Gabriele Russo > Quotes

“Today was “ananthropomorphic day”: once a month, the gods got to take a holiday from humdrum humanoid shapes and look any way they wanted. Since most gods are versatile shape-shifters and/or have god-awful taste in clothing, this meant that temporary blindness or at least a good headache was lurking around every corner. It was meant to boost morale. It usually sank his.”
― Gabriele Russo, Incompetent Gods

“Lucifer had been ranting his endless laundry list of complaints for forty-five minutes now, and Louhi still didn’t know exactly what she was supposed to apologize for. There was something about her plant having eaten his cape while he had been waiting, as for the rest… She wished she could read an immortal’s thoughts, but their brains were constructs, simulations… Which actually explained a lot.”
― Gabriele Russo, Incompetent Gods

“The poor guy had been sucked like a Mr. Freeze. Loviatar was humming and picking her teeth with a fingernail.
When she saw Lara’s glance at the remains, she stroked her waist. “Epidermis is very fattening, and polyester gives the worst heartburn.”
― Gabriele Russo, Inclement Gods

“Am I to blame for the fact that our dear departed prince decided to play sheep on the day of the Grand Mechoui?”*
*Actually, Goblin was to blame. And he treasured the memory. That braggart prince, always going around telling everyone he was a shape-shifter… Goblin had shown him shape-shifting! He’d found a spell that turned the prince into a sheep and sent it to the cooks with a kick to the rump. Such a fat specimen had been put on the spit without hesitation, and any question about its provenance had only surfaced as it had turned back to human form upon death. Good times.”
― Gabriele Russo, Incompetent Gods

“Mimir took a few seconds. “Yes! There’s a...distortion here. An SEP field, maybe?”
“What’s that?” asked Lara.
“It’s sort of like an invisibility spell.”
“I thought invisibility was impossible to achieve.”
“It is. This is more of a don’t-notice-what’s-none-of-your-business spell.”
“But this is our business.”
“Ah, yes, good point.”
― Gabriele Russo, Inclement Gods

“And two minutes later, found herself digging in out of sheer boredom. It was awful. It was disgusting. The peas were mushy. The rice was overcooked. The meatballs tasted like feet.* And yet, she went on eating.
*Yes, she knew what feet tasted like. Loviatar, all-time Worst-Mother-In-The-World champion, had not cooked often, but when she had…”
― Gabriele Russo, Incompetent Gods

“Anubis, Jackal-god, Ultimate Guide of Mortal Souls, Vice-President in charge of the Afterlife Department, was well aware of the overcrowding in the purgatories. But to let a fiend of this magnitude reincarnate after only two thirds of his penance rubbed him the wrong way.”
― Gabriele Russo, Inclement Gods