Heather T. Forbes > Quotes

“Unconditional love requires us to accept Billy for exactly who he is. He cannot be different at this present moment. He is perfectly normal based on his history.”
― Heather T. Forbes, Help for Billy

“It also takes allowing yourself to not take Billy's behavior personally or as disrespect to you as the authority figure. When a child (or adult) is in this state, no one else matters. It is a mindset about protecting the self. A teacher's ability to be "successful" with Billy comes through her ability to connect with him, despite her own internal reactions. Love is about taking the higher road.”
― Heather T. Forbes, Help for Billy

“If Billy is working to change his behavior but is still struggling and demonstrating some negative behavior, the ultimate outcome will be greatly determined by the way the teacher handles Billy.”
― Heather T. Forbes, Help for Billy

“Parenting children with severe behaviors is not a simple job, yet it is a responsibility charged to us by God. It is a call to directly face our own fears, worries, and frustrations. Anytime those around us view our parenting struggles in a negative light, we are faced with the fear that perhaps we are not living up to the job bestowed upon us. Anytime we begin to feel as if we are ineffective parents, we are confronted with the fear of failing this calling. And anytime we see that we cannot help our children make better choices and begin fearing for our children’s futures as teenagers or adults, we again slip into a place of fear. This only sends us spiraling downward into our own internal negative feedback loop.”
― Heather T. Forbes, Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control: Volume 1

“Love-based parenting elevates the importance of the relationship to the highest position. No homework assignment, no chore, and no social etiquette is ever more important than the parent-child relationship. Maintaining connectedness and attunement, thereby sustaining the balance of love of self and love of child, is the primal outcome of every interaction the parent has with the child. When this is achieved, the other less significant items will take care of themselves. The ultimate challenge in reaching this goal is that children both want and need autonomy (independence), yet they are biologically engineered to be in relationships and to belong (dependence). This clash between the two is compounded by American culture where there is a powerful emphasis on the individual rather than”
― Heather T. Forbes, Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control: Volume 2