power relations, is measured and categorized in many different ways (gender, race, mental health, disability, age, appearance, etc.), of which sexuality is one category. We are painfully aware of the extent to which we are considered ‘normal’ on each strand of this web and we self-monitor in relation to this, for example when we read our friends’ posts on social media.”
― Meg-John Barker, Queer: A Graphic History

“Indigenous, Black, and Brown bodies are often non-consensually objectified, exoticized, and touched in public, especially, but not only, if presenting as feminine. It's as if bodies that "don't matter" in dominant culture become communal property of those that "do matter".”
― Meg-John Barker, Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

“The partner/friend binary places coupled, monogamous, romantic, sexual, partnered love right at the pinnacle of human experience. Like the sexual and gender binaries this is quite a new, Western dominant culture thing to do, and certainly not the way that relationships have been done globally, or across time.”
― Meg-John Barker, Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

“Fuss suggests that this kind of ‘outness’ is limited because it acknowledges the central place of heterosexuality, and shores up its hierarchical position. People wouldn’t have to come out if heterosexuality wasn’t the assured norm.”
― Meg-John Barker, Queer: A Graphic History

“The many delights of solo living are seldom shown in the media, just as the pain, vulnerability, and often conflict of living alongside the same person for years and years are rarely depicted, unless a "break-up" is involved. What is the impact of seeing the repetition, over and over and over again, of the "happily-ever-after" of getting together with a partner as the ending of every story from fairy tale to action movie? How much do we internalize the notion that this is the goal we should be thriving for?”
― Meg-John Barker, Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between

“In her cultural critique The Promise of Happiness (2010), Sara Ahmed writes about the ways in which happiness — as it’s currently constructed — is far more available to some than others, often those who can more easily conform to the ‘norm’. She argues that happiness is a cultural imperative that directs us toward certain life choices and away from others. Happiness is promised to those who are willing to live their lives in the ‘right’ way, e.g. marriage, kids, home, career.”
― Meg-John Barker, Queer: A Graphic History

“despite the meanings of sex and sexuality changing dramatically over time, women have always been regarded – and treated – as inferior to men. Whether seen as sexually passive or active – as “madonnas” or “whores” – women’s sexuality has been regarded as a problem, and their bodies and expressions have often been altered to make them more sexually desirable and/or to police their sexuality.”
― Meg-John Barker, Sexuality: A Graphic Guide

“Sexuality includes, but is about more than, just having sex. It also includes: our capacity for sexual feelings; the kinds of people we’re attracted to and how; and how we identify ourselves and how others categorize us.”
― Meg-John Barker, Sexuality: A Graphic Guide