Logan Jacobs > Quotes

“Take that, fucker of mothers!” I hollered at the corpse.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 2

“It’s the biggest one I ever saw!” Hali exclaimed from the kitchen doorway as she stared down at the boar in our hammock. “That’s what she said,” I blurted out.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 2

“won’t be able to get the crest out of it.” Jax looked crestfallen,”
― Logan Jacobs, The OP MC 2

“After the punches, I went over how to kick. The deer women were at an extreme advantage when it came to kicking. Not only were their legs super powerful and full of muscles from all the climbing and running they did, but they were way longer than any dragon woman’s or orc’s legs could ever hope to be. One well placed kick from the deer women could stop an orc in his tracks, and he’d never even get close to her. “Always remember, aim for the balls,” I instructed while I walked amongst the group. “It’ll hurt like hell and almost definitely send your attacker to his knees. Then, you can come in with a spear, or bow and arrow, whatever you want.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 4

“It is too early for prophecies and the apocalypse,” she muttered. “I need some food in me first. Come on, let’s go get some breakfast.”
― Logan Jacobs, Fairy Slayer

“If I was doing this, though, I was totally going to do The Lion King bit.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 2

“Now, repeat after me, Greg… Inoshla quantros exkilo shan.”
― Logan Jacobs, Rise, My Minions 6!

“Hey, dickheads!” I hollered out over the raging storm, just as one beast swooped down to grab another tree. They must have had super hearing, too, because the moment the words were out of my mouth, their massive, ugly faces turned toward Mira and me. “Smart thinking,” the warrior hissed next to me before she joined in. “You ugly fucker of mothers! Look over here!” One day, I’d have to sit down and give Mira the rundown on slang. Although, I did kind of like “fucker of mothers.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 2

“He still has a gun!” the man yelled”
― Logan Jacobs, Gun Mage 2

“The dark texts,” she whispered in horror, “he stole them.” “Where was it?” I asked as I scanned the paper in front of me. The same lettering that was on the front cover was also on the page. “Under the table,” she responded with a shake of her head. “This book holds some of the darkest magic ever known, and that idiot left it sitting on the fucking coffee table.” “Some coffee table.” I laughed humorlessly as Ariette slammed the book shut with a heavy sigh.”
― Logan Jacobs, Fairy Slayer

“Daddy!” she called out. Nerissa laughed as her niece approached and stood up straight. “Good morning to you, too,” I chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, that,” Marella panted. “I just had a vision, but I have no idea what it means. It’s the first time something like that’s happened to me.” “Tell us about it, child,” Nerissa ordered quickly. “I just saw fire,” Marella said as her brow furrowed. “A lot of it. It burned along the ocean water, which shouldn’t be possible, but somehow it did. It was like the water was its fuel. And then I saw you.” “Uh, was I on fire?” I clarified. If I was about to be lit on fire somehow, I definitely needed to know. “No.” My kid shook her head vigorously. “But I felt this urge. I can’t explain it, but all of a sudden, I just knew I needed to tell you it’s time to leave. You need to travel, because that’s how you’ll find the fire.” “And I’m supposed to find the fire that burns on water?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “Because that’s not what most people want to seek out in life.” “Daddy, I’m serious.” Marella rolled her eyes in a fashion that was so spot on American teenager, I had to cover my mouth with my hand to hold back the laughter.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 5

“But these beds were absolutely dreadful to sleep in.” “What are you talking about?” Torrance scoffed. “We slept on a metal floor last night.”
― Logan Jacobs, Rise, My Minions 6!

“M-dog!” the dwarf exclaimed as we stepped into line behind a statuesque brunette elf. The stranger turned to give us a disapproving stare at Kalista’s loud exclamation, and I just smiled at her apologetically. “I’m not a rapper,”
― Logan Jacobs, Blood Mage 3

“I would not advise amateurs to use this particular spell to practice against the Acid Blood spell, though. That would cause needless mutilations, burns, and disfigurement.”
― Logan Jacobs, Rise, My Minions! 5

“racked the slide and clicked the thumb mounted safety off”
― Logan Jacobs, Arena 5

“The tone of his voice sent a chill down my spine. The old man sounded scared. Out of all the insane things we’d dealt with since Marella had found Jonas in the jungle, he’d never once sounded scared of anything. Nervous? Yes. Worried? Hell freaking yes. But scared? Never. The dude fucking walked into the jungle to commit suicide because he thought he was a burden to his family.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 4

“Oh, you don’t think it’s subtle to sacrifice an animal and then bathe in its blood while chanting loudly?”
― Logan Jacobs, Rise, My Minions! 5

“Oh, great,” I whispered under my breath. “A dumbass mouse.” Hey! a squeaky male voice suddenly resounded inside my head. You know, I can hear you. Don’t be such a dick!”
― Logan Jacobs, Scholomance 2

“Cole, wait up!” Vesta slurred. “I’m not moving,” I responded. “Really?” she roared. “It looks like you’re moving.” “That’s because you’re druuuuuunk,”
― Logan Jacobs, Scholomance 3

“Oh, I so needed to watch these mother fuckers get impaled out of their own stupidity.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 3

“Oh, fuck. Killer bunnies. Of course.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 3

“You must have a lot of stamina.” “Oh, that he does. Like the goddamned energizer bunny,”
― Logan Jacobs, Blood Mage 2

“We already lost Dora,”
― Logan Jacobs, God of Magic

“Hello, my beautiful queen.” I smiled when I saw her. “Ben!” Nerissa squeaked and jumped at the same time. I guess she hadn’t seen me. “I’m sorry!” I said as I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it, I’d always thought it was funny to scare someone.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 2

“Yes,” Nerissa sighed, “but silly isn’t exactly the word I would use, and neither is weird. Terrifying is more like it. All of you except George are wrapped in fur like a beast, you’re glowing, and there is no definitive shape to you. You are all blurry like I might have drunk the goddess’ nectar mixed with a lot of ganjika before looking at you.” “We’re fucking Jedi force ghosts,” I sighed. “What?” Nerissa asked. “Just … uhhhh … We look like pale, blue, smokey versions of ourselves?”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 2

“Ariette, meanwhile, was completely absorbed in a book with a completely ridiculous story about a dude who had been abducted by aliens and forced to fight alongside a bunch of cute alien women in an arena to keep the earth from getting enslaved.”
― Logan Jacobs, Blood Mage 2

“Relax, Elvira,” I sighed, “she’s just a puppy.” “That,” the nymph replied as she pointed an accusatory finger at Storm, “is not a puppy. That is a beast, and it should be locked up.” “I could say the same thing about you, you know,”
― Logan Jacobs, Blood Mage 2

“Oh, shit, this just got so fucking real!” I hollered.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 5

“At that age, a blanket or toy would work well. Something special from you.” “She needs a woobie,” I chuckled. “Say what?” Sela asked with a raised eyebrow. “I had a security blanket when I was a kid,” I laughed, “and I called it my woobie. That’s what Marella needs, something like a woobie.” I expected the eyerolls and the scoffing, but what I didn’t expect was this stoic, often distant, warrior woman to fall into fits of laughter at my admission of having a security blanket as a child. “Hey,” I choked out, and I motioned to my amazing dragon-kin body and the huge sword on my hip, “I didn’t come out of the womb all studly like this!” This, for some reason, just made her laugh even harder. Pregnancy hormones were fucking weird.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 2

“I had absolutely no idea how the hell I could describe cheese to someone who’d never even seen it before. The first thing that came to mind were “lumps of heavenly gooeyness,” and “sex on a plate,” but that didn’t do much to explain the concept of cheese.”
― Logan Jacobs, Monster Girl Islands 5