Sadler Mars > Quotes

“Glisseo: If you ever wondered how great it might be to turn your staircase into a slide, now you can find out.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Wingardium Leviosa: Temporarily gain the powers of telekinesis, the ability to move objects with your mind.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“wand?”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“Cantis: Aim this spell at someone and cause them to start singing uncontrollably. Avoid using on teenage girls unless you want to hear that Frozen song for the 11 billionth time. You just watch. In a few years that’s all they’re gonna be singing at karaoke night.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“Dogs are the best. They’re much better than cats. If you want to know why cats are worse than Death Eaters, check out Facts about Cats by Sadler Mars.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“The chocolate chip cookies that Cookie Monster eats on Sesame Street are actually rice cakes with brown paint dots.”
― Sadler Mars, Facts about Chocolate: Rare and Interesting Facts about Chocolate

“It’s tough being a gardener in a world filled with Fantastic Beasts That Eat Your Cabbage.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“Honey”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Potions

“Sneezewort”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Potions

“Anti-Cheating Spell: Cast this on a final exam so the students don’t all copy from the smartest person in the class. Can also be cast on Facebook if you think your wife’s been talking too much with her ex.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“Deletrius: Disintegrate something, especially something annoying like a house elf that won’t clean the bookcases because he’s allergic to dust.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Ascendio: Used to levitate yourself up, up, and away. Useful for escaping dangerous situations or sneaking in to your girlfriend’s bedroom after her parents fall asleep.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“you.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Potions

“Accio: Point your wand at a small object or animal and this charm will summon it toward you. Makes stealing candy from a baby that much easier, just make sure you don’t accidently grab the baby.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“It’s not exactly a zombie so don’t get any evil ideas about world domination. It’s more like a really stinky puppet.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Avis: Summon a flock of birds that flies out of your wand and poops on your enemy’s car. The birds can do other stuff, but the poop is the most annoying thing about them.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Expecto Patronum: Use this spell to summon your Patronus, a spirit guardian. It will usually take the shape of your favorite animal, or an animal you share similar characteristics with. Mine is a cow that drank too much fermented milk and just stumbles around mooing and complaining. What’s yours?”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“If you got too close to one it would pull the iron out of your blood.”
― Sadler Mars, Facts about Space: Interesting Facts about Space, Stars, and Planets

“better have”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Potions

“Bubble-Head Charm: Create a large bubble of air around your head so you can breathe underwater or fart in a small room without having to smell it.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Hair-thickening Charm: This charm will save you money on wigs, toupées, and hair extensions.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Imperio: One of the “unforgiveable curses.” This will allow you to control the mind and actions of your target and they must do everything you say. A great source of cheap labor.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“you were to stand on Mercury and look up at the Sun, it would appear humongous.”
― Sadler Mars, Facts about Space: Interesting Facts about Space, Stars, and Planets

“television”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Scabbers and The Weasley Who Annoyed Him so Much he Morphed Back Into a Human and Then Tried to Kill Harry Potter oh Yeah Scabbers was Bad Guy.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell and Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells and Potions

“Facts about Cats by Sadler Mars.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Potions Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Potions

“Aberto: Use this spell to open your kitchen cabinets instead of bending down and smacking your head on the counter.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Arania Exumai: Make spiders go away. For people with irrational fear of spiders and a love of mosquitos and flies.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Don’t cast this on yourself unless you’re trying to set a world record.”
― Sadler Mars, Harry Potter Spell Book: The Unofficial Book of Magic Spells

“Yo mama's so dumb she got a concussion and her IQ went up.”
― Sadler Mars, Yo Mama Joke Book: Hundreds of Original Jokes about Your Mother